The Adult Chair Podcast: Harness Your Powerful Flow State

We use statements like, "I'm so in the flow today, everything fell perfectly into place." We also hear, "I was so out of the flow today, it was the worst day." Does this "flow state" randomly happen to us or can we choose it? I believe we can access this state and ride it like a wave! In today's show I explain how we do this, with a 4 step process to access and harness your own flow state.

Transcript

Hello everybody and welcome to the adult chair.

I am Michelle Schelfont.

Today I'm talking with you about the power of being in the flow.

The flow state,

It's where I think all the magic happens.

It's a powerful place to be and we're in and out of it all the time.

But today I'm going to talk with you about how we access the flow state and how we stay in the flow state.

So it's going to be a really,

Really great show.

But first,

You can find out more about this show at theadultchair.

Com.

You can subscribe for free by signing up for our mailing list and join the conversation on Facebook or Instagram.

And don't forget to sign up for the adult chair private closed group on Facebook to learn more about the adult chair and how you can find and stay in your own adult chair.

It is,

As you know,

My favorite group.

It's a fabulous group of people in this closed group.

They are like-minded,

Vulnerable and supportive.

And they're an amazing group of people.

So come join us there at the adult chair closed group.

Okay,

I have a tiny bit of business.

I'm very excited to announce I will be in San Diego,

October 12th through 14th doing the adult chair workshop.

I'm so excited,

You guys.

So if you want to learn more about the adult chair,

Come join us for a weekend intensive.

You can go to theadultchair.

Com forward slash workshops.

And I have the whole itinerary there,

All the information.

So go check it out.

San Diego in October,

Fabulous place to be.

The weather is perfect.

Actually,

I think it's always perfect in San Diego,

But why not go there in October when we're all cold and the rest of the United States.

Okay,

Let's talk a little bit more about the power of being in the flow.

First I want to start out with what is the flow state?

What does it feel like?

What is that thing that people talk about?

You know,

We hear it all the time when people say,

I was so in the flow,

This happened.

Everything clicked along with my day.

I got my work done.

This happened,

That happened.

I was so in the flow.

And then we hear people say,

I was not in the flow today at all.

Nothing worked out well for me.

I couldn't get my groove going.

Something was really off.

I was not in the flow.

So what is this flow state that people talk about?

I feel like it's the optimal place for us to be.

Okay.

This is a state that we are in when we're in our adult.

In my opinion,

For me,

It feels like when I'm connecting my higher self and the soul together,

Which means my ego and the static of the ego,

Think about the mind where the mind is.

You got the higher self up high and the soul within.

The ego is what gets in the way and takes us out of that flow state.

So it's like when the mind is creating all this static,

All this noise,

I'm not in the flow.

So it's when the ego is quiet.

You know,

It really feels like riding a surfboard.

Okay.

Think about this.

When I think about a surfboard,

I think about like the North shore in Hawaii.

And I think Australia has some incredible waves too,

But it's like these gigantic waves that I've seen on television that people are riding.

The waves are life.

Okay.

So how well do you ride a surfboard in your own life?

Think about it.

When you see someone riding a surfboard on these gigantic waves,

They have to bend their bodies.

They're contorting their bodies in all these different ways in order not to fall.

Right.

But in life,

Are we that flexible with circumstances and events and experiences that come to us?

Or are we more rigid?

Are we controlling?

What do we do?

If you were riding the wave of life,

Would you be falling off your surfboard?

Or are you actually staying on that surfboard,

Riding it,

Riding that wave?

You watch a surfer,

They're back and forth and sideways and they're moving their bodies.

How are you doing that in your life?

So you know the feeling of when you're riding the wave of life.

I know one thing for me that's so clear.

When I'm in the flow,

I can sit down and write a meditation out.

When I say write it out,

I'm going to have to write it out and then I record it.

But when I sit down to write it out,

What I'm going to talk about,

I can do it in about 10 or 15 minutes.

I don't even think about it.

It's like the brain shuts down and it's what I call like a download.

I'm just in this flow state.

It comes down through me.

But that's one example.

There are so many other examples of when things are in the flow.

Like if you need something from a store and somebody drops it off by chance,

Like your neighbor comes over with eggs because they bought,

Buy a mistake,

An extra dozen of eggs and you need eggs because you're making a cake.

It's like all of these things start clicking along throughout the day when you're in this flow state.

So the fact that I can write a meditation in 15 minutes and I don't even think about it does not make me special.

I believe we all have access to this flow state.

We stop our flow.

We get in the way.

So the goal is to stay in the flow.

So this is how we do it.

This is how we access flow state and stay in it.

There are four key elements to this.

Okay.

Here's another metaphor for you.

You know,

I like these analogies and these visuals,

But I've said this for years.

Think about life like this.

We're riding down a river.

Are you paddling upstream or are you paddling with the river or are you dropping the paddles all together?

When I think of it,

Life is,

There is a flow to life.

Life just happens to us.

Okay.

Are you controlling it or are you trusting the process?

Most of us don't trust the process very well.

Most of us don't drop the paddles as we're going down our stream.

We paddle.

We paddle,

Paddle,

Paddle.

I heard Esther Hicks say this one time and I really agreed with what she was saying.

Are you paddling upstream?

I'm like,

That's what I say.

Yes.

I couldn't agree more.

We need to go with that flow,

That current that is happening in our lives.

We let the current take us and we trust what's coming.

But what we do as humans is we see this current,

You know,

This river is turning a corner and we can't see around that bend and we get really scared.

We want to know what's coming.

We want to control it.

So we start paddling,

Paddling,

Paddling.

It's like,

No,

Drop the paddles,

Trust the process,

Trust this flow state.

So we step out of the flow state when we start paddling and lose trust with this flow that's already there and taking us.

That's what's so ironic is the flows there,

We step out of it when we start paddling.

We pinch ourselves off from this flow.

Okay.

So we want to start becoming just someone that's riding down this river without paddles,

Drop them,

Even if your little boat bumps into the side of the river,

It's okay.

It's part of your experience,

It's part of the process.

Don't paddle,

Trust what's coming.

There's a beautiful anticipation of what's coming around the bend.

You know,

It's kind of like if your birthday is coming in six months and you want to know what all of your presents are.

No,

There's an anticipation like,

Oh,

I might get this.

And as time gets closer,

It's like,

Oh,

I'm really excited.

My birthday is in a month.

I wonder what I'm going to get.

But most of us aren't that good at waiting.

You know,

We want to know in life what's coming around the corner.

I can't see it.

Think of it like gifts,

Because they're all gifts that are coming around that corner.

The problem is,

We fear something quote unquote bad is coming.

But what if bad is coming?

And the thing we have to remember is,

Maybe we need to experience what the ego is interpreting as bad to have a shift so I can experience the thing that's better.

For example,

Perhaps you're going to end a relationship,

Whether it be with a man or a woman or in work or with a relative or whatever it might be.

But when I end that relationship with that person or that job or whatever it is,

I'm going to step into my power after.

After I go through my grief,

I step into my power and then I find the most amazing job.

Or then I find the most amazing person and I end up getting married and I wasn't married before.

It's like all of these things happen.

And you hear this phrase all the time.

Hindsight is 2020.

We say that all the time.

But we have to keep that in mind when we're wanting to control what's coming ahead of time.

So we stay in the flow when we trust the process,

Even when it scares us.

Even when it scares us.

Because if we stay with it and not get in the way,

And that's the only thing we do when we paddle,

Paddle,

Paddle,

We're getting in the way.

It's like,

No,

Let's see what comes next.

Let's see what comes next.

Okay?

Very,

Very important.

Drop the paddles,

Let go of control and trust the process or trust the flow.

It's already there.

We step out of it when we start to paddle and control.

Okay,

Number two.

Another way we stay in the flow is when we observe what's happening.

Become the observer of your experience.

That means no judgment,

No meaning,

No nothing.

Isn't that interesting that this is happening and we watch it?

Okay?

Peace comes from observing all of it.

We stay in the flow when we observe.

Remember what I said about connecting the soul to the higher self?

The reason we disconnect from the flow is because we're in that mind chatter.

That's creating static.

So the higher self and the soul cannot connect.

Okay?

So we need to disengage the ego.

We do that by observing.

Don't give it meaning.

Watch your thoughts.

Big,

Big,

Big deal.

We tend to give a lot of things meaning.

This happened because blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And we don't know what's true.

We're just making it up.

We fall into story and assumption.

We need to stop buying into everything.

Instead,

We want to say things like,

Wow,

Isn't that interesting?

Now this is happening.

I wonder what's going to happen next.

Interesting.

But typically something happens.

We get scared.

We engage the ego.

We start controlling and manipulating and changing things and uh-uh.

Nope.

We have to learn how to watch our lives like we're watching a movie.

Okay?

That's how we observe it.

Don't buy into what you're seeing.

It's all an illusion anyway.

So we want to learn how to disengage the ego and observe all of it.

Now,

I'm not saying sit back and don't engage in life at all.

That is not what I'm suggesting here.

What I'm saying is though observe,

Observe,

Observe so we can stay connected to ourselves and in the flow.

And then in that flow state,

We know what choices to take for ourselves and for others because we feel it inside.

We feel moved to do so.

If you've heard me speak before,

You've heard me talk about feeling moved.

I think I'm going to set a boundary around this.

I think I'm going to say this to so and so,

But it's not from a reactionary place,

From the adolescent chair,

From the ego.

It's from a responsive place from the adult,

From this flow state.

So when we are in the seat of the observer,

We feel moved to make choices and take action.

It's very different than reacting from the adolescent.

Okay?

Very,

Very,

Very different.

Okay.

Number three,

You've heard me say this many times,

Very important.

While we're observing,

Okay,

And we're stepping out and disengaging the ego,

We may have emotions that are going to come up.

So we need to learn how to feel our emotions.

I did a whole podcast on this,

How we feel our emotions.

It is episode number 80.

Go check it out if you want some help on learning how to feel your emotions.

But in a nutshell,

When we feel our feelings,

We let go of the urge to manipulate or interfere with what's happening in the moment.

And remember,

That's where the flow is.

So in other words,

Drop the paddles and be with what's rising up.

What's rising up?

Because emotions are a natural part of being a human being.

If you're human,

You have emotions.

Unfortunately,

If we are human,

It does not mean we know how to feel our emotions.

But when you're a baby,

Man or woman,

You had emotions and you cried,

I guarantee it.

Okay?

So every single person was able at one point in their lives to feel emotions.

So we need to learn how to get that back.

Because when we feel emotions,

They simply rise up,

We feel them,

And they go,

They rise up and move through us.

That's the goal,

To feel our emotions and let them pass through.

When we do this,

We stay connected to the self.

And we do not engage that ego,

Which means we are yes,

Sitting in the flow state.

Okay?

So feeling emotions is very,

Very,

Very important.

When we learn how to engage our emotions and let them rise up through us.

For me,

I have found what's very,

Very helpful is I start,

I've changed my language instead of asking people,

What do you think about so and so?

Or what do you think about this?

I've used now the language,

How can you help me with something?

Can you feel something for me?

How does this make me feel?

We can start to use our emotions and our heart as a navigation system.

It's so powerful.

This is another reason to learn how to feel emotions.

You know,

So many of us are disconnected from the body.

We don't know what we're feeling,

But oh my gosh,

The wisdom of the body and the heart space,

It talks to us.

It is a navigation system.

When you are confused about something,

You can ask yourself,

How does this make me feel to take this job,

Move over here,

Break up with so and so,

Do this,

Do that,

Go to this restaurant,

It doesn't matter.

When you start asking yourself,

How does this make me feel,

Your body will guide you.

But you've got to get deeper in touch with that body and form a deeper connection.

We do that by allowing emotions to rise up and through us.

It will guide you,

I promise,

Because that again,

Keeps us in the flow state.

It does.

Feeling emotions keeps us in the flow state.

And then we are able to navigate just like we're on a surfboard.

It's like,

This feels right,

This feels right.

That does not feel right.

I'm not going to do that.

It moves me to do this.

That keeps us on the surfboard in our life with all of the waves that we have that come through life.

And we're able to stay in balance in this flow state.

I remember recently,

This last spring,

We had been planning on selling our house next year.

At the end of next year,

We have one son left in the house.

He's a senior this year.

And we thought,

Okay,

This is our last year in our house.

We're going to go ahead and sell it next spring when he graduates.

And then we don't know where we're going to go.

We're going to move somewhere.

We're just not sure.

I personally need water somewhere.

So at any rate,

So in March,

We had a family that approached us and said they wanted to buy our house.

And I said,

No,

We're waiting till next year.

Come to us next year.

And then another family came.

And then our next door neighbor told us about yet another family.

So again,

I felt like I was in the flow state because I said,

Huh,

Interesting.

At first I resisted,

You know,

I kept saying to people,

No,

No,

No.

And then it just caused me to have the internal question of,

Huh,

Maybe is there something here?

Should we sell the house?

Now?

I don't know.

Let me feel it.

And when I felt it inside,

My whole body expanded.

I was like,

Wow,

That's interesting.

It didn't make logical sense to my mind.

And that doesn't matter to me.

Honestly,

I want to know how my body feels in my heart space.

And I expanded.

So that to me is that's a yes or that's look into this further.

That's the message that I get when I have that expansion feeling.

So we did.

And the more we talked about it,

I talked to my husband and I said,

You know,

I think I'm wondering if we should sell the house now and rent somewhere.

Then we have all the money from the house in the bank.

Then we can turn around and go buy something.

And the more we talked about it,

He started getting that feeling too.

He's like,

Gosh,

That feels so good.

I said,

It feels so good.

Even talking about it,

My whole body's expanded.

He said the same thing.

I'm like,

Let's do it.

We turned around within a month and sold the house.

That to me was an incredible experience of being and staying in the flow around moving and around our house selling.

It happened so easy.

It was honestly,

It took one day on the market,

Multiple offers,

Over asking price,

Done.

It was done.

It was so easy.

And it felt like so in the flow to me because I didn't even think about was not thinking about it in March come Mother's Day.

Boom,

It was done and sold.

So in the flow,

That's what it's like.

Things just sort of line up.

We stay with it.

Now again,

That's not to say that only positive things happen.

When we're in the flow,

Things may rise up that don't feel very good.

Our job is to ride the wave.

Remember,

And we do that by feeling emotions becoming,

We have to sit in the observer seat.

Okay,

Now number four,

This is really important.

We must practice the idea of redirecting our thoughts to get back in the moment.

So what happens is something happens outside of us an event or an experience or someone says something to us,

Whatever it is.

Okay.

And it engages the ego,

Which pulls us out of the moment and we leave and we disengage,

We jump off of our surfboard and crash into a wave basically.

So it throws us into with the moment we engage future or past thoughts,

We are in the adolescent chair and we're out of the flow.

The moment we engage giving something meaning or trying to quote unquote,

Figure something out.

We're not in the flow.

We're in the adolescent chair.

I just had an experience about a week ago.

A friend of mine had decided to come out with us a few weeks ago and ended up meeting a guy.

She's a single girl and ended up meeting a guy when she was out with us and really liked this guy.

There was a clear connection and they were texting back and forth last week and she ended her text with a little XO at the end of her text and the guy did not text her back after that.

So she thought,

Wow,

You know,

Maybe I said something wrong.

Oh my God,

I ruined it.

You know,

Went into the whole thing and everything up to that point had been so in the flow.

It was very almost ironic for her to even come out with us.

It was a last minute dinner engagement that we had a small group of us.

She ended up joining us at the last minute.

She wasn't going to come.

So she did a few weeks ago,

Totally in the flow,

Met this guy,

Hadn't met a nice guy in a long time.

Everything was going great.

And then she ended her text with an XO and he did not text back.

So she disengaged from the flow,

Fell off her surfboard and engaged her ego.

She fell right into that adolescent chair and she called me in a panic saying,

You know,

I think that he doesn't like me anymore.

I should not have said that.

I probably threw him off.

And I said,

Wait,

Wait,

Wait,

Wait,

Wait,

Hold on,

Hold on.

I said,

Tell me exactly what happened.

And she said,

You know,

I just signed it off the text with an XO.

I said,

Okay,

Let's look at what's fact here and let's go into truth.

So list a few things for me.

So my goal was to get her back in her adult.

I said,

Tell me what's fact and truth right now in this moment.

She says,

Well,

It was ironic that we met.

It was an instant connection.

It's been easy the whole time.

He's wonderful.

He thinks I'm wonderful.

We've been texting just for about 10 days and there's been no indication that he's not that,

You know,

That he's not interested.

I said,

Okay,

Okay,

Okay,

Keep going.

And she says,

But I ended it with an XO and he hasn't texted me back since.

I said,

Okay.

And,

And she said,

Well,

And then she went into meeting and then she went into story and assumption.

Well,

I was probably moving too fast and I said,

Hold on,

Let's redirect your thoughts back to the moment.

I said,

Let's go back to all the things you just said that were fact and truth.

And she did.

I said,

Now let's anchor that in by feeling it in the body.

How does all that feel?

She said,

It feels really good.

I said,

Great.

How does it feel when you think about signing something off with an X and an O,

Which by the way,

I do it all the time on my emails and my texts and my posts and Facebook.

And she said,

Well,

Yeah,

That's kind of silly.

And I said,

Okay,

But it still scares me.

I said,

Okay,

I get that.

I said,

So let's feel the fear.

So she felt the fear and then she went back and I said,

Okay,

Let's feel again.

What's true.

And she says,

You know,

I really feel like it just kind of silly.

I said,

Okay,

So now your job.

And this is the hard number four is the hardest for most of us is to redirect our thoughts back into the moment.

Cause that ego wants to keep us safe.

So it's going to pull us into the past and the future.

I said,

Can you redirect into the present moment?

Redirect.

And she says,

Yeah,

That feels good.

I said,

Okay,

Every time you feel the good feeling,

It's anchoring yourself back into the moment.

She says,

I like that.

So that's where we left it.

And I said,

You know,

Remember,

You know,

That's how I sign everything off for the next.

And oh,

I love that.

I just feel like,

I'm going to guess that's just how I end everything.

I said,

Until we know what's true,

Like we have to wait,

Which is another part of what we do in our adult chair.

It's like waiting for the next thing to happen again.

It's like going downstream,

Going around the bend in the river.

And I said,

We have to wait now.

We don't know what's coming around the corner.

So drop the paddles and be with whatever emotions are coming up.

And if there's something that feels bigger,

Maybe it's a part of you that might need your attention.

So get in touch with that part,

But let's stay with it and see what happens.

So again,

She called me,

I think the next day and she says,

Oh,

You're not going to believe it.

He read the XO and then had to turn his phone off because he was on an airplane.

I said,

Well,

What do you know?

What do you know?

So you made up all the stories and assumptions and gave it meaning and it wasn't even necessary.

And we get like,

We laughed about it.

That's hard because we're in such a habit of figuring things out and giving things meaning.

And when we get stuck there,

Or not even stuck there,

When we're in that unconscious habit of doing so,

That's what keeps us stuck.

So again,

Number four is the practice of redirecting our thoughts to get back into the moment where fact and truth reside.

So go there into fact and truth into the moment and stop with the thoughts and feel the emotions that are rising up.

It's very,

Very important.

It's so important because ultimately we choose flow.

We choose flow.

We have to choose it.

So that's what we do to get it back,

To get us back on the surfboard,

On that big giant wave.

Okay?

So we have to be the change.

We do.

So think through this for a minute,

But what can you do today to help you find flow?

Since we are choosing it,

You know,

It's always there.

It's like a stream in your backyard or a river in your backyard.

It's always there.

We choose to climb onto that surfboard or to climb into that little boat and leave the paddles on the shoreline and let yourself ride down that river,

Ride down that stream and not direct the process.

That's flow,

You guys.

It is powerful and really peaceful.

And it's powerful because that's where we find our power.

That's how we become empowered too.

So this is an amazing concept.

This is not something outside of you.

This is absolutely accessible by you,

For you,

But you've got to choose it.

You've got to redirect your thoughts.

You've got to feel those emotions and it is possible.

I promise.

I would never talk about something that I have not done myself.

I promise you it's possible.

And it really changes our emotional state to one of peace.

Peace.

It's a powerful place to live.

Today's podcast is sponsored by Audible.

Get a free audio book download and 30 day free trial at www.

Audibletrial.

Com forward slash the adult chair.

Okay.

So today's book is so cool.

It is right in line with what we're talking about.

It is called Flow,

Living at the Peak of Your Abilities.

And it is by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

Okay.

I know that's like a crazy last name.

It's very hard to pronounce.

I'm going to spell it for you and we will have it in the show notes.

So Mihaly is M-I-H-A-L-Y and his last name is C-S-I-K-S-Z-E-N-T-M-I-H-A-L-Y-I and he's PhD.

He wrote the incredible book on flow.

There is scientific evidence about flow.

He talks about how you do the flow,

What it is,

How you stay in it.

He's got some incredible ideas as well.

I highly,

Highly recommend that book.

And again,

For listeners of the adult chair,

You can get this book for free.

It's a free audio book download.

You can get this book or any book.

He actually has a few other books.

So if you already have this book,

Go get a different book.

It's a 30 day free trial and you can check out their books.

You can go to www.

Audibletrial.

Com forward slash the adult chair to get this book for free.

Okay.

This was a powerful,

Powerful episode today.

Hope you all enjoyed it.

Do not forget to go and check out the San Diego class.

We begin the evening of Friday,

October 12th and we end Sunday,

October 14th.

You can go to theadultchair.

Com forward slash workshops for more information.

And I have a whole itinerary of what we'll be doing that whole weekend.

Honestly,

It's such an incredible weekend.

It really helps take the adult chair to the next level and helps you find your own adult chair.

I do so many experiential things with people,

Tons of meditations.

It's just a powerful,

Powerful,

Powerful class.

So I hope you can join us in October in San Diego.

And that's all I've got for you guys today.

I am Michelle Shelfett and I will see you next week right here seated firmly in the adult chair.

Have a great week everybody.

Reviews

Thank You✨ I may listen again!

Thank you for your insights on “Flow state “ it really helped me today

Love these podcasts!

Really insightful and inspiring. Thank you Michelle 💜 x

Thank you 🌺🌺🌺for the nice conversation and hear the secrets of riding the surfboard with the flow 🙏Namaste

Your joyful voice woke me up from a bit sad mood. Thank you for your helping insights.

This is a keeper. Thank you.

I really enjoyed the message and guidance here. However, I sort of felt like I was being shouted at. Definitely beneficial though.

Awesome thank you💫🏄

I loved this talk! A question for you though: How do you feel your emotions?!

Excellent podcast. Xo

Thoroughly appreciate her talks. She makes perfect sense when we can’t see the forest for the trees. Thank you 🙏

This was fun and and very practical session. Enjoyed it! XO :)

Thank you Michelle. I needed that to remind myself that feeling is the clue and thinking is not good for us to flow.

Loved it!... keeping in the flow!... in the Vortex... You are great! First time listening to you... I’m hooked. Thank you 🙏🏻

Great talk. Looking forward to hearing more of these podcasts. Thank you.