Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,
The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true authentic self.
I'm Lisa A.
Romano,
Your host.
As an award winning author and certified life coach,
I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.
I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.
My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.
In this podcast,
I'll share insights,
Tools,
And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.
Today we're going to be talking about why letting go of trauma can feel like you're betraying your inner child and what that actually means.
So if you're on a healing journey,
You might be struggling to let go.
There's something that happens on the healing journey that very few people talk about and understand.
And that's why I think it's important to have these conversations,
To flesh them out so we can be prepared for what might happen.
And why it is that we stay stuck oftentimes for years.
I know that I was until I understood this.
There comes a moment when you begin to feel better in your life as you're on the healing journey.
And for me,
It was the codependency recovery journey.
It was me looking to my inner child and me learning to honor her and validate her.
And stopped judging her for how she felt.
And there also came a time where I really wanted to step into a higher level of transformation,
Where I wanted to know with clarity that I wasn't clinging to the past anymore.
And I thought it was strange that I didn't feel relief when I got to that point.
I felt guilt.
I felt resistance.
I felt a sort of sadness.
And I almost felt like.
Letting go of this narrative that I was doing something wrong.
I stuck with it and stuck with it and stuck with it and then realized that this wasn't conscious it it felt like something much much deeper What I came up with through lots of journaling and meditation was this if I let this go What happens to that part of me that went through it if I forgive?
What happens to that part of me that was hurt by these people?
If I let go of this pain,
Am I abandoning myself all over again?
And so instead of fully stepping into complete healing and transformation,
I found myself in this purgatory place where I was holding on and I wasn't holding on because I wanted to suffer.
I was holding on because I hadn't worked through that layer of feeling like betrayal.
Like if I let this go,
There's a form of injustice and betrayal.
And that's what I wanted to talk about with those of us who resonate with this work,
Because this is one of the most misunderstood blocks to emotional freedom.
And i see it in my coaching courses and i see it in my personal clients it's it's this if i really forgive or if i really let go if i Make this transformation like what happens that part of me was so wounded What happens to that part of me that wasn't able to process that pain?
Like when I was a little girl,
I was a little boy.
And you want to remember that as a child,
You didn't have perspective,
And you didn't have language,
And you didn't have support.
You didn't have the knowledge of why it is things were happening.
You didn't have the knowledge that it wasn't your fault.
So your mind and your body did something super super smart.
They held on to the experience.
They held on to the feelings.
They held on to the memories.
They held on to the interpretations.
They held on to the meaning you made about yourself in these traumatic experiences because at that time you weren't a critical thinker.
All that mattered was that you were experiencing pain and that pain was real and that pain needed to be acknowledged and that pain needed to be witnessed and that pain needed to be remembered so that You could.
Be on guard and possibly avoid it in the future,
But that keeps you stuck.
But if no one is there to help you process that pain in the moment as a little girl or a little boy,
That pain stays with you.
It becomes a part of your identity.
Almost like A younger version of you is actually frozen in time.
As a matter of fact,
Freezing is one of the trauma responses.
It's a freeze response.
So still holding the experience,
Still waiting to be seen,
Still waiting to be understood,
Still waiting for this divine witness to say,
I see you and I understand your pain to help you process it.
This is what many people refer to as their inner child that's frozen in time,
The part of us that never had a witness for the pain that we were experiencing,
The part of us that had to learn coping strategies that actually caused us to deny what we were feeling so that we could cope.
And if we fast forward into the adult life,
We're still frozen.
So on the healing journey,
You start to understand your patterns.
You begin to emotionally regulate,
Hopefully.
You begin to see that your behavior or much of your behavior was rooted in conditioning.
So many of my clients marry their mothers or marry their fathers or they marry alcoholics and then their children struggle with addiction or they struggle with addiction.
So you're starting to see the patterns and slowly you begin to sense some relief because if the pattern is in you,
That means that you can uncreate it.
But something subtle is happening and you start to step out of the pain.
And a part of you believe it or not might panic like what happened to me.
Now I didn't panic consciously but I panicked emotionally I would say.
I panicked at the subconscious level because there was a part of a younger part of me that The pain is not just pain.
It was evidence.
It was proof that my inner child went through this trauma with my parents or my family of origin or with my ex-husband.
There was proof that something happened.
That pain was proof.
Proof that it mattered and proof that I was actually hurt.
So when you begin to start awakening and seeing your patterns and you get to this stage of recovery where you want to let that pain go.
It can feel like,
And it's not that you're erasing the pain,
You're transmuting it,
But it can feel like you're erasing that experience.
Like you're almost saying,
It didn't matter.
It wasn't that bad.
Let's just hurry up,
Put a bandaid on it,
Slap a purity at the end of the sentence,
And let's just move on.
Lions and tigers and bears are mine.
And that just,
Again,
It feels wrong because the truth is that pain did matter.
You were hurt.
You were confused.
You were alone in ways that no child should have been.
You were exposed to things that no child should be exposed to.
And your nervous system remembers that.
And your inner child's memory bank has recorded that.
Think about the inner child's mind as a computer.
It's all there.
So what happens is you stay connected to the pain as a way of staying connected to yourself or as a way of saying,
Inner child,
You matter.
I know what they did to you and I need to say that again because it's so important and this is what I missed when I was First on the recovery journey you stay connected to the pain as a way of connecting Staying connected to that little girl or that little boy who you are finally recognizing has this pain Because somewhere deep inside there is a belief that says if I let this go I am leaving that version of me behind so it feels like I'm abandoning the inner child again Again,
And I am not willing to do that.
I'm not willing to abandon myself again.
So it's sort of like this in-between time of true ascension recovery or true emotional recovery.
We got to get there.
But I just want people to be aware that that happens.
And that's where your emotional block lives.
Not in your ability to actually heal,
But in your loyalty to your past self or to the experiences that you feel are evidence that your inner child was wounded in the first place.
I mean,
Does that blow your mind?
It blew my mind.
I hope it blows your mind.
And this is why some people stay stuck in cycles of overthinking or retelling their story or revisiting the same wounds.
You guys are crazy.
And it's not because we're beyond repair.
It sometimes is because we are trying to remain connected to that wounded part of ourselves that was never fully seen.
It was never fully seen.
That's why all the work that I do is teaching people how to see themselves.
This is where true recovery begins.
So,
Dear one,
What is the answer?
First,
You have to know that you're doing this.
You have to be aware of that.
Number one is awareness.
And the answer is not,
Like force yourself into letting go or force yourself to forgive or any of that.
The answer is not to push the pain away or pretend it doesn't exist or shove it down.
Don't think that.
The answer is integration.
So it is learning to learning how to say I see you to the inner child.
I see the pain.
I understand what what you went through and I honor all of it.
I honor your experiences and these memories are real.
Everything that you went through is real.
Real and how you feel is valid and I'm here for you now In other words like higher self or even the conscious self is saying to lower self.
I'm here for you now You don't have to stay in this pain anymore.
We don't have to recycle this pain anymore We don't have to hold on to this pain and tell the story over and over and over and over to prove that it matters You're actually speaking to the inner child you say to the inner child like I remember everything that happened and I see you and I'm not leaving you behind.
I'm acknowledging you and I'm offering us a way to fully integrate so that we can finally experience what it feels to be our true self.
And this is a very different kind of healing.
This is not abandonment.
This is actually a homecoming.
This is a reconnection.
This is us finding the road back to the inner child,
The road back to our divine self.
We're not forgetting this is integrating.
This is not betrayal.
This is love.
I see you,
I hear you,
I validate you,
And I love you.
Sort of like the ho'oponopono prayer,
Like,
I'm sorry,
Please forgive me,
I love you,
And thank you.
I see you in a child.
And when this emotional shift begins to happen,
When you make that psychological and emotional leap,
You feel the change.
You feel lighter.
You're no longer holding onto the pain.
You stay connected to yourself.
You're learning how to stay connected without needing the pain.
Isn't that beautiful?
I mean,
I just think it's so beautiful that we can hold all of that for our inner child and ourselves.
And this is where true freedom begins.
So it's not betrayal when you forgive or when you let go.
It's integration.
I need to forewarn you and I want to be honest with you that this is not something that happens just by saying I forgive you and I understand it.
It just doesn't happen the first time you say that.
It happens when you do this over and over and over and over and over.
So you want to understand that these patterns live in the subconscious.
They live in the body.
They live in your emotional memory.
They live in repetition.
And that's why you have to address the subconscious mind.
You have to address the patterns,
The programs,
The default mode network,
Because most of us are living by on autopilot and default mode.
So these ideas have to be gently retrained over and over and over and this is why so many people feel like they understand their past but still feel pulled back into it and it can be 20 years later and they're still talking about something that happened but they think that they're healed and sometimes we make a decision like I'm not letting that go because that feels like I'm letting my parents off the hook.
That just keeps you stuck and this is why the work that I do for other people guides them through this process.
It's a process of helping you access the subconscious patterns through the inner child's lens.
This is why the meditations that I offer,
I offer at the theta meditations because your inner child resides at the theta level of the brain,
The hypnotic state of the brain.
So we finally begin to process pain.
We finally begin to integrate it and release it.
So rather than hold on to it,
So you can finally begin to live from that part of you that was always That part of you that was never broken.
That part of you that's untouched by childhood programming and the ways of the world.
The part of you that exists beyond the conditioning.
Beyond the trauma responses,
Beyond the emotional residue,
Beyond the roles that you had to play to survive.
And I truly believe that we live the first half of our life through our mental conditioning and our childhood conditioning.
And the second part of our life is where we live an awakened life.
So if this resonates with you and you feel like you're at a point in your life where you're ready to stop carrying what no longer needs to be carried,
If you're at that point in your recovery journey where you know that you're still clinging and you want to let go.
And you are ready to begin learning how to truly let this go without feeling like you're betraying yourself.
That is such a beautiful thing.
You are on the precipice of the next level of your transformation.
And if this message found you today,
Just sit with these ideas.
Just sit with this idea that maybe you're holding on to something because you feel like you might be betraying your inner child or forgiveness feels like people are getting off the hook.
I just want you to know that you're holding on because you care about your inner child.
Refuse to forget what you went through And that's because you love yourself.
But this is also an emotional block.
And that part of you deserves compassion,
That part of you that's saying,
No,
I don't want to abandon myself again.
But healing is not about staying in the pain.
It's not about recreating the past,
Even at a subconscious level.
Healing is about learning how to stay with yourself without needing the pain to define you.
