A Meditation On The Serenity Prayer

(remix 11/2025) Elegant and powerful, the Serenity Prayer is 26 words that describe an intention for making right choices by practicing acceptance, accessing courage, and applying wisdom. So, how do we turn this prayer into "doing?" What is acceptance, and why is it so challenging? How does judgment impact our ability to accept? If I'm accepting am I weak? What is courage and where does it come from? How do I move past fear? Where do I find my wisdom? And if this resonates with you, check out my course, "Finding Serenity", which is a deeper dive into the concepts covered in this talk. As always, I appreciate your comments and feedback. - Paul

Transcript

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

26 words that describe an intention for making right choices by practicing acceptance,

Accessing courage,

And applying wisdom.

The power of this prayer comes home when I ponder the big question.

What is the purpose of this life I'm living?

What's the goal?

So far the answer that makes the most sense is that I'm going through this human experience to evolve into a higher consciousness,

And in doing so have the deepest experience of joy,

Fulfillment,

And love.

Okay,

Assuming that's what I'm here for,

How do I accomplish that?

Experience has taught me I have to take action.

If I want a new career,

If I want to get sober,

If I want to find a partner who is right for me,

I have to do something.

Most importantly,

I have to do something different,

But it's always uncomfortable.

It's different,

Which means I don't know how it's going to turn out.

There is a part of my thinking brain that gets upset about this.

I call this my survival brain.

My survival brain hates change.

It hates not knowing.

It doesn't believe in patience,

Or chance,

Or risk.

It wants immediate,

Unambiguous answers to all of life's questions.

And this is also the part of my mind that judges and creates fear.

And this is where the serenity prayer comes in.

Call it a prayer,

An intention,

A plea.

It's a recognition that I want to do what is for the highest good.

It's a reminder that the feelings of discomfort and fear are not who I am.

And lastly,

It reminds me that I'm not alone in this decision-making process.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

It starts with a request for serenity.

The dictionary tells me that serenity is the state of being calm,

Peaceful,

And untroubled.

And that the word serenity derives from a Latin word meaning unclouded.

So what clouds my ability to remain peaceful,

Calm,

And untroubled?

I suggest that if we were to distill it down to one thing,

It would be judgmental thinking.

We are judgmental when we criticize someone or something and we have an emotion attached to it,

Usually negative.

Most of my judgments take place in the silence of my thoughts,

And they are just as destructive,

If not more so,

Than the ones I speak out loud.

Now,

There is an important difference between judging and discerning,

And we'll get into that in a moment.

Judgmental thinking divides everything into two categories,

Good or bad,

Right or wrong,

With me or against me.

We are in judgment when we make someone or something wrong.

We are in judgment when we're self-righteous,

When we blame,

When we create separation between ourselves and others.

And here's the problem.

When we judge,

We suffer.

Suffering clouds our ability to make right choices.

When we judge,

We suffer.

You can prove this the next time you find yourself upset,

If you stop and ask yourself,

In this moment,

Who or what am I judging?

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

So,

If it makes us suffer,

How do we avoid judging?

The answer may well trigger your judgment.

The antidote to judgment is acceptance.

This is what the voice of acceptance sounds like.

Okay,

So that happened.

Or,

Hmm,

Isn't that interesting?

Now,

At this point,

You may be questioning,

If someone is doing something to hurt me,

Does acceptance mean I let it continue?

Acceptance is not about if you respond,

But how.

When we respond to a difficult person or a challenging situation without judgment,

We're able to be discerning.

Discerning is to decide what is working for me or what is not working for me.

Discernment is free of the emotional charge that comes with judgment,

Which means we're make decisions with clarity of thought and from a position of strength.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

When we move from judgment to acceptance,

We disconnect from the emotional entanglement that judgment creates.

We can be discerning and open to the possibility that even if something isn't working for me,

Trying to change it also doesn't work for me.

For example,

It can be a liberating moment when we realize that trying to change someone's opinion or lifestyle or attitude is a waste of time.

It can't be done.

And then to let it go and move on.

When we find the serenity to accept the things we cannot change and stop giving attention and energy to people and things outside of us,

An interesting thing often happens.

We find the motivation to look inward,

To learn about the relationship we have with ourselves.

And that's when important changes can start to unfold.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

In the clarity that comes with acceptance,

We're able to recognize the situation that's not working for us and realize that sometimes we must change it.

It might be ending a relationship,

Asking for a raise that's long overdue.

It might be setting personal boundaries with someone who hasn't respected them.

We might decide that something must change and that something is me.

When we look at the lives of highly successful people,

We see they are open to change.

They have the ability to take stock of their habits,

Their beliefs,

Their behaviors,

Toss out the ones that don't work,

And replace them with updated habits,

Beliefs,

And behaviors.

One of the most powerful changes we can make is to love ourselves more.

Loving ourselves more is a result of taking action.

Usually very small steps,

Like exercising for an extra five minutes,

Or taking ten minutes a day to learn something new,

Making time to meditate,

To have fun,

To be creative.

And when we commit to change on the inside,

We begin to appreciate on a whole new level the definition of the word acceptance,

Which is to consent to receive.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

What does courage have to do with it?

Again,

Our survival brain is programmed to resist change.

Another term for our survival brain is our ego,

And its number one weapon in resisting change is judgment combined with fear.

It's not unusual when we decide to change a habit or do something different for ego to show up in our thoughts and our words,

And it can sound like this,

I can't do this,

This isn't right,

Who do I think I am,

What if I fail,

Then what?

Once again,

Our strongest choice in dealing with our ego in this moment is to practice acceptance,

To listen and watch with a detached attitude of,

Isn't this interesting?

And then,

From that place of clarity,

Ask,

Okay,

Is there any truth to these fears and concerns?

You might need to get feedback from a trusted advisor,

Collect some more information,

Eventually you will courageously continue or courageously decide to follow a different course,

Free of judgment.

But how can we find the courage when fear is continually reminding us that we are entering uncharted territory and we don't know how it's going to turn out?

The answer is in the word courage itself,

Where we find the Latin root core,

Which means heart.

So let me pose two questions with the same answer.

What is the deepest and most profound experience we feel in our heart?

And what do spiritual traditions throughout time tell us is the most powerful force in the universe?

The answer is love.

So when we know we have to do something,

But fear is calling into question every decision,

Courage shows up when we make the loving choice.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

When we are challenged in life,

Do we accept and move on or courageously decide to change it?

What is the loving choice?

The prayer concludes by asking the wisdom to know the answer.

In my life,

Answers have come with experience.

Answers have come from a source that feels like a greater intelligence than what I have between my ears.

My ability to access the wisdom of a greater intelligence,

A higher power,

Is directly related to the effort I put into quieting my mind,

Quieting my survival brain,

My ego,

With its distractions and its judgments and its fear.

The wisdom of the universe enters through my heart more than my head.

It can have a quality of knowing or remembering about it.

It can be subtle and easily missed,

Especially if I'm out of practice,

If I have let days go by without meditating or being in nature or connecting with people.

And the only word that comes close to describing my experience of this higher wisdom is the word yes.

The wisdom to know the difference has grown with each chapter in my life,

With each experience of choosing,

Moving one step forward,

Seeing what happens,

Learning from it,

And applying that to the next choice.

Choose,

Take a step,

See what happens,

Look at the learning,

And apply to the next choice.

And the trick is to do it all without judgment.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

I invite you to try one or more of the following things today.

First,

Notice any judgments in your thoughts or your words,

And notice how you feel in that moment.

Second,

Consider not changing something or someone.

What would it feel like to let go of being right?

Third,

Think about one small change in your life that could have a significant impact on your well-being.

And then ask yourself,

What keeps me from doing that?

And in regard to this,

I leave you with one of my favorite aphorisms,

Which is,

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.

Lastly,

If you're facing a situation that requires your taking action,

Ask your higher power to clarify as to what the living choice is.

And one of the most elegant and powerful ways to make this request is the serenity prayer.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

If you found this talk helpful,

I invite you to check out my course on Insight Timer called Finding Serenity,

Which grew out of this talk.

Finding Serenity is a 10-part journey into the heart of change.

Through personal stories,

Reflection,

And guided practices,

You'll learn how to quiet the survival brain,

Move from judgment into acceptance,

Forgive yourself,

Embrace vulnerability with courage,

And discover wisdom rooted in love.

This course offers tools for living with resilience and clarity,

So you can experience the deepest truth of being fully alive.

I'll see you there.

Reviews

Wonderful! This gives me so much more feeling and wisdom for using the Serenity Prayer 🙏

Total serendipity to find this to listen to this morning. Perfect! Thank you! 🙏🏻

Beautiful and exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you for blessing win this way today. 🙏🏾

Thank you for this wonderful track! I’m a member of AA with just over 18 month’s sobriety. This was exactly what I needed today.

Paul, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. The serenity prayer is my favorite and the one I forget the most. It's interesting how the daily life we can disconnect from our spirit mindset. He just reminded me. Thank you.

Finding your talk tonight was a true gift and arrived at a perfect moment in my lives fe.! You couldn’t know w how much this helped. Thank you 🙏🏼

Perfect thank you for putting this together a great help

Thank for a perspective on prayer I've heard for my life time. I love how you have broken this iconic prayer down to my understanding and knowing. I will put this on repeat and share 🙌🙏❤️ blessings

My favorite prayer is the serenity prayer. I have found strength in it since my daughter went through treatment a few years back. This meditation was so powerful for me to listen to. Breaking down the meaning in small bite size pieces in order to fully comprehend how to make it work for me is extremely helpful. I will continue to work on my practice and use your teachings to assist me. Thank you🙏

Thank you. Interesting that I have been saying this prayer silently for days now, and your meditation showed up on my feed. And I am struggling with how much to push beyond physical limitations, and how much to just accept them. This was very powerful.

Lovely. The serenity prayer found its meaning for me through AlAnon, I say it and feel it often. This break down gives it even more meaning. Thank you and namaste.

.what I want is on the other side of fear.. this feels so true to me at this juncture in my life, 55 , a return to art school, a loud inner critic & sabateour & an attempt to recover from problematic drinking.. so much potential for growth & excitement & yet I veer towards old patterns of self undoing. Your voice & reflections on this v familiar prayer has soothed me, given me a new perspective & insight into the need for action & daring to dream what's possible with faith & a courageous heart. In gratitude. ☘️🙏🏼

As a recoverying addict, this was so helpufl. Thank you so much!

Beautiful summary of the gist of the serenity prayer, my favorite prayer. Thank you 🙏

I love this talk, and learned a lot from your reflection. Thank you 🙏🏼. I feel inspired now!

Thank you for sharing ways of putting a prayer I love into practice. I love the way you broke down its meaning. I felt this was almost more of a talk than a meditation ( I favour more moments of silence for breath work). Im adding it to my weekly favourites as what you cover is so valuable to experiencing peace, contentment and reducing suffering day to day. Thank you!

Absolutely beautiful, helpful and powerful! Thank you, I will use this practice through this meditation everyday for a long period until it becomes ingrained in my thoughts.♥️

The most powerful and touching practice I have ever had. Every word has its own way to soul. Magnificent.

This has been the most insightful talk I have ever experienced. Thank you for breathing new life into the Serenity Prayer for me. I will use it as my guide on my path towards a more fulfilling life. Namaste.

Most beautiful reflection on the only prayer I know. I will return to your wise words & soft voice regularly. Many thanks 🙏🏼💕