Hello my friend,
This is Mark Ludman,
Also known as Brother Frederick James,
Your friendly neighbourhood Monk in Docks.
Thank you for joining me again as we continue to consider what it means to abide through the lens of Paul's letter to the Colossian Church.
Now,
Over the past several days we've been tracing the movement of awareness,
From noticing what's already growing,
To trusting steadiness over pressure,
To seeing reality held together from within,
To recognising reconciliation at work beneath fragmentation,
To discover that presence isn't distant but within,
To trusting slow formation,
To discerning what truly deserves our attention,
To allowing awareness to shape our identity,
And then yesterday seeing how presence becomes visible in and through our relationship.
And today Paul narrows the focus even further,
From relationships in general to relationships that are the closest to us,
Household relationships,
Daily roles,
The routines that fill our ordinary life.
So as we begin in this space,
I invite you to be still,
To be present,
To allow yourself to truly feel in this moment,
Right here,
Right now.
And before I read,
I just want to say that I understand that the section we're about to read has often been misunderstood and used as a bit of a weapon,
Sometimes,
Probably especially because of the household language that it uses.
Right across history,
The following verses have sometimes been read as rigid instructions about hierarchy and control,
As though the purpose of the household were to reinforce power and order.
But as we read,
I just ask you to listen carefully and deeply within the flow of the letter,
Where I hope that you'll see something different that becomes visible,
That the emphasis isn't on domination but it's on attentiveness.
This is not a part of the letter that's about hierarchy as power,
But it's about relationship and responsibility and dignity.
And so Colossians 3 beginning at the 18th verse through to chapter 4 verse 1.
Paul writes,
Children,
Obey your parents in everything,
For this is your acceptable duty.
Fathers,
Do not provoke your children,
Or they may lose heart.
Slaves,
Obey your earthly masters in everything,
Not only while being watched and in order to please them,
But wholeheartedly,
Fearing the Lord.
Whatever your task,
Put yourself into it,
As done for the Lord and not for your masters,
Since you know that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.
You serve the Lord Christ.
For the wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong has been done,
And there is no partiality.
Masters,
Treat your slaves justly and fairly,
For you know that you also have a master in heaven.
Now up to this point,
Paul has been speaking about compassion,
Kindness,
Humility and patience,
Qualities that arise from abiding in presence.
And now he's bringing these qualities into the most ordinary and intimate spaces of life,
The household.
So we're not in public and we're not even within a community of people.
We're in the home,
In daily life,
Shared meals,
Tasks and chores,
Conversations to have.
The ordinary rhythms that are often too familiar to notice.
And maybe that's why this section really does matter,
Because it reminds us that abiding isn't only practiced in moments of silence or reflection,
But in routine and repetition and the ordinary,
Every day of life,
In the places where relationships are closest and sometimes the most difficult.
I mean,
Think about how easy it is to practice patience with strangers and kindness with the people at work.
And how much harder it can be to be patient and kind with the people we see day after day after day.
Familiarity often brings friction,
Doesn't it?
Expectations,
Misunderstandings,
Old patterns that get repeated.
And yet here in this passage,
There's an invitation for us to bring awareness into these familiar spaces,
To dignify them,
To recognize that the close relationships we have aren't interruptions to our spiritual life,
But really are the proving ground of the place where awareness becomes visible in daily action.
Now,
The language here speaks into roles,
Wives and husbands,
Children and parents,
Workers and masters,
And reflects the social structure of the time.
But beneath those cultural forms,
There is a deep invitation towards mutuality,
Responsibility and dignity.
Each relationship carries weight and each role carries influence.
And that's important.
This is not hierarchy.
And the presence within those roles matters.
Because this is about attentiveness to how power is used,
Attentiveness to how dignity is perceived,
Attentiveness to how daily interactions affect other people.
Because the power dynamics exist in every relationship.
Who speaks first?
Who listens?
Who decides?
Who yields?
Those dynamics shape relationships in ways that sometimes we overlook.
And they're different in every household.
This passage invites us not to deny that there is power.
And I'm very careful about how I use this word power here.
But Paul's here doesn't want us to deny that there is a power essence here that works both ways.
But to handle that with awareness,
To exercise responsibility without domination.
And that is important.
To respond without withdrawing.
And this is what mutuality should look like.
Dignity in every role,
No matter what that role is.
Respect in every interaction,
No matter which side of that interaction we're on.
Awareness in every exchange.
And perhaps this is where the sacredness of domestic life begins to emerge.
Our households aren't perfect.
But they are repetitive and daily life repeats itself again and again.
We prepare meals,
We share spaces,
We have conversations and revisit them and sometimes revisit them again.
And that repetition actually creates opportunity to practice presence continually.
In small,
Sometimes unnoticed ways.
The way that we offer a response and the tone of that response.
The patience that we extend in the context of a conversation.
The willingness to listen rather than react.
None of those are especially spectacular actions but they shape the atmosphere of a household.
They create spaces where dignity can flourish or where tensions can grow.
And this is why awareness matters so deeply in familiar relationships.
Because familiarity leads to contempt and carelessness.
We assume we already know the other person.
We assume we understand their response.
And so we stop paying attention.
And when attention fades,
That's when the misunderstandings follow.
But presence restores that attention.
And it invites us to see familiar people with a fresh awareness.
Because the other people in your household aren't roles that need to be managed but they're people for you to encounter.
Lives to engage with.
And so really Paul's invitation here isn't about changing the household and fixing the relationship.
It's actually quite more simple than that.
It's to enter familiar relationships with a fresh attention.
To notice what's happening.
Not just to you but,
As we talked about last week,
Between you.
To listen more carefully.
To respond more thoughtfully.
Attending.
Observing.
Dignifying the other.
Perhaps there's someone you interact with on a regular basis.
A partner.
Family member.
Colleague or friend.
Someone familiar.
Someone whose presence has become part of your routine.
Maybe today,
Choose to notice that person more carefully.
Just attend.
Allow space for awareness to shape the interaction.
And ask the question,
What changes when I treat familiar relationships as sacred spaces rather than routine obligations?
Just bringing presence into what's already there.
Because remember,
Abiding doesn't stay hidden in quiet reflection.
It seeps out and it enters.
Kitchens.
Dining tables.
Shared spaces.
Ordinary routines.
Attentiveness.
Dignity.
Care.
Presence in the household.
It's not about hierarchy.
It's about responsibility and dignity.
And awareness.
And as awareness grows in these ordinary places,
Once again,
There's a movement.
The familiar relationships once again become places of encounter and opportunities for presence.
And daily life itself becomes a space where abiding is lived quietly,
One interaction at a time.
And may grace,
Peace and love be with you as you continue in that presence and space between today and every day.
Amen.
Until tomorrow,
Peace be with you.
