Little Choice, Big Changes

In this episode, Dr. Gina discusses how there are no small choices and how the quality of our life is impacted by the choices we make on a daily basis. She has us reflect on the nature of our choices. Do we need others’ approval? Do we fear their judgments? Do we need to consult others? Or do we make choices grounded in healthy self-esteem and based on our values and what matters most to us? Finally, she discusses choices that matter and are life-transformative.

Transcript

Welcome to living simply a guide to mindful living and mindful parenting with your host,

Dr.

Gina.

Hey everybody,

Welcome back to living simply with Dr.

Gina.

Dr.

Gina today we are talking about the power of choices.

How are you?

I'm good.

How are you Ben?

I'm wonderful.

And we have Crystal Tubbs back again for this episode.

Crystal,

Thanks for joining us again.

Absolutely.

I know so much time has passed.

So Dr.

Gina,

The power of our choices.

Talk to me.

What's this?

What are we talking about?

Well,

I wanted to talk about the power of choices because we make choices every day,

All day.

So the quality of our choices determines the quality of our lives.

And they're directly related to the health of our self-esteem.

So choices are very important.

So I thought it'd be a cool topic to talk about today.

Absolutely.

So obviously,

I mean,

I think that we can kind of get a,

You know,

A general sense of what that means.

I think everybody's in agreement that like,

Yeah,

Our choices equal,

You know,

How our life goes,

But can you,

Can you dive into that a little bit deeper before we go into sort of the bullet points of the discussion?

Yeah,

Because when we say the power of our choices to people,

They immediately think big choices.

So what job am I going to have?

What house am I going to buy?

But I'm referring also to the choices we make on a day to day basis.

So there's no such thing as a small choice or a powerless decision.

So everything we choose to do has a ripple effect and an impact on whether it's how that day will go that week,

Our life.

So I thought it'd be interesting to dive into what are these choices that matter and how do they have an impact?

I think I may have heard it put kind of another way that might go really good with this,

Which is how we spend our days.

It's how we spend our lives.

So I mean,

You know,

The choices that we make and what we decide to do each day is literally how we're spending the rest of our lives.

Yeah,

And the life we have today is the result of choices we made a year,

Two,

Three,

Four years ago.

So long after we've forgotten what those initial choices were,

They've had an impact years after these choices have been made.

Absolutely.

So let's talk a little bit about that.

I know that this is a little bit further ahead,

I guess,

In the notes,

But you've talked about how the life that you have today is a result of all of the little choices that you've made in the past.

Can you talk a little bit about that?

Well,

Every day we're making choices whether if we think now because it's the new year,

If we make a resolution,

Whether it's January,

April,

June,

I'm going to start to work out.

And for whatever reason,

Okay,

But let's determine that it's good for you and you've decided to work out.

And every day you keep putting it off,

Putting it off.

Well,

Yeah,

It looks like nothing.

You didn't work out.

You won't get sick today.

But where it has a little effect every day is you've betrayed yourself.

You weren't honorable with your word and that takes a toll on you.

You keep saying you're going to work out.

You don't.

So even if it looks like you don't care,

It goes in your unconscious mind and you know you can't keep your word even to yourself.

So that has an impact on your self-esteem,

Right?

Whether,

Let's say you're an impatient person and you're always screaming at your kids.

I'm not saying we should never scream because we're human.

But if you don't make that little effort,

You say I'm going to stop screaming at my kid,

But you never stop.

Well,

It might seem at the moment like a little choice and then you apologize,

But it eats away at the relationship with your child.

It's the same every time you make a meeting with a friend and you're always an hour late.

They always forgive you,

But at some point you've betrayed them.

You didn't respect them.

So they're all tiny little choices,

But they have a lasting impact.

And that's why I say there are no small choices basically because they either impact you or someone else.

And in the same way in the affirmative,

To mirror the first metaphor that you used,

One workout isn't going to make you be in amazing shape.

Being in amazing shape or whatever it is,

Is the result of days and days and days and days and days and weeks and months and years of the small little choices building upon each other.

Being in a good mindset,

It's the momentum in one way or the other of all these little choices that you make every day that add up to what happens good or bad.

Because even if I cut you off here,

Let's say my goal is to work out four times a week.

It's quite a commitment.

But if you start with,

I'm just going to show up and do 10 push ups a day.

Even if the 10 push ups won't do much,

You've showed you can commit to yourself and you've put yourself first.

And when you say you're going to do something,

You actually do it.

And you've just changed the course of your life.

You've just shown that you stick to it.

You set a goal.

You're going to do it.

And it doesn't matter big or small,

You've just changed a bad habit that you would betray yourself all the time.

Do you think when people are trying to change their habits and make better choices that we put them,

We just make the steps too big and that we need to kind of have them or quarter them and start a little smaller?

Yeah,

I think I'm a firm believer in what we call micro goals.

And so that you can experience success because it's not motivation that's going to make us change habits because usually we're not motivated.

So we need to create micro goals,

Tiny objectives so we can reach them and there's no way we can't do it.

And I'm not the one who invented this.

Someone gave me an example.

An old business coach I used to have.

Someone wanted to floss.

And it was,

You can only floss one teeth.

Only one.

So there's no way you don't have time to floss between two teeth basically.

And you can't do more.

Well then you want to do more and you keep doing more and more and then you end up flossing every day.

So yeah,

I believe in tiny goals and then you build upon the tiny goals.

And it's easier to get to your ultimate goal.

How important are the questions that we ask ourselves?

The questions,

And I'm writing a series of powerful quotes on that.

We need to ask ourselves powerful questions and to do that we need to be present.

If we ask ourselves the right questions we will make better choices.

Questions such as,

Am I living for me or for other people?

Because that's going to impact your choices.

Do I need constant approval?

That's going to impact my choices.

Because what if the choice you want to make is not popular?

But that's the choice you want to make.

If you need approval you're not going to make that choice and that's going to lead to a bunch of choices that don't honor you and your needs.

Do I fear people's judgments?

People's opinions?

If I do it's going to impact my choices.

Do I always need to consult with others before I make a decision because I'm so insecure and doubtful in what I want,

What I need.

I'm always double checking with people.

That too is going to impact our choices,

Right?

Because sometimes we can't consult with people and no one knows better than you do what's good for you.

So another example of powerful questions is,

Is this choice honoring me or is this a choice made out of fear or guilt?

Which usually involves other people.

So when we,

Before we make a choice if we ask ourselves these questions then it's harder to lie to ourselves.

And basically BS ourselves into doing or not doing certain things.

So the questions we ask ourselves have a huge impact on the power of our choices.

Would you also say,

Because I saw kind of two themes in those questions and one was fear which you kind of mentioned,

But the other one almost felt like a lack of self trust.

Would you say that that's another big component?

Yeah,

Self trust,

Self esteem.

I think they're all connected,

Right?

If we don't trust in our intuition,

In our gut,

It's because we think other people know better than we do when really we are the only ones who really know what's good for us.

Even if what's good for us is not the popular choice,

It doesn't matter.

It's what's good for us.

So I don't know if I'm answering your question.

No,

No,

That makes sense.

I lost track here somewhere.

There is self trust.

Yeah,

Self love,

Self trust.

Right.

So what are,

Talk a little bit more about the ripple effect,

Right?

You talked about that in the intro.

Can you talk a little bit more about the ripple effect of our choices?

Yes,

I'm thinking of,

For example,

Choosing a partner.

So I'm thinking of a specific client who,

You know,

That person checked all the boxes.

You know,

They have a good job.

They look good.

So on paper,

They look good.

But there wasn't the emotional connection.

So I'm not saying you need to go on a whim,

Just go on emotion.

But usually,

When we want to pick a partner,

We want to pick based on how do I want to feel with this person.

And when that becomes clear,

It will connect really well with that person versus they fill out a checklist.

So let's say you do marry the wrong person.

And I've seen this a few times in my practice is 20 years later,

The marriage breaks down,

They try to change the person or a person marries their potential,

Right?

Versus marrying who,

Who's really in front of them,

Not their potential.

So even if it's just one decision,

Do I marry or not marry this person,

It has a huge ripple effect on their life,

Where they're going to live,

The job they're going to have,

How they're going to parent,

And ultimately their happiness,

The end of divorce or staying married till the end,

But they're miserable.

So it's one choice,

But it has a huge impact on many areas of their life.

Would you say that people,

Like what prevents people from making different choices,

Like is they're stepping into the unknown world,

Whereas it's almost easier to stay in the one where they,

I mean,

Whether the choices were good or bad,

It's just easier to stay there?

Yeah,

And that connects to fear,

Right?

What does the unknown elicit?

It elicits fear.

It elicits fear.

So we don't like to be scared,

So we go to what's comfortable.

So we don't make the choice that's right for us.

It's the safe choice,

But not necessarily the best choice for our well-being.

So I actually want to go in a little bit of a different route right now.

I would love to know,

Gina,

What is a choice that you felt was small at the time that you made it that ended up being a really,

Really big choice that has impacted your life today?

Boom,

Dropping the hard questions.

I'm thinking of several,

Actually.

Okay,

Let's hear.

We got time.

Let's hear one that's not too personal.

When I chose to change schools,

So I went to the same school from kindergarten till,

So the school system is a bit different in Quebec,

But till the equivalent of the second to last year of high school.

So we go till the fifth secondary is the year we graduate.

So the last year of high school,

I changed high schools.

And even before I did all this work,

I would always play back,

Wow,

That simple choice changed the course of my life.

So I went to all-girls school with nuns and uniform,

And I switched to another private school with boys and no nuns.

And,

Yeah,

I was betrayed by my best friend.

It led to ripple effect,

Me being with the wrong people.

It impacted college,

University.

It really changed the course of my life that I think if I hadn't changed,

Things might be different.

I would have been with a better crowd versus starting fresh with a not so good,

Not in the sense they were drug addicts or,

But just I went to difficult emotional times and picking people that didn't honor me or treat me kindly.

So to me,

That was a major big choice that really impacted my life,

But there's quite a few different ones,

A good and not so good.

So it's not all for the bad,

Right?

So leaving.

.

.

Well,

Life is very nuanced.

Yeah,

So leaving,

Working for other people to work for myself did change the course of my life for the better.

Right.

Now,

And I think that that's a good thing is the.

.

.

So it was a,

You know,

That's a rather big choice to decide to switch high schools at the very end of secondary.

That's a big swing.

So it was probably going to affect your life in a big way,

One way or another,

But so that's like a,

You know,

That's probably a pretty big change.

Just thinking of one in kind of a small way,

Right?

So at some point,

Both of you,

And I can do this for myself as well,

But at some point,

Both of you were on an app called Insight Timer,

And you decided to listen to a random podcast with a random guy that I know neither one of you knew who the heck he was,

Right?

And because you decided to listen to that podcast,

You decided to listen to more podcasts,

And that introduced you to that person who then introduced you to me,

And none of the three of us would have been talking right now without a very small,

Insignificant choice.

I mean,

Literally,

Like if you think about when you turn on a YouTube video or play a song on Spotify or something like that,

Like you never think that that is going to have a way of impacting your life,

But those little choices that you do make can,

In weird ways,

Really impact your life,

And literally none of the three of us would be talking together right now if you didn't listen to a random piece of audio on an app on your phone.

Yeah,

And we don't even live in the same country or state.

We don't live in the same country.

Crystal and I don't live in the same state.

That's insane.

If someone had told me a year ago when I started using Insight Timer that I would be on a podcast right now,

I probably would have laughed at them like,

Yeah,

Right.

Like,

This is not any,

I could never have guessed this trajectory from listening to a podcast.

Yeah,

And it was a minor,

Minor choice.

It's press play.

That's it.

No big life decision.

Yeah,

Exactly.

And that's weird.

Like,

I'm literally,

So as I said last episode,

I have a bunch of books underneath my computer right now,

And one of them at the very bottom,

This is not incredibly nice,

I guess,

But two of them at the bottom are signed copies of a book that I got yesterday,

And I'm holding going.

This is really weird that a bunch of tiny little choices ended up with this published book from a friend of mine who,

Like,

So that was a little choice for me.

The reason that we're all talking right now,

Really,

With little choices and how they can affect you in a way that you never explain is a guy on my football team in high school,

His dad owned a subway,

So I thought it was an easy job to get.

If I don't choose to work at Subway instead of another job of equal,

Like,

Crappiness or whatever,

Like,

If I,

But if I don't,

If I don't do that,

Then the three of us aren't talking.

There's a million of those little things,

You know?

Yeah.

So,

It's interesting because that ended up with me going to the gym that I went to where I met Glenn,

And then that,

You know,

And also if I hadn't quit football,

Which let me get that job,

Then I wouldn't have been doing theater and met Dave,

And then we wouldn't be doing this podcast company,

All of that.

Like,

There's a million choices that lead us in direction,

So every choice that you make,

Whether it's as big as switching schools or what college to go to or what episode of a podcast or a video on YouTube you decide to watch,

Can affect your life forever.

Yeah.

In a way you least expect.

Yeah,

That's kind of crazy.

So,

Gina,

Is there anything that you want to end with on the power of our choices before we go into gratitude?

Anything you want that we didn't cover that you want to sum up?

Well,

It all boils down to the same in all my episodes is we need to be more present and mindful to realize that every choice matters,

And the other important part is are my choices honoring me?

Because you need to honor yourself.

The worst person you can betray is yourself.

And that's it.

Absolutely.

Crystal?

Yes.

Guess go first,

Moment of gratitude.

Go ahead.

I am.

.

.

What am I grateful for today?

I am grateful to be on this podcast and to have met you because this is really cool.

And like I said,

I couldn't have imagined my life taking this direction,

And I'm very grateful that I did.

Great.

Awesome.

I am grateful today for my parents.

Both of them are sick right now and one more scary situation than the other,

But both and,

You know,

So I'm very grateful for that.

Awesome.

Yeah.

Gina?

A more generic one today.

I'm grateful for all my wonderful teachers.

I'm an eternal student,

So I'm always learning wonderful things.

One of my all time favorites is Caroline Mays.

I've seen her twice and I'm going to see her again.

And she literally has helped me transform my life for the better.

So I'm very grateful for this teacher specifically.

That's so nice.

All right,

Crystal,

Where can people find you?

They can find me at CrystalTubs.

Com.

I have a blog.

I will be soon launching a podcast.

You can find all my content there.

Awesome.

And Gina,

If people want more help and insight,

How can they find you?

So I have a psychology website,

Drgina.

Ca and GinaMadrigrano.

Com.

Awesome.

And on Facebook.

Yep.

And check out the Facebook group,

Parenting Wisdom,

And the group on Insight Timer for Living Simply.

If you like this show,

Leave a comment,

Subscribe,

Tell your friends about it,

Help us get the word out.

That would be very,

Very helpful.

Thank you,

Both of you.

This was a wonderful time.

And,

You know,

Be conscious of your choices,

Guys.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Crystal.

Thank you,

Gina.

For more information or to book an appointment with Dr.

Gina,

Go to drmadrigrano.

Com or click the link in the description of this episode.

Reviews

Great insights as always. Thank you Gina. Love and blessings 💙 x