Finding Your Keys

Sometimes the standard compassion practices — repeating "may I be happy" — just don't land. We're all wired differently. In this practice, we'll experiment with three different doorways into connection: a person, a place, and an object. For each, you'll visualize, listen, time-travel, and notice how your body responds. The goal isn't to do it "right" — it's to find your own key. Recorded live with the Healthy Minds Program.

Transcript

And so what we're going to do today is we're going to do a bit of an exploratory practice, Kind of like a thought experiment. Where we're gonna work to sort of find your keys to connection. So we're gonna wander the terrain of different types of connection practices and approaches. And what we're sort of in pursuit of is which of these different keys is the one that sort of unlocks it for you. What's different in a connection practice compared to something more like an awareness of breath practice or something you might more typically think of as meditation, Is that we are actually trying to cultivate positive emotion. And the neuroscience is showing that that can be extremely beneficial, But it can also change our behavior to be less biased, To be more open to other perspectives, More welcoming, More friendly, More loving in our relationships. And I think even subjectively beyond the science, There's this power in connection practices where we feel ourselves opening up. And that's what we're going to kind of look around for today. Metaphor I kind of like to use is like, You know, If you've got like a knot in your shoulder or maybe like a knot in your back and maybe you or a friend or a loved one, You start to feel around and you're like, Oh, Okay, It's somewhere here. And then you find a spot and you're like, Oh, There it is. That's the spot. That's the spot. So we're going to do a similar thing through the emotional circuitry of the brain. We're going to try a couple of different approaches and feel around. What we're going to explore is the terrain of three categories, Person, Place, And thing, Which I kind of got from that definition of a noun. The noun is a person, Place, Or thing. So we're going to use a person, We're going to use a place, And we're going to use a thing and try to explore where we might find connection. With that, Welcome everyone again and let's get started. We're going to practice for about 15 or 20 minutes, So that's what you can expect. So find a comfortable position, Something that feels alive for you in this moment, Something that feels comfortable, Something that feels alert, Something that feels awake. Yet also something that feels relaxing. So try to walk that tightrope between being awake and being relaxed. If it helps, You can take a deep breath, You can stretch up a little bit if you'd like, Whatever feels right for you. And if you'd like, You can close your eyes completely. Or if you prefer to keep your eyes open, I recommend finding a specific spot to focus your gaze gently and just rest your eyes there. I will do it on the camera so I can stay aware of what's going on with you. And let's take these first few moments to just arrive. Let's not rush here. Let's just take a few moments to just sit here, Do nothing at all. Give yourself permission to let go of whatever happened before this practice, Whatever's gonna happen after. And just be here in this moment now. Noticing whatever's here for you. You might notice sights and sounds, Or body sensations, The breath, Emotions, Thoughts. Whatever you notice, It's all good. Notice your mind drifting. That's okay. We haven't really started yet, So just let it drift. We're just sitting here. It's almost like you've mixed sand and water. We just put the glass down. Giving a bit of time for the sand to settle at the bottom so we can see clearly through the water. Whatever you're holding on to, Just put it down. Okay. When you're ready. Bring to mind. A specific person. It helps you feel a strong sense of connection. Someone who. Easy to be kind to. Feels like you naturally feel. A sense of care for this person, And maybe they have a sense of care for you. And it really, It could be anybody. It could be. Someone very close to you and your family, Could be a friend that you really look up to and you care about, Could even be a public figure, Someone you've never met but someone who really helps you feel connected. Could even be a fictional character from a story, Someone who you really admire and look up to. Whoever comes to mind is perfect. Let's go with that person. And start to. . . Really vividly bring them to mind. So you can picture them, Picture their face. Notice the subtle detail. Sort of use this mind's ability to conjure their likeness and bring it into the present moment. You might also notice sounds associated with this person. It might be their voice or a song they like to sing or the sound of them doing something they love to do. Or if it's a public figure or a fictional character, You might notice other types of sounds, Perhaps music or sound effects or whatever it might be. But just including the auditory dimension so that we're both visualizing and hearing. In our imagination. The likeness of this individual. And as you flood your mind with this individual and who they are and all they stand for. Keep some awareness on your body. Notice if any sensations arise in your body as a result of. Bringing this person to mind. You might notice nothing at all. That's fine. You might notice tingling or subtle sensations. You might notice gross sensations like chills or feeling of release or relaxation. Maybe a little smile curling up the corner of your lips. Whatever you notice is fine. Basically, What we're doing here is we're using our imagination. Conjure the likeness of this individual who we naturally care for. And noticing what impact that has on the body. And one more thing to try here, Sometimes it really helps me to time travel. So. . . In your imagination, You have your own little time machine. You can maybe think about this individual. As they appeared a week ago, A month ago, A year ago, Decades ago. Or you could also try to envision this individual and your relationship with them in the future. A week in the future, A month in the future, A year in the future, Decades in the future. Sometimes that helps as a visual and auditory conjuring to sort of explore different situations in the past and future, But still grounding it all in the present moment by noticing what arises in your body as you explore and experiment with this. Okay, Let's let go of that and maybe just as a. . . Transitionary note, If you feel like you want to share anything in the chat, About what came up for you while we worked with a person, Feel free to do so, Just in case you might forget later. And when you're ready, We're going to move on to a place. So we're going to let go of conjuring up that person and we're going to move on to place. Take a moment to reset your posture if needed. And now bring to mind. A place or an environment that, Again, Really draws out that sense of connection in you, A place that seems to feel worthy of appreciation, A place where you tend to feel connected, You tend to feel relaxed, You tend to feel open, You tend to feel at your sort of best self. So take a moment now to choose an environment. And if you haven't got a place yet, You can go ahead and keep exploring. And once you find a place, Try to, Again, Use your imagination to fully inhabit that place. So picture what it looks like in vivid detail. Notice any sounds that might be associated. So maybe if it's a place outside, You hear the wind and birdsong. Or if it's this place indoors, You might hear different sounds. Really trying to conjure that feeling of being in that place right now. And noticing how your body responds. As you appreciate this place. If this feels hard to do, Like you notice your mind is wandering or you're losing track, That's perfectly natural. Just let go of any worry about that. That is totally part of the process. And in fact, When you notice that, You can celebrate the fact that you did notice. Your mind wandered and use that opportunity not to judge yourself or to be self-critical in any way but just, Oh yeah, We're doing that environment thing. Jay's asking us to look at a place and with a smile and a gentle touch just go right back to the exercise and conjure up a place in your imagination, A place you feel connected to, A place that brings out the best in you and notice what happens in your body as you sort of mentally and in your imagination inhabit that place in the present moment. Thank you. And as we're doing this, You may notice differences. You may notice that working with a place is a lot harder than working with a person. You may notice it's a lot easier. Just take note of those, Let those thoughts come and go. Come back to really using this opportunity to vividly inhabit the place. Notice the little details, Notice the way the light falls in that place. Notice any decoration or any subtle attributes of the landscape. Notice any sounds associated. And you can time travel as well. Notice how that place may have appeared. A few years ago, Or how it may appear a few years in the future. Or maybe how it appeared a thousand years ago. And just notice if anything resonates in the body as you do this kind of open thought experiment and exploration of a place. All we're really doing here is exploring the power of our mind and its connection to our bodies. Emotions are often felt within the body. So our body sensations become a kind of litmus test for these different thought experiments we can run. What does it feel like when I conjure up image of this place that I hold so dearly. Really having that sense of open curiosity as we explore. Even if you notice nothing, That's a really powerful experiment as well. Any scientist can tell you that, That sometimes the most important experiments are the ones that return no results, Because we know that that's not true. That's what happens when we conjure up that particular place. So a few more moments here with place. Okay, Great. So we can let go of place now. Again, I saw some lovely comments in the chat. Feel free to share before we forget a little bit about what it was like to practice with place. And as you do that, We're going to transition. So feel free to adjust your posture, Refresh your position again. I'm gonna do that too. Take a deep breath if you need it. And now we're going to move on to the third category for today. We're going to see the connection we feel with a specific thing, Specific object. So bring to mind a meaningful object in your life. It could be something you use. It could be something that was gifted to you, Something you got in a really unique situation. It could be something that doesn't even belong to you, Like a statue. Or a building. Some sort of inanimate object can also be a natural object like a rock face or, You know. A beach even, Which is kind of a place. But whatever seems to come up for you, The idea here is not to be so judgmental and get lost in, Oh, Is a beach an object or a place? But just Whatever comes up to you when you're really conjuring up. Sense of connection that you have with a certain object. If something comes up as clearly ripe to work with, Choose that and start to visualize it in your mind's eye. If there's any sounds associated with it, It could be that it creates sound like it's an actual object that makes sound, But it could be the sound of picking it up and dropping it and feeling it or anything like that. Noticing the texture, The color, The shape of that object. Again, Really bringing it to vivid clarity in your mind's eye for a few more moments here. And if you're having a challenge trying to bring an object to mind, It's not a problem. Just notice that. Notice how the experience of trying to think of an object that feels connected to you compares to a person or a place, For example. It's all good. We're just experimenting here. So just notice that and keep looking. If you do have an object, Now again, Really start to explore that object using your imagination, Letting your imagination take you wherever feels natural while staying grounded in the body and noticing how the body responds. You might picture the object itself in detail. You might picture yourself using that object. You might time travel to the moment where you receive that object or time travel to the potential future situation where you might lose that object or where it might break. And whatever exploration you're looking at, Go ahead and do it. And notice how your body responds. You might notice no real response in your body. You might notice subtle sensations, A subtle release, A subtle relaxation. You might notice tingling on the skin, Anything like that. You might notice certain thoughts arise. Now you really can't stress enough, Whatever you notice is okay. We're just exploring and experimenting here in our third category. If you feel like you've gotten vague or hazy, Take this moment now to really just refresh your vivid mental imagining of this object for these last few moments here. And notice how your body responds. Okay, Let's drop the practice now. Just take a few breaths here to just totally unwind. Let go of any kind of reflection. I know practices like this can feel like a lot of work. So just take a moment to just. End the practice at your own pace. Gradually transition out. Stretch your body if you need to. You can open your eyes if they were closed.