Thank you for joining me in today's Boundary Script for those who identify as a second mother as part of being the eldest daughter in her journey to heal.
We're here to release responsibility that was never really yours and to start,
Let's find a position that feels supportive for your body.
You don't need to sit or lie perfectly,
Just comfortable enough to stay.
If you feel safe,
Gently close your eyes or soften your gaze,
Taking a slow breath in through your nose and a longer breath out through your mouth.
The following practice is for those who became the responsible one too early.
You were the helper,
The caretaker,
The one who held things together and today we're not taking care of anyone else.
We're taking care of ourselves,
Turning that care inward.
If you were the eldest daughter,
You may have learned that love meant anticipating needs,
Smoothing conflict,
Being reliable at all costs.
In fact,
You were probably praised for being mature and yet maturity came at a price.
Let's silently repeat the following three statements.
I was asked to carry more than my share.
I learned responsibility before I learned safety.
That was not a choice.
It was an adaptation.
Take a few breaths to let your body notice what it feels like to finally hear this truth.
Now let's journey further into our body,
Noticing where you're holding tension of any kind.
How are your shoulders?
How is your chest?
How is your jaw and how is your stomach?
These places in our body often hold other people's expectations.
So let's gently speak to them in the following two statements.
I notice where I'm still holding things together.
I notice where I'm bracing for impact just in case.
As we repeat these,
There's no need to change anything.
We're just noticing.
With this awareness,
We're now separating care from responsibility.
Caring is feeling with someone.
Responsibility is carrying for someone.
As a second mother,
Those lines may have been blurred for you.
So let's repeat after the next three scripts to make the distinction.
Silently repeat.
I can care without carrying.
I can love without managing.
I am not responsible for other people's emotions.
Take a few breaths to notice what's coming up.
Is it guilt,
Fear,
Relief,
Resistance?
All of it belongs.
Boundaries don't mean you'd care less.
They just mean you're no longer disappearing.
Now we practice setting that internal boundary.
Imagine someone you often feel responsible for.
You don't need to picture their face necessarily.
But what that feeling is like to care for them.
Now imagine gently placing that responsibility down by the following three scripts.
Let's silently repeat.
This belongs to you,
Not to me.
I trust you to handle what is yours.
I release myself from fixing.
You're not abandoning them.
You're just returning what was never yours to hold.
Take a couple breaths to let these settle.
Now let's close the three final scripts.
Imagining the younger you.
The one who had to learn to step in,
Step up,
Or step aside.
You might say to her,
You did an incredible job surviving.
You shouldn't have had to.
And you don't have to do this anymore.
If it feels right,
Connect with your body by placing a hand on your chest or your belly.
And let that younger part of you feel relieved,
Even if just for a brief moment.
As we close Boundaries Are Not Walls,
The doors you yourself can control.
You are allowed to put yourself down.
You are allowed to rest.
And you are absolutely allowed to be careful.
Let's take one final breath in.
And gently blow out that kind and warm breath.
And when you're ready,
Please return to the room.
Blinking your eyes open if they were closed.
And carrying less than you started.
You don't have to be the second mother anymore.
You are just you.
