So I think we can all relate to this moment where We are maybe hearing a dharma talk,
Maybe we're being guided in a meditation,
Or we're reading a dharma book.
And the words are touching us in a way that they're opening something up,
That there's something loosening here.
That there's this sense of relaxation,
Of ease,
Of freedom,
That there's no problem to solve.
In this moment.
There's just openness.
And it's not just in dharma talks or in meditations or books.
We could be walking in nature.
We could be walking in the city.
We could be going to the market.
We could be in the bank.
We could be doing the dishes.
And just kind of seemingly out of nowhere,
Our attention just shifts from.
Thinking about ourselves,
And what do I need to do,
And where do I need to get to,
And what are my problems,
And it just,
All of that kind of meanness,
That contracted energy of meanness just falls away.
And then there's just simply.
Presence.
Openness.
And so there's no.
No problem.
With the opening.
But it's what happens after.
That becomes a problem for us,
Because the contracted energy,
Which is the sense of me,
Right,
The sense of me,
We're always talking about that,
It always comes in with this sense of contraction.
And most likely a problem that needs solving.
And in this situation,
Because the openness was just there,
Now the contraction is coming in.
The problem that needs to be solved.
Is I have to get back to the openness.
And so the intensity of the contraction starts to increase.
The more that we become desperate to try and get back.
To the openness.
That the more that we try to think about,
Well,
What was I doing?
What was that dharma talk?
Let me go back and listen to it again.
Let me go back to that book again.
Let me do that meditation again.
Let me walk that exact path again in the forest or go back to the bank.
Let me try and recreate the conditions.
For where the opening arose.
And the more that we fuel this intensity of trying to get back to something,
Trying to have all this activity to try and get back to something,
All we end up doing is digging a deeper hole.
And sew.
The grasping at openness.
Is really,
Is.
.
.
Not at all different.
Than the grasping that happens in the material world.
When we're grasping at money or relationships or security or success,
And just as we can't hold on to anything in the material world.
We cannot hold on.
To openness.
And the moment we try to hold on to openness,
It's not openness,
It's contraction.
In Zoom.
This is where it becomes such a difficult part of the path for so many of us.
It's not the opening.
That's not the problem.
It's not even so much the contraction.
But it's what follows with the contraction.
And because.
.
.
For so many of us.
We are seemingly on a gradual path.
It's not like what happened to Eckhart Tolle or some of these people that have this sudden awakening.
It's not like we signed up to say,
I want a gradual awakening.
But for whatever reason,
That's the way it appears to be happening.
And so we have these recognitions,
These moments that where the identification as being a separate,
Solid,
Independent self and the contracted energy that comes with it.
It falls away,
We see,
There's these moments,
We see it,
We're like,
It doesn't exist.
It is non-existent.
And in that moment,
It's like everything opens up and you see it.
But because it's not stable.
It doesn't last.
And we can have periods of time where.
It can be hours,
It can be days,
It can be weeks,
It can even be months.
Where everything's okay,
Where there's no identification as a separate,
Solid,
Independent self.
There's just,
There's being,
There's freedom.
It's just life is going smoothly.
You're still going about doing the same things.
You're going to the market,
You're going on a walk,
You're meditating,
But there's no identification with any of it.
There's no trying to get something out of anything.
It's just life happening.
But because It's not stable yet.
The contraction does return.
And with that contraction is the sense of a solid,
Independent me.
So the sense of me is still seemingly.
Coming and going.
And I'm saying seemingly,
Because it doesn't exist.
It's not real,
But seemingly.
It's coming and going.
There's moments of openness,
Of being,
Of presence.
And there's moments of contraction and separation and me.
And then there's openness,
And then there's contraction.
And it's just kind of going back and forth.
And we can't control that.
We can't make this happen,
We can't make.
Opening,
Stay,
And contraction,
Go away.
Like we cannot do this.
There's no control over any of this.
It's just happening.
And yet.
.
.
The more relaxed we are around the coming and going.
Right?
Even just at an intellectual level,
Understanding it's just coming and going.
This sense of separateness,
It comes and goes.
I can't control it.
The more that we understand that,
The less we turn it into.
Another problem.
Because we're less likely to give it the fuel,
To give the non-existent me the fuel.
To try and get back to something.
That it was not a part of.
Because any moment.
Of joy,
Of peace,
Of contentment,
Of satisfaction,
Of awakening,
Of openness.
Is by definition the absence.
Of the identification of me as a separate,
Solid,
Independent being and the energy that it rides in on,
That contracted energy.
But it is that contracted energy.
That me that is always trying to get to something,
Even trying to get back to openness.
But it was never a part.
Of openness.
So on the one hand,
We have this felt contraction of a me,
A separate,
Independent,
Solid me that does not feel good.
Right?
It feels.
.
.
It feels unsafe.
It feels unworthy.
It feels.
.
.
Disconnected.
It feels alone.
It feels separate.
It doesn't feel good.
On the one hand,
We have this contracted energy over here that we identify with.
But then we also have this belief that somehow.
This contracted energy is eventually going to turn into openness.
But that makes no sense.
Openness is not something that contraction can experience.
Openness.
Is what remains when the contraction.
Falls away.
It's a zip.
We like spend all day long.
Holding our hand in a tight fist.
And we're squeezing it so hard,
Squeezing it so hard that if I just squeeze hard enough.
.
.
I'll know what an open hand feels like.
But the openness isn't a reward for squeezing.
It's when the squeezing.
Stops.
So the invitation here.
Is not to try and control,
Hold on to,
To grasp.
Openness.
You can't do it.
You can't hold on to openness and then push away contraction.
We've all tried.
You can't do it.
But perhaps.
We can notice the movement.
That is always trying to do so.
