The Moment We Notice | Habit Energy & Mindfulness

Recorded from a Live Event.
So much of our habitual behavior happens before we even realize it. We’ve already reached for the phone, gotten caught in the same familiar thinking, or reacted in a way we’ve reacted countless times before. We can begin to believe that mindfulness should somehow get there first - that if our practice were working, these old patterns wouldn’t keep arising. But habit energy is deeply conditioned, and mindfulness is conditioned too. The practice isn’t about preventing the horse from running; it’s about recognizing when it’s running.

Transcript

I have been rereading Thich Nhat Hanh's book, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching, Fabulous book. And I do find it very helpful to go back and reread certain books or texts that we've read in the past, Particularly in light of how uh you know where we've been going in the teachings the last few weeks with the station me the broadcast the the me behind or the me that we think is behind the broadcast so really looking into the nature of reality really looking into the nature of who we are so it can be helpful to come back and and review some old texts review the foundations of our practice review the foundations of our path because we have new insights from having looked at things from a little bit of a different angle, From a more profound angle. So in the book, He refers to this Zen story where a man is riding a horse, He's galloping down the road, And there's a second man on the road. And he yells out to the rider, He says, Hey, Where are you going? And the rider yells back, He says, I don't know, Ask the horse. So the horse is meant to represent habit energy. This habit energy that's pulling us all around, That's really having a lot of influence on our lives, That's taking us where we don't know where we're going. We know we don't want to go there, But nonetheless, It seems to be where we end up a lot of the time. And And so this habit energy can be the mental activity of just that self-referential thinking, The habit of that self-referential thinking of what do I want, What do I not want, The judging, The comparing, The narrating, The constant story about me and what's going to happen to me and what do they think about me and you're just kind of being lost in that habit energy of thinking about ourselves. And it can be the habit energy of how we react in certain situations, How we Do we get triggered in certain situations? Do we lash out? Do we snap? Are we passive aggressive? Do we retreat? Do we get small? Do we hide? Right? So it can be that kind of habitual energy. And it can be the habit energy of just kind of our everyday actions. Of really the places that we look for a lot of relief, In fact, Where we're looking for a lot of relief from all the mental activity and the being triggered when we're reaching for our phones. And we're on social media, We're on the news for the 10th time in one day, Or checking for emails, Or checking for text messages, Or we're reaching for the remote, Or we're reaching for food or for alcohol or for drugs or for to go shopping or gambling right all of these ways in which we it's kind of this habit energy we keep doing it it's not giving us what we want But we keep just doing it. We kind of seem helpless. It's like, Well, The horse has left the barn. It's too late. What can we do? And that's part of the problem with this habit energy is it's so fast it's so we're on the phone and we're reading the news and we're in there like 10 minutes before we realize like oh my god i was that's one of the things i said in my meditation i was going to do less of and here i am once again you know kind of scrolling through doom scrolling maybe on social media Or. We're, Without realizing it, We're lost in those thoughts of judging ourselves and we're We're already down the rabbit hole, And we're, Oh, I can't believe I did that, And I'm such a loser, And oh, My God, It's the same thing over and over and over. And it happens so fast. So, So fast. And I think that there is a bit of a misconception when it comes to our mindfulness practice, That mindfulness is meant to prevent the habit energy. But mindfulness is noticing what's happening. When it's happening. So when we're reaching for the phone, The urge, That kind of urge, That craving, I need something, Like we're kind of, Maybe we're feeling bored, Or something was just disappointing, And maybe I'll go to my phone, Maybe someone texted me some good news, Maybe they told me I'm a good person, Maybe there's an email telling me I won $100 or something, Right? We're going to the phone for something, There's something here that doesn't feel good, And oh, I can reach for the phone and I can get it. And maybe. We have been on the phone for a few minutes and there's nothing there. And so now the disappointment. Has hit we were looking for something we didn't find it the disappointments there and then through the conditioning mindfulness arising right through all the dharma talks through all your meditations through all the previous mindful moments all of a sudden now mindfulness arising and recognizing wow yeah there was a reaching out for it i can see that it happened we're not judging ourselves for doing it we're we're being discerning we're recognizing yeah i was reaching for something right there was something that i felt i was missing here So I've reached for that something. And then, Because time and time again it never gives me what I think it's going to give me, I got the disappointment. And then we open to what's here and we breathe mindfully and we feel it. Maybe we bring in a little self-compassion, Right? And we feel what's here. We're allowing what's here to be here. Or maybe. We are lost in the thoughts of oh my god I'm doing the same things over and over again, I lashed out at that person and I can't believe I did that again and oh my god, You know, What does this mean for me? And just kind of how quickly we get lost in it. But then eventually, Because of all the previous meditations, All the previous mindful moments, Mindfulness arises. And then we recognize, Ah, This is it. I'm listening to station me. Remember the analogy, Station me. I'm listening to the broadcast. I'm so believing it's real. I'm so believing that this is all happening right now. And we recognize in that moment and we allow the. . . The contracted energy to be felt, The uh the uh resistance to be felt the anger to be felt the disappointment to feel it to breathe to inquire to see what else is there to nurture to investigate right so so we're we're allowing what it is that's here to be here right we're we're breaking the chain of of continuing being dragged by the energy the habit energy of the horse and and mindfulness Recognizing this is what's happening. And then breaking the chain of that happening by bringing us into our experience allowing us to feel and open to what it is that's here but it can feel. In that moment of suffering when the habit energy, The same habit energy, We keep repeating the same things over and over and it can feel in that suffering that our practice isn't working. That all those moments that we felt of peace and all those moments of ease and all those moments where we did let things go and those moments of gratitude, They weren't real. This is real. This is the reality. I'm hopeless. This is never going to change. I'm never going to be fixed. This is the reality. Because we forget. That this is a gradual path. The Buddhist path. Is a gradual And sometimes it's two steps forward, One step back. Sometimes it's one step forward, Two steps back. So we don't want to just take like these kind of these specific points, You know, When we're feeling really good, And we're feeling really open, And we're feeling really at ease and say, Oh, Yes, The practice is working. Or just those moments when the habit energy is taken over and go, No, No, No, The practice isn't working. It's about. Looking back at the entirety of our practice and saying, Is it working? Am I letting things go more easily you know in the entirety not because the few times the horse got out of the barn but am I in if I look back can I see that there are many times that I didn't react that I didn't get triggered, That I noticed what was happening, I could feel the contraction and there was that that pause, That space, That ah there's another path here, Don't escalate this, Right? Because this isn't what you want, You don't want to push this person away, In fact you want them to be closer but things are a little tenuous right now so at best we can breathe and we can maybe say let's let's finish this up a little later. So we can give us um you know, Some verification that yes, In fact, I'm not as hard on myself as I used to be. Like yeah, There's moments the horse gets out, But overall I can see I'm not as hard as I used to be on myself. I don't beat myself up quite as much as I used to beat myself up. So there's evidence for us to see that yes, In fact, The path is working, The practices are working, And this gives us confidence. And that is really hugely important on our path. To be confident that our path and our practices are working. And we can then inquire. About, Well, Why? Are these practices working? What's happening? When because maybe the mindfulness is actually coming in a little bit more quickly than it used to or the habit energy isn't taking off as much as it used to. Why is that happening? Because when we come to our meditation practice, And we sit. And we're very clear here that we're not trying to force anything to happen, We're not trying to make anything happen, We're not trying to get anywhere. That when we come and we sit, If the mind's a little busy, If there's a little bit of restlessness in the mind, That's okay. We recognize, Yeah, The mind's a little restless, Yeah. We follow the instructions, Yeah. Attention on the breath, If that's your practice or mantra, Whatever your instructions are. But there's an opening to, Yeah, But the mind's a little busy. It's okay, It's okay. And in doing that, Because we're not forcing anything to happen, There's a, Even with a busy mind, A relative ease. A relative calm of like, Yeah, But it's okay. This is what's happening. And when we. When we're feeling some stress, When we're feeling some anxiety, When we're feeling some grief or some sadness and mindfulness is arising in that moment, And recognizing what it is that's happening and we're not fighting it, We're not saying I shouldn't feel this. We're recognizing, No, This is what's happening right now. Sadness is here. Remorse is here. Oh, That's what's here. Okay. So we allow the feelings maybe some self-compassion comes in and maybe we go oh sweetheart this is really tough yeah maybe something's hurting and and we we tend to what's here with care and kindness and compassion and wisdom Yeah and so there's a an opening to what's here. It's not to say that okay I'm doing this and now I should feel immediately calm. It's bringing us into our experience with what's happening and because of that, Because we're not fighting any longer what's happening. There is a relative calm and ease. The nervous system is more relaxed even in the sadness, Even in the grief, Even in the anger arising. I mean, The intensity does come off just in the recognizing it. The intensity does start to come off a little bit, Right? But the more that we open to it, There is a relative calm and ease. And what's happening. In that calmness, That relative calmness. In that space. Is a lot of healing. Is happening in that moment. So much of our habitual energy is fueled by our wounds, By our hurt, By our just the different things that have happened to us through our lives. And so on. We can even just see this one where. When we have a moment and someone's been unkind to us, Someone's been. . . Um. . . You know maybe they didn't joy greet us as joyously as we felt they should have and we're thinking oh my gosh is something wrong and when mindfulness arises or maybe some self-compassion goes oh sweetheart that hurts because yes it should hurt we're not trying to turn into robots here it should hurt there's a feeling there of like oh i'm feeling a little bit excluded but the habit energy wants to take and make some big story about it wants to react to it wants to go have a confrontation with the person but the mindfulness and self-compassion us into the experience to tend to what's here. There's hurt here. That's what's happening. So when we feel the hurt, We allow ourselves to feel it, And we use self-compassion. Oh, Sweetheart, Just this breath. You can be with it. Yep, And we kind of talk ourselves through it. Reminding ourselves how to be. With what it is that's here and as we've explored when we're using the RAIN acronym right to keep inquiring and what else is here and what else is here because there's there's all these um deeper wounds below the surface they're fueling so much of the uh they're not the cause but they're fueling they're putting a lot of gasoline on the uh the habit energy and so every time we tend to the the event that just happened or is happening that we're feeling somewhat slighted and then we're going a little bit deeper, We are tending to the wounds. That we are feeling that is driving so much of this habitual energy. And so, In order to heal, And I do feel this is. . . In the West, And maybe it's because of the time period, The last, You know, The conditions of what's been happening in the West, Maybe the last 60, 70, 80 years, There's a lot of healing that needs to happen. And we need some rest, We need space. And to not compartmentalize our practice in a way that, Well, I did my meditation practice here, I went on my one-week retreat, You know, Halfway through the year, And then, You know, Kind of mindfulness kind of sputters throughout there. But that most of our life, If most of our daily existence is filling our schedules, Running from one thing to the next, Juggling things, And giving the mind a lot to have to think about, Right? We're fueling, We're doing a lot of fueling habit energy. So we really want to think about this is not like, Oh, I went away for a week, And I gave myself that week to heal. And then we come back into our daily lives. And, And we're just kind of running at full steam again. You know, That we want to think about this in a more holistic way. That it is in fact to bring more healing, More space, More rest into our daily lives. And I know, I know that there's a lot of pressure that we feel in our culture, In our society, To be productive. We should be productive at every moment. And there's a lot of pressure from other people that we should be filling every little gap on our calendar. We should always be doing something. We should always be going somewhere. We should always be meeting up with someone. And I think it's important for us to remember. We can't be everything to everyone. There won't be enough love. And this is where our practice takes a lot of courage. We are going against the stream. Of what people are doing. It's. People can feel. When we start saying no to more things, When we start recognizing that we want more space in our day that we don't want to have packed jam-packed schedules, People can feel like it's somehow we're judging them because that's how they're living and of course we're not. Everyone you do you, Don't do me, Right? We're not judging them but people can feel very defensive about it and it can take a lot of courage for us to be able to speak up for what it is that we need. To heal, To give ourselves the space that we need to to settle, To inquire, To investigate, To be able to live more aligned with what it is that we most want. When we ask the questions in our meditation. And what it is that we most want. It's peace, It's contentment, It's spaciousness, It's freedom, It's being whole. It's something along those lines. You might have a different word for it but it's something along those lines. There's this longing to feel connected, To feel like we're whole, To feel like we're a part, Right? This is at the core of what it is that we want. And so. It's important for us to recognize that We have to be courageous. In in our going against the stream. In protecting what it is that we most want in that sense of peace, That sense of ease, And recognizing that there are certain conditions that lead, That fuel the habit energy, That don't allow for the healing, That just keep us on this constant chasing and chasing and chasing more and more and more, Chasing and resisting and chasing and resisting. You know, There are certain conditions and a busy schedule and being slammed and always needing to be productive. Those are the conditions, That's what that's leading towards. But when we're willing to look into our own, Our own, Our own schedules, Our own days, And say, Like, Well, How am I living my life? You know, Where can I bring more space? Into my day. And of course, Everyone has different responsibilities and jobs and children and people that you're caring for, And there's a balance in here. So again, We have to do, You know, We can look at what's possible for our specific conditions. But I would argue, I would suggest that we do look very closely at this, And I'm going to, And I offer this as everyone to really spend some time this week thinking about this, Because I think we actually waste a lot more time than we realize. I think often we're chased that the habit energy is driving us when we think we're resting and we're not really resting. When we're reaching for the phone when there's a gap in the day and we're jumping on social media or we're checking the news or we're checking email, That's not resting. That's not helping us. You know, When we're watching three hours, Four hours of Netflix, That's not resting. I'm not saying 30 minutes, 40 minutes, An hour, Okay, Right? But to look in our day like when we come home from work. Instead of, Yeah, Reaching for the phone or reaching for a drink, Can you go for a walk around the block? Right? Not plugged in, Not listening to anything, Because this is another thing we see. Everyone's always got the earbuds in, Always listening to something. Right? Now, Darmatox are good. Of course, We do want space in between darmatox as well because otherwise we can't retain it all. Right? We do want space even in between dharma talks so that we can actually see what's being pointed to. To really have it as our lived experience. But it's just this kind of endless amounts of information, Endless amounts of podcasts where everyone's just constantly listening, Listening, Listening. That's not resting. That's not space. That's not stillness. So going for a walk around the block and looking up and hearing the sounds and looking at the sights, Right? Being here, Being with what's happening. You know, Maybe before. Getting on the sofa. Maybe you do want to watch some TV at night. No problem. You and I do that too, Right? There's no problem. Entertainment's not a problem. We're not nuns and monks. That's okay. We can do that. Um but recognizing like you know how much time maybe we are spending doing that and so maybe before we we get on the sofa you know maybe we just say ah you know what i probably do have time for is maybe maybe just a 10 or a 15 minute meditation maybe just a small meditation maybe sit outside and do a little journaling a little bit of reflection or just sitting and doing nothing doesn't have to be anything huge but maybe just five ten fifteen minutes Peace. Because now when you are coming to whatever activity because yes at some point we have to check our email, At some point we have to check our texts, At some point we've got to return the calls or maybe again at some point we want to have some entertainment or we want to read a book or something like yeah no problem, I'm reading a book by the way, Always, Always I mean, Reading books is a very. Calming, Stilling type practice but you know to keep all of this stuff in balance like yes we do need to do some of these things but too much of the time we are being driven by the habit energy. And it's not taking us where we want to go. So another thing that we can be doing, And again I'm just going to ask all of you look at this in your own experience, Everyone look in your own lives to see, Where you might find more space, Where you might find more gaps, Where you might find actually the time is really just being wasted, Not all of it but some of it probably we can all, We can all, Me too, We can all look and go yeah I could do that's probably not really giving me what I think it is, It's not giving me the rest, It's not giving me the healing and also to look in our schedules and to plan things like little mini retreats. Right little little half day retreats or two hour retreats and we used to do more half day retreats here and I know I got out of the practice of doing them online because my schedule's been a little bit a haphazard, I guess, I mean, You know, Where I'm just all of a sudden I'm having to race back to look after Maria, And that's been a little bit challenging at times. And I do have a bit of a period where I'm actually not going back to Ohio until December. This is the most time I will have spent at home in almost two years. So, We're going to bring back the half-day retreats as best I can. As you all know, I am still in this caring situation, Caregiving where, You know, Any moment I could still just have to leave. But I'm going to put them back on the calendar. So, We're going to start next Saturday with another half-day retreat because they are incredibly helpful. In just giving us that time, That space, Those few hours, You know, Three or four hours where we meet, We'll do a meditation together, I'll give the instructions, And then you just have a few hours where it's not necessarily you're meditating all the time, Could be going for a mindful walk, You could be doing walking meditation, You could be doing some mindful movement, Some yoga, Some tai chi or qigong, You could be doing some uh just sitting and doing nothing you can be journaling doing some uh contemplating and of course you can be doing some meditation as well or some mindful eating some mindful sipping a cup of tea right so it's not just like this time is all for meditation but it's a time to be unplugged from our devices and and to practice noble silence And this is very important for us, Particularly as lay people. In fact, The Buddha used to, There's a practice, Uposatha practice, Where the lay people, You know, On the moon cycle, So the four, Basically the four lunar cycles of the month, The lay people would then come to the monastery, And for the day, They would take the five precepts, Or sometimes the eight precepts. And for that day, They would really practice. And I do find, And again I'm just saying let's just do little half days here and there, That we can add in a little bit more of that. Because it does give the space and it gives us that moment to pause and to be still and to reflect like we're on this path, We're doing something here. And it is working because you wouldn't keep coming back if it wasn't working. It is working. We should have the confidence in that to recognize, Yeah, It is working. So how can I maybe tweak, Make some tweaks here and there, Just kind of noticing where the habit energy is really getting fueled, Getting too much fuel again, And just to kind of be honest with ourselves, Like I want peace, I want ease, I want that sense of being okay, If that's what you say that you really want. Then we want to feel the conditions that gives rise to that. That gives rise to more mindfulness, That gives rise to more compassion, That gives rise to more healing, That gives rise to more insight. So space in our day. This is not wasted time. Don't believe what our culture tells us. It is not wasted time. It is valuable time. It is doing something. And this horse, This horse of this habit energy It has been conditioned. It's been running for a long time, For decades, For some of us. We shouldn't be surprised when the horse runs again. Our practice isn't to stop the horse. Our practice is to notice when it's running. And so when it's running. Know we bring mindfulness to it right mindfulness arises sometimes it takes 20 minutes for mindfulness to arise we're not controlling mindfulness it's a condition too right? But more space tends to give the conditions of mindfulness arising. So maybe with that more space, It only takes five minutes sometimes for mindfulness to arise. So instead of fighting it for that extra five minutes, We were tending to what's here, Healing. Healing the deeper wounds that are fueling so much. Of the habit energy. And so instead of asking ourselves, Why is this still happening? Why am I not fixed yet? Right? That's still just the habit energy, Right? So instead of asking that, Just to ask ourselves, Can I recognize what's here? And can I make space for that? Can I not fight it, But can I tend to it with care? That's the healing. That's what's taking place in there. Every time we do that. We are conditioning. Excuse me. Our mindfulness practice, More compassion, More insight. It's not that the horse has to stop. It's simply to recognize. When it's running. And tend to what's here. That's where the healing is. That's our path. This is our practice. And the fruits of this practice. Or a greater sense of ease. Of peace, Of calm, Of feeling okay. But we've got to have the right conditions for the healing. I think so much, Especially in the Western psyche, There's a lot of healing that needs to take place. So more space, Definitely more space. I will leave that for each of you for your reflection this week. Where can you. . . Where can you find more space in your day? Where can you schedule it? Like don't let it get blocked out. Schedule it. Schedule the space. Practice saying NO more often. Whatever you're saying no to. You're at the same time saying yes to something else. Thanks for watching!

Reviews

I don’t know what it is, but the first time I heard you say “habit energy “and that our thoughts are habit energy… Something just clicked (In a very good way). 💙🦋🩵🙏

Thanks Meredith.