Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.
My name is Lisa A.
Romano.
I am a life coach,
Bestselling author,
YouTube vlogger,
Meditation teacher,
And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.
I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.
My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.
May your heart feel blessed,
Your mind feel expanded,
And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.
So today we're going to be talking about the wonderful gifts that happen upon us when we begin to live completely in a self-responsible manner.
And I mean taking responsibility for everything,
For the way that we think,
For what we watch on television,
For the words that come out of our mouth,
For how we behave in relationships,
For the way that we feel,
For what we eat,
For what we don't eat,
For exercising,
For not exercising,
For our finances,
For the state of our financial health.
When we look around our house,
We look around our house and we say,
This is my responsibility and what am I going to do to fix it?
Responsibility is in my opinion the only way to live an empowered and an emboldened life because ultimately who's responsible for me?
Is it you?
My mom?
She's gone.
My dad,
He's still alive,
But he lives four hours away.
My ex-husband?
Well,
We're divorced.
We don't live together anymore.
My children?
Well,
They're all adults.
I'm remarried.
Is my new husband responsible for how I feel?
Is he responsible for what I put in my mouth?
Is he responsible for my business?
Is he responsible for my business's financial health?
Is he responsible for how I feel?
Is he responsible for what I put in my mouth,
What I don't put in my mouth?
Is he responsible for whether or not I exercise?
Is he responsible for whether or not I go for a walk in nature?
Is he responsible for whether or not I make friends or don't make friends?
When you think about becoming self-responsible,
It is quite a challenge to lay down this idea that anyone is responsible for how I feel,
What I do,
And what I think,
What I experience any longer.
It is a huge mind shift to go from being someone who is codependent to go from someone who feels like they can't make a decision and they need to check the decision through 10 different people before they actually make the decision.
It is quite a mind shift to go from being reliant on someone else to help you make a decision or to help you take care of yourself financially,
What have you.
It's quite a mind shift to be dependent upon someone or something outside of you for something,
Whether it's money,
Whether it's support,
Whether it's to help you make a decision for where you live or what have you,
And then to say,
I think I'd like to take more responsibility for myself now,
Please.
Huge mind shift.
When you discover that you actually want to be this type of person where you want to take responsibility for yourself,
What will happen is if you take action and you develop an action plan,
For instance,
You are 35 years old,
You're living in the basement apartment of your brother's house and you want out.
Maybe you went through a terrible divorce and you lost your job and you've been living there six months and you're like,
You know what?
My brother's a nice guy.
He's never going to kick me out.
I would like to be able to take care of myself.
That's a huge mind shift,
Especially if you're someone who's like,
No,
I can't do this.
No,
I can't change my life.
It's a huge mind shift to say,
Yes,
I can.
Yes,
I can.
And I will.
And there's so much power in that.
So let's say you're that person and you make that decision.
The next thing you have to do is you have to create an action plan that's going to help you manifest this new future goal.
Now what a lot of people don't like,
And I don't blame them because it's painful.
A lot of people don't like that when you actually start out setting goals,
You run into trouble.
And so things don't go according to the way you planned.
You don't get the first job.
You don't get the second job.
You don't get the third job.
You don't get the fourth job.
And damn,
They don't even pay you what you want to pay them.
But the fifth job,
Let's say you take it and they don't pay you as well as you'd like,
But there's promise.
If you work really hard,
You'll be able to move up.
And that's what you do.
So even though you got turned down for four jobs,
You accepted that fifth job.
And even though that fifth job didn't pay you what you wanted them to pay you,
You stuck at it anyway.
That's self responsibility.
That's saying no matter how many monkey retchings get thrown into my experience,
I'm going to manifest my future desired reality.
I have a goal.
I want out and I'm going to find work and employment and I'm going to show up and I'm going to be the best employee that this company has ever had.
And they will advance me.
I will move up this corporate ladder and I will get new jobs.
And that's the way it happens.
So that's ultimate self responsibility.
And what does that bring about?
Think about it.
I mean,
If you're living in your brother's basement,
You know,
And you're making excuses,
Let's say for why this is happening.
And suddenly you say,
You know what?
Today no more excuses.
Today I'm going to find some way to take care of myself.
So instead of ignoring bills,
Instead of ignoring text messages,
Instead of not managing your finances you start,
Maybe you start sorting out your papers,
But that's responsibility.
And that's tough.
Who wants to look at mounds of credit card debt or divorce papers?
Who wants to go through that?
No one,
But you decide to do it anyway.
And you start,
You shift,
You make an effort.
You become a little bit more self accountable.
So now let's say you notice that you're gaining a little bit of weight.
You're starting to feel lethargic.
So instead of gaming all day,
You decide to wake up early,
Take your bike out and go for a long six mile bike ride.
Or maybe you take out your brother's kayak,
You drag it down to the river and you do some rowing,
But you're clearing your mind.
You're raising the endorphins in your brain and you're starting to feel great.
You're taking care of yourself.
That's your health.
So instead of neglecting yourself,
You go to a dentist or you go to a doctor.
You're not neglecting yourself anymore.
You're being really self responsible.
And what you're doing is,
You know,
You're going down the line and you're asking yourself what about my life needs to change and what is within my control to change it.
And instead of waiting for your life to change,
You become the force that changes it.
An object stays in motion until acted upon by a force.
And it's the same with life.
Your life is going to stay in whatever flow it's in and it'll get worse because of this is a time space reality and you are an energy being and you pick up momentum as you age.
I think that's why the older we get,
It seems we age faster.
We're just picking up momentum as we go.
So it's really important.
We understand that we just have a certain amount of time to get this right.
And if we're not actively acting on how to become more self accountable and more self reliant,
Then we're not going to develop the amazing self confidence and self competence and you know,
This this idea that we are worthy human beings.
We're never ever going to experience it if we don't take action.
So being self responsible means I'm also responsible for how I feel.
So instead of blaming other people for why I feel the way I feel,
I find ways to heal the way I feel.
So if I need to hire a coach,
If I need to go into therapy,
And in some cases people need some help and they need sometimes they need a little bit of an antidepressant to take the edge off so they can actually work through some cognitive issues.
There's no harm in that.
There's no shame in that.
But instead of blaming people for why I feel the way I feel,
I'm developing this proactive attitude.
If I'm codependent,
I need to acknowledge what that is and what that means.
I have to be proactive,
I have to discover what I can discover about codependency and do everything that I can to heal from the subconscious programs so that I can be more self responsible in my everyday daily life.
I can recognize narcissism for what it is,
I could avoid potholes in the future.
I'm not ignoring red flags anymore.
And suddenly I'm a lot more self sufficient.
If I am not self caring,
Then I recognize that I'm not taking care of myself that I worry more about everyone else than I do myself.
And that's not being self responsible.
That's denying and ignoring the self.
So part of my work is then to peel back is to zoom out and ask myself,
Where am I ignoring myself?
Where in my life am I taking too much on?
Where am I being irresponsible?
Where am I expending energy?
How am I expending energy in these experiences that are not serving me?
Where in my life am I giving and not seeing a return?
That's being responsible,
Setting boundaries is being responsible.
And so being super,
Super radically self responsible is one of the ways in which you can almost guarantee for sure that if you stay with this,
If you stop blaming anybody for why you are where you are,
Why you feel the way you feel,
If you stop and you ask yourself,
How can I change this?
How can I shift this?
Where is my personal power in this?
And you work every day towards making that change.
Even if it's a little shift over time,
It is my promise to you that your world will shift.
You will find what it means to live an empowered life,
To live a life in which you feel in control over your life.
You will learn what it feels like to experience a challenge,
Face it,
Rise above it and claim the victory of competence as your own.
You will realize that you are enough and that the power to change your life has been with you all along.
But if you're rejecting self responsibility,
You will never experience that.
It will always be as if you lived someone else's life.
You gave someone else the keys to your life.
And instead of doing that,
What you can do is ultimately learn to be more self responsible and more self accountable.
And this will lead you to the most abundant,
Peaceful and most amazing life experiences you could ever imagine.
Thank you so much for being here.
My name is Lisa Aramano.
