Hello friends,
This is Mark Gladman,
Also known as Brother Frederick James,
Your friendly neighborhood monk in docks.
This is day 20 of our Lent 2026 series in the wilderness,
Still held,
As we walk through John's Gospel and our way towards Easter.
As always,
I invite you to take a slow breath in,
Let it go gently,
And as you do,
Let yourself settle into this moment,
Into this space,
Where nothing else matters,
Just your presence and God's presence.
Today,
We find ourselves in a sobering moment in the Gospel of John,
Chapter 6,
From verse 66 to 69.
Jesus has said something difficult,
Deep.
It's not that he's tried to be offensive,
But it's something mysterious and confronting,
And it's one of those things that's hard to reduce into something that's easy to manage.
He says,
Because of this,
Many of his disciples turned back and no longer went with him.
And then Jesus turns to the 12 and asks,
Do you also wish to go away?
Now,
As we start,
Let's sit with that question for a moment.
Do you also wish to go away?
Now,
It's easy to hear this question and think that Jesus was trying to be manipulative,
That he was trying to leverage some pressure on the disciples that hadn't left.
But as you hear it,
I invite you to hear a question that's actually opening up freedom for those that are listening to Jesus say this.
Do you also wish to go away?
Do you also wish to go away?
And then Peter responds.
But it's not a response that gives much of an explanation.
It's certainly not theology.
But it certainly is about the relationship that he and the others have forged with Jesus.
He says,
Lord,
To whom would we go?
You have the words of eternal life.
Now,
I really want to hone in on what Peter could have said,
But didn't hear.
Peter didn't come out with,
Oh,
Yeah,
We understand.
He never said,
Well,
Jesus,
We're still here because this makes perfect sense.
And he certainly didn't have any certainty in that statement.
But perhaps he grasped what was most important.
Lord,
To whom would we go?
You have the words of eternal life.
In essence,
He's saying,
We have attached ourselves to you,
So where else would we go?
And I'd like to suggest to you that this is mature spirituality.
The very fact that Peter wasn't certain is mature spirituality.
And the fact that his connection was about the attachment that he'd made.
Faithful staying.
Let that settle.
There comes a point in our spiritual lives when faith is not transactional anymore.
We come to a point where what we're hearing,
What we're reading,
Isn't based on reassurance.
Anymore.
And there certainly comes a time in our faith,
If we're mature about it,
Where things just don't make sense.
And quite often,
It's the wilderness that does this work within us.
Where the consolations thin out and the emotional highs become less frequent.
And perhaps the clarity that we carried early on,
The clarity that we really pegged everything on and leaned against,
Becomes a little shaky and weak.
And the truth is that in these moments,
What's stripped away is transactional faith.
The transaction that says,
If I understand,
I will follow.
Or if I feel inspired,
I'll stay.
Or if I'm certain,
I'll commit.
What remains here in Peter's statement is something way,
Way deeper.
And I want you to grasp this,
Particularly if you're struggling in your walk,
Your spiritual walk at the moment.
And that deeper thing is belonging.
Where else would we go?
We belong here.
Peter recognises something in Jesus that goes beyond explanation.
He recognises the life that's in that moment,
In that place,
In that space with Jesus.
And you may have known little slivers of moments like this in your life.
Moments when faith felt less clear than it once did.
When the prayer was getting dry.
When you found yourself in a position where it wasn't easy to grasp what God seemed to be saying or doing,
Either in the scripture texts you were reading,
Through the words that you were hearing people say,
Or even in your own heart.
And yet,
You stayed.
Just quietly stayed.
You didn't walk away.
This is what abiding is.
Abiding is often revealed,
Not in emotional intensity,
But in faithful staying.
Ask yourself the question,
When faith feels less clear,
What keeps you here?
Maybe it's habit.
Maybe it's community.
Maybe there's a deep memory you have of being met.
That knowing of that meeting.
Maybe it's a sense of life that you just can't seem to deny.
And now with that in your mind,
Ask yourself this,
Where have you stayed even without answers?
Can you bring to your mind a season of confusion,
Or doubt,
Or dryness?
And notice that you're still here.
Still turning towards the words of Jesus.
Still listening.
Still sensing the movements of the Christ in the world.
Still praying.
Even if it's simply with silence.
There's strength in that.
And then finally,
What in you recognizes life in Christ that's beyond your explanation?
You don't have the theology to understand it,
Or the certainty even to talk about it perhaps,
Or any way of analyzing it.
It's just something in your body.
What in you knows?
Sometimes it might be a quiet residence,
Or a stillness when you hear Christ's words,
Or maybe a subtle warmth in your chest,
Or a sense of being known.
Some would say,
Well that's a naive faith.
But I'd suggest to you that it's a seasoned faith.
Because you see,
The wilderness matures us.
It teaches us that belonging can matter more than all the clarity,
Theology,
Or whatever else you might have.
So though you might not understand everything,
Or be able to resolve every question,
Somehow you know what gives you life.
Lord,
To whom would we go?
Let those words become your own.
Silently repeat them.
To whom would I go?
Perhaps make it your mantra today.
Rest in that attachment.
Rest in that belonging.
There's no question here of having to have perfect comprehension.
You're invited into a relationship,
And sometimes the deepest act of trust is just simply not leaving.
I invite you to take one more slow breath.
Feel the steadiness in you,
That quiet resolve,
That capacity to remain.
And as you go into the rest of your day,
Carry this gentle strength.
You can stay because you have stayed.
And no matter whether you're staying makes sense to you or not,
Whether you're staying wherever it is you're staying makes sense to anybody else or not.
Know that Christ remains with you.
And may grace,
Peace,
And love stay with you today and every day.
Amen.
Until tomorrow,
My friend,
May grace and peace be yours.
Bye for now.
