You and I are tasked with building community.
Including the people we disagree with.
Here's a tool you can use at any time with anyone.
But it can be most effective when you have a difference of opinion with another person.
It's a form of listening.
When we have a different opinion.
Fully listening to someone without judging them can be challenging.
But it's in those moments of disagreement.
When we most want to be right.
Or argue our position that listening and being heard really matters the most.
In spite of differing opinions,
If someone feels they are truly being heard by the other person,
A bond is created.
A bond rooted in mutual respect.
The tool is called perception checking.
Here's how you do it.
Set the intention to understand the other person's point of view.
Then,
Perception checking is exactly what it sounds like.
It's making sure that what you heard is what the other person said.
And it begins with.
What I'm hearing you say is.
.
.
You repeat back what you heard.
And then finish with,
Is that accurate?
Am I hearing you correctly?
What I heard you say is,
Is that right?
And then allow silence to follow.
In that silence.
You might see the person become reflective.
It's an unusual experience to hear your words come back to you from the lips of another person.
Now,
Perception.
Checking is not agreeing with them.
It isn't conceding the point.
On the surface is simply confirming what the other person said.
Sometimes it turns out we weren't listening carefully.
We misunderstood what they said.
Sometimes,
When the person hears you repeat back their words,
They realize they didn't quite express what they meant to.
And they have a chance to.
Restate it more clearly.
On a deeper level.
Perception checking provides a mirror for the other person.
Sometimes.
When we hold that mirror up.
By repeating back their words.
The person realizes the fallacy of what they've said.
And may have been saying for a long time.
Perception Checking is an act of love.
It says.
.
.
I will set aside my own need to be right.
Long enough to truly understand you.
Perception checking does a valuable service.
It says,
I hear you.
And what the other person feels in return is.
I matter.
