I Can't Control Or Predict The Future

I can't predict or control the future is a guided inquiry. The negativity bias of our brain usually brings us into catastrophic thinking. At 11:55 - inquiry into a past difficult situation that turned out better or differently than we expected | At 13:50 - inquiry into "I don't know what's going to happen and I bet it will be amazing!

Transcript

I don't know what's going to happen.

I can't predict the future.

I can't control the future.

So we come into this practice knowing that we're going to be looking at these things that might be alarming,

Or worrying,

Or triggering.

And we're also here.

There's a lot to be angry about.

And there's a lot to be afraid about.

And a lot to take in.

And then we get into the habits that we've developed through our life of what we do take in,

How it lands.

So let's start with this.

Noticing our bodies.

So keep your eyes open if you have them closed.

Just open them for a few minutes.

And look around the environment that you're in.

You might be in a room,

Or a garden,

Or outside somewhere in your car.

And just look around and notice,

Does your body feel safe where you are?

So we're looking for cues of safety.

So if it's a familiar environment,

You're going to feel safer because you can predict with more accuracy.

This is the predictive capacity of our primitive brain in particular,

And our nervous system.

It's always looking at what happened in the past,

And how can I predict the future in a way that will keep me safe.

And several weeks ago we did a whole half hour inquiry around catastrophic thinking,

And that's live on Insight Timer if you wanted to go back and look at that.

This is very much related to this capacity that we have to want to know what's going to happen.

And then our mind,

With a helpful intention,

But often not a helpful result,

Will go into the future and try and predict what might happen.

So that's just the way our mind works.

There's nothing we can do about the way the mind works.

We can have a lot of impact on how we respond to what the mind brings forward though.

It's not a hopeless kind of a case.

If you're feeling fairly settled already,

Then you can leave it there.

If you're feeling really kind of restless or agitated or worried,

Then you could do one of the other practices,

Like box breathing,

Where you inhale.

Let's just do that for a couple minutes.

So inhale,

Take a deep inhale.

And then hold.

Two,

Three,

Four.

Breathe out.

Two,

Three,

Four.

Hold your breath.

Two,

Three,

Four.

Breathe in.

Two,

Three,

Four.

Hold your breath.

Two,

Three,

Four.

And then just breathe out,

Let your breath move.

That's one of the ways that we bring ourselves back into this moment.

There's a lot of other ways too.

We can do something that brings more awareness in our body.

So relaxation practice,

Focusing on the breath,

Softening the belly as you breathe out.

All of those things will help us to remember that we're here.

So right now,

Notice your feet.

If your feet are on the floor,

If you're sitting,

Notice that.

Notice your seat.

Notice where your body's in contact with your environment.

You might be lying down or sitting up.

Touch your body,

Pat your body.

You could have your hands on your heart,

Which is a way to really tune into ourselves emotionally.

Or you could also just kind of pat your arms,

Pat your legs,

Notice,

Okay,

I'm here.

Take some deeper breaths.

And then let's sit with that,

Whatever it is that's coming up.

So let's do some inquiry around that.

I can't predict or control the future.

Let's just sit with the truth of that.

I can't predict or control the future.

Notice what comes up in your mind.

What are the thoughts?

And sometimes we're looking at a specific situation that we're in.

So it might be something with your boss at work.

Something's really unfair,

And you're not sure what's going to happen,

But you're afraid of what's going to happen.

It might be something around COVID.

That's really top front and center for many of us right now,

Worldwide.

It might be something that makes you angry.

It might be something that really helps you to feel kind of hopeless or triggers a feeling of hopelessness or despair.

We're looking at all kinds of political things.

That's often what gets triggered.

We just don't understand why people behave the way they do,

How they could make certain laws.

So let yourself kind of come into a specific situation.

And as you're doing that,

Notice the thoughts that are in your mind are either words or images.

Images might be like still photos or video clips.

It might be words.

Thoughts that come in as words are not quite the same as we hear from the outside,

But they're similar.

So notice what are your thoughts about that right now.

And as you're inhaling and exhaling,

Notice if the thoughts are kind of dragging you into a compulsive train of thought.

Try to stay really focused on the inquiry.

Feel it in your body.

How does your body feel as you're considering those thoughts?

I can't control the future.

I don't know what's going to happen.

Sometimes it's helpful to keep your eyes open.

If you're feeling like you're getting kind of dragged into the thoughts,

You could always open your eyes.

You could put the thoughts into a frame,

Like kind of visualize them on the wall on the other side of the room,

Maybe put them into a frame.

I'm looking at this thought or I have these words in my mind.

Notice also if you have some catastrophic thinking going on.

So when we say I can't control or predict the future,

Is there a wow,

The future could be so wonderful?

I don't know what's going to happen,

But I bet it's going to be great.

Is that the direction your mind is going?

Or is it more likely that it's going into some kind of fear-based,

I don't know what's going to happen and it's probably going to be bad?

Or I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to really be okay if these things happen or if this happens or if it doesn't happen.

So just notice,

And we'll come back to the positive end of it again in a few minutes.

But for right now,

As you're considering this,

I don't know what the future holds.

I think it would be fair to say that most people would hope for a better future,

For a future where we're not in a lot of pain,

Where we don't experience a lot of loss.

And right now I think it's also fair to say that most of us have nervous systems that are less regulated and less calm and settled because of all the fear and the grief that's in the world right now.

So sometimes it's a relief just to acknowledge that.

Yeah,

You know,

I'm really affected by what's going on right now.

These are the kinds of thoughts I have in my mind.

Maybe that's what's keeping me from sleeping at night.

One way to work with thoughts too is just this tapping.

It's so simple.

Just tap on your forehead with a couple of your fingers.

And as you do that,

Take your attention away from the thoughts and into the feeling,

The sense of the tapping,

The touch and the sound on your forehead.

Eyes open or closed.

Notice what's your experience as you're considering those sentences.

I can't control or predict the future.

And then let's move into the level of the body.

What's happening in your breath as you're considering those words?

Do you notice that you start holding your breath?

That's very common.

We breathe out and then we can't breathe in or we breathe in and we can't let the breath go.

So one of the things that happens on the nervous system level when we're doing that is that the nervous system gets the message from the held breath that it's not safe to be here.

And so if you can make your breath more continuous,

Then it helps to reassure our nervous system,

Oh,

Okay.

Because the nervous system is very gullible in the sense that it always believes the thoughts that are coming through the mind.

So if you have a lot of thoughts about,

Well,

What if I get COVID or what if this person I love gets COVID?

Or what if the floods continue or what if,

You know,

We get into these scenarios that are minimally helpful.

Sometimes we need to think through what are the possible consequences of something and how can I keep myself safer?

And if it's something larger and longer term,

Like social justice or the environment,

How can I educate myself,

You know,

Work together with other people?

So there are some things like that where we need the faculty of the mind.

So that's not what we're talking about,

Though.

What we're talking about is that fear-based worry and predicting that awful things are going to happen.

And when awful things happen that we're not going to be able to handle it,

That we're going to go under somehow.

So notice your whole body,

Head to toes.

Notice what you feel like in your body as you're looking at that.

I think most of us could admit that we have at least some of that kind of thinking some of the time.

The difference being,

I think,

Is that we learn to recognize it.

And also,

I have a lot of patience and a lot of kindness towards my nervous system.

Sometimes when I'm alarmed about something,

This is what happens,

You know?

We wake up in the middle of the night and we can't get back to sleep because of the thoughts in our mind or these things are challenging.

These are not easy times.

So pull back from the thoughts for a moment and just kind of tune into that.

See if you could find some kindness and compassion.

Mostly for yourself first,

But also for other people.

A big part of the problem right now is that everybody's nervous systems are not as well regulated as they could be.

A lot of people are acting out of fear.

And when we act out of the primitive part of ourselves,

It's not usually that great.

Just to recognize that too.

A lot of other people are also having a hard time.

And notice where in your body that you might be responding with a tightness,

A tightening up.

When you're watching those thoughts that are coming up and maybe seeing the catastrophic thoughts,

We're not trying to suppress our thoughts.

We're really kind of interested in a way.

So this is what's going on underneath.

And this is our whole nervous system,

Our whole body-mind system.

And these thoughts that are coming into the mind are a really big clue of what we're worried about.

And then the question is,

What's my relationship with what's coming up?

It really helps to understand the mechanism.

Of course we have these kinds of thoughts.

Of course we try to predict the future.

And it's the primitive brain with its huge negativity bias that runs the show.

And let's come back to looking at thoughts again.

And now this time,

Think back to something maybe a few years ago or ten or twenty years ago,

However long it was,

That you were really worried about at the time,

That actually turned out better than you thought it was going to turn out.

Just kind of sift through your memory banks.

And it might be that it didn't turn out as bad as you thought.

Maybe it didn't turn out well,

But it wasn't as bad as you thought.

Or maybe it was just very different.

Sometimes things can still be very challenging,

But they're not exactly how we thought they would be.

And then let that come to mind.

So ten years ago,

What was going on?

Or some significant moment that comes to mind.

And see if you can recall the kinds of thoughts,

The way that you were stressed.

You might feel it already in your body.

You might be holding your breath.

Relax your shoulders.

Let your breath move.

And notice that just thinking about something that was hard,

And bringing back responses in the body and in the thought stream for sure.

But then really focus in on the difference between what you projected would happen and what actually happened.

So for me,

I had a health scare with my son that turned out to be not what they thought it was.

So it was very difficult,

And it was a huge relief of course,

When it turned out that way.

It doesn't always.

But there was also a lot of gifts that I got through that.

I really had some serious motivation to look at my childhood,

His childhood.

I did a lot of healing through that time as well.

It's not at all what I predicted would have happened.

See if you can keep your body soft,

Your focus kind of internal for a moment.

What does it feel like?

Just to notice.

That was really different than I predicted it was going to be.

I'm going to take a few deeper breaths.

Notice your feet again,

Your seat.

Put your hands on your heart if you want.

And then let's come back to,

I don't know what's going to happen in the future,

But I bet it's going to be wonderful.

Just see what comes to mind.

Try not to let your inner critic or your negativity kind of get going on that.

Just to imagine,

I don't know,

I can't control the future,

But I bet it's going to be amazing.

Notice the thoughts that come through your mind.

Notice your body,

Your breath.

You could get really specific again.

I don't know what's going to happen with my work.

But maybe I'm leaving a job willingly or not.

It happened to me 10 years ago.

My job was going to end.

A company had taken over where I was working.

And then this is what came from that.

I was able to start to do this work that's really meaningful.

So we've all had experiences like that,

Where we weren't all that optimistic about the future,

But then it turned out really well.

Maybe we made a really good friend that we weren't expecting or something happened that's really satisfying and fulfilling.

Maybe it's that you've begun a meditation practice or a spiritual practice or you've started working on healing trauma.

And wow,

Things have opened up in a way that you could never have predicted.

We start sometimes with a really closed heart and then it opens and we feel love and connection and we meet amazing people through this.

Maybe that's something that would be useful to just contemplate for a few minutes.

What are some of the amazing things that have happened as you've turned towards healing?

And let yourself really feel that.

Notice your breath.

Let your breath be continuous and smooth.

Relax your body.

One of the things that we sometimes don't focus on very much is our strength and our resilience.

So for just a moment,

Think about what are the strengths that you're bringing to this moment right now,

To any challenges that you have right now.

Maybe it's that you know to come back into your body and your breath.

That's a really big one.

Your mind is not as catastrophic as it used to be.

And when it happens,

You're really starting to move right into using the tools so that you don't get too far down that rabbit hole.

Maybe it's that you've started being kind and cultivating a kind relationship with yourself.

And that changes everything.

Notice your body,

Your breath,

Your mind.

Notice the difference too between what happens when we have that negativity bias that's trying to predict the future.

And then when we come into a more grounded place,

We need this steady,

Calm breath,

Alert mind in order to really function well.

To feel a compassionate kindness with how far I've come is we don't generally look at that.

We kind of take it for granted almost in a way.

And then we look back and we think,

Well,

If this particular situation had happened when I was,

You know,

Five years ago or 20 years ago or whatever,

I think this is how I would have handled it.

It's very different from the strengths that I have now and my capacity to stay present and kind.

And so one of the things that I would say too is that it's always a process.

So these kinds of deep,

Deep shifts and the deep healing that we have doesn't happen overnight.

Part of the reason for that is because our nervous system has a long memory and our primitive brain likes to hold on to everything that's ever happened that's been painful.

To try to get us into a situation where we don't get into those again.

So that's just part of the nervous system.

And we've had a lot of experiences where we felt not connected with.

Lots of us were bullied or had other kinds of traumas,

Children.

It might have been an emotional neglect where the parents just weren't tuned into us.

So lots of things that have happened to us that are really difficult.

And as we get into this,

We start to get into this positive loop of,

You know,

I talked about the breath.

When we hold our breath or we breathe really shallow,

Our nervous system is alarmed by that.

But then when we notice it and we relax our body,

We soften our belly,

We let the breath become even and serene.

And then we get into a habit of doing that where we just don't hold the breath as much anymore.

The breath is more smooth,

There's more ease in the breath,

And then that stimulates that safety in our system.

When we have all of these wonderful tools now that we have of how to stay present in this moment,

Notice cues of safety.

That really makes such a big difference.

Reviews

I love this meditation. I’m at a point in my life realizing this primal negative basis CAN be altered and there are good surprises that can come from difficult times - the two can exist together. Thank you for this reminder!

Thanks so much for your programs on Insight Timer. Your style of explaining inner experience and strategies we can use to self-regulate are very clear and sensible. I appreciate your generosity in sharing your knowledge. 🙏

Really practical & grounding, thank you so much for being here and for encouraging acknowledgement of what is 💗 with kindness & compassion 😊

I feel so afraid for where we are headed. Thank you for some support.