Lately this idea of connecting with my inner child has been coming up in a much bigger way.
I've been aware of this type of work.
I feel like compared to what I'm experiencing now,
I was only just dabbling in it before.
I understood the concept,
But.
.
.
I feel like.
.
.
Maybe I just wasn't fully ready for what that type of work could offer me.
And I've seen that pattern a lot.
In my time of just dedicating.
My energy and my time to evolving myself and self-reflection and self-growth and spiritual growth and this path of becoming a whole being and the path of enlightenment.
It's something that I've really dedicated myself to for the past over 10 years.
And that was really.
.
.
I was brought on by just being really unhappy in my life and feeling like I wasn't living the right life for myself.
And I could no longer suppress that like I had been doing,
I think.
A lot of people on this journey would agree there just comes a point where You just physically and emotionally can't push it down anymore.
And a lot of people do continue to push it down and they'll go through their whole life doing that but It's a really interesting time to be alive right now because.
.
.
I think it's.
.
.
It feels like.
.
.
For whatever reason.
All of the shifts that are going on in our world.
It's I don't want to say it's making it easier to wake up and embrace the truth and and take yourself on that journey,
Because it's certainly not easy.
But there's something about the energy on the planet right now that is.
.
.
Helping to facilitate that,
That is carrying that energy of becoming and newness and healing and truth,
You know,
That's all It's bubbling up.
It continues to bubble up.
It's where we're moving.
As a society.
And so it's,
It's where we're moving individually,
As well as collectively.
And it's a beautiful thing.
It's such a cool time to be alive.
But it is also.
Really hard.
It's hard and it's painful.
And it's consuming.
To go on that path,
To fully allow your truth to be lived,
To heal old wounds,
To break old patterns.
It is very hard.
But I do believe that it's worth it and I think it is a natural part.
Of being a human I don't.
I don't feel like I can stop it from happening.
So it doesn't really feel like I have a choice.
Like I am here for this ride.
Good or bad.
Pretty and ugly.
But anyway,
Back to my original point,
Inner child work.
I think maybe it's the all the time I've had recently to really allow that to emerge in a bigger way for me.
I I set an intention.
This is why I love intention setting because once you set it,
You will consciously and unconsciously lead yourself and life will help you too.
Lead yourself to.
Living that intention,
And you won't know exactly how it will unfold.
But if you set the intention,
I like to write it down.
And you keep coming back to it and you feel into the energy of it.
What does that intention feel like?
Then eventually it.
.
.
It will present itself,
It will become.
You will go through the necessary changes.
The shedding,
The evolving.
To be able to become the version of you that can live that intention.
So I set an intention a while ago,
We'll say maybe a year or so,
Maybe less,
Maybe more.
Is that the intention that I wanted?
A simple life.
I wanted beauty and art and.
.
.
Nourishing food and community and love and peace and alignment.
I wanted every part of my life to feel like the real me.
Because at the time,
It didn't.
There were multiple things that just didn't quite feel like.
.
.
It was.
.
.
My truth.
That I wasn't fully living the way that I really wanted to,
The way that I felt was in my heart and my soul.
And sew.
Setting that intention was the first step.
In moving towards that goal,
That new way of living,
New way of being,
New way of feeling.
That I knew could be mine,
But.
.
.
We don't know how it will come to pass.
We don't know what will be required of us.
So.
.
.
A lot of things started changing when you set an intention.
Your life starts reorganizing to move you towards that intention.
And sometimes that can feel.
Awful,
Like everything is falling apart,
Like you're losing the very ground that you're standing on.
But eventually.
It starts to level out again.
So for me that looked like.
.
.
Leaving a job.
Leaving my home?
Moving back to my hometown.
And starting over,
Really.
Everything kind of collapsed and I was left with nothing i don't mean nothing in the sense of like literally nothing but all of my usual things,
All of my,
You know,
The structure I had built,
The life I was living.
Uh,
Was gone.
All that was gone.
And I had to rebuild this foundation for the new life that I was stepping into,
For this new,
Not even just new chapter,
But new book I was starting.
And so with that,
I've had all of this time to process.
It's like I've been in a cocoon of sorts.
Doing a lot of A lot of resting.
A lot of Healing a lot of reflecting a lot of journaling A lot of allowing,
A lot of just being,
Stillness.
Not a meditation.
And different things have been arising from that.
And one of the things is this reconnection to my younger self.
In a much deeper way than I've been able to access before.
And what I'm learning about that is,
For me,
A big part of this new way of being that I wanted to realize in my life.
Was that I really wanted to live from my heart.
I wanted to live in flow with life.
I didn't want to force things or manipulate things.
I wanted to just live a life where I could follow my joy,
Follow what was truly lighting me up.
And just see what would come of that,
See where that would lead me.
And that that could be enough.
That I didn't have to live from any old ideas of what I should do.
Or who I should be.
Any titles or.
.
.
Not a certain amount of money.
Just like completely open blank slate if I live from my heart.
If I follow my joy.
What would happen?
What kind of life would be born from that?
And so when I think about that,
I think about.
Who I was at like five years old.
And that's the age for me.
Maybe it's different for you,
But.
I think about myself at five years old and how how free I was.
What was giving me joy at that time before the world and all its ideas and all its expectations and all its judgments and all its structures and forms and before all of that overwhelmed me.
What did I just feel like doing?
When I was younger and I woke up in the morning excited for the day.
What are the things I wanted to do?
And I really started reflecting on that.
And I just started doing those things.
I started making those things the most important things in my life.
And I set aside those ideas in my mind that said,
Oh no,
You should be doing something else.
You should be doing this,
You should be doing that.
I said,
No,
Thank you.
I'm not listening to you anymore.
Thank you so much,
But I'm good.
I'm going to stay focused.
And my joy.
On my heart,
On my spirit.
And that's a hard thing to do because we're taught,
We're conditioned that that's not how you live your life.
We're conditioned to use logic and to go to college and to get the right job and the right title and the right amount of money and all of those very rigid ideas.
And not to say that there's anything wrong with that.
But I'm just looking at where is it coming from?
If you're following your heart and your joy and what lights you up.
Does that lead you to that right job?
Or is it actually leading you somewhere else?
Hell.
So for me,
It was.
.
.
It was things like art and books and cute little shops and dancing and singing.
And gardening.
And spending time in nature.
Being on the water.
Organizing,
Decorating.
Spaces and.
.
.
Cleaning.
Those are the things I loved to do when I was little.
And so I just started doing those things again.
And it felt amazing.
It felt so great.
It does feel great,
Makes me feel free and alive and happy.
And what I'm learning is that it's okay,
It's more than okay to let my younger self lead me.
For a long time.
I've allowed a more protective part of me to lead.
The part of me that said it's not safe to follow your joy,
It's not safe to just do those little things that you love.
You can't be successful in that or you can't build a life from that I've let this other part of me lead for a long time,
And I'm grateful for that part.
I needed her.
She emerged in my childhood.
Because I needed her at that time.
I needed to be protected.
These softer,
More vulnerable,
Heartfelt spaces.
Didn't feel safe to be fully alive at that time.
So they didn't disappear.
They were just.
.
.
And now,
My younger self.
Has been.
Waiting so patiently.
And I hear her.
I hear her.
And I see her.
And I feel her.
And I know what she wants to do.
And now I feel like it's completely safe to let her lead.
And letting her lead.
And it's wonderful.
It's better than what I would imagine.
What I imagined it would be.
And I'm excited to see.
Where that takes me I was on one of my nature walks today and I encountered a dead bird on my path.
And then a little while later,
I encountered a dead mouse.
And a lot of times I see things in nature that that feel like little messages.
That I need,
That are.
That are kind of already coming up for me anyway,
And they're just kind of reflecting that back to me.
So when I saw those dead animals,
I thought,
Rebirth.
Rebirth.
Usually.
Rebirth happens,
New life happens from some sort of loss or decay.
And that was something I was already feeling.
I had just journaled a lot about this older version of me who's been leading for so long that I'm thanking her and setting her down.
In this other version of me.
Is coming up now.
It can take a long time.
For these.
For these changes to occur.
It starts with that intention.
And you have to be open.
Can't resist what life is presenting to you because you asked for it,
You've set the intention.
And that is so powerful.
So when things start to shift or when they feel unknown or scary,
Uncertainty.
You know?
It's this remembering.
What you had asked for.
And why this is all taking place.
That it isn't for nothing,
And that it isn't meant to confuse or scare.
There is a purpose.
There is a path.
Even when it feels like there's not.
That's what I've learned.
It is tremendously difficult.
To change your life.
I will not lie and say that it's not.
It is not easy.
But it's possible.
I am proof.
I've done it a couple times now and This time around was much harder than the first time.
This time around actually feels like I was ready for.
.
.
A lot of old stuff to fall away.
I've also learned in this healing self-growth journey that It's a very layered experience.
So when you start peeling back these layers,
The ones that are.
Buried the deepest.
Are the ones that don't arise until you're truly ready.
And that's what it feels like for me that some of these things,
Some of these layers that I've been moving through recently are some of the hardest and the deepest and that could not have been where I started or I wouldn't have survived it.
So it's like we know what we're ready for.
Or being guided through it.
There has to be this sense of trust.
Trust in yourself,
Trust in the process.
Trust in the unfolding.
And faith.
Faith is a big part of it too.
New life usually follows something ending.
Forests become fertile because leaves fall.
New growth often comes from decay.
Rebirth isn't separate from the ending,
It's intertwined within it.
Something that really resonated with me when I was doing my inner child stuff and really allowing that part of me to come forward.
To trust that part of me,
To reconnect with her and hear her and what she wanted to do.
Something that really struck me was asking myself.
Not,
Who do I need to become?
But who naturally emerges when I stop asking my survival self to carry my whole life.
Because that's what I realized I was doing.
The survival self emerged in my childhood because it needed to.
And she had been leading this whole time.
She's been leading for 30 years.
And I love her.
She's protected me.
She's helped me.
She's gotten me here.
And now,
I am ready.
To set her down.
And leave from a different place.
And I'm so grateful.
That that has happened.
It's not too late.
It's not too early.
The timing in which we arrive somewhere is always perfect,
Because it couldn't have been any other way.
So,
What does this bring up for you?
What do you feel in your heart?
What do you feel?
In your truth.
What's emerging for you in hearing this?
And can you get curious about it?
Can you honor it?
Can you give it space to breathe,
To be heard,
To be felt?
Without any pressure.
Just being curious about what arises for you.
Without any force or any expectation around it.
You can allow yourself to just be with it.
See what it has to say.
And trust at some point,
You'll know what your next step is.
I think it is one of those things that has been buried for us as humans,
Our innate ability to Trust what we feel.
To trust what we feel.
To not let the mind override that.
What I've also learned recently is that the body knows before the mind does.
So now when I feel something in my body,
Or when I have an intuitive hit,
I get curious about it.
I notice that my mind wants to come to a conclusion.
Or solve it or figure it out or label it as something.
But I'm noticing that my mind jumps to that really quickly.
And I don't want that to happen because I'm missing it.
So I.
.
.
Sit with that feeling.
I write it down,
I explore it.
And I allow the truth of that to emerge.
And when you do that repeatedly,
You build.
This beautiful trusting connection with your body.
Because your body knows before your mind.
And your mind will confuse things.
So building that trust and relationship with what you feel.
The moment you feel it,
You can pause.
Pause,
Get curious,
Explore it.
It is such a helpful tool.
In navigating this place as a human.
Okay my friend.
Thank you for listening.
Namaste.
