When diversity of opinion,
Thus a healthy confrontation,
Becomes instead an unhealthy conflict,
Then most of the time it means there's a reactive component at play.
A reaction is an automatic instinctive gesture that takes place without thinking,
And that involves a very strong emotional charge.
As I mentioned in the previous podcast,
At the root of every reactive dynamic is one or more negative emotions.
In this particular moment in time,
Due to the great health concerns,
The predominant emotion is probably fear.
Although not every single one of us might be necessarily frightened by the current situation,
The mere fact that so many people around us are permeated by fear means that simply by harmonic induction it's awakened within us as well.
We commonly refer to this latent fear as anxiety,
And no one is immune to it.
We all experience it at varying intensities throughout our lives.
And if there's anything that especially triggers our anxiety,
It's the unknown.
That's why in this time of great uncertainty,
Anxiety is particularly high.
That's why everyone is trying to manage or get rid of it as they can,
And one of the most common ways of doing this is to look for answers at all costs,
Even when there are none available.
Anxiety manifests as a very big stress factor in our bodies,
And in such moments our minds take over,
And try to control the situation with the belief that if they were able to understand what exactly was going on,
Rather than being in the unknown,
Then the anxiety would disappear.
So we read up,
We listen to the news,
Go on social media,
And want to get clarity on how things really are.
So we end up taking sides in favor or against certain lines of thought,
And clash with others where almost no one has the specialized competence or experience in the field to be certain of what we're talking about.
But rather than remaining in doubt,
We choose certain reference figures,
Whether experts or not in a particular field,
And decide to convey their thoughts with passion and conviction as if they were our own.
Often these are valid and sensible arguments,
Sometimes they may be less so,
But that's not the point.
The point is that we take a position out of necessity,
Not choice,
Because the idea of remaining in the unknown becomes untenable due to anxiety.
But since the emotion that so often follows fear is anger,
Taking a stance when anxiety is involved means more than anything ending up finding a rival,
An enemy.
This is because we need an excuse to channel that anger onto someone or something.
At this point,
We no longer have ideas and are looking for a debate,
But we have weapons and we're looking for a fight.
This is why any civil discussion on social media systematically turns into a brawl,
Because it's all so charged with the fear and anger that we have to be right at all costs,
And those who don't agree with us are the enemy.
But why is this?
What happens if we don't take a stand?
Well,
What happens is that if we're not part of a faction fighting for truth,
Then we're alone,
Staring straight into the eyes of our anxiety,
And a few of us are willing to do that.
But at the same time,
It's essential to avoid adding more aggression to the already saturated climate of tension that pervades our society.
Not taking a stand doesn't mean refraining from having a potentially uncomfortable debate.
It means not feeling that part of us that wants to find an enemy at all costs,
That wants to find a guilty party for the discomfort we're feeling inside.
Not taking a stand means accepting that no matter how many articles we read,
Podcasts we listen to,
And interviews we watch,
We don't know and have no way of verifying how things really are,
And accepting the discomfort that comes from it,
Rather than adhering at all costs to what is necessarily someone else's opinion.
Not taking a stand means choosing not to belong to a faction.
It means not choosing at all costs someone to blame,
Judge,
And condemn for everything that is happening.
Finding a culprit will not lessen the anxiety that we all feel to one degree or another.
What will improve our situation will not be a vaccine or the unmasking of the world order that wants us in slavery based on what faction we belong to.
These objectives are just sedatives for an inner anxiety that we all feel,
No one excluded.
But the willingness to acknowledge and tolerate this discomfort will be what will allow us to find some peace.
It's counterintuitive,
I know,
But what you resist persists.
So if we keep resisting this anxiety,
The stronger the grip it will have on us,
The more uncertain the situation,
The more the anxiety mounts.
The greater the anxiety,
The greater the need to get rid of it.
And to do so,
We are accustomed to looking for an external culprit for what we feel internally.
We create the fantasy of a nemesis and channel all our energies there,
As if by defeating this enemy we will find peace.
However,
It's a never-ending battle,
Because there's always a new enemy,
Only with a slightly different outfit.
The problem is that as time goes by,
The more we fight,
The more tired we get,
The more depressed we become,
The more alone we feel.
So many people have shared with me over the past months,
Both clients and friends,
How exhausted they felt from all the fighting.
And it doesn't matter whether the enemy is the virus,
Whether it's the politician,
Whether it's the fellow citizen who doesn't ask him or herself enough questions,
Or the one who doesn't abide by the rules enough.
They're all illusions.
The enemy does not exist.
They're all personifications of our anxiety that we must give a face to in order to have someone to fight.
But if we fight anxiety,
We will never defeat it.
Not because it's too strong an enemy for us,
But because anxiety is our fear of an uncertain existence.
It's the difficulty in facing what we do not know.
It's our fragility.
It's the child within us that says,
I don't know what's going to happen and whether I'm going to be okay.
We can't win a battle against the child within us,
Because all we're doing is trying to defeat ourselves.
That's why the longer the battle goes on,
The more exhausted we become.
You don't calm a frightened child by attacking him or her.
You only do it by hugging and reassuring them that it's okay and that we're there with them.
Although many people don't like the idea that they're acting from their inner child,
Right now we are many frightened children fighting each other,
Only adding to the collective fear.
It's the vicious cycle of a faulty inner mechanism that doesn't get us to where we want to be.
But we can interrupt this cycle,
And we do so first of all by becoming aware of this flawed process and choosing not to enact it anymore,
By realizing that we are constantly in reaction,
Even when we are convinced that we are in action,
By stepping back,
Taking a deep breath and saying,
I surrender.
Stepping out of the battle,
Laying down the weapons and armor,
Acknowledging that we're so angry because we're scared,
Acknowledging that the other person is as scared as we are,
And this is why they are attacking us,
By seeing that this person is just mirroring what we're feeling and how we're expressing it.
And since we don't like to acknowledge the fact that we're afraid,
It might make us even angrier,
And that's okay,
Because we can breathe through it and not react from this place of anger.
Surrendering does not mean to stop acting for what we feel is right.
It rather means to stop reacting to what we feel is wrong.
Let me repeat this.
Surrendering does not mean to stop acting for what we feel is right.
It rather means to stop reacting to what we feel is wrong.
We don't have to stop doing what we feel is right if we get the opportunity to do so.
But if we really want to make a change in this moment of collective madness,
Becoming aware of our reactions and stepping out of the fight is what will change the energy of this whole situation.
This said,
We can continue fighting if we choose to do so.
There's nothing wrong with taking the shortcut,
But we must be aware that it does impact the collective.
Taking an extra breath and feeling that our anxiety has very little to do with the other person requires a greater effort,
But it puts us more in touch with our power and we feel less victimized by someone else's ideas and behavior.
At that point,
We can choose to either be more understanding or more aggressive.
There is no right or wrong,
But there is the consequence of our actions.
If it gives us more satisfaction to lash out at someone else,
We're free to do so.
But this will lead us to be an increasingly fragmented and divided society.
And this will not only depend on how others have behaved,
But also on how we have chosen to deal with our own anxiety and taken responsibility for it.
We're all human.
We all have hearts.
We all want to be well,
And we're all scared.
We all have a choice.
We can create a more loving and cohesive society in dealing with the situation if we can reassure one another.
We all have the opportunity to be understanding and choose to say a reassuring word to someone else because by doing so,
We reassure ourselves as well.
And God knows how much we need reassurance right now.
Take care and talk to you soon.
