Hello my friends,
This is Mark Ludman,
Also known as Brother Frederick James,
Your friendly neighbourhood monk-in-docs.
Welcome to another session in our Lenten series,
In the Wilderness,
Still Held.
Today we enter into Day 35 of walking through John's Gospel towards Easter.
As always,
I invite you to take a moment just to let your body soften,
Your mind come to rest,
Your heart rate slow.
Take a deep breath in and out.
Bring your full self into this present moment and gently bring your attention to the words of Jesus here in John chapter 12.
Jesus says,
Now my soul is troubled,
And what should I say?
Father save me from this hour?
No,
It is for this reason that I have come to this hour.
Now this is a revealing moment in the life of Jesus.
He can sense what's coming,
The approaching conflict,
The suffering,
The cross.
And John here tells us something that's really striking if you look carefully.
John tells us that his soul is troubled.
Jesus doesn't deny what he feels.
He doesn't pretend that courage is there when he doesn't actually possess it.
And he's not trying to bypass the human experience of dread.
Instead,
He sits with it and he names it.
My soul is troubled.
Now this is one of the beautiful gifts of mature spirituality.
The understanding that faith doesn't eliminate fear or erase uncertainty.
And faith certainly doesn't prevent us from feeling the weight of what's coming.
Instead,
Faith gives us something much deeper.
Faith gives us the capacity to remain present.
The courage to face what must be faced in the moment.
And so notice what Jesus does next.
He briefly wonders if he should ask to be spared.
He says,
Father,
Save me from this hour.
But then something settles within him and he recognizes the deeper movement of his life.
And he says,
No,
It is for this reason that I have come to this hour.
And it would be really easy to read or hear this and think that he's just resigning to the moment.
But rather,
I wonder whether this is a moment where Jesus is finding himself fully in alignment with what is before him.
And a deep inner consent to reality as it's starting to unfold for him.
A lot of us spend an enormous amount of our energy and time trying to avoid what feels difficult.
We postpone those difficult conversations.
We distract ourselves from hard truths.
And how often do we move around the edges of decisions that are asking something of us?
And I think it's because avoidance can sometimes feel like protection.
But quite often,
Avoidance simply just prolongs the suffering.
Now,
The wilderness has been forming something within us during this Lenten journey.
The wilderness teaches us to walk into difficult terrain without panic.
It strengthens the soul so that we can stay present even when the path ahead is uncertain.
And gradually,
We discover something surprising.
And that is facing reality with God present transforms the experience of it.
So as we reflect on this today,
Gently ask yourself this question.
What in your life might be asking to be faced rather than avoided?
What feels difficult right now?
What conversation,
What decision,
What truth?
What might be inviting your courage?
With that in mind,
Think about this.
Where might courage simply mean staying present?
And by staying present,
We're not talking about getting it fixed or getting it solved,
But just remaining,
Just being in that moment,
Trusting that you're not alone while you're there.
Today's reading reminds us of something deeply reassuring,
That even Jesus felt the trembling of the soul before difficult moments.
But he continued forward.
And he didn't have to force it.
He did so because of trust,
Trust that God meets us within the very place that we most fear.
So take a slow,
Deep breath in.
And as you breathe out,
Imagine releasing the need to run from what's difficult.
And allow a quiet strength to settle within you.
You don't have to face life all at once.
It's just this step,
Just this moment,
And just this breath.
And perhaps you might hold one final prayer in the silence of your heart.
God,
Give me the courage to face what must be faced.
The steadiness to remain present within it.
And the trust to know that you are already there.
Amen.
And when you're ready,
You can rise and gently return to your day,
Carrying this calm strength with you,
Knowing that grace and love hold you and go with you every step of every day.
Amen.
Until tomorrow,
Friends,
May God's peace be with you.
Be with you.
Bye for now.
