Think about the last time.
Someone hurt your feelings.
And I think about what happened in your head right after.
Because for a lot of us,
It wasn't just the original heritage.
It was a second voice that showed up right behind it.
Like,
You shouldn't feel this way.
Get over it.
You're too sensitive.
Why are you like this?
That voice often sounds like.
.
.
It's trying to help you move on faster,
Right?
But what it's actually doing is repeating the original injury from the inside in your own voice.
And by the end of this video I want you to be able to catch that voice in the act,
Because once you can hear it.
.
.
You can stop it from happening.
Doing more damage than whatever hurt you in the first place.
Hi,
My name is Kinga.
I'm a somatic trauma release and nervous system practitioner.
Let's get into it.
So there's a voice most of us carry that can hurt more deeply than anything anyone ever said out loud.
And it shows up right after a hard moment.
Kind of like dressed up as discipline or common sense.
Like,
You shouldn't feel this way.
You're overreacting.
Get over it already.
And I know that it can sound like it's trying to help.
Like it's trying to help you toughen up.
Help you move along,
But underneath what it's actually doing is turning against you in the exact moment you most need your own support.
This is one of the most subtle forms of art.
Self-harm.
That there is,
Not the dramatic kind,
But the quiet,
Everyday kind.
Dismissing your own feelings.
Rushing your own healing,
Or minimizing your own pain,
Or judging your own reactions before anyone else even gets the chance to.
And I want you to know that none of this is done on purpose,
And none of it means that something is wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with you.
But like somewhere along the way,
You likely learned that your feelings were Inconvenient or your feelings were unsafe or simply too much.
For the people around you to hold.
So you did the only thing available to your child in that position.
You actually learned to manage your own feelings before anyone else had to.
Became your own first line of defense against your own emotions.
And your nervous system doesn't just remember what happened.
It remembers what to expect.
Because if closeness once led to pain,
It braces before connection.
Or,
If expressing yourself once led to rejection,
It tightens the moment you want to speak.
Of course.
And if,
For example,
Being seen once felt dangerous,
Some part of you just pulls you back.
The instant you start to open up.
Often before you've even registered what you were about to say.
When your body.
Expect hurt,
It often finds a way to create it,
Or at least to confirm it,
Because it's trying to protect you with information that's years out of date.
And here's something worth understanding about.
What happens next.
Because it explains.
Why one small comment?
Can suddenly feel better.
Enormous.
You know,
When something triggers you.
In the present,
I mean right now.
Your system often goes looking for evidence automatically without you deciding.
To do it.
So it's almost like your body says that.
This feeling is here,
Now I need to prove that it makes sense,
So your mind starts pulling old memories into the present story.
Moments that didn't even feel especially painful at the time.
But suddenly they get reinterpreted.
The meaning shifts,
The memory changes color,
Let's say.
And before you know it,
You're not just hurt about what just happened right now.
But you're also.
Carrying a whole archive of hurt in your body.
All triggered by one small moment in the present moment.
And this is not drama,
And it's serious.
It isn't you making things up,
It's your nervous system trying to create coherence.
Like trying to make the pain feel familiar.
Understandable,
And justified.
And this exact pattern,
You know,
The inner voice that wounds.
And the way your mind gathers old evidence for present pain,
This is what I go into in much more depth inside one of my courses.
It's called No One Can Hurt You More Than You.
It walks you through exactly why this happens and how to meet it differently day by day.
But there is something small and immediate you can start doing today,
Right in the moment this voice shows up.
And you know what voice I'm talking about.
So in those moments when you catch yourself criticizing your own feelings,
Or dismissing them,
Or replaying the story that hurts.
I want you to know that there's a pause available to you,
A tiny one,
But a genuinely powerful one.
It's the moment where the present day you can step in and instead of continuing the old pattern automatically,
You can just quietly say inside of you that enough.
Enough,
I see what's happening.
I am hurting right now.
I'm hurting and I don't have to abandon myself here too.
Not because you were wrong to feel this way in the first place,
Just because you finally get to be the one who stays.
And you can also ask,
How can I show up for myself right now?
Or what would feel kind to my nervous system right now.
Now let's practice that for a moment.
Bring to mind something small that stung recently.
Anything.
Maybe someone said or did something.
Just bring something small,
Okay,
Not major.
And notice,
Is there a second voice right behind the hurt telling you that you shouldn't feel this way?
Just notice if it's there.
And quietly,
Gently offer yourself the sentence,
I don't have to abandon myself here.
I don't have to abandon myself here.
That's the whole practice.
Small,
Repeatable,
Every single time the voice shows up again.
And if you've spent years being your own harshest critique in the moments you needed comfort most,
That's not a character flaw.
I hope you understand it by now.
It's a nervous system that learned a long,
Long time ago.
To get ahead of the pain by.
Delivering it to yourself first.
Now I want you to know that you get to stop doing that now.
Not by silencing the voice through music.
Forcing to silence it,
But by being the one who notices it.
Who notices it,
Names it,
And chooses to stay with yourself instead.
Go check out my course and I see you in the next video.
