Releasing The Old Voices: Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2, Verse 35

This week, we will be diving into Chapter 2, verse 35 - how to let go of the voices in our heads that once governed our lives. In these weekly lectures, we focus on specific ancient teachings that we can all apply to our day-to-day lives and personal spiritual journey!

Transcript

We are reading the Bhagavad Gita. And It's a story that takes place. On a battlefield. And it's a discussion between Arjuna, Our hero, And Krishna. And Krishna is It's best to interpret Krishna. As wherever you receive guidance. Because you are Krishna. We are all Krishna. No, We are all Arjuna, Sorry. We are all the hero, We are all him. And Krishna can be an external God figure, External wisdom, Universal wisdom. It can be the wisdom of your guides, It can be your internal highest self. It can be your divine self if you don't if you don't separate your divine self and your physical self. This is simply the voice. Of your true path. And Arjuna finds himself. On a battlefield. And there are two sides of this battle. One side there is Arjuna his four brothers who are all they all represent your true I'm gonna say positive treats. In that they take you forward on your path. They are courage, Clarity, Love. A sense of truth, You know. And then on the other side of the field are Arjuna's hundred evil cousins who have taken over the kingdom. That is rightfully Arjuna's and his brother's. And the Hundred Evil Cousins represent In this case, Let's call them our negative. Attributes. All the things within us that pull us backwards. On our path. It could be self-doubt. It could be familial patterns. It could be old grudges. It could be. . . Let's say you had gone through really difficult times. You know, Maybe you've had a really hard go this time around and you had a difficult upbringing, You had difficult relationships, Abuse, All kinds of things. Naturally. We build up armor. To survive. We build up. Defensiveness to survive. And there's a time that those things serve us, Right? They help us get out of difficult situations. They protect our soul. They protect who we are. Sometimes we hold on to them too long. We're not actually. In danger anymore. But we're still defensive. And we still assume everyone's going to hurt us. And we still don't trust anybody, And we still have walls up. These are not in our best interest anymore. And yet they often rule us. The interesting thing is. . . Peace. Hundred evil cousins. Their father who took over the kingdom. Is blind. And this is significant. That the hundred aspects of ourselves that pull us backwards in our lives Although they fight hard. They don't have any vision of our true path. They have no vision for what's best for the kingdom. Of our soul. Right? All they they just want what they want when they want. That's it. That's what they want. And they just fight for it. Doesn't matter what anyone else wants. Doesn't matter what your real truth is. Doesn't matter what's best for you. It doesn't matter what's best for everybody. They don't care. If they're jealous, They're jealous. If they're angry, They're angry. If they want to gossip and be mean and cause, That's just what they want to do. They don't care. They don't care about the repercussions of their actions. They're blind. So eventually, One day. Arjuna and his brothers. Meaning your highest self. You, Your true self. Decides, You know what? This has to end. I don't want to live unconsciously according to my karmic patterns. I don't want to live according to my ancestral patterns. I want to live. I want to walk forward in my life. I'm done with it. So in the Bhagavad Gita, This battle within. Is presented as a true battle, Like on a battlefield. With spears and horses and elephants and all the things. And Arjuna says to Krishna, Take me to the center of the battle so that I can see what I am going to conquer. And he looks around. And he realizes that those 100 cousins He grew up with them. Even though they've been really horrible to him for the last, You know, 20 years. They kind of feel familiar. He's not sure he really wants to hurt them. And then there's people over there who were his family. Very old and that would represent your ancestral lineage. I don't want to hurt them. And I don't want to hurt anyone over there. And he just gave up. And he slouched down in the chariot and said, I don't want to fight. But the problem is. . . If we do not engage. Who runs our life? Our highest self, Our courage, Our truth, Our dharma, Or slowly do all those old patterns, Just simply take over. So this is where he finds himself. Now Krishna. Is telling Arjuna, You must fight. And what he's saying is you must engage in whatever comes before you. You have no choice. There is no choice. And up until this point, He's tried all kinds of different things. Well, In this moment. He's starting to kind of. He's kind of playing with him a little. He's playing with his, Krishna's playing with Arjuna's pride a little. So for example. Couple weeks ago. Yeah, I'll go back a little inner. Teaching. Krishna says, But if you refuse, Oh no, I'll back up a little bit more, Sorry. So I'm just going to start reading. It doesn't matter. You don't have to follow. But I'm just starting to read at chapter 2, Verse 32. So Krishna says, But blessed are the warriors who are given a chance to battle like this. A battle that calls them to do what's right. This opens the gates of heaven. But if you refuse the call to a righteous war and shrink from what duty and honor dictate, You will bring down ruin on your head. He said, Decent men for all time. We'll talk about your disgrace. And disgrace for a man of honor. Is a fate far worse than death. And so then today, We're gonna look at verse 35. And if you haven't heard these before, We have a playlist and you can go back and listen to the interpretation and discussion of every single one of these verses. Today, Verse 35. Krishna says. These great heroes will think that fear has driven you from battle. All those who once esteemed you. Will think of you with contempt. I'm going to read another version. This is the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's interpretation of that. He says, The great warriors will think you fled from battle out of fear. And they who held you in esteem. Will belittle you. So what does that sound like to you? What does it sound like? It kind of sounds like he's shaming me. People are going to talk. People are going to think you're a loser. People are going to think you're not brave. What people think about me is none of my business. Exactly, Cher. But what's interesting about this is. Peace! Book is not a boat. Battle. It's not about other people. It's about what's going on inside of us. So the question is. . . It does sound like that, But too, It seems like we are our own worst enemy. Exactly. So. When he says, The great warriors will think you fled from battle out of fear. Who is he really talking about? Those who you held in esteem will belittle you. Who is actually going to belittle you? If you stand up in your life. And start to act differently. And it's true that other people may say stuff. We're going to talk about that next week. Exactly, Your inner voice, The inner war of self. And this is where it gets really interesting. Because. . . When we look at that battlefield and we look at the hundred cousins, And then we look at the five brothers that are sort of with us. Those hundred cousins? They are the inner generals. Who will make fun of you. They're going to try to talk you out of doing what you need to do. Krishna is mirroring to Arjuna? What Arjun is saying in his head. Christian is kind of like You know, Oh, Everyone's going to make fun of you. La, La, La, La, La, La. Because what's happening is inside of Arjuna. He's got. . . Inner generals that say, Well, You don't do that. You can't do that. You can't, You know. So let's say, For example, Your inner general. Could be. I guess let's just leave the battlefield for a minute. And come into our lives. Who are the generals in your mind? Push back when you make a change. If you really had to stand up for yourself and walk your true path, And stop people pleasing and stop making everybody happy. Who inside of you right now? Would push back. Maybe you've developed a professional persona, You know? I'm 50 years old. I'm a successful person. I'm intelligent. And if I go and do this thing that's truly on my soul's path, That part of me is going to be like, Yeah, But. What are people going to think? Like, You can't do that. The ones who don't want change in me, Yes. The part that is afraid, Exactly. The voice of old programming. Right? Those are who are going to say, No, You can't do that. You can't do that. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? We depend on you to act this way. They're going to mock you and they're going to make you feel like maybe you can't do it and they're going to Put all this self-doubt in you. You know, Maybe you decide, You know, I can do this. I can stand up for myself. I'm going to say this thing. I'm going to take this new risk. I'm going to try. Exactly what will the neighbors think? Inner tapes that run repeat what others have said. Exactly. Half of those generals inside of us aren't even us. Right? They're just these voices in our head that are saying, Oh, Wow. Hmm. You know. My Polish Jewish grandmother's voice. Exactly. Mean girls. These are the ones. They're the ones that are going to make fun of you. They're going to be the ones. Like crazy things. Like, Let's see. Let's say, For example, Someone upset, Someone bothered, Someone hurt you. Maybe someone hurt you 20 years ago. And you're angry. And you're holding a grudge. And I really mean it like that, Because at this point, We're not just holding boundaries or anything like that. I mean, If you're holding boundaries to someone because it's unsafe or something, That's good. That's healthy. But sometimes it's not like that. You know, Sometimes it's just. . . You clashed. That's it. It was just a clash. And everybody blew up and everything was whatever. And we're still angry. What if your soul's path, Like what if? Grudges poison us. They flow through our bodies like absolute poison. There is no good reason to hold on to that. It's like we either need to sit down with a trusted counselor and really sort it out. Get to the bottom of it, Heal it and move on. Or we have to let it go. So what if you come to a point in your life where you're like, What if love really is the answer? What if I just need to love this person? Love that they're hurt, Love that they must have been hurt to be able to do that to me. What if that was the answer? Think of the generals inside that would go. They're gonna think you're weak. Oh, You're going to let them, You're going to let them win? Oh, Really? You know, Just think how dumb you're going to look. You know, You're holding this courage for 20 years and now you're just going to give up. Really? Right? Like that's what those voices do. They're like, You held it this long. They don't deserve you. They don't deserve your love. You never have to go back to being a doormat or anything. But to just actually have compassion for mean people who do mean things. We are the only ones who benefit from that. But those voices in our minds, Those hundred cousins inside, They're blind. They don't know the big picture. They don't care that it's poisoning us to hold on to this. So they do this thing, Right? They whisper to us. It's interesting. Maybe. And this is a kind of sensitive one to say. But what if you have been a victim for most of your life? And that's actually become part of your persona. And it's damaging your ability to ever stand up and take action yourself. Because there's this whole personality that's like, No, I mean, I can't do it. Like I'm not smart enough and I didn't do well in school and everybody, You know, And no one believes in me and my parents were mean to me and this and that. And so I just can't do it. So I'm just not going to, And I'm just going to stay here and dah, Dah, Dah. This is a personality. All coming from truth, Right? It all came from truth being victimized. But then, It's almost like. . . It's almost like because we had to justify it to ourselves to survive. It nailed a victim. Personality? Becomes our armor. Against judgment. Because if I try something myself, What if I fail? What if people make fun of me? What if people say things? So now all of a sudden you're in a position that maybe you really have a wonderful opportunity here. Maybe you have an opportunity to have a really beautiful relationship. Maybe you have an opportunity to have a really interesting job. Or a new community. Or something. Or even to change your health. To change how you move, Or change how you eat, Or change how you sleep. Maybe you just have a wonderful opportunity before you. And you want to do it. You know, You're ready. I want to do this. This really excites me. And then the generals start to speak. Who do you think you are? No one's ever going to believe you. No one's ever going to think you can do it. You see, You've tried this before. You've been on a hundred diets. What makes this one any better? Right? These are the voices that Arjun is afraid of. The voices that will say, Well, That's not right. How could you do that? Da da da da da. So it's interesting for all of us to kind of sit there and say, What are the inner generals in my mind? What are the evil cousins that are holding me back and whispering things to me? Shame on me. Telling me that I'm a coward or telling me that there's something wrong. And sometimes it's even things like. . . Maybe we pride ourselves on being a, Quote, Good person. You know, I have to be a good daughter. You know, So. You don't want to have to be a good wife or a good partner or a good mother or a good friend or a good society member. You know, I have social credit. You know, I can't let people see me like that. So I have to act this way. But what if it's not on your path? Because all of it's nonsense. There's no such thing as a good daughter and a good partner. It's just us. You know, There is no such thing. It's all a fabrication in our minds that someone else said. This is what a good daughter would do. This is what a loving partner would do. This is what a good friend would do. Why aren't you being my definition of a good friend? There's another aspect of this. That when we think about our reputation. Just seriously think about this. Where? What parts of our reputation? Are we defending? But actually are not in line with our integrity. And it's an interesting question to deeply think about. You know what? Parts of like what parts of me that I want other people to see. That's not me at all. You know, Maybe part of your reputation is you're a super hard worker. And you're always there for everybody. That's a huge part of my persona historically. Over 30 years ago, Maybe 25 years ago, I was sick and breast lumps. And part of my persona that I had developed was I was superwoman. I was super mom, Super woman. I never said no. You could always count on me. I had endless energy. Ironic that 30 years later, I realize I'm massively iron deficient, Right? But you never, Ever have to question. I will always be there. And people will say, Wow, Katrina, You can always count on her. I don't know where she gets the energy. It's a miracle. She's amazing. I genuinely. . . Assumed that that's what people said about me. So of course, I got sick. Breast lumps. My mom just died of cancer. Her mom died of cancer. I was faced with a dark night of the soul that said, But what's your truth, Katrina? What's your soul's path? Maybe. It isn't about being everybody's best friend. Maybe it isn't about doing everything that everyone else wants. What about you? You are a soul. What's your path? Oh, But what would people think? But it's like. . . Who cares? Why are we so attached to what other people think? Is what other people think more important than your own integrity, Than your own connection to your soul. You know, And this is what Krishna is saying, Right? When he says, These great heroes will think that fear have driven you from the battle. They will think of you with contempt. He's kind of playing with them. Because it's almost like he wants Arjuna to say I don't care what anyone else thinks. I just want to do what's right. Right he he's like goading Arjuna to do the right thing. When your inner voice answers the question to yourself, How do you know to choose it? Which one? This is the spiritual journey. Right, Is to be able to sort out, Is this just fear? Is it wisdom holding me back? Am I being too much? That's the journey of hearing our inner self, Which is why In a lot of yoga and tantric practices, We meditate. We close our eyes. We withdraw our senses. We focus on our breath. And we quiet the mind. And we listen to our heart. So back then when I was sick, My teacher told me. Because I'm a super over thinker. He said, When someone asks you a question, Listen to your heart. When they ask you the question, Does it rise? Or does it fall? Does your heart answer yes? Or does it answer no? It's that simple. Let your yeses be yeses and your nos be nos. But what happens is then the mind gets a hold of it and starts to choose. And that's where, What would people think? And that, Oh, Then, You know, But this person taught me that and I shouldn't do this and da da da da. So you always have to go back. To your heart. It's easier said than done. But we have to take that path towards it. That's the journey to. Hearing it. Another important thing we have to look at In the Gita, They talk a lot about how the importance of duty. Like duty is a huge thing in the Gita. Think about that. How often do we do something? Because we've been told it's our duty. Well, You know. It's my parents. You know, It's my duty as a daughter, Right? Or, Well, You know, We are married and it is kind of my duty as a husband, Wife, Partner, You know, And just the way it is. Or, You know, They are my friend and I've really been there for me a lot. So, And they've really helped me move and they did this and they did that. Oh, It's, Shouldn't I? What we're really doing. Is we're taking. Some belief inside of us or some fear inside of us and we're projecting it on to the other person. And we're thinking. The truth is we're thinking. What if they don't love me if I don't do it? Nope, I better do it. It's my duty. I will stand behind my duty. And I have to go against my truth because it's my duty. That's just the way it is, And it feels very righteous. Right? Like it feels like, No, I'm, I am choosing the higher path because I'm choosing my duty. But if your duty. Doesn't include Okay, So I'm gonna back up a little. Because Again, It's funny to say I'm talking about. My healing journey back in 1999. So this is when I, Lots of you guys know this, But this is when I met my first spiritual teacher, As the teachers appear when we're ready, Right? And of course I am arguing with him just like Arjuna was arguing with Krishna. Yeah but you don't understand and yeah but we have the farm and my husband has needs and this and that and you don't understand and then you know my in-laws need this and I have my kids and I have this and I have that and don't you understand you know and Jim, My teacher. Sad. Katrina, You need to figure out your pecking order. So I said, What's a pecking order? And he said, A pecking order is how you organize. Where you take your commands from. So I wrote down something like. Well, Probably, You know, My kids come first, And my husband, And his parents, And my parents, And my dad, And my sisters, And my friends, And you know, Da-da-da-da-da, And whoever, The school, And you know. TTA and. . . And he looked at me and he said, Wow, That's an amazing. Pecking order for someone who wants to get breast cancer. And, You know, So then I yelled at him a little because he liked that because I was also learning to express my emotions. And I said, Then what should my pecking order look like? And he said, God on top. Self, Partner. Children. And then everyone else. And we had a big conversation about this. And so I use the word God, But feel free to replace it with whatever you want. But the truth is, God, Your soul, This is the only reason we incarnated. This energy body, This soul who I am, Who each one of you are. Came here to experience Earth. It came here. As an embodied soul. To live and experience Earth. How, Why would I ever live here not being driven by my soul's true path? There's like no argument that makes that make any sense. We're here for what, 80, 90 years, If we're lucky. How could we spend that time not being driven by our own soul? But this just doesn't make any sense. So this concept of duty. Just doesn't make sense. It's completely fabricated and placed on top of you. Almost intentionally to make sure that you don't follow your soul's path. That you do some arbitrary thing. Laid out by Who knows what? Who knows who? This doesn't make any sense. So it's a very interesting thing for any one of us right now to just think about that, To say, Where in my life am I doing something out of duty? But something else would actually bring me more joy. Where in my life? If I was free. Of the opinions of other people. Would I actually do something very different? It's an important question. The last thing I want to mention. Is that in order to go against. The hundred cousins inside. We have to have the courage of being misunderstood by others. You do something different. Someone might say. Oh, Well. They probably just don't know any better. But here's the thing. People will always misunderstand you. Who don't want to understand you. That's the primary thing. If someone has a very strong opinion about something. And you do something differently than how they would do it. They enjoy not understanding why you did it. Because they must enforce their way of thinking. I do crazy things all the time. And I don't even realize I'm doing them anymore. I don't even realize. I'll meet people uptown, And I'm sure it's because I write books about Tantra, And I teach online, And I do whatever, And I go on cruises, And I give things away, And I travel, And I whatever. I run barefoot, Literally. I love going on naked cruises and then blogging about it. You know, I've done a lot of weird things in my life. All of which I enjoyed end to end. And every so often, And I live in a very small town, Like 8, 000 people. And I've owned businesses in this town. So I'm really well known here. It's in a small town if you own a couple businesses. People know you. Well, I can't even tell you how often. I'll meet someone on the street and they'll say, Oh, Well, You're the one who did this and this and this. And they will have some version of a story of something I did. Which is 100% not true. So I used to own a train station that I'd renovated and I used to do all my teaching there. I taught yoga and dance and tantra and did counseling and all wonderful things there, Right? I also very separately went on a naked cruise with my husband at the time and blogged about it at length because I thought it was an amazing experience that all humans should have. So years later. I'm in Sweden and I'm teaching a Tantra workshop in Stockholm. And my kids joined me. My daughter was in Finland on an exchange and my son flew over and the three of us did a little traveling. And we ended up at this person's house. In Stockholm, Sweden. I live in Canada, Right? I live in a tiny little town in Canada. But there was this woman there whose family was from Canada, From this little town. And we were hanging out in the living room with her, And we're chit-chatting. Her husband comes home, He walks by the room, And she says, Hey, So-and-so, Katrina Boss is here with her kids. Like, How cool is that? They're here from Canada. And this guy who I've never laid eyes on. Looks at me and says, Oh, Are you the one that teaches naked yoga at the train station? No, I have never taught or even participated in naked yoga. That's just the way it is. And do you know that people actually stopped coming to my dance classes? Stuffy people stopped coming to my dance classes because they were embarrassed because their friends knew that I had gone on a naked cruise. So people stopped coming. Because I was some crazy tantric, You know, Orgy master or something. But there is not a cell in my body. That would rather have lived the life that they thought I should be living. Every cell of my body wanted to go on that cruise, Wanted to teach, Wanted to explore these things that you know, I always wanted to do. Wow, They stopped doing something they love because of an unrelated experience you had. 100%. But this is how powerful these weird patterns are in our minds that tell us that We can't do it. What are they going to think? That weird quote, They. So then the question, And the thing is, This is really common to understand that. Back to the battlefield of Arjuna. Because the evil cousins were actually in charge of the kingdom. Many of Arjuna's family, His grandfather, His cousins, Uncles, Other people, Were also on the opposite side to him because it was their duty to serve whoever was king. And those were the people he was most afraid of fighting. So now let's think about that in terms of. Us and our family of origin. When we change. Very, Very often. It is our family of origin, The family we grew up with. That is most resistant to us changing. There are always exceptions of families that are super, Super supportive. But, And I mean real change. Like, I came from a wonderful family. My mom and dad, I used to pretend, I used to joke that they were Ward and June Cleaver. And for anyone who doesn't know who they are, When in the 70s, 60s and 70s, There was a TV show called Leave it to Beaver. And Beaver, Ward and June Cleaver, Were his parents. And they were just like the perfect 60s couple. They always spoke like this and they were always supportive of the Beave, Right? So I joked that was my parents. But to realize that. I was raised by My mom. And especially as a woman, But my dad had it too. You had to please others. It's 100% where people-pleasing comes from. And it meant coddling the man of the household. To this day, I'm still, I still have this little thing inside of me that's like, Oh, William will be disappointed if I do that. Oh, And then I have to wrestle with it. Maybe my scale is tipping more towards doing it anyway, But the program is still in there. But it was an interesting thing that, You know, My mom died when I was 25. And then I was sick when I was 29. And part of my journey when I was 29, The breast lumps. Was actually unpacking all of those rules and all those trainings, Especially the journey of being a woman. And again, Lots of men struggle with this. And I remember the challenges of actually interacting with my father after that. Because he was accustomed to his daughters, No matter how old we were. Kowtowing to him. You know, If we were sitting at the kitchen table and he wanted the ketchup. He thought that he should just be allowed to look at the ketchup and someone would jump. Oh, Dad, Did you want the ketchup? And these were the things that I had to stop doing, Constantly anticipating everyone else's needs. And he got kind of mad. Like it was like. . . Katrina. You can see I obviously need the ketchup. And I just smile at him and say, Dad. And this is me way later. I mean, This is me, The breast lumps. I had the miraculous healing. I'm beyond it all now, Right? And I'd say, Dad, You have to ask. Oh, For God's sake, I don't have to ask. You should just know. Right, Like. It's interesting, The changes we make are subtle. They aren't great big things where we make an announcement to the family that from here on in, I'm going to act this way and I'm not going to take your guff about it. That's not how it works. It's just us actually acting differently. It's us living. According to our new truth. Our highest truth, Our evolved self. You know, I'm not 12 anymore. I'm not awkward. I'm not 20. I'm not 30. I'm not 40. I'm not 50. I've been around for a little while and I'm not the same person that you raised or had these patterns with. But the way forward. Is to act differently. Even if you don't say anything, You just honor your truth. Anyone who wants to understand. Will ask. Anyone who doesn't want to understand will criticize. So what can you do? Have conversations when you can. But act differently. And it's okay if they don't understand. So it's kind of interesting, You know. I'm just going to re-read what Krishna says here. Because this is so, It's almost like, And it's like listening to the spirit of what he's saying. Is this what, Is something like this what the voices in your head is saying when you want to make change? These great heroes will think that fear has driven you from battle. All those who once esteemed you. Will think of you with contempt. And that maybe is the last thing I should mention. Those who once esteemed you so what and i know english isn't everybody's first language here so what that means is those who built you up Those who told you you're amazing. Will now think of you with contempt. Well, Think how often those voices inside of us You know, The angry one that's holding a grudge said to you, Yeah, You keep a grudge. Because you know why you keep a grudge? Because you're stronger. You're bigger. You don't care. You got the best of them. You won. Woo-hoo! Even though the truth is. You're slowly being poisoned by it. The part of you that wants to be the people pleaser and the good whatever, Good daughter, Partner, Mother, Parent, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Right? That self that's people pleaser insides like. Yeah, You're an awesome person. You're upstanding. You're incredible. Virtue signaling. I'm amazing. Right? And if you suddenly say no to someone, What are those voices going to say to you? But the beautiful thing is. The other brothers of Arjuna, Including Arjuna. The courage, The courageous part of you, The truth part. The connected part, The whole part. It's a new cheering squad. Saying, That was really courageous of you. That was awesome. It was courageous to not know where this was going to land. But we did it. The part of you that deeply loves standing in your truth said, Wow, That was hard, But. I sure feel good about it and deep inside. And I know it'll work out. Like to really live in that wise self. So I'd love to know, What are you taking away from this today? You know, If there was a phrase that you wanted to. . . Remember. From today. What would it be? Courage. Grudge is poisonous. Being misunderstood by others is not my problem. The pecking order. Listen to myself. Stop people pleasing. I matter. God and self first. I will lean into the new voices I'm creating by listening to my heart and following my soul's path. Keep listening to what brings peace within regardless. Live by my own truth and not being influenced by the folks outside of myself. Being able to stand guiltless in front of your accusers. Totally. Listen to my truth, Not my inner critic. Healing is worth the pain now for peace later. So funny when you say that it reminds me of someone whose arm is broken and we actually have to kind of reset it which really hurts. But then at least it heals properly. Well, Thank you guys so much for being here. Well, Thank you all so much. We'll see you later.