The Adult Chair Podcast: The Power of Letting Go

I share my personal experience with my friend Karen Campion on the show this week as we talk about the true power of letting go to move forward. Karen is wonderful and I’m sure her insights will resonate with you, just as they do with me.

Transcript

Hello everybody and welcome to the adult chair on RashPixel FM. I am Michelle Schelfont and I just feel like saying I'm back. I know many of you have heard the shows from July that were some of our best shows and I hope you've all enjoyed them. I am so happy to be back and recording this show today. I have had one heck of a summer. I hope you guys had a really good summer. I had a heck of a summer, I'm not going to lie. I had started out the month of June with someone very, Very near and dear to me. My aunt passed away and I had to travel to Charlotte of course to be with her. It was a very unexpected death so it did throw not only myself but of course our whole family. But it was a rough June for me and I came back to Nashville to have our house sold and we had to get out in three weeks and I had to find a rental and pack a house. In the middle of all that I went to a training in Boulder that had been booked many months ago. It was kind of a crazy summer. A lot of rushing and going from here and there but I'm really excited to have done a lot of it. I'm not going to lie and say I was in my adult chair the whole time but a lot of it in my adult chair and that is where the inspiration came from for the show today. It is going to be on letting go and the power of letting go and surrender. Truly, It changed my whole experience and I can just, I hope you can understand based on what I just said, It has been a crazy non-stop summer for me with a lot of emotions. But letting go really changed me during this process of what all of these things I had to go through over the summer. While I was in Boulder, I actually had a beautiful conversation with a friend and colleague of mine, Karen Campion. I was talking to her about how letting go and sitting in the adult chair for so much of my summer really truly gave me just a very different experience than not having the adult chair in my life. That's what we're going to talk about today. Karen is going to be on with us and I recorded this show while in Boulder. I think you're going to really, Really like it. Of course, I'm sharing a lot of my own personal truths that happened and experiences but it really is a powerful show. Of course though, You can find out more about the show at theadultchair. Com and you can subscribe for free by signing up for our mailing list or find us anywhere podcasts are served with a quick search for the adult chair. You can also join the conversation on Facebook or Instagram and don't forget to join the adult chair closed private group on Facebook. It is just one of the most beautiful, Vulnerable, Supportive places I know that's out there on the web. So, You can join us. So let me tell you a little bit about Karen Campion. I've had her on the show. I had her on one of the first shows that I did way back when. She is an integrative therapist from Charlotte, North Carolina and she blends holistic therapy with inner child work and traditional therapy for resolution of early childhood wounding, Trauma and lifeblocks. She's a master transpersonal hypnotherapist and has certifications in complementary therapies and traditional therapies including somatic attachment trainings, Somatic experiencing and IBSR for trauma. Karen sees clients individually and also has small groups and workshops there in Charlotte, North Carolina. Here we go with this podcast with Karen Campion on Letting Go. This was recorded just a couple of weeks ago while I was in Boulder. I hope you enjoy it. So welcome, Karen. Thank you. It has been for me a hell of a summer. In June, Getting the news of someone that was so close to me, My aunt, Who had thought she had hip inflammation turned out to be stage four cancer and this aunt was someone that was so close to me and it was really hard to hear that because she was so far away and I felt like I was helpless dealing with someone that's so close to me and I'm six hours away and my mom and my sister and my cousin are all there with her. So I had to go there and be with her and I spent three weeks in June there with her and she died six days after I got there and then we had to do the funeral and kind of help my cousin get my aunt's affairs in order. But in the middle of all of this, We had just sold our house and we want to rent one more year. We had sold our house and decided to rent a house for a year until my son graduates and then decide where we want to move, Whether it be out of state or to a different place in state. So we have all this going on and it was really overwhelming. Yeah. Really, Really overwhelming to then come home from my aunt after her passing and I was completely worn out and drained and not to have a house to live in and we just had really three weeks to find a house. And unfortunately in Nashville, As you know, There's nothing for rent and what is for rent is really kind of crappy or outrageously expensive for really crappy. So I was having a really hard time finding something to rent. So that created even more stress. So I realized I was on overwhelmed from my aunt and then overwhelmed with finding a house and not only that packing house. I was going to spend the whole month of June sort of purging out our house and then only moving the necessities. And I'm at the place now where I had to move everything and maybe purge when we get to the rental. And then on top of that, To add more to my drama, Coming to a training in Boulder for five days in the middle of July just sent my adrenals and major tax out. So how this kind of coffee chat started is that I just said to Karen, I'm realizing I can't control any of it and I have to let go. I've got to let it go and know that I'm just not, I'm not in charge and I'm trying to be in charge and it's been really overwhelming and I need to not be in charge and just let things happen. And that is really even how the rental came. If I look back on it, But yeah, You had, You said some really beautiful things to me about when I said to you, I think I'm going to let go because I can't control any of it. And what happened was before the letting go idea is the mind starts running and you can't sleep at night and it, It doesn't have a safe place to fall anymore. So it just starts rambling and keeping you in fight flight and until you almost go crazy, You know, So either a person I think then reaches out for help or sort of says, Okay, I get it. I just have to let this go because really none of it I can control. And so we were talking about how sometimes it's a blessing that things happen that makes us feel out of control because that then pushes us into a surrendered place, You know, Which you don't have any choice about anymore. So many things happen. When your aunt died, It was such a big deal because she was the one who was your protector in your life. Yeah. So, So it was such a big deal that you can't soothe yourself with thoughts like, Oh, You know, It's okay. It was her time or, You know, Anything that would make it better that she died. You just can't even do that because of what she represented to you. Right. So what is the mind going to tell you now? You know, Like it's a scary world. You have no control. You don't know who's going to die next. Those kinds of thoughts. So true. And so where do you go? So it runs its course. It plays out for a few weeks or months or days or whatever. And then what comes next is, Um, Cause I just have to really relax into this, You know, See it from a bigger perspective. So we were talking about that time one day, Like years ago when we were taking classes together and I woke up and I had heard just the second I woke up, Um, What was the phrase? I just said it a few minutes ago. It's not my life. It's not your life. Isn't yours or something like that. It's not my life. You said it's, I was reeling about something and you said, It's not your life. And I was like, Oh, That hit me so hard. I was like, Yeah, So why don't you explain, Like explain what that means? Cause it really, It resonated with me deeply and I was able and I able to let go. It's, It's not your life. I think means it's not the life of the adolescent or the ego who thinks it's in control all the time and running the show and having the ideas and taking the action and taking responsibility for everything good that happens in your life and also everything bad that happens. So puts everything on you. Yeah. And then you're not free at all because it feels very constricted to have that responsibility because in a moment good turns bad and bad can turn back to good. So it's, So it really is about observing everything. Yeah. Which is the adult chairs is observing everything and not getting caught up in right. Cause if life is in control and not you, There's a freedom in that. It feels good. Doesn't it? It does. If, If we have to figure it all out, Um, There's a trap dealing with that. So that doesn't mean there's not value in the mind doing certain things, But, Um, When it is taking control and taking responsibility, It's a trap, You know? So true. So true. So you're at a place now where, Um, Your aunt is gone. You've gone through some grief over that. I've gone through actually a lot of grief. And this was interesting with my aunt dying. Um, I noticed cause my father died 15 years ago and that was horrendous for me, But this time when I did it, I really did allow myself to, Uh, Be in that moment. And if I felt like crying, I cried and it was interesting to watch. Um, Even my cousin, I remember when I had gotten the call and she said, My mom has stage four cancer. Of course we were in everyone was in shock, But it was interesting to listen to not just my cousin, My sister, My mom was literally the four of us together for 24 hours a day. We always slept there and stayed with her and then she was moved to my mom's house for the last week. Um, But, Uh, It's interesting to listen to everybody go through grief. And I realized too how differently we all go through grief and the processing. And there was, I remember saying, Like my mom would say, What's wrong with me? I can't stop thinking about blah, Blah, Blah. I go, So let your mind think about blah, Blah, Blah. You know? And my cousin would say, I think there's something wrong with me because I only cry when I'm alone. And, Um, And I said, No, That's just how you do it. And it was really interesting again, To watch everybody and say, I kept saying like, No, That's just how you're doing it. Let yourself do it the way that you're being guided to do it. And if it feels right, Just do it in that moment and let go of again, The idea that it has to look like something else or I need to cry only at these times. And I remember standing around her right after my aunt had passed. We're all looking down at her. I thought I had the thought like, I don't feel like crying. Is there something wrong with me? Then that thought came rushing in. I'm like, No, Because I felt so clearly like she wasn't even in there anymore. Like she was at peace. And I thought, Why judging this? Yeah, So I really, This time for me versus my, And I don't remember as much about my dad. I really, Of course, Was crying all the time. And, But, Um, I really, It was, It was interesting to watch everyone go through it in their own way and I let myself do and have the thoughts. And there were thoughts for myself also like, Oh, Should I be doing like this? I'm like, No, No, No, No, No. It was just your way. Let it go. Yeah, Let it go. Yeah. But, Um, Yeah. And, And I do think life shows up different. Sometimes you can't grief, Grief because your life is like, You're busy moving. Yeah. So, So it, You can shelve it a little bit. Yeah. Let a little bit out, Shelve it maybe because sort of defensively have to. Yeah. So again, It's like life showing up. When is it just letting it be as it is and not having too many thoughts or any thoughts if you can help it about what it should look like. Yeah. And I think what you do is, Was really different than your cousin and how it looks. Yeah. And, Um, Yeah, I can't imagine that there was, Should be a specific formula for anybody about that. No, But I, I, Again, I kept hearing, Especially, You know, My cousin said it a few times, You know, Am I doing this right? I'm like, No, No, No. And it was really hard on her. She's an only child and her father's already passed away, But she's like our other sister. So, Um, So I felt in my sister too, Felt the need to take over for her cause she was really upset and I did have to shelf my grief for a few days because we were like, Okay, Cause I was only in town for another week after she passed. And I said, You know, We got to get, Get your mom's house cleaned out. And I kept saying my cousin just, You know, Shelf what's going on and she couldn't. So I was like, I'll take over and I did. And I had to shelf mine and then, And then I would go home at night and then I would have my crime, But it is about letting go of all the judgments and letting go of the control. And, Um, Well, It shows up even in just a daily life. Like you and I talk about this a lot where one day we feel like going in this direction with life, With our businesses with, And you know, Three months later, I feel like I need to need to go more in this direction now. And if we were truly in control or used our thinking brain to figure it all out, I'm not sure we would be successful at it. I think we have to, You have to go with life's urgings, You know, And right. And if it shows up in you as like, I don't know if I like this anymore, Then we change a little bit, You know, Okay, I'm not going to focus so much on that anymore. It's working through you, You know, Right. And I say to my clients all the time, You know, They'll come in and ask me about something big, Let's say like, Should I get a divorce or should I switch my job or you think I should move? And I, It's the same response every time, Which is what you're saying. I'll say, Um, Does it move you to do that? It's not a thought. It's a movement deep inside that sort of nudges us or sometimes pushes us to, Um, You know, Do this or do that or stay in a relationship or leave a relationship or, You know, Whatever it is. But I remember even looking for this rental house. This just happened with me. Um, I had found one after I got back from, From, Um, From my aunt's passing, I got back to Nashville and I was like, Okay, Now I gotta find a rental house. And I went and I found one and I walked in, You know, It was clean. It wasn't in the area that I exactly wanted, But it was close enough. And I thought this will work. But inside my heart was like, It didn't feel exactly right, But I thought I could make it work. This is a good house. And then I was, I was trying to do the contract online and it was this gigantic, Like, Give us your tax returns for the years. And I was like, This is going to take me forever. You know, So let me, Let me finish it tomorrow. And then I had gone back and looked at my searching one more time and there were two houses that had actually been online for like a month. I kept seeing them and I thought they just look kind of not the best on the outside, But let me just do a walk through of these two houses. They're in the perfect, I love the location. So, Um, That's what I did. I went and walked through and I walked into both of them. I was like, I love both of these that could do either one. So again, It moved me. So, Um, Yeah, I think we cannot disregard what's happening in the heart space because that's where we're guided. It's just that internal, Whatever you want to call it, Soul, Spirit, Adult, Whatever it is called, There's something inside of all of us that really does move us. And if we're not letting go and we're buying into what the brain is telling us and the mind is telling us, We get caught up in oftentimes, I think, I don't want to use this phrase because someone will come in negatively, But it's like, Not that we're doing the wrong thing, But we're taking a path that could be maybe sometimes it leads you astray. Yeah, That's, That's, That's, That is exactly what I want to say. It leads us astray where, Like, Like you were saying, Even in the business, Like I'm very guided in my work and in my whole business, Like this feels right. That feels right. This is the next thing for me. That's the next thing for me. And I don't, I don't do that from my mind. You know, The mind will have an idea like, Oh, Hey, I think I want to do a podcast on this, But honestly, If it doesn't resonate, Then I don't do it. Or Hey, I want to do this or that with, With my company. And it just feels right. Like it's the next thing to do. And it doesn't come from the mind, Right? You know, It's like it hits the heart and then the mind has the idea of how to make that thing happen. So it's more intuitive space, Really intuitive for sure. I think there's two things with the mind. There's one, The psychological mind, Which is evaluating it for good or bad in every moment. Right. And the other is the mind telling us what to do to be safe and control and do the next piece because you need to do this or that. And that is also, I think a little bit, It takes you off the path a little bit if it's not merged with your intuition or your heart, Right? Where, Like you just said, Where it just drives you to the next place because it feels right. I think it would be really cool to talk about, Um, Like it, Because I know people will, I get a lot of comments on Instagram where people say this, Even on the quotes that are posted, Like this sounds so great, But how do I do it? So what I think would be kind of fun to talk about how we let go. Yeah. It's hard. I mean, It's hard for most people and it is a practice of living in the adult chair of letting go. So what would you say about that, Karen? Well, Also I think it's, It's what we do with, With talking to our clients is how to get them to the space where they are not merged with the mind, But they're able to be, Have some space there, Either observing the mind or, Um, Just, Well, Well, Yeah, Witnessing the mind, Let's put it that way. So, So then you, There's lots of ways to do that, You know, And people have to pick, I think their favorite, Um, For some people it's, Um, Just simply being in nature and they can drop into their heart space or more of a space of noticing their thoughts rather than being completely identified and swallowed up by the thoughts they're having. Yeah. And that's a good point being in nature. I know I've done a show where I've referenced, Um, Going for a walk, You know, Love my morning walks and the first thing in the morning it's five or six in the morning and the birds are out and it's just so peaceful for me, But I know I've taken many walks where I get done with my walk and I don't feel refreshed and it's because I didn't spend time noticing what was happening in the present moment. I was more, Um, Thinking, Thinking, Yeah. So if we're really stuck on something or stuck with something in the mind and the mind will not stop, Um, I think certainly being in nature and just looking like even this morning, You know, Um, I was outside and I'm staying at this beautiful bed and breakfast or not bed and breakfast Airbnb. And, Um, I was outside looking at that beautiful little, What is that thing? Was it trickling down the rocks? Like a fountain? The waterfall is a waterfall. And I was feeling, Um, Frustrated cause I couldn't get this book downloaded on my computer and I just stopped what I was doing and I started watching the waterfall and that put me right in the moment and I could feel the fresh, The frustration just melt away because it was the mind that is frustrated. Yeah. So as soon as your focus went outside to something relaxing, That also calms the nervous system. Um, Instead of inside, You know, Thinking, Thinking, Thinking, You were able to drop a little bit deeper. Yeah, For sure. It's really hard, I think, To let go of some things when we have that we're like stuck on that idea. Like if I don't do this, That's going to happen or what about this? And I'm sure people are going to hear this and think, It's not that simple. You know, It's not that simple, But what we forget is that, Um, You know, The mind really goes into story and assumption. I did a whole podcast on that one and it does, And it gets stuck there. It's habit. Yeah. So we need to rehab it and re-practice what works for us. So in the years ago for me, I would just come home and put incense on and music on and I'd be able to drop story, You know, I don't use that one so much anymore, But cause I think we just change over time and use different methods or what works for us. And if I'm in a bad space about how I feel about myself, I will literally say to myself, But that is something I'm watching who's watching. And then I enter a deeper space of the watch or witness or instead of the stuck place of thinking I'm that person that I'm feeling suffering about or pain. So I think there's lots of ways, So what else if you think about it, What other ways do we use to get to rest and relaxation? There's lots of therapeutic ways. Yeah. Um, I would say one thing that I suggest and that I do myself, Of course, Is when my mind is really, Really, Really racing and the ruminating thoughts are happening is to drop into the emotion because typically there is an emotion underneath and that's what's creating this racing mind. So when I can feel what's going on and the mind can slow down and cease the ruminating thoughts. And again, We, We avoid doing that as humans. Like I don't want to feel that negative emotion. That's not going to feel good, But that really does stop the mind and helps us to let go. But we have to dive deep into that emotion. So so then we bring presence to that child part, Which brings in the adult part and you have that great, Um, Union between the child and the adult because now you're, We're aware of the emotion instead of trapped in the adolescent thinking, Thinking, Thinking. So that is the same way to help you let go. Another way to help you let go. Yeah. Another way to get into the moment, Um, Is to spend time with an animal, Like petting a dog or playing with your dog or a child or the cat, Or you don't have an animal, Go borrow someone's animal because that really does help us to step right into the moment. Gardening, Go outside and garden, You know, Do something where again, You are stepping away from the ideas and stories in the mind and stepping into that moment. And that truly is where there is peace, Regardless of what's going on. Like, And that is one thing that I did even again, Going back to my aunt and I was feeling overwhelmed with this grief and couldn't imagine my life without her and so much sadness. I would go to my sister's house on the lake. And for me, Everybody knows that water is my place of peace. And I would go to the end of the dock and just sit and stare at the water. And I would just be so in that moment that I would, It's like, I could let go of all of it. Let go of the death of all the stories I had in my mind and I was just in this peaceful space of rest and rejuvenation, I would say. So that would be another way. Yeah, I can relate a lot to the pet thing. We just lost our golden retriever and I've been dealing with the grief of that, But also the realization that like every time I entered the house, I felt that huge heart opening and quiet mind just by being with my dog. So I think that's an experience a lot of people have with their pets. You know, The ability to just be unconditionally loved and give unconditional love is irreplaceable, I think. Which brings me to that another idea of doing some sort of service act for others. You know, Volunteering is huge. Or even if you're not part of a volunteer organization, Bake some cookies for your neighbor. Like it just helps to take your mind off of that thing that you're stuck on that you cannot let go of and take dinner over to a neighbor or a friend or cookies or bake a cake or something. Doing something for others opens the heart brings the energy down into the body away from the mind. Yeah. And that would help. I would say unless you're doing it from the space of I should. Right? No, No, No, No, No, No. Because that causes resentment then, You know, No, I'm talking about like, Yeah, An act of service. I just really want to do this for that's a whole different place. Yeah. Yeah. That's giving a gift like that or something like that is really powerful for getting us out of the mind and into that space of letting go. And the reason it's so important to let go is to notice it's to allow the next piece of life to show up. You know, We get so afraid of letting go and losing control and sitting in the mind, We get stuck there. But what happens when we let go is that next stepping stone of life is able to show up and illuminate and we know what to do next. You know, The mind goes in circles. I don't mind us, You know, Doesn't yours? Like sometimes, Yeah. And it's all temporary. It is. Things come and things go. And one thing you can be assured of is things will change. So I think that's the cycles of life. We get trapped in controlling mind, We move out of it, We go back in expansion, Contraction, You know. So I think meditation helps with like leveling that out for some people, As long as they're not stuck in their mind and wondering if they're, You know, Doing it right. And yeah, Their mind is, But that's just another calming effect. Yeah. The expansion and contraction of life. Sure. Life is always unfolding, And it always will unfold. And I find when we get so scared about something that's happening, Is when we lock up, And we get more and more controlling, We can't let go. But yeah, I think these are such great ideas for letting go and letting life happen through us. That's what this is all about. Yeah. That's what this is all about. So yeah. Anything else, Karen, You want to add? No, No. It was fun just chatting away here with our coffee. Yeah. I love it. Okay, Everybody. I am delighted to have you on today, Karen. Thank you. I hope you all enjoyed our little coffee chat here, And I hope to be doing more of these with people, Just helping with like everyday life situations. This might be a new thing happening on the show. Karen, Tell everybody where they might find you. If they wanted to get more information about who you are, What you do, Let us know your website. Sure. I'm in Charlotte, North Carolina. My website is karencampion. Com. And on my website are my phone numbers, Contact numbers. Okay. And you do phone session, In-person sessions, Skype sessions. Yeah, And integrative therapist. And I do all kinds of sessions. And you have any workshops coming up? No. Okay. I'm not doing anything recently. Not at the moment. Maybe in the fall is what you were saying. Yeah, Fall. So stay tuned. Okay. Well, Thank you so much for being on today. Thank you. Okay, Everybody. I will talk to you next week. Hope you've enjoyed today and enjoy your week in the adult chair. Today's podcast is sponsored by Audible. You can get a free audiobook download and 30-day free trial at www. Audibletrial. Com forward slash the adult chair. So today I was chatting with Karen about which book that she would recommend on letting go and she picked one of my favorites. It is When Things Fall Apart by Pima Chodron. And it is, Again, When Things Fall Apart, It's heart advice for difficult times. It is amazing. I've read this book. Phenomenal. It's just a little help if you want more additional information on letting go when everything in your world feels like it's falling apart. So don't forget, You can go to audible trial. Com forward slash the adult chair to start your 30-day free trial and claim your first free audiobook. I want to thank everybody who has subscribed to this show. And I am Michelle Shelfont. I will see you next time right here seated firmly in the adult chair.

Reviews

This was exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you for this healing message 🙏🏽❤️

Interesting and helpful! Thank you!

Listening to this helped me let go of some fear!

Good topic and great advice!

I’ve been feeling stuck and this conversation did help me look at things in a new way. Thank you! 🙏🏻