Welcome to the self-compassion break for shame.
Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to shame as it includes three very important components mindfulness,
Common humanity,
And self-kindness.
Let's begin the practice.
Please find yourself a comfortable posture,
Whether you're sitting up or standing.
And then if it feels right,
Please allow your eyes to close all the way,
Or simply softening your gaze in one particular direction.
Let's take a few deep cleansing breaths.
And now I'd like to invite you to bring to mind a situation that made you feel embarrassed or somewhat ashamed.
Let this be a past event that is over and done with.
For example,
You may have overreacted to something,
Perhaps in anger,
You said something to someone that was actually culturally insensitive,
Or maybe you may have fumbled some words during an important meeting.
Please choose an event that is mild to moderate level of distress.
And for the sake of practicing today,
We won't choose anything that is high in distress.
And now bring to mind this event.
Connecting with what happened,
What was said.
When you notice that you feel shame,
Try to label the experience for yourself in a gentle and kind way.
Maybe even saying to yourself,
Oh this is shame,
Or this is what shame feels like.
And then drop your awareness inside of your body and see if you can notice how shame feels.
Can you identify where you feel shame in the body the most?
Allow your experience to be just as it is,
Perhaps by making a little more room for it than usual.
As you connect with this feeling of shame in the body.
If you like,
You can also give a label to what you're afraid others might think about you,
Or that you might think about yourself.
You might be thinking,
I'm worthless,
I'm a mess,
I'm stupid,
I'm not good enough.
Then remember that these beliefs,
Not facts,
Are negative beliefs and part of the experience of shame.
You're probably feeling isolated and alone.
That's the nature of shame.
But you are not alone.
Everyone feels shame.
Shame is a universal emotion.
Know that what you are experiencing now is a part of the human experience.
Many people would feel just as you do in the same situation.
And consider for a moment that you only feel this way because you,
Like all human beings,
Need to belong,
To be appreciated,
To be valued,
Respected,
Or loved.
And now let's see if we can respond to the shame in a new way.
Can you give yourself some kindness simply because you've had a moment of shame?
So first bring to mind a living being.
Perhaps your beloved pet,
A dear child,
A friend,
Someone who has a lot of love or compassion and shows it in their eyes.
Choose a being that is easy to love and to be loved by.
Imagine this loved one in your mind and allow yourself to receive their kind gaze.
Next,
If it feels right,
Put a hand on the part of your body that feels shame the most.
If you like,
Sending kindness through your fingers into that part of the body that is holding shame for you or even gently rubbing that part of your body now.
Finally,
Consider for a moment what you would most like to hear in a moment like this.
Perhaps words of comfort or support.
For example,
Words like,
I love you,
I'm here for you,
You're a good person,
You are worthy.
See if you can repeat those words for yourself in your own mind,
In your own way.
Take a moment to give yourself kindness in the way that feels just right for you.
Kind gaze,
Soothing touch,
Words of kindness,
Or all three ways at the same time.
And now gently releasing this practice,
Opening your eyes if your eyes were closed,
Maybe stretching your body.
