Solitude VS Isolation - L,L,&L W/ Glenn Ambrose

There's a huge difference between solitude and isolation. One recharges and rejuvenates while the other drains and increases stress. Which one are you practicing? Do you know the difference? In this episode I dive into each and give some great ways to determine which one you're practicing (even if you're deceiving yourself).

Transcript

Welcome to Life, Lessons, And Laughter with your host, Glenn Ambrose. Hello, Everybody. Welcome to the show. Today I am talking about, What am I talking about? Solitude versus isolation. Living up in the mountains of the Dominican Republic alone, I have some experience with this. So. You know how often I say that we need to think deeper, Right? This is a good example of that, Like a lot of the issues that I'm seeing in the spiritual communities, The self-help communities. Is basically that just not thinking deep enough, You know, Where we're addicted to surface thinking, And then we're trying to get out of that, But we're not really sure how to do it yet. So, You know, So the thing about the surfacy thinking is that often. Things resonate with us. For certain reasons, But we don't understand really why they resonate with us. And that leads to a lot of mistakes. Right, So I think that solitude and isolation is a good example of this, And I think that there's quite a few good examples of this. And like I said, The spiritual or the self-help communities is that we go, Oh, You know, Like solitude is good because I can connect to myself and I can be totally present. And this is wonderful. And when we think that or when we hear that, When we contemplate that, It sounds really good. So like, Oh, Yeah, I'm going to go do that, But but we don't think deeply enough. You know. It's and of course, Solitude, Isolation, This conversation. Butts up against. Or or meshes well with. People. Getting away from society or not being around people and, You know, Often. One of the main reasons is that people want to get away from other people is toxicity. Oh, They're toxic. Oh, I need to get away. Oh, The world's messed up. I need to get away from that. And, You know, At first glance, I think people feel that that's what I've done. Moving to the to the mounds of Dominican Republic, And it's not it has really nothing to do with that. That's not why I moved here. I didn't move here to get away from people. I didn't move here because I didn't like the United States or that I don't like people or it's it's I didn't move here to get away from anything, To escape anything. You know, I don't think we can make moves like that. We can't make life decisions based on what we don't want, Because that's fear based decision making. We have to make decisions based on what we do want. You know, And and the ego will talk you into doing this really easily because isolation is great for the ego because it you can control the ego can control you better. If you're in isolation, Your ego can control you completely because you don't have outside influences questioning it. You're just trapped in your own head and it's controlling what's going on in your own head. So it's like, Oh, This is even easier. This is even better. Right. So. So, You know, Your mind can go, Oh, No, I'm not getting I'm not looking to get away from people, I just want to be peaceful. Oh, Oh, OK, Wonderful. And then you go get away from everybody and you're actually isolating. You're not practicing solitude. Because it's simply not true. You are you you are isolating yourself to get away from people. So that that's a fear based mentality. So. Yeah, We just have to think deeper. OK, So so and you have to be able to be honest with yourself. And sometimes that's tricky. I mean, I get it. I'm not trying to put anybody down. I mean, Sometimes I'm doing something and then down the road, Especially if something isn't working out the way that I expected it to. If I dive deeper, All of a sudden I find out, Wait a minute. No, I've been lying to myself. You know, It happens. It happens a lot less now than ever before. But sure, It still happens a little bit. So we have to practice this and be honest with ourselves. And, You know, One good way to tell if you're practicing solitude or you're in isolation is. How do you feel? How do you feel on a daily basis? Just that's one way. Just that. How do I feel? Right. And then but the other one that I was going to say is, How do you feel when you get back out into public? See, A lot of times if you pay attention, A lot of times that when people are talking about being alone in one way, Shape or form. They'll either talk negatively about what they're trying to get away from. So that's a clue right there. Or they'll say like, Oh, I went out, I went out back in public and and I couldn't handle it. Oh, I was taking on everybody's energy. It was very hard. Or there's so much toxicity. I had to get back home alone. Now I know why I don't go out. A lot of people even use animals, You know, Like, Oh, I I'll hang out with animals, But I can't stand people. It's like, Well, So they spend all their time with animals because the animals don't talk back. The animals don't have their own ideas. Right. So so there's no there's no interaction. Basically, It's like you're living in a vacuum when you're isolating. And you don't get better like things. Isolation does not heal. It does not refresh. See, That's the main difference is solitude does. If you're practicing solitude for the right reasons, Then you should be more refreshed. You should be more at ease. You should be less fearful. These types of things. And like if you're just sitting there trying to control everything that happens around you and you and you get things pretty simple, You know, Nowadays we can control a lot. It's harder up in the mountains of the Dominican Republic. Granted, But even myself, To some degree, If I just want to stay in my little world, I can control things enough. To give me the illusion of control. And to create my own little vacuum. Right. And I have to be careful of that, Honestly, I mean. I've experienced aspects of this. And had to pull myself out and go, Whoa, Wait a minute, Glenn, Like you're like you don't feel better after spending time alone, You feel worse. You feel more fearful when you go out into public than you did before. That ain't good. You're doing something wrong. See, This is this is what we have to. This is why we have to think deeply. This is often how, You know, We can figure out if we need to make adjustments or not. Is this serving me? Am I getting what I wanted to get or thought I would get out of practicing this? So if you're practicing solitude, You know, You should be enjoying the presence of yourself. You should be happier. You should be able to recharge while you're there. And then when you go back out into public, You should be able to handle the public better. Now, If you're if you're isolating and you're spending a lot of time on your own and it's getting harder and harder to go out and you like going out less and less, Then you are not practicing solitude. You are practicing isolation. And it's dangerous. It's like isolation is severely dangerous because if it's it's fear and fear knows one thing, It's it's to take over more and more. You know, It's like cancer, It only knows more. And it will completely destroy your life while under the guise of trying to protect you. This is why we have so many shut ins nowadays. You know, I mean, It's easier to become a shut in now because, You know, You can have food delivered to your house and, You know, All kinds of stuff. So you never even work from home, So you don't even have to leave your house. And it's very dangerous because isolation is dangerous because we need feedback. We we we can't say stay trapped in our heads. You know, I've talked about this before. It's it's like people. People think like food and water and shelter are the only things we need in this life, And it's like we're we're we're not robots. It's not like we don't just need oil or gas. You know, Like we need other things to stay. Healthy and functioning. And, You know, From a psychological and emotional standpoint. And one of the main ones is other people. We're not created to live in vacuums. We're created to live in communities. And right now, Isolation and individuality and independence is way overrated. I mean, I'm gigantically independent. I'm probably more independent than. Possibly anybody that I know. But I don't look at it as like. I mean, Of course, There's huge assets and being able to be independent. And I and I love those assets, But I'm looking for the middle ground always. I'm looking for balance. It's not it's not one way. It's OK. I have the capability of being independent. But what do I balance that with? I need to balance that with community. You know, So we have to keep this in mind. Because, You know, You put a. A person on a deserted island all alone and you go pick him up a few years later, And he's. Making faces on volleyballs, You know, Like I mean, It's like you literally go insane trapped inside your own head. You do. And you don't have to be on an island to do it. You know, It was like like I contemplate a lot. I think a lot. And. And I've been through a lot, You know, And it was like working with a life coach when I was going through the custody stuff with my son. It was highly valuable because. You know, I was working through so many things, It was like I was building my business. I was learning how to be a single, A truly all alone, Single parent, 24-7, Not, You know, Four days a week with one sleepover. Now it was complete and it was 24-7. That was a big adjustment. All the court proceedings that went on for a year and a half. Like it was you know, There was a lot to it. And I was navigating all this stuff. And I'm independent and I'm strong and I'm intelligent enough to handle all these things and and all this. Like. But that interdependence or on myself, It was just too much, You know, And I would think things through sometimes and I'd get on a call with my life coach and and I'm talking and I'm like, OK, I've been thinking it over. I think I'm going to do this, This, This and this. And and I'm hearing it as it came out my mouth. And I'm like, Oh, My God, That doesn't make any sense. Why did that make sense in my head? So I'm like, No, OK, I'm looking at that wrong. I shouldn't be doing this. I should be doing this, This and this, Because if I come in from this angle, That's what's going to give me the results that I want. And this is how I should handle that situation. Because that's fear based in this love bit. And it's like, Yeah. And, You know, And then getting that confirmation from my life coach going like, Yes, Now you're right before you were crazy. Now you're thinking clearly. And that is the avenue and the line of thinking that you want to follow. You're on track again now. It's like, Oh, OK, Thank you. So sounding boards are real. Confirmation is real. It's some of the big things that I get paid for as a life coach. But those things are highly, Highly valuable. Right. So. We can get trapped in our own heads and we will if we're not careful. So that's another, You know. Cautionary tale of of isolation versus solitude. We get mentally dull when we're not interacting with other people, Exchanging ideas, Exploring other thought forms. And right now this is very, You know, Right now a lot of people are practicing a form of isolation while they're surrounded by other people. And what they're doing is they're isolating their thoughts. They're isolating. Like if you're just watching whatever news channel that you like. You're creating isolation. You're creating a vacuum. So, You know, If if the the left watches the left TV channel only and not the right, Then it creates a vacuum. And I understand why people don't want to watch the right because it's annoying if you're on the left and the people on the on the right don't want to watch the left because it's annoying. But if you if you watch both briefly, You'll probably stop watching either because hopefully you'll realize that they're both lying. You know that it's like if you watch both, Because that's what I did, You know, Like with years ago when some of this stuff was happening and I was learning how to navigate it and interact with it, I would inform myself of both sides, Not one side. You know, This is what people are doing now, And this is why it's so dangerous, Because they're creating a vacuum of information coming from one side. If you look at both sides and they go, OK, This is happening for the betterment of the people in in the country. You go, Wow, This is happening for the betterment of the people in the country. This is wonderful. This is my side. My side's wonderful. And they're doing wonderful things. And then you look at the other side and it says, No, This is happening for the detriment of your country. It's like, Wait, They're saying the exact opposite about the exact same thing. How can it be? Oh, And then you start seeing that like. What makes me laugh, Honestly, Is that people think one side lies and the other side doesn't. That's literally comical to me. Yeah, That's what's happening. That's a realistic view of the world. One side is lying. Everything out of their mouth is a lie. And then the other side, Everything out of their mouth is the truth. Like first, How do you know a politician is lying? Because his mouth is moving or her mouth is moving. That's how, You know, Like it's all lies. We don't have any idea what's going on behind the scenes, What's actually stimulating decisions and actions in the government. We have no idea, None. I've said that a thousand times. Unfortunately, It bears repeating. We don't know. Right. So what we have to be careful of doing, Though, Is not believing information coming out of the vacuum just because it resonates with us. Of course, It resonates with you. It's your side. They're telling you what you want to hear to get you jacked up to defend their side, And you're doing it. Nobody looks at the facts behind anything anymore. They just does it feel good when I hear it? Yes. Oh, OK. Well, Then that's a fact. Oh, My God. So. See, The the vacuum of information is basically the same as isolation because you don't allow anything that doesn't resonate with you. And I think I talked about this on another podcast. It's you see it in the spiritual community a lot, Because like what people say is they, You know, They get really good at the words of spirituality and they create this whole identity around being spiritual and they're all locked in and this is their way of life. And and like people who can communicate well. It's even more dangerous if they're not grounded in reality, If they're in these vacuums and what they're doing is they're actually creating their own vacuums. So you can look for this. And I'm sure it'll be pretty easy to find. Like if you're reading or listening to to spiritual people talk, Like if you notice a lot of times what they'll say is that they'll they'll say their side and it's very detailed and and well spoken and all this stuff. And and then they then like either in the comments after. Or even they're even putting it in the post on social media now, They're baking it right into the post at this point, Because it's it's it's such a sealant to what they're saying is they'll base. They're basically saying like, Oh, My God, I can't even count how many times I've had people try to use this against me because, You know, Like they express their way of looking at things and they say, Well, If anybody disagrees with them, Then they go, Well, Boy, This this is this must be triggering you. You must have something unhealed inside because. I'm just preaching love over here and there is no other way to look at it. So if you're if you disagree with what I'm saying, Then therefore you must have something unhealed that's being triggered inside of you and you need to go do some healing work because you're obviously very sick. And if you do agree with me, Well, Then you're very enlightened and congratulations on the work that you've done. And all that does is it creates a vacuum. Everybody, Anybody that agrees with you is healthy and loving and a wonderful person. Anybody that disagrees with you has a different perspective, Is triggered and unhealthy, And they need to go do some work on themselves. Do you see how that just creates a vacuum? So, You know, They're they're closed minded already by setting that up and they're ensuring they stay closed minded. Because you can't bring in a different perspective, They're right. And if you say anything other than that, Then. Then you're sick and you need help. Oh, I'm sorry, That just makes me laugh. This is it's another way that this dynamic, This energy, This isolation is is happening. So when you're in solitude, You want to be working on yourself in solitude. You want to be enjoying the presence that is you, Not denying the world around you, Not denying your humanness. You see, This is what you know what this is. This is basically the modern version of what Buddha did. And many, Many, Many other people did, Especially with the in India, With the aesthetics, What they did. You know, Buddha became like very famous as an aesthetic, As somebody who denies their body, Basically. So, You know, They would starve themselves. They would hold their hand in the air for years. They would, You know, Survive on a grain of rice a day. And, You know, Like all this stuff, They would basically what they were doing is they were denying their body. Did not, You know, And and they would do it for a lifetime. Now, When Buddha finally said this isn't working. Like I've been doing this for years, I've become famous amongst the others for it because I'm so disciplined, I am so consistent, I do this so well. I deny my body, Which is basically our humanness, Our human presence on Earth. I deny this better than most. And I am not I'm not awakening. I'm not awakening. So he starts eating and people like, Oh, He caved. He failed. I can't believe it. He was this one that we looked up to because he was so good at it. And then he caved and he started eating. I thought he had to follow through that it took, You know. And he was like, It's not working. I'm not enlightened denying my body. And that's when he sat under the Bodhi tree and refused to move until the awakened and the rest of the story comes and he awakens. Right. So it's because it's not denial of our body. Denial of anything is not spirituality. Spirituality, Wholeness is inclusion. And I'll take the word spirituality of it. What we are looking for is wholeness. We are one with all. We are we are connected. Inclusion is is is. Inclusion is what we're doing. Like, Look what Jesus taught. Right. Jesus taught inclusion. That's why he was killed. Like he was killed because he was like, No, No, No. We have to love everybody. And it's not about all the rules that your religions have. It's about inclusiveness. And we are all one. And yes, We love we love the center, Too. Yes, We we're all one. It's it's inclusion. See, Seclusion or exclusion is never part of love. Love is unconditional love. It's it's love for all. Total love that that's that's the direction we're going in. So if we're denying or excluding or pushing away from or avoiding this, We cannot find love through avoidance. Oh, I don't like that person. I don't like the way they behave. I don't like the way their energy feels. So I'm going to avoid them. Oh, Well, OK. Well, You're not going to become more spiritual. You know, It's easy to be spiritual sitting in in a. It, You know, In a room with a bunch of monks. Twenty four, Seven to 50 years, Like it's pretty easy to be spiritual in that dynamic, Not saying that everybody could do it. I'm saying it's a heck of a lot easier than living in the world, Interacting with others, Being spiritual. That's, You know, Being love. Isolation, Separation, Exclusion, Denial, None of this avoidance, None of that leads to any place good. It's all symptoms of the ego. And it's a symptom of non growth. I mean, What do we do like, You know, When when things get difficult, We stuff our feelings, Right, We avoid them, We we push them so we don't feel is that healthy? No, Of course it's not healthy. OK, Then what is healthy? Well, If we experience something we don't like and we allow ourselves to feel it, We don't deny it. That is healthy. Oh, OK. See, This is and everything is like that. And we just got to be careful about the the. Story we tell ourselves. Because, You know, Why am I even doing this podcast? It's because many people have told themselves the story of solitude. Solitude is an aspect. Jesus practiced solitude. You know, Jesus went out in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. You know, Jesus often went off on his own in solitude. And but what did he do? He came back better. He came back stronger. He came back with more clarity. He came back better capable of handling situations. That's why he went. It was the whole point, Right? He didn't go to avoid. He didn't go off and then come back and go, Oh, My God, I can't handle you people, I'm going off again. No, He came back and did what he needed to do through the strength and the clarity and the resolve that he found when he was in solitude. Right. So this is that's really the best litmus test. Are you becoming a better version of you yourself when you're back into public? If being back into public is is more difficult. If you then you're you're isolating, You're not practicing solitude because you're not becoming a better version of yourself. You're not growing. You're not expanding. You're not becoming more inclusive. You're not becoming more loving. You're becoming more judgment, Judgmental. You're becoming more, You know, More easily angered. You have less of a tolerance for the people in the world. Well, Then you're doing something wrong. And everybody goes, Well, No, The the people are worse. It's a. That's external, Man. We can't be blaming our reality. How we interact with life, How we feel on other people. It's not the outside world. We don't have control over the outside world, So the outside world doesn't have to be OK for us to be peaceful, Happy and loving, It's not how it works. We have to be peaceful, Happy and loving and bring that out into the world. So hopefully that makes some sense. Let's see. See if there's anything. Yeah, This is basically it, You know. Oh, Yeah, The other thing I was I was just going to touch on briefly is there's I was actually surprised when I looked this up a little bit, How detrimental it can be from a physical standpoint. You know, There's there like when I when I looked it up, I just looked it up briefly, Like extremely briefly, Like I usually do. But, You know, What I'm seeing, I saw that it actually triggers being alone. Like. Solitude can reduce stress and increase feelings of freedom, Right? That's exactly the stuff type of stuff I was talking about. Conversely, Chronic isolation triggers stress hormones, Suppresses the immune system and can be as physically harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Now, I don't know why the heck they came up with that. And I don't even know if it's true because I don't believe everything that I read on the Internet. But I do believe that it's negative and it has biological impact. You know, Solitude can recharge your nervous system. You know, If we disconnect, You know, Hey, The world is very busy and it's very difficult, You know, And it's it's it's not easy interacting with the dysfunction in certain situations. Sometimes it's a lot easier than people give it credit to. When people start pulling away, They're like, Oh, My God, I was somebody said something negative near the broccoli. And I just I can't take that. It's like, OK, That's a problem with you, Not with the problem at the broccoli. Like you just hear or stand near somebody that isn't happy and upbeat and you have to go curl up in a ball somewhere. That's a problem with you. OK, So. So like I know that that. Isolation can lower your immune system, Cause more stress. And make you less capable of handling external situations. So, Of course, It has a biological impact. Just increasing your stress levels lowers your immune system right there. Like it's so if your immune system is lowered, Then you're going to get more chronic diseases like cancer and things like this. Plus, You're probably going to get sick more often just with regular. Your body can't fight off the everyday germs anymore because it's it's compromised all the time. So this is isolation actually does that. And increases our stress levels. So, Of course, Is going to have a biological impact. I didn't I don't know about the 15 is harmful is smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I mean, I don't I don't doubt it, But it just seems like kind of a weird thing to throw in there out of the blue. But anyway, It does impact us. So. Focus on what you're doing. Why you're doing it, Use this as an opportunity to be honest with yourself. Am I expanding and I increasing my capacity for love, For the love of others, Including myself? Or, You know, Because if if if you're nervous system, If you're bad, If you're becoming a better person, If the results are there. There you go. Right. It's the best litmus test. Are you becoming a better version of yourself? And, You know, And in this particular situation, I'm talking about, Can you are you better capable of handling yourself when you're not? When you are out in public, Is it less stressful when you go out in public? That's probably the simplest. Litmus test, Do you enjoy it more? Is it less stressful? Oh, Well, If yes, Then you're probably practicing solitude if. The outside world is more stressful if you like it less, If you if you want to go out to it less and and. You just have a lower tolerance for it, Then that's isolation. You know, So understand one, Understand what you're doing, Think deeply, Try to figure out if you're lying to yourself and if you're rationalizing things in all areas, But, You know, Especially in this one. That's something we really need to work on, You know, Be learning to be honest with ourselves and not be asking ourselves. So that and really the best test is, You know. Are you becoming a better version of yourself and use the examples I already gave, Don't be like. Am I becoming a better version of myself? Well, Let's see, Yesterday I went out in public and I was angry all day today, I stayed home all day and I'm happy all day. So, Yep, I'm becoming a better version of myself. That's not what I mean. Sitting alone in a room with no external stimuli and. And thinking that's growth, You're mistaken. OK, So dive into this, Look into your own practices like you don't have to live in a mountain, You know, In a DR to to have solitude and isolation in your life. Like most people have levels of this in their lives. Regardless of their life, Parents might have a difficult time, Especially of young children, Like sometimes it's difficult to go to the bathroom alone, Right? Um. But. Most people, You can find some levels of solitude and. If you're doing it right, It should refresh you, Recharge you, Make you more capable of handling the external world. Without being triggered, Without going off, Without feeling overwhelmed, Without taking on everybody else's negativity, You know, You should be getting better. Not worse. So that's one of the gifts of time, If we use it correctly, It shows us even if we're lying to ourselves, Right? See, This is why that's the best litmus test. The results are the best litmus test, Because you might be lying to yourself and go, No, I'm doing it better. And then every time you go out into public, You're like, Oh, My God, No, I don't like this. I don't like being out in public. It's like, OK, Well, Then you're not actually practicing solitude, Then are you? Because you're not more capable. So you you you're lying to yourself, Thinking that you're practicing solitude when you're actually practicing isolation. And then make your adjustment. You know, All right, Peeps, That's going to do it for this one. Thanks for listening and best wishes. Let me know if I can be of service. And I will talk with you later. Peace.