Nekkhamma-pāramī: About Renunciation

One of the ten virtues to grow in our hearts in Buddhism is Nekhamma. The third parami Nekhamma means renunciation. But really it is to let go of any attachment to all things. To become happy with less.

Transcript

Good morning.

Welcome to our Sunday talk.

Today I want to speak about the nekama barami,

The third of our barami series.

Nekama or renunciation.

Renunciation is the English translation for it.

What does that mean for us?

Nekama is,

Yeah,

Renunciation.

We learn to let go.

We try to learn to let go of things.

It does not always mean like people usually when they hear about renunciation,

They think that's for monks or nuns,

They renounce their worldly life,

They become a monk,

They become a nun,

They leave everything behind,

Their whole worldly life,

Their home,

Their family,

And whatever they enjoy,

All enjoyment.

So mostly people think renunciation is giving up everything,

Is just giving up all the joy,

All the good things in life,

And trying to renounce to reach enlightenment.

But that's actually not the real deeper meaning in Buddhism.

In Buddhism renunciation is about letting go.

It's about trying to abstain from this constant running after central pleasures.

Because we look at it in a different way.

We see that running after the central pleasures is not really satisfying.

We think we want this or we want that.

And then when we get it,

We realize we are not happy yet,

Or we have a very short satisfaction,

Are very nice to have that.

But then we already think of the next thing we want to get.

We need to buy a new thing.

We want it bigger.

We want more of it.

Or we are in the middle of a party.

I remember when I was young,

I was really a party girl before I was a nun.

And it's like being in the middle of a party,

Having a lot of fun,

So to say.

And then already thinking,

Oh,

What's when the party is over?

When will we have the next party?

So it's a constant not being satisfied.

Like the stones say,

I can get no satisfaction.

It fits in very well here.

And that's what our life is.

And that's what the outside world is suggesting to us.

You see all this advertising wherever you go outside.

You see everyone tells you,

OK,

If you buy this soap,

Then you will be happy.

Or if you buy that car,

Then you have it.

Then you got it.

You have a bigger home,

Or bigger or nicer furniture.

And you can't have it long enough,

Or your mobile phones.

Then there's the new one.

You have to buy the new one,

Because the old one is already a year or two years old.

So you need the newest.

This is what is suggested to us.

And we believe that these things give us satisfaction.

We work very hard every day.

Most of you work maybe eight hours a day or even more.

And that every day,

Just to earn enough money to get all this stuff.

So to find any kind of happiness.

And actually,

No one really finds it in all that stuff.

I have never met anyone who found this happiness in the stuff that is outside,

In the things that are outside.

Real happiness can only be found inside ourselves.

It's a part of ourselves.

And Nekama points to this way.

If you always run after any kind of new fancy things,

And central pleasures,

And trying to get new satisfaction,

Then there is no end to it.

It's like a hamster in this wheel that is running all the time.

And there's no way it cannot stop,

Because you think you get anywhere.

There is a goal you might reach,

Which you never reach.

So the Buddha recommended simplicity is better,

Living a life of simplicity,

Giving up some things.

If I would tell you now,

Get a piece of paper and write down the things that you don't need,

That you owe,

And you don't need.

It would be a good exercise.

You could do that after this session.

Look at this and write down what you don't need,

And you owe it.

Probably it's impossible.

You won't have enough paper at home to write it all down.

So it will be easier to take a piece of paper and write down the things you need.

That's much less.

It's less.

And so it is in our lives.

There is attachment to all of these things,

Which actually don't bring us much happiness.

Well,

I don't say now,

Throw away everything and yeah,

Come to me,

Become a nun or become a monk.

Probably you won't do that.

I mean,

It's a nice thing if you can do it.

Of course,

It's a good thing.

If you're a monk or nun,

You have four requisites as a monk,

And that is having an alms bowl.

You have a rope.

They can have three ropes.

They have medicine and they have for shelter,

A roof above the head.

That's all a monk should owe.

And that's very simple.

That's the most important things you have.

And for those who have been to a meditation center or to a temple or anywhere practicing,

Doing a retreat for themselves,

You know how little things you really need for doing that and being happy with that.

Here in the temple,

You have an empty room and you get a mat to sleep on.

You get a pillow and a blanket and you have a sitting mat to sit in meditation.

And for those who need it,

Maybe get a chair.

It's luxury already.

And then you have your two meals and that's it.

You practice.

And many people come to me and say,

Okay,

How wonderful it is not to have all this stuff and just be with the things that you really need.

If you go to camping,

You know,

Some of you might camp sometimes.

It's the same.

You don't take all your furniture with you or whatever.

You live simple.

You just take the most important things,

Some food,

Some cooking pot maybe.

And you have your tent and something to sleep on.

And life is beautiful.

The most extraordinary experiences being one with nature,

You have them when you are there in nature with a simple way of living.

That gives a lot of joy.

And so it is with nikama in the Buddhist sense.

Nikama should give you joy.

It's not taking away your joy or taking away all the things that make you feel happy.

Not at all.

It's going to a simplicity and then experience real joy,

Inner joy.

So you give up an outer kind of happiness or what you think makes you happy for a much higher happiness inside yourself.

So that is nikama.

But also I have to say,

If you are owing a lot of nice things,

You have a nice house,

You have a nice car,

You have a very comfortable home,

There is nothing wrong about that.

Have it and enjoy it.

The only problem or the only suffering that arises from that is when you are not able to be without it.

If you are unhappy because your car is taken away or it doesn't drive anymore,

It doesn't work anymore,

Or if you cannot have this comfort and all these kind of pleasures,

If you can't have them and you suffer,

Then you're in trouble.

So renunciation is not that much this outer thing,

But it is a thing inside our heart.

The heart renounces.

That's it.

So we have to know that too.

Of course,

If you're a monk,

Sure.

If you're a nun,

Then there is a certain level of renunciation because you don't have any sexual conduct.

You live this chastity life.

You don't indulge in food and much sleep and in entertainments as you try really to reduce that.

So there is more renunciation,

But it is not said by the Buddha that you have to do that to attain happiness.

So a lay person can do that as well.

Yeah.

A good thing the Buddha said,

I'm looking for it.

I have something I wanted to read for you that makes that clear to the Buddha said to Ananda.

Ananda,

Even before my full enlightenment,

When I was not yet fully enlightened,

Was still on the path to enlightenment.

I had the thought something good is renunciation.

Something good is the seclusion.

But my heart Ananda felt no urge to give up,

Did not tend to do so,

Did not consolidate itself in it and found no liberation in it.

Then Ananda,

I asked myself,

What is the cause of this?

What is the reason?

And the thought came to me,

I have not yet recognized and often considered the dangers of attaching to the senses,

Have not yet felt and obtained the blessing of non-attachment.

I therefore said to myself,

If I now recognize and often consider the dangers of attachment to central pleasures and feel and obtain the blessing of letting go,

It may well be that then my heart feels an urge to give up,

Tends to do it,

Consolidates itself in it and finds liberation in it.

So only when one has developed an inclination in oneself,

Do you trust and turn away from sensory things.

You create a new perspective and you know a different and higher happiness.

And that's why when I'm teaching this daily meditation teachings,

I often teach meditations that lead or that guide the mind in this direction,

Like doing the panchakamatthana,

The five objects,

Outer objects of the body.

We look at the body in a different way.

We look at whatever hair of the head,

Hair of the body,

Nails,

Teeth,

Skin,

And we see the three characteristics of impermanence,

Suffering,

Non-self,

The uncontrollable nature of things.

Then the mind turns away from it.

It turns away in a way that you,

Okay,

You accept this body is changing,

It's impermanent,

It's not a self,

It's not really under my control and therefore it's not satisfying.

And with looking at this again and again,

As the Buddha said in this stanza,

Your mind will naturally turn away from it and naturally turn to a life of simplicity to be less attached to central pleasures because the understanding of their impermanence gets deeper.

So this is how we train nekama,

That's how we train renunciation.

Yeah,

Then generosity,

For example,

Generosity is also a nekama,

Is also letting go,

Like I'm generous or I can share things,

Share things with others,

Not having to only hold on by myself to it,

You know,

So for myself to it.

This is also nekama.

Then important thing as well is the two renounce from being attached to the eight worldly dhammas we call loka dhamma in Pali.

These loka dhammas,

They are like,

In English,

I've written it down in the past.

Yes,

It's like having luck,

Having good luck or having bad luck.

It's being like praised or blamed by others,

Having a good name or like people admire you or they,

Yeah,

Reference and contempt,

Joy and sorrow,

Praise and blame,

Gain and loss.

So these are the eight worldly dhammas.

And there again,

It is like normally we attach to that,

You know,

What people are saying about me or how do they,

What do they think about me?

Do I have a gain or do I lose things?

These are also very important for us.

There we can also practice this nekama,

Like being able to let go of that and not being attached to these things.

It's also a very important thing.

Then we find the nekama also in the Eightfold Path and in the Four Noble Truths.

Four Noble Truths,

Like seeing the truth that all the things we desire,

They bind us.

They are,

And therefore there is suffering.

So this is seeing the first Noble Truth,

The truth of suffering and the cause of suffering that is this attachment to these central pleasures.

So the first two Noble Truths and then the nekama or the letting go is in the next two truths,

The third truth and the fourth truth,

Which are the truths of the cessation of suffering.

Suffering can cease and the way to that is letting go.

Fourth Noble Truths.

If I let go,

Then the result will be the cessation of suffering.

Not holding on leads to freedom and cessation of suffering.

So the Four Noble Truths also speak about that nekama.

In the Mangala Sutta,

It is also said that Mangala Sutta is the sutta of the blessings,

The highest blessings we can have in our lives.

And one of them is,

It says the highest blessing is contentment,

That we are contained with that,

With the things we have.

Contentment is the highest blessing.

Yeah,

So what can we do to really get there,

To reach this contentment or to reach this nekama in our lives?

One thing is again and again recognizing that we have very little time.

We know that now we have this precious human body.

We are human being,

Which is very rare because there are so many plans of existence and much more of them are in the lower realms,

Like where there's a lot of suffering.

It's not easy to be born as a human being.

And as a human being,

We have to have the greatest possibilities to achieve wisdom,

To achieve nekama.

So what we should do is strive to see these three characteristics I would have told before again and again,

Like look at impermanence and suffering,

Non-self,

Bring that again and again up into your mind and look at things outside and inside with this kind of,

You could say,

Filter.

Looking at your life with this knowledge that nothing,

Whatever you can gain from outside or this body that you have is permanent.

It's all changing,

Everything impermanent,

Not under our control.

And therefore it's not creating happiness,

Whatever it may be.

There is no way to get happy with it,

Except you find this inner happiness,

This higher happiness.

We can also always contemplate on the uncertainty of death.

We don't know when we die.

It could be today,

Why not?

It could be.

If you're young,

You never know when it comes,

Especially in a time like that,

When there is a pandemic or sickness going on and you never know,

You really have to be careful not to catch it and you don't know how you react on it.

So life is uncertain.

Bring that into your mind again and again,

Not to create negativity or having like a negative mind.

But it is really to see how precious it is that you are alive now,

That you are able to practice now.

And that will help you to create this mind of nikama,

Of renunciation.

You know,

Birth,

Old age,

Sickness and death is happening to you.

It's happening to everyone and it will happen again and again.

If you attach to central pleasures,

Then this will happen again and again,

Because this attachment is also the cause that we are born right now,

That we are in this life.

And if we end this life,

If we die,

Then if there is attachment,

Of course,

There must be anything coming again,

The things you will run after.

So there will be results again.

So some sorrow is going on if we cannot stop that.

Yeah.

So we have to train to try not to run after external pleasures all the time.

Try to let go,

Try to be more satisfied with what we have and living a simple life with a mind that is contented.

Yeah.

So far to nikama,

Barami.

So what a good story that also happened in the Buddha time is the story from of Vadya.

Vadya was son of a very rich family and he lived a really pleasant life,

Like with all the pleasures he could have.

They said he had golden shoes and yeah,

All these beautiful young ladies around him who served him and all these,

All the pleasures he could have,

You know,

Food and everything.

But one day,

One night,

He woke up in the middle of the night,

He felt asleep where everyone was dancing and enjoying the party,

Let's say.

And then when he woke up in the middle of the night,

He saw that all these people,

All these beautiful girls and all the other party goers,

They were asleep there.

And partially they were lying there like the sliver were dropping out of their mouth and mouth open,

Snoring.

And so,

And he had the feeling like it was an impression,

Like they are all like dead,

Like a cemetery,

All these people lying around there.

And he got really disgusted about the whole thing.

Probably always seeing pleasures and beauty and happiness.

And now they,

It looks like a graveyard.

So he just left.

He left his home and he went to the Buddha and then the Buddha gave him a good teaching,

A part like he taught him about generosity,

About morality,

All the things we have in the Parami,

The first two Parami and then about the happiness of renunciation.

And Bhatia became a monk.

So he asked there and Buddha let him become a monk.

And then he was a monk and with all the other monk friends and,

And he would spontaneously like walk anywhere,

Sit anywhere.

And he would,

He would speak out,

Oh,

What a happiness,

Oh what a happiness.

And all the monks thought,

Okay,

He's thinking or dreaming about his life at home and he's not really practicing like a monk.

So they came to the Buddha and told him about it.

And Buddha said,

Bring him to me.

Then Bhatia came to the Buddha and he asked him what it is,

Why he was speaking out like that.

And Bhatia said,

Oh,

And I had my worldly life as this rich young man.

I always had to think of new things that I had to organize,

That I had to do.

I had duties to keep all this wealth together,

To make it become more.

And so I had lots of duties.

I had lots of things I had to worry about if someone comes and steals all my wealth or whatever.

So there was always worry and kind of pressure was on me.

And now that I'm here and I have only this robe and this bowl and I live here a simple life as a monk,

It is such a relief.

It is,

I feel so free.

So that's,

It's coming up and I can't help myself to just admire that and say what a happiness,

How happy is my life now?

So this is one way to also describe this nikama,

This renunciation.

The happiness of contentment and of not being burdened with all these worldly duties of taking care of all the stuff that you have and you think you need.

So that is also showing renunciation.

That's why I wanted to tell you this story of the Buddha time as well.

So for you,

I wish you all the best,

Have a wonderful time and contemplate on that sometimes.

I think it's a really good thing to do.

Be happy and healthy.

And see you next Sunday.

There is a talk about Asalaputra because it's the beginning of the vasa and it's also Asalaputra is the day the Buddha taught the Dhamma the first time.

So that will be next Sunday.

Hope to see you again.

Reviews

Very helpful talk to understand the application of renunciation for the lay person. Thank you.

Thank you! I feel light and at peace after listening.