How To Lose Stress In College - Get Instant Relief

If you're feeling stressed in college, have anxiety about exam scores, or feel pressure to achieve your school goals, this track can give you instant & lasting relief. I will guide you through some exercises and explanations to address the causes of your stress.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Noah Elkrief and in this video I am going to show you how to deal with stress in college.

So if you feel pressure to be the best,

Pressure to be perfect,

Trying to prove you're smart,

Feel so much anxiety to get great grades,

To get into the best graduate school,

Or just you're afraid of failing,

Afraid of messing up,

Afraid of disappointing others,

Then this video can be really,

Really supportive for you.

I'm going to be guiding you through some exercises to help you to lose your stress now.

So this isn't a theory video where I teach you something that you learn and add a concept to your head.

This will be a guided exercise where I help you to experientially lose some heaviness,

Density,

Tension,

Stress here and now.

So in order to do this,

I invite you to close your eyes.

You don't have to if you don't want to,

But you may find it supportive for you.

So you can close your eyes now and take three deep breaths with a vocal exhale.

So I want you to ask yourself with your eyes closed,

What am I stressed about?

What am I afraid will happen?

Am I afraid to get a bad grade on this exam?

Am I afraid to get a bad grade this semester,

A poor GPA?

Am I afraid to not be the best and number one in my in my class?

Am I afraid to not get my ideal job or get into my favorite school?

Am I afraid to be a failure,

To not make a lot of money,

To not be really successful in life?

Am I afraid that my father won't be proud of me?

My mother will be disappointed with me.

What am I afraid of?

In order to lose our stress,

Which is a form of fear,

We have to really be clear and as specific as possible about what it is that we fear.

So I'll give you a few moments of silence now to take a few seconds to to really sense what it is you're fearing,

What you're stressed about potentially happening.

So now you know or you're aware of or you've brought it into your awareness,

Maybe you already knew,

What it is you're afraid will happen.

Now the key thing to understand here is the fear we feel,

The stress,

The anxiety,

The pressure we feel in college.

It seems like we're afraid of this scenario happening but the truth is fear,

Flight response,

Can only arise when we believe there is a potential for pain.

Yes,

So in other words you're not afraid of a particular bad event happening,

You're afraid of the pain you might feel if that were to happen.

So you're not afraid of getting a low GPA or not getting into your favorite school,

You're afraid of the pain that that might cause you if that were to happen.

You understand the difference there?

We're not afraid of a physical scenario,

A physical bad outcome happening,

We're afraid of the pain that we will feel if that were to happen.

And that's a really important distinction because as soon as we recognize I'm afraid of pain,

Then all of a sudden it's possible to live without fear.

Because if the bad outcome itself were directly to cause our fear then that means as long as that were possible we would be forced to live in fear.

But since we're only afraid of our own pain and then there might be a way out and that's what we're gonna move towards now.

So if we're afraid of pain it's one thing if we're afraid of future pain.

Yeah,

So for example let's say I'm afraid of someone hitting me with a bat.

I'm afraid of the pain they will inflict on me.

But it's really really different with emotional pain.

So if you're afraid of failing,

If you're afraid of not getting the best grade,

The perfect grade,

Getting into the best school,

The perfect job,

You're not actually afraid of pain being inflicted upon you,

You're actually afraid of old pain buried inside of you getting triggered.

So when you get a grade you don't want,

If you don't get accepted into your favorite school,

This doesn't create pain,

It is triggering,

Activating pain that's already inside of us.

And that is really really good news because if the pain can be inflicted upon you from the outside then you're a helpless victim hoping that doesn't happen.

But if the pain is already in you and can get activated then that means there's a potential for you to let go of it here and now.

And don't take my word for it you're going to experience it for yourself as I guide you through this.

So basically we all carry pain from different moments in our life,

When we failed,

When we didn't perform well,

When we were rejected,

We weren't given the ideal love from our parents.

We all carry pain and we all live in fear of that pain getting activated.

So right now I'm going to guide you through actually activating that pain so you can let go of it.

We can only fear emotional pain that is already inside of us.

If it's not inside of you,

You can't fear it.

You with me?

So in order to let go of pain,

If you let go of pain inside of you then you can't fear it.

If I lose a form of insecurity and adequacy then I can't fear that pain getting activated in the future,

Which means I have no stress about that pain or that outcome that would have triggered this pain.

So what we want to do is we want to activate the pain we're afraid of feeling and let go of it here and now so we no longer need to live in fear of it.

So if your eyes are open,

I invite you to close them again and I want you to imagine the outcome you fear happening.

Imagine you get that bad grade,

Imagine you get that imperfect score,

Imagine you don't get into the school you want,

The job you want,

And see what that starts to bring up in you.

See what you start to feel.

Maybe it's painful,

Maybe it's heavy,

Maybe you feel small,

Maybe it's dense,

Maybe it's sharp.

Just notice what it is you're feeling and if it's intense,

Tone it back a little bit.

Stop imagining it or just either turn off the imagery or stay where you are.

Don't imagine it getting any worse but if you feeling it really subtly or not at all,

Try to imagine it in more detail.

Try to imagine from the first-person perspective,

Try to shift it to the third-person perspective and see what happens in order to activate the pain here and now.

I'll give you a few moments to do that.

Now if you don't already feel it,

You can pause this video and take some more time to try to activate the pain you're afraid to feel if the outcome you fear were to happen.

Now once you feel this pain,

First of all notice if this pain were to be created by some physical event,

Failing,

Not getting accepted to your favorite school,

Then you wouldn't be able to create this pain here and now.

This pain that you're feeling has been activated inside of you simply by imagining a future scenario because it was already existing inside of you this pain.

It's not new.

So I know it's painful to feel this.

It can feel dense,

Heavy,

Sharp,

Small,

Weakening.

It can feel like there's a story with it.

I'm no good,

I'm worthless,

I'm terrible,

Nothing will ever work out or I failed.

But now what I want you to do is switch from feeling that in the first-person perspective like I'm feeling this pain to try to visualize yourself feeling it when you were younger and the way we're gonna do that is I want you to ask yourself when was the first time I remember feeling this way?

When was the first time I remember feeling this pain or this feeling or this tension or this belief that keeps playing in my head?

When was the first time I remember feeling like this?

And if you can't remember the first time,

Just whatever memory comes to you.

Maybe it was the most intense time or maybe it's the most recent time.

But try to see if you can access any time in elementary school or if not then middle school and if not then high school.

A time when you felt like this in the past and when the memory shows up for you when the imagery shows up for you,

I want you to look at yourself from the third-person perspective.

Look at this younger you feeling this pain.

Maybe they just failed,

Maybe they were just rejected,

Maybe they just saw that someone else did better than them,

Maybe their mom wasn't so nice to them and just look at this younger you from the third-person perspective experiencing this pain,

This emotion,

This hurt,

This inadequacy,

This abandonment,

Whatever it is.

And when you see them,

First of all see if you can access compassion like sad that they have to feel that.

And then I want you to talk to them and invite them to share their feelings with you.

Because for most of us when we felt pain,

Emotional pain,

We had no one to share it with.

So I want you to ask them how does it make you feel?

How are you feeling that you performed badly,

That dad treated you this way,

That others did better than you,

That you lost the game,

Whatever it is.

How does it make you feel?

Tell them your emotions are welcome here,

Whatever you're feeling is welcome.

Maybe they need to tell you I feel worthless,

I feel horrible,

I feel not good enough,

Not lovable,

I feel sad,

I feel like if they treat me that way it must be because I'm bad or if I failed it must be because I'm stupid.

Just support them to express themselves.

Don't try to change their their beliefs or thoughts or feelings.

Don't try to make them happy.

Just give them this space to see them,

See that they're in pain,

See their emotions,

Feel them,

Hear them,

Even if it's painful.

Give them some time and space to express themselves and you can ask them questions.

How does it make you feel?

What do you think it means about you that you failed?

What do you think it means about you that they treated you that way,

That you lost,

That you didn't perform well,

That you weren't the best?

Means I'm no good,

It means I'm bad,

Means no one will ever love me,

Means I'll never be a success.

Just let them express whatever is there.

Just hear them,

See them,

Listen to them.

Maybe that takes a few minutes,

Maybe that takes 20 minutes,

Maybe it takes only a few seconds.

I'm gonna give you a few moments now in silence to just listen and if you need more time please pause the video and give yourself more time.

And when you're ready,

Now we want to clear up some mistaken conclusions in the child,

In the younger you.

Maybe they believe if I fail it means I'm worthless and we would tell them,

Hey if you fail it doesn't mean you're worthless,

Doesn't mean anything about you.

Maybe you didn't study enough,

Maybe the teacher didn't explain it well enough,

Maybe you just were distracted and and focused on other things,

Maybe your stress blocked you from from giving your full attention to the material and using the full capacity of your intellect.

Maybe this just isn't a skill that you have or your skill isn't as developed as others.

Right,

If you're really bad at bowling it doesn't mean anything about you,

So if you're bad at math it's just a random ability,

It doesn't mean anything about you.

We want to clear up whatever mistaken conclusion the younger us believed.

So maybe we didn't perform perfectly on an exam and our parents weren't so nice to us and then we mistakenly concluded if they don't treat me well,

If they're not proud of me it must mean I'm not good enough.

So we would clear up this mistaken conclusion in the younger version of us and tell them,

Hey mom and dad aren't perfect,

They don't know everything.

If they're not proud of you or happy with you it just means that they have confused idea of what it means to be lovable and worthy of kindness,

Appreciation and affection.

A human being doesn't deserve more love and affection simply because they perform better than another.

One child,

If two people are playing in a basketball game,

One person loses and one person wins.

Does the loser deserve less love and affection than the winner?

Of course not,

But yet many of our parents treat us this way because that's how they were treated.

They don't have the emotional awareness,

They don't understand their thoughts and feelings because nobody ever taught them how to deal with them.

So if your mom or dad is mean to you it just means that they have pain and judgments,

That they are projecting and reflecting onto you.

It doesn't mean you're inadequate and don't deserve love,

You deserve love no matter how well you perform.

So those are just two simple examples of clearing up the mistaken conclusions that caused the younger version of us to believe they are inadequate,

Bad,

Not good enough.

But really check in with what you are believing about yourself and what you need to explain to this younger you,

Your inner child,

In order to clear up the belief that creates the pain.

And then you can give them some love,

Tell them I'm here for you,

I'm listening,

I love you even if you even if you didn't perform great,

Even if you didn't win,

Even if you failed,

Even if you aren't the best,

I'm still here for you,

I'll hug you,

I'll hold you,

I'll be there for you even if you're not the greatest and perfect in every way.

So how does that feel?

How does that feel?

What do you notice in the child?

Do they lighten up?

Do they smile?

Does it feel like a weight is lifted?

How does that feel for you in your body?

When you're ready you can open your eyes again and just see how you feel.

If you feel lighter,

If you feel more open,

If you feel more accepting of yourself,

If you feel less stress.

I hope it was really helpful for you.

This is a very generic approach.

There are so many,

I've been doing this work for over 10 years,

Helping people with stress and other painful emotions,

Insecurity,

Unworthiness,

Proving yourself,

Perfectionism,

And I've developed many many different tactics.

And this is one,

A few little ones,

Spoken very generally,

But if any of it you had a problem with,

It wasn't enough for you,

You want more help,

You're welcome to check out my course about how to lose exam stress,

Which is about how to lose all different types of anxiety and insecurity in college,

Graduate school,

Or anything like this.

So I welcome you to click the link somewhere around here in order to learn more about that,

If it can be supportive for you.

There's a lot more content in the course than in just this video.

But I hope this video was able to support you,

Enlighten you,

And open up a new way to hopefully feel less stress in college.

Okay,

Wishing you all the best.

Bye.