Silverskiff Epilogue: How To Find The Right Words

In part 8 of this 8 part reflection series on the Art of rowing and life, learn about the power of the creative cycle and the five elements, the difference between destiny and fate and how you can find the right words and live your destiny. This series is inspired by the author, Wenlin's first experience participating in Silverskiff, the world's longest rowing endurance regatta, as a novice rower.

Transcript

How to find the right words and follow your destiny Dear sauce If you told me seven years ago That I would fall in love with rowing and the book and Start a blog on rowing in Italian. I Would have never believed you I Had never done sports had no intention of coming to Italy and Had never even heard of Turin But perhaps it was already written Even before I was born by you the invisible hand that wrote it all In Chinese language there exists a word Yuen fun fateful coincidence Identical to its Korean equivalent in yon as Explained by Nora the protagonist in the movie past lives Where she reconnects with her childhood sweetheart? Hey song Decades later after her family migrates from South Korea to New York She Says It means providence or fate But it's specifically about relationships between people I Think it comes from Buddhism and reincarnation It's an union if two strangers even walk by each other in the street and their clothes accidentally brush Because it means there must have been something between them in their past lives Writing to you about faith and words I Remember my father reading aloud to me pages from the story black beauty When I just started elementary school I hated words then on my own. I would skim through the hardcover book eagerly going from image to image printed in black and white The only thing I truly loved was a rare chance to be close to him To lean against him as he started to read to me But Even then as little as I understood of what he read I Could still sense that there was a power in the sound of the words that came through his voice Calm and sonorous And as different as we were and are It must have been fate that I should have become his daughter I Inherited his love of languages and will never forget how he showed me That learning to speak a new language Opens up a whole new world Using the example of how the word waterfall in English Has its equivalent as Poo-poo in Chinese which translates as majestic tapestry cascading down Through these years While have been writing and rewriting in different languages with you the story of my life One movie I keep returning to is Arrival Adapted from the short story the story of your life by science fiction author Ted Chiang The first time I watched it I thought it was about the Sapir-Wolf hypothesis The idea that language shapes and even determines our thoughts and consequently our lived reality But further reflection and the passage of the river of time revealed to me that Arrival is really about something else Firstly it is about faith What is meant to be will happen As spoken through these words Someone gifted to me just days after I participated in Silverskiff What you experience during Silverskiff is a passage something inevitable But unlike fate Destiny is different Destiny is a guiding force and intention for what you're meant to do or achieve in this life Destiny is how you choose to respond to the things outside of your control and Who you choose to become in spite of it all Arrival is about destiny and how we choose differently In Arrival the protagonist Louis gains the ability the gift to see non-linearly as she learns the language of the heptapods aliens arriving on planet Earth Despite seeing that there's hurt pain and separation in her future She makes the conscious choice to live through her fate Follow her destiny Knowing fully well it would come Ian Her counterpart on the other hand Responds very differently He becomes heartbroken that Louis didn't try to protect him from the pain and Withheld information from him about being able to see what was to come in the future Like Louis and Ian some of us choose to live life in all its richness With all its highs and lows While others would prefer to avoid pain and hurt Even if that means a life devoid of joy growth and love Reading the seven reflections on silver skiff co-authored with you mirroring the seven years of my life since deciding to leave Singapore I Can see what a wonderful journey it has been full of growth and insight though it is also one that has been full of trials and tribulations and as rightly observed by someone else Painful Because for your first race you chose silver skiff The longest endurance regatta the most challenging Destiny asked us What would you do? Knowing how something would end Would you still do it knowing that it would cause you pain? And This is the same question. I've asked myself Would I still have decided to take this journey knowing that it will lead me here The same theme plays out in a pivotal scene in past lives When Nora lies in bed with her American husband Arthur Who feels insecure? About her childhood sweetheart Heisung's presence and feels that he can't compete he invites Nora to consider hypothetical what-ifs and Asked her if she's happy with her current life If it's the life she imagined when she left Seoul to which she answers simply This is where I ended up This is where I'm supposed to be Like Louis and like Nora My answer now is without a doubt a hundred times. Yes If I had the chance to go through it all over again, I would not change a single thing I must admit that this deep conviction hasn't always been with me I've argued with fate Grieved the city I might have entered into a relationship with missed a person I might have loved and spent the rest of my life with and Lamented the loss of the other one Ling I might have become And yet as said by author Ryan Christensen in his book Winner Peace At every point in time You are the best version of yourself Because if you could be any better than you would have been you would have done it better If you could have done things differently You would have done things differently At any point in time You're making the best possible choices you can given who you are and What you've been through So you're always the best version of yourself Like a rower on the river we move through time in one direction Consequently We don't know what the future holds Nor the impact our choices will have on ourselves or others Our understanding of events can occur only after we've experienced them in the words of 19th century Danish philosopher Sorin Kierkegaard Life must be understood backwards but It must be lived forwards Life at any given moment cannot really ever be fully understood There is no single moment where time stops Completely in order for me to take the position to do this Going backwards The present is like the constant flow of the boat A continuous unfolding and becoming And the harder we try to grasp reality like the oar handles with our clumsy descriptions ideas and concepts The more we struggle to navigate our boat through the river of life We are fated to forever live our lives with incomplete information and understanding No matter what we hope will happen We cannot ever know what will happen Nor hope to immediately grasp it when it does Our future lives may split into various possibilities in our imagination but we can only ever live in one of them and Even the one we choose is unlikely to go as planned Rather than attempting to correct the past or solve the future What life is really about is being fully present with the unfolding of reality now With the situation we are in With the person who presents themselves in front of us right now Just as how arrival reminds us that life exists moment to moment as we communicate relate to love and coexists with others who are very different from us Different People react to the same situation and same information wildly differently We can hurt and be hurt by those we love unintentionally Just as Luis and Ian in arrival two people who think completely differently Can struggle to coexist and communicate? Even if they deeply love each other It hurts me deeply when I struggle to communicate with someone I care for and love I Often console myself by telling myself If I might just find and choose the right words to explain why I acted that way and What my intentions were They would understand It would make things right At the same time words often feel inadequate just as recently When I discovered how words fail to convey what I felt and what I meant to say It is here writing with and to you That I am reminded that as I reflected in part three of this series Love is not a one-size-fits-all experience It comes in all forms Love is a deeply personal language unique to each and every one of us One that like any language like Italian or Chinese Takes long patience and time to become proficient in One guidebook on the language of love that I keep returning to Is the one written by Dr. Gary Chapman? The five love languages Which reveals five distinct ways we express and receive love Words of affirmation Acts of service Receiving gifts Quality time and physical touch By understanding and speaking our loved ones unique love language We bridge emotional distances cultivate deeper empathy and create a more nuanced meaningful connection That truly makes the heart feel seen Understood and treasured I often readily offer words of affirmation and practical help to those I love But these may not be the ways that others prefer to receive my love They may prefer that we spend quality time together or that we share and embrace without any words being said Often it is in silence in the liminal spaces without words In accompanying the one we love Through inhabiting the same space Holding a shared gaze That there's a richness and intensity in the air Something tender and precious That no words however, Precise exquisite or heartfelt can convey In one of the most telling scenes in past lives Nora and Heisung are shown transfixed in the shared gaze Staring at each other in silence while standing on the sidewalk Awaiting Heisung's taxi ride to the airport The couple later share a silent emotional embrace Oftentimes there's no need to say anything at all Just as when I sat next to my father without words between us Perhaps we both already understood That our time together Wasn't really about teaching me to read at all, But really about something else Loving each other Rowing has always been a reflection of my life and As this year comes to a close I'm reminded that much like rowing Loving is also a profound art as elaborated by psychoanalyst Eric Fromm in his book The Art of Loving Through the river of time Practicing the art of rowing and having endeavored silver skiff I've come to realize that like rowing The art of loving takes the discipline of steadfast commitment Concentration and fully being present with each passing moment and of course long patience My sole aim now as a novice in both rowing and loving is to become a true master I am confident and undeterred Fromm says that there are two qualities that distinguish novices from masters of any art both of which I have the first genuine care and investment in Wanting to become a master of their craft it is a priority for them and The second a lifelong devotion a Heartfelt dedication to the art of loving in every facet of one's life Since Beginning this journey at the start of each year. You have been offering me a mantra a Phrase to help me set the direction of each year and stay on course when I get disoriented I Wanted to thank you for this year's mantra Love is the answer It has served me well What mantra shall I receive from you for the next year What story shall we write together next year I'm eagerly awaiting your reply Loving you always Wenling