Teal Swan: The Anatomy Of Loneliness

Teal Swan is an internationally recognized teacher, bestselling author, spiritual catalyst and powerful voice in the field of self-development. She hosts events all over the world, helping people from all walks of life to integrate their trauma and shadow aspects; in order to heal emotional wounds plaguing their daily lives. I gratefully spent a week with Teal in 2015 studying her Completion Process which is all about healing past suffering and emotional upset. Join us for a very real and in depth conversation about the anatomy of loneliness. We talk about how aloneness is a deeply embedded pattern that is both negative and painful; often fueled by trauma, loss, addiction, grief and a lack of self-esteem and insecurity. In The Anatomy of Loneliness, Teal identifies the three pillars or qualities of loneliness: Separation, Shame and Fear and shares her healing technique; The Connection Process, a form of intuitive journeying. Enjoy more episodes at julireisler.com/podcast.

Transcript

Welcome to the USU podcast.

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Get ready to discover the truest,

U-est you.

Welcome everyone to the USU podcast.

I'm Julie.

I am your host and I have such a special guest for you today.

I'm going to tell you a little bit about Teal Swan,

But before I do,

I just want you to understand this is somebody who I have been so touched and moved by.

I was able and privileged and honored to do a full week training with her a couple years ago that has changed my life.

It's a total gift for me to be able to have her on the show today to interview her.

I just want to give you a little bit of background on Teal so you can get a sense of who you're about to hear from and get to know.

This is recorded both audio and video,

So definitely hop over to YouTube as well to watch this.

Teal Swan is an internationally recognized teacher and powerful voice in the field of self-development.

She hosts events all over the world,

Helping people from all walks of life to integrate their trauma and shadow aspects in order to heal emotional wounds plaguing their daily lives.

Teal is ranked 27th on the Watkins Most Spiritually Influential Living People in 2018 and is a renowned author of three books,

Which have been published in a number of languages.

She has a worldwide following on YouTube with over 480,

000 subscribers and 65 million views on her videos.

In November 2018,

Teal is releasing her new book,

The Anatomy of Loneliness,

How to Find Your Way Back to Connection.

This book is for people who suffer from loneliness and the kind we're talking about that can't be solved by simply being around other people.

Their aloneness is a deeply embedded pattern that is both negative and painful and it's often fueled by trauma,

Loss,

Addiction,

Grief,

And lack of self-esteem and insecurity.

In The Anatomy of Loneliness,

Which we will be talking about,

Teal identifies the three pillars or qualities of loneliness,

Which are separation,

Shame,

And fear,

And goes on to share her revolutionary technique,

The connection process,

A form of intuitive journeying usually involving two people,

A receiver and a journeyer.

Through a series of exercises that each person experiences,

They experience walls and blockages as they move through the process,

Both participants face their fears,

Learning from these to reach a place of unconditional love and acceptance.

So we'll have all the information for you because you can pre-order the book and if you send that proof of purchase to gifts at tealswan.

Com,

You will receive the connection process audio book and you can see all of her amazing programs and videos,

Which I really highly recommend,

And her book at tealswan.

Com and tealswan.

Com forward slash loneliness.

All right.

So without further ado,

Teal,

I'm so happy to have you here.

This is such a gift for me to introduce you to everyone who listens to the USU and I appreciate you and your time.

Thanks for having me on.

It's good to see you again.

So good to see you.

So for those that are listening and might not have heard of you yet or know what you do,

I know that one of your biggest gifts is being able to help people really heal from all different kinds of patterns.

And I'm curious,

Maybe just to talk,

Let's go right into this book because I know this is your newest book.

There's a lot of people that suffer from a lot of different kinds of loneliness.

What was the impetus?

How did you decide to write this book?

I feel like my decision to write this book actually started way before I consciously knew I was going to write this book.

It started back when in my childhood and especially in my teen years,

I was so miserably isolated.

I mean,

There's no words for this level of isolation.

I didn't really fit into my family and we lived in a super religious town that ostracized the crap out of my family.

So I didn't have any friends and I was being actually really super badly abused on a sexual,

Emotional,

Mental and physical level in my childhood.

So what that means basically is that the person wasn't connected to me either.

You can't be connected to somebody and actually perpetrate harm against them without pursuing yourself.

So I didn't have any connection.

I got suicidal because of it.

But what loneliness does,

The very nature of loneliness is it tells you that you're the only one that's in it.

So you're sort of looking around at the world and you're not a match to other lonely people.

You're a match to other people who seemed to be fitting in perfectly with their family,

Seem to be having all kinds of connections with people,

Seem to have partners.

So I just kind of tell myself I'm the only one that doesn't feel this way.

And when I got away from my whole childhood experience and started living in an intentional community,

The loneliness started to dwindle,

I started to be able to sort of feel the warmth of other people's connections.

But what blew my mind when I got into this line of work is I started traveling all over the world and it did not matter where I landed.

It didn't matter what culture somebody was from,

Didn't matter what gender they were,

What age they were.

Everybody was saying the same thing,

Which is that they felt the sensation of being isolated from everyone else.

So I started to see this as like an epidemic issue.

This isn't just a teal issue.

Further than that,

It was almost like a revelation that I had that in order for somebody to perpetrate any crime,

They have to feel disconnected with that person they perpetrate the crime against.

So to say that loneliness is like an epidemic problem on an individual level is just the sort of microscopic view of what's actually going on with loneliness.

Loneliness actually is what fuels every war.

Because separation,

A sense of disconnection,

You have to have that and you have to label somebody as other to drop a bomb on those people.

So we're looking at loneliness as what's creating addictions,

Loneliness as what's creating wars,

Loneliness as what's creating crime.

Loneliness as what's creating acts of terrorism.

And all the segregation that you're seeing within our society.

We are an absolutely separated society.

And it's gotten more and more so.

We divide the world into countries and then countries into states and states into cities.

And then within that,

You've got individual family units.

And now I've got real concern about that.

Because if you watch the way that our family is progressing now,

We came out of tribe into communities out of communities into single family households that included extended family.

Now it doesn't include extended family.

And now we're in broken single homes.

And this presents a real issue and perpetuates loneliness because those children don't have access to as many resources,

Especially the resource of connection.

And I feel like I need people to sort of understand this because we're growing up desensitized to what we lost.

When a child grows up in a community or even an extended family,

They have more people to go to for their needs to be met.

They have more people to go to for different belief patterns or ways of dealing with things.

So it's almost like the more people that are in your experience,

The more tools you get for dealing with your life experience and the more opportunity for connection.

You know,

God forbid a kid now lives in a single family home with one parent.

Like the only tools they get are from that parent.

And the way that our schools are set up,

They're not getting tools from the schools,

Especially emotionally.

So it's like kids nowadays are dealing with so many less resources than any generation that came before them that what we're seeing is really,

Really,

Really bad trends in terms of drug addiction,

Really bad trends in terms of suicide rates and everything in between.

Yeah,

I'm just I'm pausing because I was just reading,

I don't know where I read this about how it used to be years and years ago with families living together,

Different intergenerational.

You know,

I know,

For example,

My mom lives nearby and she helps with my children and it's they get me and their father and they get my their grandparents and they're getting their learning from different generations.

But that doesn't happen a lot.

And what really struck me is what you said about this feeling separated,

This forgetting that we're all connected.

And you mentioned,

You know,

I'm curious,

You mentioned connection.

Clearly the the opposite of feeling lonely,

Like you said earlier,

Was feeling connected and you talked about feeling even way back when feeling connected to yourself.

It sounds like that was also missing.

What are some ways?

I'm just thinking for people,

Wherever they're coming from,

Whatever kind of loneliness or disconnection they're feeling,

What are ways that,

You know,

Whatever steps they are,

That people can start to feel more connection to themselves and to others.

What do you what are some ways to do that?

That's what my whole book is about.

Well,

Let's get in it.

The first thing that people need to do is to really understand what creates loneliness.

And it's a tendency for most of us to kind of want to bypass or jump out of that straight into how to get connection.

But the way that we go about figuring out genuine connection is to understand the components of loneliness and just undo that.

So this is why I wanted to write a book with those,

You know,

Because I could have written a book which was just this is how to connect.

But it doesn't create as profound a change because people aren't as aware of what it is they're doing.

It's actually creating this condition.

Can I ask you a quick question about that?

Yeah.

Because you're talking about addiction.

I'm very open.

I struggled with food addiction,

Not necessarily the same as opioid addiction,

But it's all addiction is not wanting to go to for me,

It was not wanting to go to the feelings and the depth.

Yeah,

That's always what it is.

Right.

Right.

Right.

That's not singular there.

And I think it's interesting.

I'm so glad that you just said this,

Like,

Let's first look at what creates loneliness because I'm even noticing I'm like,

Okay,

Let's talk about how do you get out of it?

But I think what you're saying,

And I know this with you,

It's so important.

And I'm thinking for myself and others too,

You got to first look,

Get into the shadow and the depths.

Look at that first before even the darkness before you can come around to the later aspect.

And so I love,

Love,

Love,

Love that you are addressing that and love to look at that.

I know you talk about the three pillars as much as you can get into that.

I think it'd be really helpful.

And then we can connection after.

Okay.

So what you're looking at with loneliness is these three pillars that create it.

But the way to visualize it is like in the center,

There's this beam that's separation.

The other two,

Which is shame and fear,

They kind of sit on it in a teepee shape.

The other two pillars feed into that primary pillar of separation.

The story of separation started far before our physical birth.

I mean,

If you want to get way outside of your own individual reality,

That actually began before human incarnation,

Before even our own solar system was created.

It's the concept I,

When the thought I was ever thought within source consciousness,

That is the mind of God,

By default,

Instantaneously created the concept of other.

So it's almost like there was nothing that was not that united consciousness until the minute that thought occurred.

And then there was a crack where suddenly there was a,

You know,

The idea creates the reality.

There is something to be in relationship to,

But we know if sources everything in existence,

There is nothing for source to be in relationship to.

And so source itself began to feel its first sensation of loneliness,

Obviously,

Because that crack,

There is nothing that isn't source.

So that first crack that occurred,

Occurred within itself and it acted as like a cancer.

So the way to imagine the way that this went is like,

You know,

When you've got a fertilized egg and it splits into two cells and then into four cells and then into five cells,

This is actually the process that source itself went through once it thought the thought I began like a cancer within itself of separation.

And so now you're literally living in this physical world.

Not only did those dimensions split off,

But also we've got every individual thing within this dimension and everything within that thing.

So I mean,

We're literally just becoming more and more and more and more separate.

And there was this sort of a crossroads point where the parts that broke off from source consciousness forgot they were even part of it to begin with.

And that's,

That's when the cancer became terminal,

If you will,

Where source consciousness felt quite out of control of itself.

That was where that first sensation with an even source perception occurred.

So it was sort of difficult right now.

I'm sort of pulling people out of their human perception to the perception that source itself had.

But what was really interesting about this process of fragmentation is that every single separated thing that was created was just a division of the original whole,

Which means that everything in existence,

Every person,

For example,

Is a fractal of source consciousness.

This is everything.

If you want like the good news,

The empowerment in that realization is absolutely everything.

Because if I am a fractal of source consciousness,

It means that every single fragment that's external to me is internal to me.

Now I do have the power to create integration and I don't have to rely on my worst enemy wanting to fuse with me because my worst enemy is in me.

Profound,

Profound.

I'm totally tracking with you and I'm with you.

So my question for you is so for those listening,

This might be like,

Okay,

Hold on,

I need to play that again and listen.

And I think what does it mean for you?

You want me,

You want me to dumb this down?

So what does it mean for you?

Yeah,

Exactly.

You just knew it.

I was going to.

Yeah.

What it means for you is that internally you see yourself as a singularity.

This is the first change we need to make as people.

So I call myself Teal.

I see myself as one thing,

But that's not the truth.

I have all kinds of fragments within me.

My separate organs could be considered fragments,

Different consciousness.

My heart has a different consciousness than my womb has a consciousness.

Then my eyeballs have a consciousness.

Then each individual cell has a consciousness.

That's just on the physical level.

What I'm much more concerned with actually is that our personality has fragments.

Everybody by the way does.

So the way to think about this is everyone has multiple personality disorder.

Absolutely everybody in existence.

We just don't call it a disorder because I'm not walking up to somebody saying I'm Teal and then the next day I'm Michelle and then the next day I'm Carol.

You know?

But we're used to these personalities.

We see them in each other all day long.

I mean you know your friends.

When they're playing sports they probably have a totally different personality than when a guy walks in the room,

Right?

And they probably have a different personality when a guy walks in the room than when they're putting their child to sleep.

And we don't identify those as complete separate constructs within a personality,

But they actually are.

And we need to start to see ourselves this way in order to create genuine integration.

So the way that I put this forth in the book is that you got to see yourself as if you have all of these internal Siamese twins.

I'm calling them Siamese twins because they operate within the same body.

But anytime you feel a decision that you're having an issue with you feel sort of torn.

You're like I want this but I don't want it at all at the same time.

It's so confusing.

You're actually dealing with these,

That's the way to imagine it,

These two internal twins that are conjoined because they share the same body and they completely disagree.

So what we have to do to transcend this pillar of separation is we got to find a harmony between these completely polar opposite views.

And that's not compromise.

Compromise is not going to benefit anybody because what compromise is,

Is I'll take a little pain and you take a little pain.

We're looking for instead and in order to find this we have to go as deep as we can the perspective of either polarized part with total empathy and total validity.

We can't go into it thinking oh well that one's already stupid and I already know it.

No we got to be totally open and it's something that takes some practice.

But when we go into each perspective of these very polarized selves as deep as we can we develop such an understanding for their actual needs,

For their actual perspective that what we find actually is a third element which is a concept,

A thought that unites them.

So they get on board with each other.

There's no more tug of war internally.

They actually have fused in one direction and that's the process of integration.

So that's the pillar of separation is all about that.

I'm introducing the concept of creating internal integration with polarized selves.

Let me replay that.

I think I got that.

I don't want to.

No,

No,

That's really this is like this is brilliant and I want to say that I haven't heard it described like this.

What I love is that we all are human beings.

This is for everyone.

This is everyone.

And I love that example.

I mean who I am when I'm putting my son to bed is very different than when I get a date night with my husband.

Or me swimming in the pool or speaking at a conference.

It's just different facets of myself.

And so maybe to give an example who I am maybe if I'm having a conflict inside which can feel upsetting and disturbing and frustrating and off putting.

I've always said you have to come at it with compassion.

That's like the elixir.

Otherwise if we're judging you can't do this work if you're judging which now makes sense to me.

This makes sense.

I want to create that open field of just love and compassion and observer of non judging and just allowing for the polarized version.

So maybe the me that puts my son to bed and the me that you know wants to speak at a women's conference.

Those are two different sides of me that happens.

Do I go to this or not be my children.

So I have to put both of those on the playing field with love with empathy with validity.

And then you're saying find the common shared theme or thought.

Yes.

Yeah.

And oftentimes sometimes even when you expose one to the complete awareness of the other that will naturally occur.

So a lot of times you're dealing with the split within consciousness and one part will say all right it's not that I don't want the relationship.

It's that I'm terrified of the relationship.

So then you know what the third option is is working with ways that you can feel safe going into the relationship.

It's not actually a hell no.

But you would never have known that.

It's fascinating.

This is so interesting.

I'm visual.

So I'm picturing like the two points and then you put the point in the top of the triangle.

It's like you're reverse engineering the two aspects of you that might be opposing each other.

I hope you guys are following because I'm trying to make this this is helping me.

I'm thinking okay I have me putting my son to bed and spending time with my kids and I have me wanting to be an impactful woman in the in the world adding healing and love.

Okay.

And so what do I do what I really want to do this thing that keeps me from a kid like I have this all the time.

I don't know a single working woman that doesn't have that one.

Yeah.

That's right.

I cannot be the only person with this.

I know that right.

But it can feel very like there's two sides of me.

Yeah.

I'm just using this as an example because I'm literally integrating what you're saying.

Okay.

So here's the thing when you go completely you have to literally like you don't want to stand in the middle to begin with.

Yeah.

You want to go completely only into the one and this is we have to allow it to have a real dark side you know.

Like some of the parts when we deal with them they're going to say things like I hate kids I don't even know why I had kids I don't even want kids.

So we let it completely express itself and then we go over to the other side and usually what it has to express is the exact opposite but by going so deep into it we find out the real why we're doing things.

So I have that same split and you know when I started to work with my part so much of the stuff I was choosing to do with my son was because of the should factor and what was really beautiful is that the third option that I actually found it wasn't that I didn't want to be a mom it was that I don't want to be a mom in that way at all.

So I can't tell you how our relationship improved when I actually just like let go of the things I was doing because I should be that type of mom and I was just honest it took a lot of balls but I was honest I went into the school and I'm like look I'm not going to be a PTA mom I'm not that kind of mom it's not going to happen and go ahead and deal with the issue that you've got with it right now with me because this is the kind of mom I am and that's what I defined.

You know this is where I really am there with my son this is the stuff I really do enjoy with my son and I'm going to take the responsibility as a mother I'm just going to decide to do that to get him the resources for other people who fit into those other roles that actually enjoy it.

Instead of being like my mom was you know where I'm doing things that I freaking hate doing because I you know that's just what moms do and it changed everything but I without getting totally into that part and how it really feels about you know certain aspects of parenting I would never have come to that.

You know I was able to find that third option that worked perfectly for both where you know my career side wasn't resisting parenting and my parenting side wasn't you know in angst about that other one being like but we should be on stage right now you know.

Totally this is super it's super fascinating and helpful I mean I for those you're not watching I mean it's bringing tears to my eyes because it's something that I've really grappled with and I've had the whole like I said to my husband last night I love my children and I'm like I don't know what I was thinking like I actually not sure what I was thinking because I am not a typical mom I'm just outing myself like I am not a PTA mom I don't enjoy that stuff I enjoy you know like interaction one-on-one where we're communicating I'm not one that's a big joiner so you're not going to find me in big groups with other moms even though bless them bless you moms that are I love you but I just that's not me.

What I'm hearing also is it's freed you up and so listening it's freed you up and I'm curious because taking the understanding that everything is energetic and energy I mean even just on a health kind of energetic space I would imagine now as you feel like yup this is where I am I do this with my son I do this and you're clear I would imagine that's also affects your health and well-being and your energy.

It affects everything and it's affected my relationship with him to I mean within an inch of my life when I'm with him I'm really with him because that's what I really want to be doing at that moment it's not this there's no split energies and so it's actually this internal peace and also you know it's been a major gift because most kids get sort of limited until they look at you as mom or that or as dad mom's usually the worst one and it's like all everything that I need and that I am needs to come through you and that's sort of like you know it's it does injustice to a kid to be like I am your only resource.

Right.

So what I watch is you know he's evolving into this person that's able to be like okay well this person's good at this and so I'm going to use them for this this person's good at that so I'm going to use them for that and he's also at the same time not pigeon holing himself I notice into a of course it's more difficult to raise the kid that's more conscious but he's not holding himself into it you know somebody who has to be a certain way like he'll turn around now and he'll look at me and he's like mom I'm just not that kind of kid.

I'm like oh.

You're so awake.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

I think I gotta honor that because you're actually pretty aware now.

Right.

Right.

This is so fascinating.

That just spoke to me that's something I know I'm for those listening I'm sure everyone has different things that there are there are other things too but that really comes up for me a lot and I've had some peace around it because I realized just I've got to be authentic my me is me I gotta be authentic to me and there was a big awareness like my mom was the type that was on the PTA and she loved it she just really loves that and I was like I it's just not I don't want to spend my time there that's not how I want to make an impact.

Well this is what's been hurting women I think so much is that when we when society or even when we as women come up with an idea about how somebody should be everyone's going to fail at that you know except for the point oh one percent of women that actually fit into that the level of respect I have for women that want to be kindergarten teachers or that actually love you know spending the time doing the nurturing stuff I'm like may God have mercy because like I am not that person.

Yeah.

I wish I was sometimes especially because you know society sort of looks at women like me and they're sort of like well but yeah I'm just not and trying to fit myself there made me and my son miserable so.

Right.

Well it's also I think this goes back to the idea that there's no one person that has everything that's kind of the thing I've looked at in parenting I didn't even know we were going to go in this track but it's but I know a lot of us and have kids and the truth is I have to tell you and I know there have been people it might look like oh Julie is just really kind of like in and out and sometimes absent I'm like no I know my mom is way better at the mother earth nurturing stuff and the patients and like certain things I'm like so I have people do what they're better at and like my strength like you're going to have unconditional love we can talk about anything under the sun especially the wacky weird spiritual stuff I will be here to you know I know what I'm enjoying and good at and I'm trying to focus there and sometimes that does not look like what would fit in society and I've had to look just decide I'm I can't care like I got to be true to me and sometimes it does match up sometimes it doesn't but this is a big one I think especially if you are somebody who has a business or a mission that's not just kid driven I'm thinking of you too I look at teachers and I'm like bless you I really don't know how you do that like I was not that was not I mean when they're older like older women like girls sure I'm happy to deal with teach that it's just the younger kid thing I don't know anyhow I get it it's good stuff teal in your book you really because I'm thinking for people they're like I still need to like figure I need to read through this you you really explain this I'm assuming this process so people can apply it because I know a lot of people struggle with addiction with my friends that are that have wanted to date I mean there's loneliness like that you know not having a partner and there's so many different kinds of loneliness obviously oh I go into all of this because I mean it doesn't matter what type of loneliness you're dealing with actually it's it all has its roots in these three things so the three pillars and you said you talked about earlier that yeah you got the separation now now we move on to shame let's talk about shame shame is one of the most misunderstood things on the planet because people look at it as if it's an emotional state or a mental state where you see yourself as bad in general right but this is such a rudimentary understanding of shame okay the first thing we have to understand about shame is it's a biological affective reaction now another biological affective reaction is the fight-or-flight mechanism oh interesting so if I walk up to a scene enemy and I poke it with a stick it can't help but close itself that's shame actually so it's happening at such a visceral level the secondary emotion of shame is happening as the secondary layer to the biological affective reaction you are never going to be able to get rid of shame because it's biological you know any more than you're going to be able to transcend me coming in for a punch and you flinching it's not going to happen right because because that are our basic biology we are a social species right and I sort of harping on this in the book but it's it's ridiculous what we have done with independence absolutely ridiculous we are a group of species like a deer is like a dog is and so it's as ridiculous to say you know you're pretty dependent you need to go figure out how to become independent it's as ridiculous to do that to a human as it is to walk up to a deer and be like sweetheart you're not doing very good without your herd because you're so dependent on them you pretty much need to learn how to be alone like it's so dysfunctional but we do this to each other so if this is this is why shame exists is because we're a herd species a group species our survival and you this is non-arguable our survival is completely dependent on the people in our lives yeah it's way worse for us than it is for a deer because we cannot function before a certain age on our own like if there's no mom if there's no dad that's a dead baby so what we have wired into our system this is the most basic aspect of our nervous system we have wired into ourselves the concept the closeness with the social group is more important to our survival than even food and water and it's really important for us to get that too because biologists will not will not argue that point right right right for sure this is it's just really simple how to work your way out of this if food and water was a more important thing for our survival you wouldn't watch people who are going through grief starve themselves a lot of times what we notice with processes of grief with we lose a relationship is that people will stop eating they can't drink anymore and so some of them actually die i mean this is not like an unheard of thing for people to die of starvation or die of thirst based on the grief that they're stuck in because of loss of connection it's the most important need for a physical human so because we need and this is why shame occurs if we need that level of closeness with another person and that's everything to us when they push us away we have to get rid of whatever they're pushing us away for immediately yeah this is what happens early on in our childhood in the process of socialization mom or dad usually starts with them looks at us it could be a look it could be some word they're saying whatever it is we perceive it to be a push away for some aspect of ourselves so let's say that mom does that with my anger mom disapproves of my anger if i feel that she's pushing me away because of my anger it will cause an instantaneous reaction to push that part away within myself that's what shame is it's i'm pushing a part of me away so you know triangulation is like one of the most common social behaviors i guess within the human race so my way of establishing closeness with another person would be to be against you right so what shame does is it creates an internal triangle by which i try to reestablish closeness with my parent or whoever i need to be close to by pushing that part they dislike away from me and when i do that what i feel in my body is that sensation that we associate with shame i am looking at a part of myself as if it is bad right why this ties in so powerfully to loneliness is that i can't push you away without simultaneously pushing myself away any more than i can hit you without my hand being hit so by pushing myself away i become now distant from you that gap now between us that's what loneliness is all about there's a gap now think about this the people who are the most lonely have the most shame meaning that in their their childhood experience in life experience they have been pushed away by other people for many things so they create a separation between themselves and their angry part a separation between themselves and their sexual part a separation between themselves and the part of them that thinks certain thoughts a separation between themselves and their artistic aspect it's literally like with people who are sort of rotting in shame it's just that they have so many fragments that they've pushed away because they've identified it as bad so as to try to establish closeness with someone else wow this is so powerful it's so again it's like this happens because at some point in your life you're going to have somebody a parent give you a look it could be a look that's basically saying that part of you is not okay or being angry like you said or whatever it is and it's an instinct just like the stress response emits adrenaline this is the same type of thing it's a response that's autonomic so if you get that i get that feeling like okay it's not okay to be angry then i'm going to push away my anger and i might even i get it over again i might just say i'm i don't feel angry i don't have anger which actually i'm sure you know this that was one of the ones that i really had to embrace underneath anger is also sadness but anger was the first one and i think especially for women back to women i think that's a big one oh yeah yeah i know like yes it is well and it's like embracing that because the truth is that to have that feeling that of not being loved and connection is so great and there's studies around this kids that have died from not having connection yeah so here's the thing okay the more you could consider shame the mechanism for fragmentation within a human being the more that i push something away for myself or the more splits i have within myself the more gaps i have internally yeah i can't actually create a physical split when i decide to push my anger away i'm not like cutting my arm off right what's happening is is that the consciousness functions more like water i'm creating a split just like a water splits into two different streams with a gap between them the more gaps that i have in my being the more i feel loneliness because it doesn't matter whether i'm pushing that part away from myself or not it's still in me so i feel the loneliness and ostracization that that aspect within me feels when i push it away the loneliest people on the planet are the ones that are the most fragmented interesting and i wonder i'm sure this correlation would be next the loneliest the most fragmented are often the ones because they're the least connected to themselves or there's a lot of gaps and a lot of aspects of them these are the people that are often perpetrators or doing things that are trying to hurt others can you make that that next statement or victims they're both they fit on both ends of the spectrum because they've usually suppressed their opposite side that's why they attract one another and that's fascinating and depending on what it is the area that you're talking about they're going to attract maybe it's around anger or around sadness or well this is where to go next okay anything that i disconnect from myself i polarize when i do that so if i say i am not an angry person i'm polarizing myself in terms of my identification with the opposite trait now i deny reject and disown that other aspect but the energy of suppression is still energy feeding something and the law of attraction which is this law we're operating and still is going to respond and reflected that suppressed aspect but this is what to understand attraction is about magnetism if i polarize completely i'm basically going all the way to the plus yeah so whatever i've cut off from is the minus and so my attraction is going to be to whatever mirrors that aspect so you can guarantee that in my life the people i'm going to be attracted to are a complete mirror image of the aspects i've pushed away in myself to begin with i'll feel like oh i need that because everything in the universe is in the direction of healing everything wants us to reconnect so this is the external attempt for us to actually reintegrate with those aspects we've pushed away from ourselves but what do we know we get close to them and then like x amount of time we're going uh and we're almost having the same reaction to them that we had that caused us to push that aspect of ourselves away to begin with so we're going to end up with if i push my anger away i'm going to end up with a really super angry partner brilliant this is so brilliant i've got so many questions i'm going to control myself i think this is part of what i love to look at and teach is that's why you got to look at yourself and observe and see who are you attracting what are you attracting it's going to tell you if you're not sure look and see can i give a quick example i think that makes sense for this i remarried i was married to someone very good person and it's funny i felt like i didn't have a voice so what did i do i found somebody that was had a huge voice and it felt controlling again i don't i always i don't blame him i created that because it was the opposite it was like i was you know the plus and the minus and when i started healing my lack of having a voice and it was like the coolest thing the person i'm with today that's not that doesn't even show up that was something i had to look at and heal i did a lot of healing work on that so i had to look and see oh that's interesting it's kind of like again i'm thinking back to what you said with the empathy and the validity and the non-judgment look at yourself who are you attracting what are you attracting and then if you can pull back the judgment and just look at it and say oh that's an indication of what i'm pushing away because it wouldn't be there like i don't attract that anymore does that i guess does that relate to what you're saying no it's exactly what i'm saying and i you know it's like for people who are in the active practice of this this gets more and more and more and more intense like it gets to the point where whatever you hate the most in the world i mean there's this thing whatever you hate the most in the world you are right i feel like that's a sort of callous way of putting it because even though it's true it's like most people are not going to relate to that what it is is that whatever you're pushing away the most you're pushing away in yourself the most yeah that's brilliant that's so well said can we come back later if we have time for those tuning that i love learning with a lot of attraction i think some people don't understand it don't get it you mentioned it i don't know if there's a moment to just like explain it in a very brief way i mean i live my life under trying to understand this better i know we still have fear and guilt so we can come back to it but just maybe could you do like a quick overview on law of attraction for people yeah law of attraction simply put is the law of mirroring it's better if people understand it that way because um because the universe is much more impartial than we think yeah it's impartial because it doesn't see you as as um disconnected from itself so to distrust you and your creations is to distrust itself which part of source does but that's another conversation but so what i want you to imagine is that that the world around you is a 360 degree mirror that anything you are seeing externally is actually showing up just like a reflection in a mirror of something that's internal but it's not that what's out there isn't real that's the misunderstanding when we look at when we stand in front of a an actual mirror we know that the reflection isn't real right right but here in this dimension with the law of attraction it actually is so the the reflection is just as real as whatever it's reflecting which is how it manages and we're all fractals of source consciousness that's how how this can be a mirror for you and a 360 degree mirror for me and the 360 degree mirror for the next person and the 360 degree mirror for your child it's no different so whatever we're seeing in our external reality we have to find within ourselves that is so powerful because that takes away the whole in my opinion the whole victim mentality now people what people have done with love mirroring is that they've decided wait a minute if everything external to me is a projection of what's inside and I dictate what's inside me then I can now control what's outside the mirror and yes that's true there's a graduated step that's an important step for people to go to you know if I focus on this I can create it that's important but there's a step beyond that which is to realize that the entire point the mirror was created was for self-awareness so instead of using your own power to control the whole thing you're using the whole thing to gain awareness of self that is where I'm trying to lead people to which is that second step to use law of attraction in that way which is the original way that source intended source itself when it created this whole construct and then projected itself into it was wanting this to be a learning hologram there's no better way to gain self-awareness than the concept of mirrors right wow just need a breath that's really it's intense and deep and and I love what you're saying the next step it's like not just looking to see okay because I do a lot of this I look all the time and I'm like do I want to keep that do I not want to keep that what's my contribution my contribution is everything okay what can I do to focus to shift maybe whatever it is I'm seeing I want to shift it with my kids I want whatever there's a lot in that in that zone for me the second step I'm hearing is really getting that that 360 mirror it's a it's a learning ground like if you look at it from crap I'm here in this lifetime to expand my spirit soul what I'm doing here that becomes an entire teacher oh and it's so much richer like you know that when you're in the first phase of understanding a lot of attraction it's really exciting to be like you know I don't feel very good about myself so I'm gonna think positively about myself and then it gets reflected I mean that's like it feels good but the dimensional like the depth and the richness of doing the opposite which is to really look at whatever's being reflected and then really become aware of where that came from in the entire I mean the whole awareness that's possible I prefer it so much more to the process of conscious creation and it's not like you have to choose one over the other it's just yeah use conscious creation as an escape from awareness they really I can see going hand-in-hand but also it's almost like that next level yeah so so my hope this is my hope is that we can sort of reverse this my hope is that people can use the 360 degree mirror to get in complete awareness and based off of that complete awareness then with their free will choose what they want to create often the awareness will change what you want to create it won't be I want a Ferrari I want to you know X and X and X it might be right but quite often what it is we want to consciously create shifts entirely based on using this external world for the sake of gaining complete awareness beautiful that's one of the reasons I love you and what you're doing I mean my dream is that every human being understands this and can do this for themselves and it'd be a whole different place whole different place and that's the game I'm playing looks a little different but I'm with you like this is huge all right we still there's fear and guilt I'm like I'm making there's no guilt there's no guilt did I make that yes guilty I should add about it because you added that in let's go okay I don't usually it's really really funny I did make up guilt that's hilarious maybe that's my former upbringing your issue is shame it's not guilt guilt guilt is basically just I did something wrong it's the the mental construct that something you did was wrong that's only a major problem for you if based on doing that thing that is wrong you get pushed away in some way and so you yet again turn against that aspect of yourself so it's just about the shame T you have a question this is what I'm wondering what I think you're saying with all of this is that we need to be like I want to be on the lookout for any time I start to turn away from any aspect of myself that's really the key I think of what you're saying yes and so let's stay on shame for 10 and a half seconds because the way that we've been dealing with shame actually perpetuates fragmentation and therefore loneliness which is what I'm putting forth in this book because the way that we I mean just I want to just ask you and see if you can answer so you go to a typical self-help seminar what do they tell you to do when you feel shame well it's usually it might be embrace it embrace embrace what though like when they say embrace the shame was I mean embrace the feeling embrace the feeling I'm going blank I'm not sure I mean I think probably something around like look and see what the gift is what is it teaching you that would be my way of looking at it I don't know because I haven't been at personal development seminar in a long time but what do you think maybe you answer that you can look at where you're going is like a little bit closer to what we need to be doing with shame but what the majority of people do is shame is to try to get somebody out of it oh get out of it yeah not feel it move past it yeah moving past the primary like let's say you come to me and you're like I'm really ashamed of the fact that I feel like I'm a really bad mom yeah what I would do is to make you aware of how good of a mom you are yes right right to just bypass it and go to the opposite it's much more severe what I'm actually doing there because what I'm doing you have a split between the aspect that you've been pushing away from yourself and this other fragment which you're trying to identify with which is the good mom now what I'm doing is I'm adding energy to this side like imagine that right now there's a tug-of-war between these two I've just I'm just my way of solving the split is to add more fuel or people to this side of the tug-of-war contest I haven't ended the war I've actually made it worse because it's still there this well this is what I did find in my own experience that never goes away until it's brought into light ie like feeling it looking at it being with it that's that's my experience so the way to get the way to undo shame and integrate is that you've got to take the aspects you feel ashamed of and actually bring them closer to yourself so we actually practice love with them to love is to think something is part of yourself it's not a pure positive emotional state so like I'm gonna look at this aspect of me that's dark for example that's my self concept and by the way we have to be aware of something if we identify with something you can't get rid of that identification so you know like me and my childhood everybody since I was born is like till you're so dark I just feel this darkness off of you right I'm like so that was a part I pushed away from myself forever and ever and ever yeah I will continue to feel lonely because I've continued to push that part away from myself as long as I do that what I have to do is basically take that darkness as part of me I have to you know play the same game that we've been suggesting I sit in the sensation of being dark all right so assuming this were 100% true that I am dark sitting in that reality feeling what that sensation feels like and when I come to try to understand it completely what that darkness in me wants and everything then I become aware of what it is now what was really interesting when I did this is I was originally thinking you know this darkness that everybody sees and it must be like this demonic thing or whatever but when I went completely into it is terrifying I could start crying the first time since years ago I did this I was crying and crying and then I actually felt in my body that it was the same sensation is through like the darkness of the ocean but it was pure creation energy creation energy is actually dark and anybody who's been present at a birth can tell you what that feels like because death actually is represented as white because it's the light aspect the dark aspect is that birth that's that primal energy it's basically the shadows it's that you know this pure potential energy that actually contains all potentials within it so it's this very powerful force that's not bad but because of how we label darkness we label that creation energy as negative but I you know wasn't aware until that moment that I was completely full of that like I came in you know really sort of cut from that cloth if you will and by embracing that you know not rejecting it anymore not only did not only did it create more integration within myself but I could actually use it positively yeah so that's just one example of many but you know the way that we need to deal with these aspects that we're ashamed of is we need to bring them in and bring them closer and make them a part of us and meet their needs and this is terrifying yeah you tell the average woman you got to bring in your anger they're like I'm gonna kill someone I'm pretty sure my husband's gonna have a frying pan through his head watch out but that's not what actually happens and you want me to tell you why it doesn't happen yeah please because some people are listening like crap I don't want to feel that it's why I eat chocolate cookies or I drink or I'm on social media all the time what I'm about to say now is like you could spend probably a week two weeks a month just meditating on this concept I'm about to share with you because not only does it change the entire way that we see you know our relationship to these parts within ourselves but it changes the way that we address the society that we're living in to sort of illustrate this concept I'm gonna use you and me okay let's say you're my anger okay and I'm pushing you away like I don't want you to be a part of me like I'm sorry I don't want my husband to have a frying pan through his head and I'm pretty convinced that you're gonna do that so right now if I play an opposite game and I connect with you I create a link and the real way to create a connection like that is intimacy that means I have to see into you I have to feel into you I have to listen to you so as to completely understand you if I do that and I'm consciously connecting to you in that way I am now seeing you as valid I'm not invalidating you now by seeing you as valid and creating this connection what happens is that you're now connected to me you can't now do something damaging to me can you because you're connected to how I feel if we're connected if I do damage to you I feel the effect if you do damage to me you feel the effect and so everything that you're doing now has to transmute in a way that's beneficial to me and so the expressions that you take are now going to be beneficial instead of detrimental so this is how it would look if I really connect to you I might see that the anger really is about that all of these boundaries of mine are getting crossed by people in my life so by really seeing that as valid I may be like all right the expression is no longer fury it's setting a boundary and it's based on establishing that connection which automatically means that your best interests are part of my best interest that causes that alchemical process of exaltation that makes it so that your expression now benefits me instead of hurts me so we look at how that that is an honor in our day-to-day lives now look how it is societally because right now our criminals that are sitting in our jail cells we've done the same thing with them I've said no if I connect to them in a way to understand them completely I actually reconnect not only to my own shadow because let's just be honest they're the carriers of the collective human shadow not only do I reconnect to that but by connecting to them they can no longer express themselves in these ways that we consider so detrimental to society in and of itself I may actually be able to see what gifts they're meant to be giving what their actual message is about what I need to change and if I make those shifts now we have an integral piece within our society that actually benefits us way more than ever cutting them off did but we're unwilling to look at them in that way we look at a criminal who killed someone we're like you know what no like I am not willing to believe that you have any value for me any more than we do with our own anger it's the same process that is freaking profound I understand exactly what you just said I'm gonna just say it again it's okay kind of make sure I got it just for everyone listening to you but this is brilliant it's really it's almost metaphorical but it's both apply so those that are sitting in prison for example that's such a good example that's such a great way to say it because typically they're they've acted out to the extreme anger shame whatever is going on to the extreme that they're now locked behind bars and often we do not stop to say what really is going on with you what I mean obviously fragmented aspects of self that never got integrated clearly lack of connection to get to that point it's the same thing that we do with ourselves when we push away those the parts that we we despise the most or feel our most gracious and not exactly and so so we're we have no idea how to meet these needs and so of course it's going to continue to perpetuate itself which is what we're seeing we introduce what was already created by shame to more of a shaming process we create worse and worse and worse and worse conditions and like I can get even more aggressive with you one of the most common things that you see within serial killers is a desire to keep people so it's actually the most extreme form of long as you can get it's I can't I literally cannot have you have a free will and have you choose to stay with me so I will kill you so that I can keep you yeah that person is not somebody who needs to be locked in solitary confinement that is somebody who actually needs the experience of being able to keep someone they need someone to deliberately choose to be connected to them they need to they need to have somebody there to help them resource the fact that they're being chosen and then they do not kill people when when you do that with these particular serial killers the ones who have that motive they will not kill people if they get that need met but we don't get that that makes sense are you thinking or considering I mean I feel like this book is for anybody and especially thinking of course like in prisons and people with their that are really suffering the most I mean and addiction and recovery centers like everything I'm already working with with you know addiction centers and I might even start one of my own but my opus in my career is going to be the justice system this is what I'm going after is justice reform I want to create the alternative to the jail system this is where all of me is headed the amount of money I have to agree in order to create that type of a change is going to be serious but like I'm already in the process of doing it I'm already in the process I found my psychiatrists who are going to be observing these people I'm already in communication with you know members of the government in terms of how to start a charter program where we actually get a select number of people that are part of the mainstream jails in order to test this program and so it's like a whole bunch of legal hoops and it's a huge huge project but it's one I'm actually taking on like personally absolutely incredible because I'm thinking you know for me I haven't spent a lot of time I don't know if I've spent any time with people in jail but I will tell you I've always when you see cases that are on TV I'm like you know something I have no idea it's always been like what's going on for them that they would even do that there's something I've always had this like every human being has that same divine source spark we all do so what happened earlier on where they forgot that or didn't get that know that and so I mean you said it more eloquently and I think what you're doing is just and this is really needed I mean gosh I can't I can imagine I'm going to imagine and hold that space of imagining what you're doing really shifting because we have a lot of really hurt people that are now more I mean you're right what we're doing is you know we're using shame to try to end shame that makes zero sense yeah yeah well and for those listening that okay they're not in jail most likely maybe I don't know maybe there's some people sitting here in jail maybe I've reached that population too it'd be cool everyone has their usd you know I think just starting with even what we talked about like looking at it there's a whole spectrum of where human beings where we fall I guess it's kind of asking you but I think no matter where you are you're a mom and you feel guilty or you feel shame around that's a big one for me I have had that a lot around feeling like I'm not sure I was meant to do this like what am I doing and wanting to make my career my baby because I'm in love with what I'm doing and that's really one of the big ones for me I'm just outing myself like I'm in love with what I'm doing and sometimes I get this feeling of like I wish I could do my whole time on that I just want to help so many people and crap I have these two little people that I did have and you know so that's one of my areas I know more than one but wherever we are this is useful and healing for everybody wherever you are yes yeah this is awesome did we touch upon fear enough here's pretty simple it's the opposite of love so most people think of hatred is the opposite vibration from love but actually it's fear because to love is to take something as part of yourself to fear is to push something away from yourself so like you know when it comes to shame I'm afraid that if that's part of me then I'm going to meet with some consequence being that I'm not going to be able to be close to this person I need to be close to that's the one fear that's present with shame but any fear that we have it's about we're pushing something away anytime we do that we're enhancing loneliness I mean even if we're doing it with a shark now what I'm putting forth in this chapter on fear is that we we also push our fear away though and that is the most unhealthy way to deal with fear so most of the most the techniques that we have for how to address fear which is this basically the condition of pushing something away from ourselves actually enhances it because we have a part of ourselves that is doing that for a reason instead of rehabilitating that aspect and really seeing it as valid yet again we push that part away it's not okay to feel the fear right so what we have to do is the opposite with our fear cells so if fear is to push something away you have to pull your fear closer to yourself and this is a different way of going about things it doesn't mean that we let the fear make it so that we never do anything in life instead we walk forward with the fear so the mental shift I've got a lot more things in this chapter on fear that'll interest people but the most profound thing to understand about it is that instead of bulldozing the fear or trying to escape from the fear you move forward with the fears kind of like you're seeing the fear as a little kid not in a condescending way like we like to do oh it's just this little thing no like like it's valid in that if it has a need and if it's crying at us then there's something very important there and when we bring it closer to ourselves we know we now know how to move forward in a way that that accommodates for the fear so it's it's not that I go on stage despite the fear I go on stage with my fear and go on stage in a way where there's an opening for that fear now sometimes that's I've gone as far as to tell people I don't have the issue as stage that most people have but like one or two occasions I was working with an internal part that did have an issue that when I really became aware of that aspect that one that was in fear it was able to express to me that it was scared that everybody you know you know that it had to basically perform as if it wasn't afraid and I was like all right I'm gonna go on stage and tell them you're scared would that make you feel better and I actually did that and it made it made the fear feel so much more a part of me you just mentioned something and I know well I talked to you for 15 hours I don't want to keep you for 15 hours but I you said something and this is something I've been playing with and I think this is what you're talking about I'm thinking for people listening you asked your fear I do a lot of writing sometimes like what would you like me to know if there's a fear or just I'm feeling confused like I'll ask these big open-ended questions and then pause and try to write or listen because I'm thinking there's an aspect of you asking your fear which I don't know that most people know to do know how to do this is big to me this has helped develop my intuition and I'm thinking this is a I know you I mean for those listening Teal is like light years I don't know how to explain your intuition is like no one else I've ever been around but we all have it and we all have it different degrees different ways what do you I don't know how can you even answer that question how do you want to answer that how to tap into that how to ask your fear like take whatever you like and share what you like like this you have to every emotion regardless of whether it's fear another emotion but in this case fear has a message every single one of them is trying to express a personal truth and obviously the shade of emotion is a way of saying that there's a shade of truth that's different that it's trying to express to you you know one of your emotions may be a message of I don't want to do that and I have a reason let me share that reason with you another shade may be I really like that I want to go towards that you know so but we we look at our emotions we are so confused about emotions we're frankly living in the emotional dark age but we have to start doing is to realize that every time we feel that there's a very important message and it's not even about what there we're going to listen to that message and automatically follow the messages that we have to see it as valid because I may be having that that fear might have a message this is a bad thing for me because of a bad previous experience it may also have you know be a message you know I don't want to do this because this is bad experience because it actually really is so yeah for us it's about when we really start to to be able to decipher what free will choice we're going to make is when we get all the information that's brilliant that's what most people are missing is right that what you said emotions all of them even the ones like for me I'll tell you I can feel the weight of emotions I think we all can you feel your body when you start tuning in they different frequencies and one of my things I have to work on is I tend to like the later ones why not I just like the ones that feel good oh hello how dare you I know how dare I so I've trained myself to go into the ones that you know like fear of well-being or you know there's often for me here's come up around like you know if someone's not well and then I'm not feeling you know I get into their different fears nothing else is coming up right now but it's like it's like honestly gotta have a lot of courage I think in the beginning to go to the whole spectrum understanding that it's really brilliant not in a judging way no good or bad every single emotion on the spectrum everyone has a message it almost be like a teacher they're all little teachers oh and they're all what they're what they're communicating is personal truth personal truth which is the most important thing there is on this planet I mean that's without that you have no idea what's right for you and to be honest with you I've become more aware in this week this actual week that I'm sitting in the level of self-distrust that people have they distrust themselves because they don't listen to themselves yeah that's that's it that's it Teal that's it and part of me feels like I can't blame people because they may not know or they've never learned to do that well we've taught them the opposite right this is where the compassion should be when a kid has an emotion yeah none of us who are listening to this today probably had parents who knew what to do with emotions so when we had an emotion they didn't use it as an opportunity to direct us towards what our personal truth was to make any accommodation around it instead when you felt an emotion chances are that they turned against the emotion so we're literally all it's like a chain of being taught to ignore the message underneath the emotion see the emotion itself is wrong especially if it's negative and to sort of transplant our own personal truth the personal truth of whoever had the most control over us in childhood they're the person that's going to be it's like we took our own compass out and replaced it with the compass of somebody else who told us this is in your best interest it actually never was no it was in the best interest of the parents so right you know I don't want to I it kind of can sound like I'm so for anti-parent I'm a parent myself I get how impossible this is and it's like not possible to do it perfectly it isn't yeah but when it comes to why we have all these issues in our adult life we got to go back to our motherboard you know it's almost like to look at the the programming issue you continue to have the computer you got to go back to who built the computer and how it was built yeah absolutely what I love though that you're teaching too is no matter where you are this is my belief it doesn't matter how old you are where you are like once you have this information it's life-changing and then it's a whole new okay so I have this emotion of feeling like last night I was overwhelmed I was like I do not want to be parenting right now I just don't look at I have no desire and then I felt angry I took out my husband I was least aware and I'm like I'm angry but not at you but it's coming out at you I do want to hit the wall but I'm not gonna hit the wall I just felt angry I started to eat stuff that I saw it I'm like okay wow I'm in anger like and what's the message and I actually did say like what am I what's going on but it's even being able to pause there's more I could do with that but it's like seeing all of these emotions especially the ones like anger grief frustration all of that as like you said it's it's a messenger and what I'm picturing is a lot of most people are walking around with not with their own compass so if you you bypass this and I'll tell you I work on this every freaking day and I still feel like my compass has to be dusted off so it's mine so I know where it's pointing because I used to go to like yours and his and hers and I was like who the f am I freaking crazy maybe that was my you know and I'm like I have one it's here and that's yeah yeah doesn't work to have someone else's compass just so if you're listening and you think you have some other compasses with you this work is worth it and yeah you're just I love all of these love what you're teaching is there anything that we didn't yet touch upon that you feel like are some points that are important to say no because I mean I mean if people are interested in reading this book in every single one of these chapters where I go through what these pillars are I'm explaining how to dismantle them and then the second part of the book is like what do we replace it with you know after we've dismantled you know shame and we know how to deal with that aspect and after we're getting rid of the separation that's inherent within our beings in this way and after we know how to deal with fear now so that those pillars have fallen now how do we create lasting connection you know it's not like I'm proposing all these grand concepts with no practical application yeah well I can tell you just from the work I did with you in a different in a different realm with the completion process I mean super healing I mean I if it's okay to say I recommend that book to you mind-blowing don't recommend any of my books I don't want yeah I'm like listen people get the completion process also it was it blew my mind not just the process but how healing it was and I know I came away I felt like literally pounds had been taken out of my body energetically and I thought I was pretty pretty all right it's like whoa I'm so grateful that you're sharing this I think it's badass awesome that you're looking to change the justice system and use it in that way and for anyone listening like you know you probably aren't dealing with jail or at that level however I know if you're human you're dealing with emotions that you've probably put to the side or not dealt with and some compasses that aren't yours or a compass that's not yours and parts of you you're not liking and parts of you that you refuse to admit even exist and yeah yeah it's just amazing to me there's I think the framework of we're lifelong learners and this the goal of life is is unfolding and learning and it changes the game when it's like you know this is this is what we signed on for is to keep unfolding and learning and then it's like all right let me look at my anger and frustration and be courageous and I'll I the last thing I'll say is when I have as I've allowed myself to do that it's actually been way less scary and intense if you're talking about the darkness for me what came out of it was this intense like oh my god I just really love and have compassion for myself like yeah I can see how that was rough or how that felt you know it just it was it's been such a healing process and I would imagine that's a lot of work that you're about 100% yeah which was basically my ending message for people so you think you think that by going in the direction of these things that you don't want to have be part of yourself that it all hell's gonna break loose but actually that's when your life starts beautiful you said oh my gosh your life starts when you start to really really look at this and all of your emotions all of them that's powerful tl you it's funny to me you're such a light that's what I see with you the darkness has a lot of light in it at least over here I just think you're extraordinary and seriously you guys listening like go check out everything to has done this is just the tip of the iceberg you have so many youtube videos and other things that you offer and workshops and I mean this is just a little tidbit of you and what you can what you're offering to the world but your ability to express and explain and to tap into this information is just it's mind-blowing it's beautiful you're a real blessing and you're in my life so all right enough of the light I'm gonna I'm gonna sign up and just say thank you this is amazing and I'm excited for everyone listening and definitely we'll have all your info and how to get your book and pre-order and all of that on the in the show notes thank you thank you so much for listening and tuning in we are thrilled to have you part of the USG community by being your best self you are adding enormous value and service to the planet as you can't give away what you don't have if you've enjoyed the show please rate and recommend it on iTunes I heart radio overcast stitcher or wherever you get your podcasts you can always get more info at Julie Riesler calm here's to you and you're becoming your Uist you

Reviews

Thank you so much for having Teal on the show! For a few years, i was listening to her talks a few times a month, and she really helped me with understanding and acceptance. She was probably the reason i finally decided to find a therapist who dealt with complex trauma and deal with all that stuff i didn't want to look at. I knew in Buddhism there was some idea like 'i am you, you are me, we are the same', but Teal really helped me apply it to my life. I used to wonder why all the people in my life seemed to have the exact attitudes, actions, and seeming lack of feeling that i had alwayd tried to get away from in the abusers in my chidhood. Once i acknowledged that there were parts in me capable of that, because they are in us all, it helped me stop running. Finding and embracing our rejected parts really does help us build connection over time.
I especially love not just how your talks can take away feelings of overwhelm when it feels like no matter what we do it's never going to be okay - but your genuine honesty in admitting your limits and blockages to remind us we're in this together, and it's actually okay right now. Thank you for what you do ❤