If you go to a lot of self blame,
There's probably a pattern,
A loop.
Of dialogue that comes into your mind and it feels normal.
It might sound like.
.
.
Why did I do that?
That was my fault.
It might sound like.
Stupid stupid stupid.
Why did I do that?
Whatever that is for you.
When you want to hold that experience with a little more softness,
Here are some ways that will help.
Using your sensory experiences.
This is something that we can bring the body into in order to change the way that we hold that self blame.
And what that means is for this practice set aside any intellectual justification.
Your reasons,
The logic.
And our only intention right now is to soften.
The hold that self-blame has and play with it so it's less rigid,
Feels less hard,
And is a little bit more malleable and has a room for a little bit more breath.
And as we're talking,
I'm also noticing I've got a little ink on my fingertips because I was changing the ink in my pen today.
Okay,
To start.
When you feel that sense of self-blame,
Notice where in your body do you feel it?
For me,
It feels like kind of in my face.
It feels like a contraction.
It feels like this hardening,
Almost like a little fist.
And you can make a fist with your hand.
Squeeze it really tight,
That self-blame.
How could I make that mistake?
Why was I so stupid?
How did I make that mistake again?
Feel the tightness of that and then start to pulse.
The fest.
Okay,
So instead of just holding it tightly,
Feeling that self blame,
Like you're hitting yourself.
Start to pulse the fists.
So it's these little contractions and release.
And notice.
.
.
That as you soften,
And release through the fists.
You can feel.
A little softening.
Around the upper chest.
Around the heart center.
Maybe even the shoulders start to come down.
The jaw.
Begins to unclench.
And now we have some movement.
In the same way that your heart.
Beats.
It contracts and releases.
We start to soften.
The clench,
You start to soften the contraction.
And then begin to wiggle the fingers.
You can almost think of them like leaves of a tree in the breeze.
Or you might think of like a jellyfish or sea kelp in the ocean that's just sort of softening and moving and let that movement go from the fingertips through the wrists up the elbows,
Through the shoulders,
Through the neck and the head.
Oh.
And just shake it off and what happens by the contraction and the release.
It helps your body.
To shift from this very rigid pattern,
The loop of the narrative.
And we begin to feel a little softness.
A little space.
A little breathing room where we might begin to find a more compassionate and generous perspective.
And it might be that voice of.
I made that mistake again.
There's something I can still learn.
Or it might be,
I can't believe I did that again.
Or I can't believe I missed that.
How did I miss that?
But now instead of a heavy-handed.
.
.
Self-blaming narrative.
We're simply holding the facts.
You know,
Maybe there was a mistake in judgment.
Maybe it was that I trusted someone or I trusted a process or I had a different expectation.
And then the world,
As the world does,
It unfolds in ways that I hadn't anticipated.
And it allows us to kind of step beyond this very harsh judge and instead kind of meet the full moment with a lot more love,
A lot more kindness,
A lot more compassion.
And then we're able to learn from whatever that mistake or that error was.
And sometimes we actually realize,
You know what,
I'm actually holding the blame when it's not mine to hold.
You And sometimes we learned how to hold blame because that seemed to make things easier.
Or it felt like if I can hold all the blame,
Then maybe it can be entirely in my control to prevent this bad thing from happening.
And we.
Misdiagnose the situation.
We choose to hold something that's not ours.
And so as you practice with softening the self-blame.
Of letting go of the rigidity.
Maybe there's room to realize,
You know what?
This blame that I had taken on and had been holding for myself?
Actually,
It never was mine to begin with.
Thanks so much for practicing with me today.
