The Wisdom Of Letting Go

At the beginning of our practice, we let go because we see the suffering of holding onto our anger, disappointment, regret... And then as we progress on a gradual path, we let go because we see how we are arising in each moment - that there is nothing to hold onto. Then we are truly free.

Transcript

We talk a lot in the wisdom teachings of impermanence and interdependence, Interconnectedness, That everything is arising through different causes and conditions coming together, Changing, And then going, Falling apart. Everything arises and passes away. And when we look at our environment, We often look at trees, We look at nature to help us see how everything is impermanent, Arising and passing away. We look at the trees, We can see how the conditions arise for the tree to come into being, And then the conditions change, The tree goes out of being. We can see it with buildings, We can see it with cities, We can see this all around us. Everything is impermanent, Everything is interconnected, Arising through different causes and conditions, Changing, And passing away. And when we look at our own experience, We start to examine our thoughts and our feelings and our emotions to begin with, Seeing how our thoughts are always arising, A thought is arising, Passing away. And interdependent, That thought arising based on something that you've seen in your environment, A memory that got triggered, A way that you're feeling, Something that you've just been experiencing, Something you've just been consuming, Right, A media or something, The thought interdependent, Impermanent, Arising, Passing away. Our feelings, How we feel pleasant or unpleasant or neutral, All day long, Every day, Changing, Right? We have high energy in the morning and then maybe it's low energy by the afternoon, And in between just lots of little changes, Right? We can see impermanent and interdependent, Our feelings, How we're feeling, Our energy, Higher in the morning versus in the afternoon, Right, Just through virtue of moving about our day. Or maybe there's a feeling of stress that's arising because there's a lot going on, Interdependent, Stress arising and then passing away. And our emotions, Right, Arising, Sometimes we're feeling really happy, Sometimes we're feeling sad, Sometimes we're disappointed or we're angry, Or we're feeling drained, Or we're feeling, We're anticipating something, Right? So our emotions also always changing, Right? All day, Every day, Just little subtle changes all day, Every day, Always changing. And interdependent, Based on what's going on, Based on what's happening in our external environment, Based on what's happening in our internal environment, Our hormones, Our neurochemistry, Our blood pressure, Our glucose levels, Whether we're hungry or not, Whether we slept well or not, All of these things affecting our thoughts, Our feelings, Our emotions, And all interdependent, Arising and changing moment by moment. And in our sensory experience as well, The way we experience the world through our five senses, Through sight and sound and touch and taste and smell, That always changing based on what's happening internally, Externally, Right? Sounds arising and passing away, Sights arising and passing away, Tastes arising and passing away. So all of the, Our entire experience is interdependent and interconnected and impermanent, That there is nothing substantial or solid here, Nothing independent inside here. How Meredith is arising is based on a million, Billion, Trillion different causes and conditions, Things that are happening and aren't happening, And changing moment by moment by moment. But while we can see that, And for many people, It's just intellectual to start, You can intellectually understand how all of these things are arising and passing away, Even though your thoughts feel very compelling at times and very believable at times, And the emotion or the feeling that you're having, It's unpleasant and it feels so solid and permanent, We can be sitting here on a Dharma talk and understand, Yes, All of these things are just interdependent, Interconnected and therefore impermanent, Arising and passing away. But then we still cling to this idea that somewhere though in here is a little part of me that's permanent, That's separate from all of this, It's not interdependent, That behind the thinking is a thinker, Right? Behind the doing is a doer, Behind the hearing is a hearer, Behind the decision making is a decision maker, Behind the feeling is a feeler. There is this perception that there is something, Some thing, Fixed, Permanent, Independent thing experiencing all of this. And because we cling so tightly to this idea of a little me inside, The ego, The separate self, And it is just an idea created by a thought, We cling so tightly to it, We don't even recognize how it is the root cause of all of our suffering. And because we are clinging so tightly to this little me, The little me that is experiencing the unpleasant conditions and isn't happy about it, Right? That pushes back on it, The little me that feels it's irritated because someone is doing something they shouldn't be doing or they've disappointed me, Or they've made me angry for some reason, They've harmed me for some reason. Because we spend so much time clinging to this little wounded me that we so believe to be real, To be true, To be our identity, We cannot see that there is not one iota aspect of us that isn't a part of this massive tapestry that is not interdependent and interconnected. Because in the center of this tapestry, We think there's a little solid me. And as long as we see and look for that, We will not see what's really going on. And as spiritual people on a spiritual path, We have to be really careful of this because often we will say, Yes, I don't believe in the ego, I don't believe in the separate self, The little me. But we are looking for a little divine me, A little divine me that is separate from all of this, That we think if I can just uncover all of this, I will find the divine me. And as long as you think that, You are still clinging to your ego because it is your ego that thinks that it is going to be the divine one in the future. Every thought, Every decision, Every feeling, Every sensation, Everything about our experience is interconnected, Impermanent, Arising and changing and passing away, Propelling us in one direction, A little bit forward here, And then a little bit over here and a little bit here, All based on all of these different things that are happening, Millions and billions and trillions of causes and conditions, Things that are happening and things that are not happening, Causing us to arise in each moment. And our ego is really threatened by this. And it will come up with all sorts of reasons to say, No, No, No, No, No, She's wrong. She's wrong. Because if you are just arising based on all of these causes and conditions, Then where is the meaning in life? How would you do anything without me driving this forward? You would just turn into a big blob. You would just end up doing nothing. You'd be nothing without me. You'd just be a robot. Is that who you want to be? And we listen to it. We go, Yeah, You're right. There's something here. There's something here. But in fact, It is just the opposite, That when we see how everything is arising through causes and conditions, How we are arising in each moment through millions and billions and trillions of different causes and conditions, That there is nothing here controlling any of this. It's only then that we let go and we enjoy the ride. Because before what we're doing is we're on the ride, We are the ride, But we're so busy, Lost in our thoughts, Thinking that the ride should be somewhere else. No, The ride needs to be faster. The ride needs to be slower. The ride needs to be over there. I need to go back in time to the ride because the ride wasn't the way I wanted it to be back there. That we're constantly pushing back and trying to change the ride. Instead of recognizing, Oh, This is the ride. This is what's arising right now. And there is so much meaning in that and curiosity and wonder in seeing how all of this is turning out moment by moment by moment. None of us really knows. We have a plan and we can make plans. Of course, We have this prefrontal cortex, This little simulation machine. Let's use it. Make plans. No problem. Planning, Happening. No planner behind it. So when you plan, There's planning and you think, Wow, Well, Let's see how it happens. Because there's so many things outside of my control, Including even me thinking I'm in control. The planning is happening. Let's see if it happens. And if it happens, Great. Yay. Isn't that amazing? There were thoughts, Thinking happening for planning and it worked out this way. And isn't that great? And there's even a sense of wonder and awe like, That's amazing that it turned out that way. But then when the plan changes, Something changes the plan, Interrupts the plan that you had in your mind and it goes a different direction and you have this understanding, I'm not really controlling any of this. When the plan starts to deviate and change, You go, Oh, Wow, I wonder what's going to happen this way. Let's see. Let's see where we head with this. So there's this sense of curiosity, Of natural presence, Of natural organic openness. When we understand I'm not in control of any of this. This is all, All of this, Including this, Including me, Arising and changing in each moment, Arising and changing in each moment. We let that little voice dictate our lives, Believing there's something solid and independent inside of us, Stopping us from getting up at the club or at a wedding and dancing when you want to move your body, But you're too afraid of what people will think of you, Of the little me, That little wounded me. It's so fragile, Right? And so instead you don't, You don't get up and dance because of that condition, Because of the little me believing in the little me. Now there's a karaoke and you never stood up and you've never sung in karaoke. And even if you can't hold a tune to save your life, You think, Ah, Let's experience that. Let's see what that feels like. And you get up and you experience it instead of listening to that little voice that says, Oh, You'll make a fool of yourself. You'll be embarrassed because you recognize there is nothing solid here. There's an experience happening. And I want to experience more. If you want to start a new business or you're just starting some new adventure, You're learning something, Right? How many times do we hold back? Because what if I make a fool of myself? And you realize there is nobody to make a fool of. There's just experiences to be had. So, So much the adventure and the wonder is taken away from us by believing in this little me. And when we see that it's really not real, That I am simply arising millions and billions and trillions of different causes and conditions. There's such a sense of freedom to move through the day, Right? To experience it all, Whatever it is that you're experiencing, Whatever it is, It's arising because it's changing and it's based on whatever conditions are happening right then. To not fight back on our experience, Right? We're not assuming that then our experience is always blissful and beautiful. It's not. That's not part of the ride. The ride has ups, The rides has downs. The ride is sometimes kind of steady and just moving along. And sometimes it's moving really fast, Right? This is the world that we live in. Opposites, Hot, Cold, Pleasure, Pain, Praise and criticism, Gain and loss. This is the world that we live in. But we don't fight back at that against any of it any longer because we realize that if you are, However you are arising in that moment, It is based on a million, Billion, Trillion different causes and conditions. Who could possibly be pushing back on any of that? And there is so much more meaning when you understand how connected we all are, Right? How interdependent we are. We're all only on this call because each of you came on this call today. The words coming out of this mouth are only because of all of the previous teachers that I've had, Their kindness, Their wisdom that they've passed on, The practices that have been done here that allow this all to come out. The fact that the internet is working right now, That one of my dogs isn't sick, That one of your dogs isn't sick. And so you're able to be on the call or someone you know isn't sick and you're able to be on the call. Millions and billions and trillions of causes and conditions allowing this to take place. And it's like, Wow, That's amazing. It's amazing. Some of you are dialing in from Australia, From the UK, From the States. I'm down in Mexico, Right? From all over the world, We're coming together in this moment, Having this moment. It's amazing. It's amazing that we're able to do this at all. So it brings, I think, More meaning into our lives, More adventure, More wonder, More curiosity, More openness, More natural presence, More natural mindfulness. It's no longer a practice. Because as you move through the day, There's really this, I don't know, Let's see. It's kind of a plan, But let's see how it happens. Let's see how it unfolds. There's much more openness to life and curiosity, Less holding on, Less grasping, Less trying to control the ride that you are not controlling anyway. You're just making it unpleasant. That's all you're doing is making it unpleasant. And the implications of understanding this for if you have anger or ill will or hatred towards another being. When you understand that you are the result of all of your causes and conditions, You couldn't be anyone different than who you are right now. You could not be different based on all of your causes and conditions. You understand that everyone else is also the result of their causes and conditions. They could not be anything different. And if their causes and conditions led to them harming us in some way, Disappointing us in some way, Challenging us in some way, It's not personal. It is just all of their causes and conditions. If you had all of their causes and conditions, You would have done the exact same thing. You would not be any different. We are the result of our causes and conditions. And so is everyone else. And the anger that we feel for other people just melts away. And it is replaced with compassion, Genuine compassion. Because we understand, Man, They are having some really tough causes and conditions. If you can harm another person repeatedly, You are suffering. The causes and conditions that you have must be really tough. So we can hold those people in our hearts, Not by struggling to get them in there, But simply seeing, Oh my God, They are simply the result of their causes and conditions. I can have empathy for them. I can feel for them. I can love them, Even if I don't like them. And I can keep them at a distance and set a boundary. Because maybe that's not a healthy person to have around right now. There are consequences for actions. This doesn't mean we turn into that blob and go, Oh, Well, It just means I can't do anything. No, Of course not, Right? Every cause has a previous cause, Right? Of course, Right? Someone's treating us unkindly. If someone's being unkind to me, I might give them the benefit of the doubt a couple times, But after that, No. Because now, Based on that, Based on the being unkind, The new condition is, No, I'm going to set a boundary with that person. I'm not going to hang out with that person any longer, But I'm going to hold them in my heart. I'm not going to have any resentment or anger towards them because they are simply the result of their causes and conditions, Just as I am the result of my causes and conditions. And there's no regret. How much time do we spend regretting our lives, Right? Wishing I could go back and just do something different. Wishing I'd said something different. Wishing I could change something. You wouldn't have done it any differently. Because whatever the causes and conditions were, For even those seemingly big, Big, Or not seemingly, But those big moments in our lives, When big decisioning happening, No decision maker, But big decisioning happening and moves you in one direction, And you think, If only I'd done something differently, And how much time have we all spent in our lives wishing if I'd only done something differently? You wouldn't have. Even thinking, If only I'd done something different is indicating a belief that there was something in here that was acting independently, That thought there was literally a choice to be made that could have just gone one way or the other. Whatever pushed that final nudge over, It was a quadrillion things happening that pushed us in one direction versus another. You could not have done anything differently. And that doesn't mean that in the future, If similar conditions arose, That you wouldn't do something differently now, Because now you have new information, Right? When we look back on our regrets, It's with new information, New conditions. But at the time, You didn't have that information. So there's zero regrets. We say something stupid every day. I say something every day, Or okay, Let's say a few times a week, Something will come out of this mouth. That's like, Oh, That was a little stupid Meredith, That doesn't sound so great. And then the immediate recognition, But you wouldn't have done it any differently. You couldn't have, That's what the condition was, It arose out of that moment, Right? And of course, If it caused some harm to someone, Yes, I would think, Okay, Well, I'm going to go and apologize. And, And, Of course, We would do something like that. But how many just little things we walk away from a conversation, And we immediately start reviewing and thinking, Oh, Why did I say that? Why did I do that? We think of regret with just the big regrets in our lives, But we spend a lot of time during the day regretting. Oh, Why did I do this? Why didn't I wave to them in this way? Why didn't I respond to the text in this way? I wouldn't have done anything differently. I wouldn't have done anything differently. That does not mean there is not room for growth and improvement if we realize that the way that we're acting is really unkind and and unthoughtful towards other people. It's like, Oh, Okay, Yeah, Something does need to change. I need to practice more compassion. I need to be more mindful. I need to to set a little bit more time aside for my meditation practice. I need to not be so stressed during the day, Have too many things booked together, Because it's very hard to be present if we're racing from one thing to the next. So we can look at those conditions and say, Okay, I can't change the past, But those conditions now influencing how changes might be implemented forward. So it doesn't mean that there's not reflection, That there's not learning, That there's not growing. But this idea that I could have done something differently is just, I wouldn't have done anything differently. That's how it happened. That's how it happened. That was the only way it was going to happen. And when we experience unpleasant conditions, Right, Because we do all experience unpleasant conditions, Of course we do, Discomfort, Physical pain, We're feeling sick, You know, Something, We got fired, Something, You know, Something's, It's unpleasant, Right? Because we all experience them. Because we understand there is no one, No thing that this is happening to, We are able to be with it and realize those are the conditions that are arising. Discomfort is arising. Pain is arising. Sadness is arising. We don't push back on our experience, Because if you've lost someone you love, Sadness should be arising. Grief should be happening. And we're able to be with it, Understanding these are the conditions that are causing this to arise, Interdependent, Interconnected, But changing. I can be with it. This is my experience right now. This is who I am in this moment. And we can allow it to arise and pass away, To be with it in a more healthy, In a more natural, In a kinder, In a softer way, Being more present with it naturally, Being with the unpleasant conditions, Because that is a part of all of our lives. And so when we come to this path, I know many people, And I know myself included, When I first started meditating, It was to reduce my stress. I was stressed out of my mind. At the time, I did still work in the corporate world, And I wanted to reduce my stress, And this practice is great for that. It is great to reduce our stress, Because we start to slow down a little bit. We're a little more mindful. We see how our actions are causing our suffering. We see how our thoughts are causing suffering, And that is fantastic. But for those of you that maybe have been practicing for a while, And it's, You're really looking to see where this path can take you, To eliminate all your suffering, Not your pain, Pain is a part of life, But your suffering, To be able to experience your life more in flow, To bring more meaning into your life, To bring more openness. It's about seeing the nature of who you are, The nature of reality, Not just the nature of the world. I mean, We start with that, But then seeing us, There is nothing solid and independent inside of me. And when we see this, When you really pay attention, Pay attention to how you are arising in each moment, Just the sounds that are arising, The tastes that are arising. It's just taste and sight and maybe smells, Like that is your experience in that moment. That is who you are in that moment. Notice it changing. Notice as you go about your day, There's a bit of a plan. You're like, But how did I end up here? Oh, That's right. This worked and that worked. And then that was a change and that happened. Wow. Or how did I make this choice? You're trying to decide between two menu, Two items on the menu. And then all of a sudden you make the decision. Take a moment to reflect. How was that choice made? Was it just all of a sudden the stress of the waiter or the waitress coming up and saying, Okay, We're ready and everyone else was ready. And you were like, Oh, I just got to choose. And and usually in that stressful state of the pressure being honest, We choose the unhealthy option. We can almost always accredit the unhealthy option to a little bit of stress a little bit of stress happening in that moment, Right? Or just even looking at the items and go, Well, How am I familiar with these items, Right? What's my experience been with these items in the past? What were the previous conditions that led to this? But then to also recognize, But what pushed it over the edge one to the other? You have no idea. There is a felt sense of something here having made a decision, But notice how it feels when you go, Oh, Decisioning was happening and you let and you, And you hand the menu back and you wait to see what comes. And instead of regretting, Why didn't I choose something else? Oh, I like what you have more. I wish I'd chosen that. Recognizing I wouldn't have chosen anything else and tasting it and noticing the difference in your experience as you start to pay attention and realize this and notice how with this wisdom, We let go completely. So as I was saying in the beginning, We let go of a little bit of suffering, Right? We do let go. We're mindful. We're more present. We're meditating. We're understanding the wisdom teachings. We're understanding how these patterns are our thought habits, The ego are causing us suffering, But then there's certain things that we can't quite let go of, Right? That anger that we still just, Oh, You know, We know, We know the saying anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, But we're like, Oh, I can't quite let go. I still want to hold onto it. But when you recognize that you are the result of all of your causes and conditions, That there is not one part of you, Nothing, Nada, Not one part of you that is independent, Solid, Not affected by what's happening around you, In you, The previous moments, Right? When you recognize that, You really let go. You let go, Not because you're not kind of prying it from your hands, Let go, It's causing me pain. It's, Oh my God, They're the result of their causes and conditions, Just as I am the result of my causes and conditions. There's no one there to be angry at, And there's no one here to be angry. Anger can be arising. Ah, Anger is arising. I can feel the anger arising. I can feel it. Okay, I feel it, Right? But without me making someone angry, Creating their little being, Being angry, The anger arises and passes away. The anger can sometimes inform a good decision. Yeah, That person's not healthy to have in my life right now. The anger was indicating that. Yeah, I don't feel good around them. I can feel my energy shift. It's draining when I'm around. I can feel that. Not any, And we can use the words, I can feel that, But feel it just moving through. Not, I am angry. I am feeling, I am, I am drained because of them, Right? Just, Ah, Draining is arising. Yeah, Every time I'm around that person, Draining is arising. Yeah, I need to set a boundary. I don't really want to hang out with that person much. I don't want to have any negativity towards them. I don't want to hate them. I don't want to think unkind thoughts about them. I want to hold them in my heart, But I'm not going to have that person around. So it can really, So, So again, Whatever it is that's arising, No problem. Let it arise. Sometimes it's informing the next thing. Like, Yes, If you're with what's arising, Yes, That's healthy. Whatever you're feeling is who you are in this moment. Whatever you are feeling, Whatever you are thinking, Whatever you are hearing, Whatever you are touching, Tasting, Smelling, Seeing, That's, That is who you are in this moment arising based on your five senses and thoughts, Feelings, And emotions. If you had 10 senses, You would experience the world differently, But this is how we experience the world. That is who you are arising in this moment. And so much of the time we are pushing back on reality. I shouldn't be feeling this. I shouldn't be here right now. Instead of, Ah, This is what's arising right now. Sadness is arising. I've lost someone. Sadness should be arising. Be with the sadness, Not the story of me and how am I going to handle it in the future and why this shouldn't have happened. And if only I'd done something differently, But understanding causes and conditions, Everything, Everything that comes into being changes and goes away. Everything, You know, Thoughts, Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts, Probably the most quickly, Right? But just to us, Right? We're impermanent. We're impermanent. We're not going to always be here. And so it's really helping us to see this. So to pay attention to how you are arising in each moment, Feeling it, Feeling whatever it is that's arising, Hearing whatever it is that's hearing, But to catch yourself when you start to make a hearer out of it, A thinker out of it, A decision maker out of it, Because that is the ego, The separate self, The master of disguise, The master. There is no divine you that you are going to find through enlightenment. It is the seeing that you are a process arising moment by moment by moment and changing interdependent, Interconnected. That's what this is all one, Right? That's why this is all one. We are arising based on everything else that's happening around us. When you send some little hearts, Yes, I see those and it affects here. And Caroline, I think it was you there for your donation. Yes, It has an effect here. Thank you. Yes, This is, We are all arising interdependent, Interconnected. And this is what we need to be looking for. Because too easily on the spiritual path, We just turn the ego into something else. There's nothing separate, Nothing separate or independent, Solid about you. That is the beauty. That is what is divine. That wow, As I go about my day, Knowing it's all just changing and responding to what's happening, That there's nothing to hold on to, There's nothing to cling to. It's just, This is the experience right now. There's nothing to spend time feeling regret about in the past. Because this is what, That was what was arising. Okay, Enjoy it more. If you're feeling tired, Okay, Tiredness is arising. I don't have to cling to it. I don't have to make a story out of it. Because there's no one that it's happening to. There's just tiredness is how this one is arising right now. And it will change, It will change. It will always change. So paying attention, Pay attention more to how you are arising. Notice how you keep making something out of yourself. Not just the unpleasant, The ego where we think where I was angry or judging or comparing, But just a thought, An idea. Oh, I had an idea and an idea arose. Wow, It sounds like it was a good one. Thank you. Wonder where that came from. What cause and condition? How did that arise? Thank you. Thank you. We are all affecting each other. We are all arising based on each other. That's why we are all one. And the more that we recognize that, Then you really, You really let go. Not just because of the suffering, But because you see so clearly what is going on. There is nothing here that there's nothing to hold on to. It's just to enjoy the experience. Enjoy the experience. Love one another. Be kind. Have compassion. Enjoy this ride that you are. It will be much more pleasant. So pay attention in the right way. That's what I hope that you take away from today's talk, Is to pay attention in the right way to the causes and conditions, How you are arising in each moment. Pay attention to where you find yourself at different stages of the day. How did I get here? Wow, This and that and that. Wow. Wow. Pay attention in the right way.

Reviews

Great talk! You articulated perfectly my belief system and it’s great to hear it put into words. This will be a great talk to come back to you when I get off centered . thanks 🙏🌼🦋🙏🌼🦋🙏🌼🦋🙏