Relationships

Today's episode is all about relationships! Glenn discusses the main things to remember when trying to cultivate strong, fulfilling relationships.

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hello,

Welcome to Life,

Lessons,

And Laughter with Glenn Ambrose.

Today,

I'm working on my transition.

Today,

We're talking about relationships.

So,

I got the name out last time,

But then the pause just pushed back to the.

.

.

We don't have to talk.

You nailed it two times in a row.

Yeah.

We don't have to talk about it.

There was a pause after the transition last time,

So this time.

.

.

For someone who really doesn't care about how he starts the show,

You're very.

.

.

You're dissecting it too much.

Yeah,

But it's because I laugh every time I dissect it.

It makes me laugh.

We just need to get a pre-recorded.

.

.

Yeah,

I really should just move on.

I need to find something else that makes me laugh like this.

That's what it is.

I just need to find something else that makes me laugh like this,

Because this has got to be getting boring to everybody else out there.

I mean,

It is to me.

Yeah.

Well,

You get paid well for this,

Ben,

So.

.

.

Whatever.

What the hell?

We pay you to be bored.

That's not true.

All right,

Anywho.

.

.

I get bored for free.

Yeah,

You sure do.

And that's appreciated.

What are we talking about today?

We're talking about relationships.

Should you have a different co-host for this one?

No.

All right.

So,

We are talking about relationships.

God only knows what this is going to spawn off to.

But we're going to start with what a healthy relationship looks like.

And this is.

.

.

To really get a good explanation,

I need to lean into what I believe are some spiritual truths.

It's got to lean into the spirituality aspect of it a little bit.

So,

Bear with me,

For all you non-spiritual people.

All right.

But basically,

I've heard it said a few different ways,

Just like most things I bring up.

There's kind of three parts.

There is the two people in the relationship,

And then there is the energy between them.

And if the two people in the relationship are working on becoming the best versions of themselves first,

And then also supporting the other one in becoming the best version of themselves,

Then you've got two people getting better and better at being themselves,

And having a support system for that as well in each other.

And the energy in between,

Which is their relationship,

Just grows all on its own.

It stays healthy,

It keeps moving forward,

It keeps expanding,

Because the two people keep expanding,

And they keep staying healthy.

The relationship is only as healthy as the unhealthiest person in it.

Oh,

God.

Yeah.

Okay.

So if you're the unhealthy one,

Then that's how healthy your relationship is,

And you need to do some self-work.

If your partner is the unhealthy one,

Then they need to do some work on themselves,

Because you bring everything that you are and that's within you into that energy space in between,

Into that relationship.

And it doesn't matter if you want to or you don't.

If it's part of you,

It's part of that shared energy in between you and the other person.

I actually just watched a show on Rob Bell and his wife,

And they wrote a book,

I don't know,

Fairly recently,

I guess.

The term they used was Zim Zim,

And I was like,

What the heck is that?

And it was interesting.

Originally,

It was,

I think,

Where did he say he came across it?

I think it was like a Hebrew word or something,

And it originally had a T in front of it.

But basically,

The idea behind that is that in the beginning,

All there was was God.

And God had to sort of retract into himself to make space for everything to be created.

And that is what they call the Zim Zim.

So that space,

Which he retreated back into himself and left space for creation to come out into.

So that's what they call the Zim Zim of love,

The Zim Zim of the relationship.

Oh yeah,

The Zim Zim of love.

There we go.

So that's what they used for a term for that space in between the two people.

You have to make room in your life for a relationship,

And it's that energy that builds in between the two people.

It's really,

The interview was phenomenal.

I haven't read the book yet,

But I plan to.

And it brings a really good understanding to something that I always believed in and I touched on at the beginning is the,

When you're in that relationship,

It's,

You know,

I have to be the best version of myself,

Number one.

I have to be.

It's just,

I can't find happiness anywhere else than being the best version of myself and opening up to my truth and myself more and more and more.

So if I'm not doing that,

I don't have what I need to bring into a healthy relationship.

I can't give somebody what I don't have and the best version of me,

I need to focus on bringing that out first.

And then as I'm bringing out the best version of myself,

It automatically is included in the energy between us in the relationship.

So I have to have that as my primary importance.

And along with that,

I need to understand that the other person's growth,

Personal growth is just as important to this relationship as mine is.

So I need to support them in any way possible.

You know,

And I always use for an example is if,

You know,

If your girlfriend or wife or boyfriend or whoever it is,

The other partner wants to go on a spiritual retreat or something and they feel that this is going to really help them work through something and become more of themselves,

And you're sitting there going,

No,

I don't want you to go.

Well,

That's selfish.

You know,

It's selfish and it's not supporting them in their personal growth.

And that's not a healthy relationship.

You can't have that.

It's going to build resentments and that person isn't going to grow.

And it's just and you're not growing because obviously you're stuck in the area of being the energy of being selfish.

So it's you know,

That's a good example of putting yourself aside and saying,

Yes,

That this is going to help you.

I will support you in any way.

And if I have to stay home and watch the kids or pull double duty on something so you can get away and do this and grow,

Then I'll do that because I need to support you 100 percent.

You know,

And that's that's a version of a healthy relationship.

That's nice.

That's a nice philosophy.

The Zim Zim Zim Zim Zim of love by Robert Bell.

Yeah.

And and his wife,

Too.

And I forgot her name,

Kristen.

Yeah.

Not the actress.

No,

But it's cool that they wrote it together.

You know,

Like Rob Bell is internationally known.

His wife isn't.

Right.

So it's it's nice to to get that those two aspects.

And and,

You know,

In the interview,

You can see she's just as important in that relationship as he is.

Yeah.

You know,

On the outside,

He's got all the all the attention.

But inside that relationship,

It doesn't matter how wonderful he is outside the relationship.

But,

You know,

It doesn't matter.

It's what he brings into that relationship.

And if if he starts thinking that he is more important and he doesn't have to support her spiritual growth,

That relationship would be in trouble.

You know,

But that's he understands that that's not what should be happening,

You know,

That that it can't happen.

And it's you know,

I'd I'd venture to say that they gave one example in the interview.

But I would venture to say that there's there's been more than one example of this.

When you're when your life is moving that fast paced and there's so much attention on you,

Sometimes it can be difficult to keep a foot on the ground,

You know.

And boy,

Having having somebody there that can help you do that is is a gift.

You know,

It's a it's a wonderful thing.

Now,

Do you think that that zimzal?

But say you're right.

Yeah.

OK.

Zigzag.

No,

Zoom zoom.

Do you think that that applies to all relationships or just romantic relationships?

Yeah,

I think it applies to all because,

You know,

We've been talking for 11 minutes now.

We have a really defined specifically what kind of like our relationship we're talking about in general,

Like because there's all sorts of interpersonal relationships that we have every day.

And so I'm just curious for my own because I guess since the beginning of the conversation,

I've kind of taken it as romantic.

Right.

Relationships.

But yeah,

There's been a lot of references to romantic.

But it's it's really any relationship.

A relationship is a relationship,

You know,

It's and I mean,

You see it in friendships all the time.

It's you know,

A relationship can only be as healthy as the unhealthiest person in it.

So you've got two people in a relationship and one is really struggling.

Now,

This doesn't mean that you abandon people when things get tough.

That's not what it means.

I have noticed you've stopped returning my phone calls.

Yeah,

Right.

So,

But,

You know,

It doesn't mean you run.

It means you support to the best of your ability.

Now,

If the other person refuses to grow and just,

You know,

Decides that they are going to they oftentimes they'll try to pull you back down to their level,

You know,

They'll they'll try pulling you down.

And I mean,

That's an unhealthy relationship.

So then you've got a choice to make,

You know,

Whether you're going to get out of it or stay in a little bit longer and try to help.

But at the end of the day,

You know,

It's it's if you're honest with yourself,

It's really not too hard to see if somebody generally by the time we notice what's going on,

It's been going on for a while.

And then,

You know,

We can put some conscious attention to supporting their growth and supporting them in healthy,

Loving ways.

And then after a while,

It's,

You know,

They'll just keep batting it down,

Batting it down,

Batting it down.

And it's going to become very clear that they're not ready at this time to move forward.

And if they're not,

Then why are you in a relationship?

You know,

All it's going to do is drag you down.

Is there ever a time when those three things are not in sync?

If if what if he is,

You know,

Person A is trying to be the best version of themselves and they're happy and person B is trying to be the best version of themselves and the energy between them because of those two roads,

The energy is not good anymore.

Does that make sense?

Can that happen?

Well,

It's it's not that the energy between them isn't good anymore.

That wouldn't happen.

But what could happen is people could find that like we change,

You know,

That there's sometimes it's possible that being with somebody for a certain period of time in your life can help growth.

And then when you get to a certain point,

You're just like,

You know what,

We're we're not good for each other.

But the beauty of that is if if you are doing this work and you are living your life that way,

It is not the horrible breakup that people are used to envisioning when that type of thing happens.

You know,

The only time a breakup is miserable is when at least one of the parties involved isn't healthy.

You know,

If you've got two healthy people that have been working on themselves and growing for years and that relationship hits a place for some reason that it's it's no longer conducive for the two parties to continue.

Right.

Then the two parties are going to be so healthy that they're going to completely understand it's not going to feel wrong.

See,

The pain comes when somebody is not healthy and it feels like something wrong is happening when a relationship breaks up.

That's where the pain comes.

You know,

Pain doesn't come.

I mean,

If you go on a date with somebody or two dates and you both look at each other on the second date and you go,

You know what,

I really like you as a person and that like,

You know what,

I like you too.

You know,

Yeah,

But I'm just not feeling us as a couple.

And you're like,

Oh,

Thank God you feel that way.

I feel the same way.

I really I'd love to be friends with you.

Can we hang out sometime but just not date?

Yeah.

OK,

Well,

There's no hurt feelings.

You guys are both on the same page and there's there's nothing wrong with that scenario.

You can be you.

That same thing can happen after being in a relationship for years.

You know,

It's that's kind of a tricky thing because,

You know,

If you're looking at it from a place of lack and fear,

Then you're sitting there taking what I just said and say,

Oh,

You know,

Well,

I have no I want a committed relationship.

And you're telling me that we could grow and then outgrow each other and then and then just break up down the road.

And,

You know,

There's no security in that.

That's not what I want.

It's it's just very important to note that if you're really healthy and that happens,

You're fine.

You're fine because of where you are.

And you can't envision that now because you're not there now.

You're not that person now,

You know,

But that when you're in a committed,

Loving,

Spiritual,

Healthy relationship,

That doesn't happen that often from what I've seen because you keep bringing the best versions of you into that energy in between you.

So,

You know,

I did want to touch on it because it is a possibility,

But it just doesn't happen that often.

People think that growth means growing apart or it's a really good chance that you're going to grow apart.

And it doesn't mean that growth is a good thing.

If you're if you're becoming more clear my throat today.

If you're becoming more of yourself,

Then you have more to bring to that energy.

And then that energy strengthens,

Which is wonderful.

That,

You know,

And then the other person is bringing more of themselves,

Which strengthens that energy and strengthens that relationship.

So it's it's,

You know,

This thing that that we grew apart.

People get stuck on that idea.

Oh,

If you grow,

You're taking a chance.

You're going to grow apart.

Well,

You know,

You can't stay where you are.

That's impossible.

You have to grow.

And if you both grow and keep bringing the healthy energy in from both sides,

You got you got healthy energy coming in from the left,

Healthy energy coming in from the right.

And it just keeps building and growing and getting stronger and more wonderful.

You know,

And you don't have to be a certain way for that other person to love you.

You just have to be more of yourself and they love you more for who you are.

You know,

That that's more of what it looks like.

You look like you got something for me.

It's time for a quote.

Dun dun dun.

We've got this gift of love,

But love is like a precious plant.

You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or think it's going to get on by itself.

You've got to keep watering it.

You've got to keep really look after it.

You've got to really look after it and nurture it.

John Lennon.

John.

Yeah.

And I think honestly,

I think that that was like,

I think that that is the foundation of what I'm talking about.

I think we've we've come further in our spiritual understandings now.

And I think that that's that's what we're kind of saying the same thing.

But it just hits me that that's the way we would have said it 40 years ago.

You know,

And now we've clarified it even further.

You know,

It's the but you know,

I always tell people if they want to get rid of something,

Just don't pay any attention to it.

You know,

And relationships are included in that.

So,

Yeah,

If you don't put attention to your relationship or the other person,

It will disintegrate.

It will be gone.

So we do need to bring love and nurturing and kindness and energy and attention into that relationship.

The way I was saying it was by supporting that other person and their personal growth.

You know,

That's a way that you can nurture that relationship is by supporting that other person to become more of themselves.

And if just as much supporting yourself to becoming more of yourself,

Growing into more of yourself,

There's no bigger gift than you can give to a relationship than personal growth.

The healthier you are,

The healthier the relationship has room to be.

That makes a lot of sense.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't know how you're going to take that one.

Why doesn't it make sense?

You see,

You before I know it makes sense.

Before we started this at the intro,

You were like,

I'm going to get into the spiritual stuff.

And we have really touched on that.

All you've said is that if two people are being the best versions of themselves,

The energy between them is good.

This isn't crazy stuff that you're talking about.

I agree.

This is stuff that just makes sense to people.

At least it should,

Right?

It should.

It's just sometimes there are little blocks in people's minds.

The word God,

I didn't use the word God for years because I was raised Catholic.

Whenever the word God was mentioned,

I had this thought of this guy in a white beard and a staff up in the heavens shooting lightning bolts down at me whenever I did something wrong.

That wasn't very comforting.

I didn't like that.

I didn't use the word.

But over the years of my spiritual growth,

I became comfortable with a different understanding of God.

And then I started using the word again.

And I use it interchangeably with a lot of different words.

But it's the same thing with spirituality and energy.

You start talking about energy and sometimes people's minds snap shut,

Which is unfortunate because it's just another word.

We get so hung up on words sometimes and that's why a lot of the things I talk about in all our podcasts,

All the podcasts are spiritual.

Every one we've done is spiritual.

It's just I don't necessarily use the woo-woo terminology because people back off and freak from it.

That's all.

So this one had a little bit more of that.

I'm trying to bridge that gap.

So people,

It doesn't matter if you think you're spiritual,

Religious,

Atheist.

It doesn't matter.

Agnostic,

Whatever.

It doesn't matter.

This stuff either resonates with you or it doesn't.

And if you open up and allow it,

You'd be surprised how much it clicks.

All right.

I'm going to go with a couple more quotes.

What?

And I'm going to see what you thought.

You are breaking all the rules.

I'm going to see what your thoughts are on them.

Love is never lost.

If not reciprocated,

It will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

Washington Irving.

Yeah.

What do you think?

Absolutely.

Love is never lost.

When you're giving,

It's full circle.

So whatever you put out comes back.

And it doesn't matter whether the other person receives it or not.

If you're putting out love,

There's going to be love coming back.

Intense love does not measure.

It just gives.

Mother Teresa.

Yeah.

And that is,

I love Mother Teresa.

And that reminds me of the quote,

And I'll laugh if you have this in front of you,

But it's something about the sun and the earth.

It says something like the sun constantly gives.

See if you can Google that one.

It's something about the sun giving all these years and never asking for anything in return.

And with a love like that,

It lights up the whole sky and warms the earth.

Something about that's an awesome quote.

Hang on people.

I know.

Really?

I'm not going to find it.

It's the pressure.

All right.

Give me another quote.

Or did you drop that tab?

No,

Everything is like,

How long does it take light to get to the sun?

Eight minutes,

By the way,

For light from the sun to reach earth.

And it's 93 million miles away.

Those are the facts that I can come up with off the top.

Basically,

The quote is about the sun never asking for anything in return and just warming the earth and lighting up the sky and how powerful that is.

All that does is remind me of a lyric from a Lickin Park song.

What is it?

The sun gives light to the moon,

Never assuming the moon is going to owe it one.

Never assuming.

Yeah.

That's giving that love.

We do need to be careful about our motives underneath.

That's why you're seeing all these quotes that have to do with that.

Never wanting anything in return and it coming back to you anyway and all that stuff.

Because it's all pointing to if you give somebody love,

You have to give it freely.

Otherwise,

It's not pure love.

If there's an attachment to it and you're expecting something in return,

Then that's when the problems arise.

Even the most wonderfully intentioned people do this on occasion.

They'll have a friend and they'll give,

Give,

Give.

Then all of a sudden,

It's a time when they need something in return.

They'll be like,

You know what?

That person,

I gave them this and I did this for them,

I did that for them,

And then they didn't do anything for me.

So then I asked them,

So when you gave them,

When you did those things for them,

Then the only reason you did them was because you wanted something in return?

They're like,

No.

Well,

Then why are you upset that you're not getting anything in return?

Oh.

So that's something that can slip under our subconscious.

People,

If we're giving of ourselves,

We should give because we want to give.

Give love,

Give our time,

Give whatever we give.

It has to be without attachment because that's truly giving.

If we're expecting something back in return,

Then we're not truly giving.

We're trying to exchange without telling the other person,

You know?

And that's not free and clear.

Let's see if I can get one more.

Oscar Wilde has some horrible quotes.

Really?

Oh,

Yeah.

How could a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?

That's a love quote from Oscar Wilde.

Well,

I'm hoping that he meant that he should treat her above normal.

Like,

Wonderful.

Between men and women,

There is no friendship possible.

There is passion,

Enmity,

Worship,

Love,

But no friendship.

I leaned in that direction.

There's a strong attachment to that in a lot of situations,

But honestly,

The more spiritual I get,

The more I see that that's not true.

But I think you have to be pretty spiritually connected for that to not be true.

I think in most unconscious people,

Yeah,

That's pretty much right on.

I love you,

And because I love you,

I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.

Is this still Oscar Wilde?

No,

That one's not Oscar Wilde.

Oh,

Okay.

All right,

And now I'm just going to end with the most cliched love quote.

If you love someone,

Set them free.

If they come back,

They're yours.

If they don't,

They never were.

Richard Buck.

Yeah,

That is cliche,

But there's a lot of truth to it.

You got to look deeper in that.

It's not just set them free and let them run away and see if they come back to you.

That's not what's meant by set them free.

That's allowing them to be their best self.

Allow them to be their best self.

Not only allow it,

But support it.

If somebody has the freedom to be their best selves,

Then they are free.

If you are trying to hold them back in any way from being their best selves,

They are not free.

That's what's really meant by that.

That's actually a wonderful example of what's happening a lot in the world right now and what's been happening.

That quote touched people because of its truth.

It became the most cliche quote around because of its truth.

But even though people grabbed onto it because of its truth,

People didn't even understand what the truth actually was.

Most people just think surface level with that.

They'll think,

Oh,

We need to break up and let them run away and maybe see other people.

Then if they come back,

Then it was meant to be.

They'll look at it,

Or they'll go outside and let their dog off the leash or something and see if it comes back.

That's surface level thinking,

But that's not what caught their ear.

What caught their ear was the truth of it,

The spirituality of it.

That's what the zim-zum of love and these other books and spiritual teachings are getting to.

We're getting clearer on why these things are touching us and what they actually mean.

We're deeper now than we were 50 years ago,

60 years ago,

200 years ago.

If people want to delve even deeper than that,

Where do they get a hold of you?

Call me.

Call me,

Email me.

You can reach me at my website,

Life-enhancement-services.

Com,

And my Facebook page,

Life Enhancement Services,

And Glen Ambrose with two N's,

My personal Facebook page.

Do you do couples life coaching?

I do.

Nice.

I do do couples life coaching.

I do like anything and everything,

Life coaching.

I do because,

And this is probably a good one to mention it on,

It's because of the spiritual truths that underlie everything.

I've got a good understanding of those,

So I can implement those in any area.

Somebody was just asking me,

Like,

Do you work with people that are suicidal?

I'm like,

Yeah,

Absolutely.

And every once in a while somebody will throw something at me that's not the norm or something I haven't specifically done yet,

And I have to stop for a minute and go,

Oh,

Can I?

And then I'm,

Then I,

Can I deal with that?

Then all of a sudden I draw the line to the spiritual truth underneath it,

And I'm like,

Well,

Of course I can.

I mean,

It's just a different version of this.

I mean,

Once you have a good understanding of the spiritual truths that underlie everything,

Then it just manifests in different ways in people's lives.

That's all.

It's just different versions of it.

So yeah,

I have done couples counseling and continue to.

So yeah,

Look me up and we'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening.

We'll be back.

This podcast is presented by New Shore Productions.

Executive producers Glenn Ambrose,

Benjamin Barber,

And David DeAngelis.

Reviews

Love your voice and this was a very thought provoking talk. Thank you.
.

awesome glenn thankyou

Your main focus of finding your best self within which is the true recipe for a successful relationship between two people is spot on. I’ve heard this many times in the past but you explained this in a resonating manner that sticks with me. Thank you.

I actually really enjoyed this podcast I enjoyed the quotes I enjoyed the inferences around and in between the words and the magnitude of truth that is there and it is perplexing in some ways because you can have two people who are working on themselves who made a commitment to be together they continue working on themselves and are happy by themselves but as a couple they seem to miss the mark parallel lives but yet that commitment to one another remains so in a way there's a sadness about it even though there's great peace living parallel lives if you know what I mean 30 years together is a long time my parents were 66 years together and my mom just passed away and their relationship was golden sweet always full of love and commitment and caring interactive loving that's what I want but it's totally different so you gave me a lot to think about and I enjoyed this very much.. I was I was on voice text so sorry for the run in sentence but anyway thank you again I think I missed saying a few things I wanted to say but I'm sure I'll listen to another podcast and comment again blessings on your day. 🧩

Thank you both so very much!!

Very insightful! I especially like the idea that relationships function best when those involved are working to be their best selves. Thank you!! 🙏🏻

Such SUCCINCT and VALUABLE lesson! Amazing insight. Worth listening to OVER and OVER, and SHARING with your love!

Good focus on supporting each other's spiritual growth.

I found this extremely helpful and informative. Thank you. 🙂

It’s what I needed to hear today. Thank you 🙏🏼

Fantastic information! So happy I found this!

Once you get through the intro it's great

Simple truths, beautiful

Really great talk about relationships with self friends and love!

Yay! Nice job! 😀❤🙏

Always fresh and powerful!! Love the lightness of the Podcast!!! Easy, Fun still Effective! Thank you ✨✨✨

Refreshing! Down-to-earth & beguiling = Quite a combo!👌🏽 Drama-less‼️ Thank you❣️

This hit home on a subject I had a hard time finding words explaining.thank you for this!