Starting Your Personal Meditation Practice

Create a mindful relationship with your own meditation practice. In this talk you'll get ideas for starting your own daily meditation practice. If you already attend a class or listen to recorded meditations -- and now you want to meditate without any of that -- this will help.

Transcript

Hi and welcome.

Let's talk about mindfulness and meditation.

And a lot of my students will ask me,

Especially when they're beginning,

They'll ask for advice or guidance in what to do when they are practicing on their own outside of class.

And when you're first getting started,

This is such a big question because there's so much to know about meditation and there's lots of different advice and many approaches.

And so I actually want to address this here and not from the perspective of there's one right way because I really believe there are many many paths and many many approaches that are useful and helpful and valuable.

But I want to offer a few different perspectives that will hopefully help if you are facing this question as you're starting to explore and deepen your own personal relationship to your own personal meditation practice.

So my first thought around this is that having a meditation class or some kind of group with a live teacher is so helpful in part because it allows us to really feel connected in an immediate way to others.

And also when we have the opportunity to ask questions and to share our experience in a group and to talk about it,

We actually learn so much and we deepen our relationship with ourselves and with our practice.

I'm a really big believer in the perspective that meditation is not to isolate or separate us,

But it really is a way of being connected more deeply not only to our own life,

But to all others,

To all living creatures,

To all of the other humans in our world.

And so it really is a gift when you have that community.

And when we're all online right now and we're not able to gather in person like we used to be,

It's still quite lovely to be able to meet in an online space and have a live meditation experience in community with others.

So as you're structuring your practice,

Definitely look for that.

With recordings,

Which there are so many of,

I find them to be both really helpful,

But also we want to be in a mindful relationship with them.

So the intention is not to build a dependency or to believe that we can't meditate without that one specific voice or that one particular track.

But I like to think of recorded meditations and guided meditations in a few ways.

One is sometimes it's kind of like a hammock and being able to simply be supported and rest in a space that is created and held by a teacher,

Even if it's through a recording can be a really lovely experience and can also help to both deepen your own practice as you listen to the guidance of somebody else.

Or you can also think of it almost like training wheels.

So when we're beginning,

The mind is so busy.

And the truth is that even when you've been practicing for a long time,

Your mind can still be very busy.

That's a very human mind.

So don't feel bad if that's you.

That's actually quite normal.

That's all of us most of the time.

But I like to think of a guided meditation,

Almost like training wheels,

In the sense that it provides a little bit of stability and guidance for my mind because I'm listening.

And as I'm listening,

I'm being curious about what they're going to say next.

And there might be a direction around where to place my attention.

And that will help provide a little gentle guidance and direction to my mind.

So you can think of it that way as well.

There's also often this experience or a description of the mind as like a monkey mind,

Being very busy and very reactive.

And I actually really like thinking instead about your mind as being kind of like a puppy.

And the reason why I like this is that when I think of a puppy and I think of this playful,

Sweet,

Distracted creature who is wandering all over and chewing on things and digging holes and kind of scampering about playing with all of the other things that it finds,

Like everything is a toy and everything is interesting.

And it's like,

Oh,

Like,

What's that?

I find that it brings a lot more compassion and gentleness to how I relate with it.

And I find that sometimes when we when we're in a conversation,

And we think about our mind as a monkey mind,

We can get a little judgmental.

And we can feel a little bit harsh,

Like we need to,

I don't know,

Like tame the monkey or change the monkey.

And we can be a little bit unkind in our thinking.

But when we think about it like a puppy,

Like a sweet little puppy,

Then it just changes the energy and the emotion and it becomes a lot easier to access that sense of warmth,

And kindness,

And gentleness towards Okay,

Puppy,

Like,

Come on back,

You know,

We're always going to bring you back.

And even if we get frustrated,

There's always still this real sweetness that is present in the way that we look towards our own experience.

So that's bigger picture stuff.

Now I want to talk about the very specific details of what to do and how to get started.

And my perspective on this is that the intention is to create a really inviting and resilient relationship with your meditation practice,

And with yourself.

And because that is the intention,

My recommendation is that when you're getting started and you're practicing on your own,

Without any audio guidance,

Just your own self,

Start really small.

Start with two minutes,

Or three minutes,

And have your intention be to sit in,

In stillness and in silence.

Let your eyes close so that your vision is not filled with all of the things that you're seeing.

Like let your eyes take a break,

Let the part of your brain that's constantly processing visual information,

Let that part of your system just rest a little bit by closing your eyes.

And for those two minutes or three minutes,

Just notice what you are experiencing.

Notice the different sounds that are happening around you.

Notice the physical sensation of where you are.

Notice any emotions that are present.

Notice any thoughts or what your mind is doing.

Maybe your mind,

Your thoughts are like fireflies,

And they're really these like beautiful,

Captivating little bits of light,

You know,

Moving across the sky of your mind.

Or maybe it's more like a traffic jam,

And your thoughts are just honking and crowded and stuck and busy.

And who knows what it's going to be?

It's always a surprise.

So take just a few minutes to sit and notice,

What am I noticing?

What is my experience?

And when the time is over,

Give yourself a pat on the back.

Take a big stretch.

Congratulate yourself,

Okay,

I meditated.

And then just come back tomorrow and do it again.

Because what is more valuable is to begin to create this experience of,

Oh,

I do meditate on a regular basis.

This is something I'm curious about.

I can successfully do this.

And to start to open your curiosity about your own experience.

That foundation will serve you so well,

No matter where your exploration with meditation takes you.

And that way,

Too,

You're also developing a kind of internally centered stability that isn't dependent upon an outside tool or even an outside voice.

Like this is you becoming available to your own inner wisdom,

Your own inner voice,

Like the spark of life that illuminates your own life.

And that will serve you so well.

And I mentioned this because sometimes,

And I think this is really true.

In,

You know,

I feel like in the communities that I'm a part of,

Or the way that I hear people talk about meditation,

With this sort of drive towards achievement,

And this belief of,

Oh,

You know,

You have to meditate for,

You know,

20 minutes,

Otherwise,

It doesn't work.

And this drive for achievement can create a situation where,

You know,

You're sitting for 20 minutes,

And for that entire time,

You are judging yourself so harshly,

Because you're realizing,

I'm having all these thoughts,

And I'm really fidgety,

And this is so hard.

And you end up devoting like this extensive amount of time to being engaged in active conflict with yourself.

And I really believe that is not the most useful approach.

So,

You know,

Different teachers have different perspectives,

This is mine.

My perspective is I would much rather have you practice two minutes a day every day,

And start to really become friends with your meditation practice and to really open your curiosity towards yourself and your life.

I'd rather have you do that than sit for,

You know,

20 minutes once a week,

In deep,

Frustrated,

Struggling conflict,

Wondering if it's working,

Wondering if you're doing it wrong,

Like,

Because you're strengthening a muscle that you actually like,

We don't need to have be stronger,

Like the muscle of judgment and the muscle of effort.

I feel like,

Just within the culture,

And I might be speaking as an American who lives in the Bay Area.

But if this is resonant for you,

Then,

You know,

Please use it.

There's so much reverence around efforting,

And around getting it right and around more is better.

And what I have found is that bringing a more mindful approach means that sometimes we actually experience a deeper,

More luminous,

More resilient practice that continues to grow over time when we allow ourselves to let our personal practice be gentle and small and friendly.

If you're wondering how to make your practice more consistent.

And for example,

This has been true for me,

It's been true for some of my students,

They'll say,

Well,

You know,

I only meditate when things are just right.

You know,

Because if life is going good,

Then I'm like,

Oh,

I don't need to meditate.

Life is good.

When life is really challenging,

They'll think,

Oh,

Like,

I just can't meditate like life is too challenging.

Or sometimes what will happen is,

You know,

You only meditate when things are difficult.

Because meditation becomes like a place of refuge,

Or it becomes something you reach for,

Only in response to a challenge.

And what I found to be a more helpful perspective is to think about meditation,

Like a spa treatment.

Like whether you've had a good day or a bad day,

It still is wonderful to go to the spa.

And sometimes it's uncomfortable.

You know,

If you've ever had,

Like an intense deep tissue massage,

You know,

Sometimes it will be a little uncomfortable,

But you know that coming out of it,

You will still feel better.

So come and let meditation be a partner to you.

Let it be a way that you connect with your own self.

When things are going well,

Let it be a way to enhance and really experience and enjoy that which is going well.

As we know that everything is ever changing and that it's only temporary.

When things are difficult and challenging,

Then let it be a place that welcomes you,

Where you can truly be held and face that which is difficult and challenging.

And even though we know that things are ever changing,

And it won't stay this way forever.

It is the experience you're having right now.

And it's a part of this sacred life that is yours to explore.

And that's what we get to do when we meditate.

We get to become more present to our own lives,

To our own experience as a human,

We get to become more friendly,

More connected with that part of ourselves.

And it'll keep you going.

So over time,

As you continue to explore meditations,

You'll start to find for yourself,

What do you want to bring into your practice today?

So those are our thoughts,

My thoughts on mindfulness and meditation,

Especially as you're getting started.

Give yourself credit,

You know,

Don't diminish it.

Don't say,

Oh,

I only meditated for two minutes or Oh,

I only meditated for,

You know,

Four minutes.

Hey,

Like two minutes is more than zero minutes.

It all counts.

It all helps it all adds up.

So enjoy the experience.

And best to you on your journey.

Reviews

I like the picture of the puppy rather than the monkey. 😀

I am looking to meditate more on my own rather than simply listening to guided meditation.. so thank you very much for your thoughts. 🌺🌸

Very helpful. Thank you.

Nice. I like the deep tissue analogy. Great!