Selfgentleness At Work - Live (Talk & Practice) 11/25/22

This is the recording of Femke's Friday Live from 25 November 2022, in which she discusses how you can become more selfgentle at work. After her talk, she guides you in a meditation to experience what her words mean to you personally.

Transcript

Hello lovely friends,

Welcome at my Friday weekly life.

My name is Femke Bakker,

I'm one of the meditation teachers here on Insight Timer and every Friday at this time I am here.

I'm here to talk with you about you,

You in your world and especially I like to talk about self gentleness.

What it is?

Well,

Maybe you don't know or maybe you do because you've been here more often.

I will tell you a little bit more in a bit but let's just wait till people drop in and we have a bunch of folks so I can start.

I would love to hear who you are,

Where you are in the world and why you are attracted to this life today.

The topic is self gentleness at work.

So I can imagine you might be interested in what self gentleness is or maybe you've been listening to me for a longer time and you know what self gentleness is and you just cannot get enough from me talking about it,

Hearing about it,

Being inspired to become more self gentle to yourself and that's the spirit because that's exactly what I want you to do,

To become more self gentle.

And I will explain to you in a bit what I exactly mean with that and today specifically how you can be self gentle at work.

Whatever work you do,

Whether you work for yourself,

Whether you work at a big company,

Small company,

Whether you are a freelancer,

A teacher,

An academic,

An artist,

It doesn't matter,

Everyone can get more self gentle at work.

So self gentleness,

Let me start by repeating my definition of self gentleness and that is this.

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Yeah,

Alright,

So what do I mean with that?

Well you can imagine that being gentle with yourself is something that is feasible,

Right?

You are able to be gentle to yourself from time to time,

Maybe.

It's not so hard to be gentle.

When we speak about big words like self love,

Self compassion,

That might feel a little bit like a challenge to really really go there.

Not for everyone,

But for some.

Self gentleness is something that sounds feasible,

Doable.

But then I come with my definition where I say radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

So what do I mean with that?

Let's start with the consistent.

With the consistently I mean that you remain gentle with yourself also when you are failing,

Also when you are tripping and falling,

When you are doing something wrong,

When you are critical of yourself,

When you feel that you are not doing your best,

When you feel that you could have done better,

Or when someone else tells you that you are not good enough or whatever is going on.

Can you also be consistently gentle to yourself if that voice of self criticism or worse pops up and tells you bad things about yourself?

Are you then able to bring that self gentle voice,

That parenting voice within towards yourself by remaining gentle?

Like when children learn to walk they fall.

The parent generally will not tell them,

Hey you stupid kid get up!

Don't fall!

You have to learn to walk!

Come on!

They will not tell them that because we all know that to learn to walk we have to drop and fall.

We will encourage them,

Maybe we will help them up.

Well don't just try again,

Because we know that every kid generally will learn to walk.

So that's the attitude that I would like you to have towards yourself in any situation where you feel that you just dropped and you have to get back on your feet.

And even if you don't get back on your feet immediately,

Because life happens,

Sometimes it takes us some time to actually get up and to continue,

Sometimes you just need to sit or lie down or to cry,

That we remain gentle,

Consistently be gentle with ourselves.

So that's the consistent.

The radically I mean that also in the face of resistance by others,

In the face of others who are actually telling us that we have to do something that we don't want to do,

Others that are expecting things of us that we feel that we are not ready for or we feel that we don't want to do,

That also then we can remain gentle to ourselves.

And what do I mean by that?

That we will put our own needs,

Our own desires at the first place.

And the beauty of that is that when someone expects something from you and you don't want it or you cannot because you're too exhausted or too tired or you just don't want to because it's going completely indirectly against everything you believe in or whatever is going on,

It's sometimes really hard to tell others no.

And when we start to do that we start to push against others.

We create a fight or we want to explain ourselves or we want to make sure that they understand and can accept why not.

Or even worse,

We ignore our feelings and we bend,

We live up to their expectations as best as we can while we ignore what we're really feeling.

So radically,

Being self-gentle in those situations would mean that you allow yourself to feel different,

To have different expectations,

To acknowledge that you cannot live up to those expectations or that you are too tired or too exhausted to be there for another because this is not just in situations where others ruffle your feathers,

It's also in those situations where others are depending on us and counting on us but we simply don't have the energy or the room or the space to be there.

And especially in those instances,

So many people then jump over their own needs,

Jump over their own feelings to be there for others because we're just people with big hearts and we want to be there for others.

And that in itself is really laudable,

It can really help us in a certain sense also because by giving and loving others we receive so many good feelings back.

But if you're depleting yourself with that,

Then you are on a path that will lead to more depletion.

But if you allow yourself to put yourself first,

Your needs and whatever it is that's going on within you,

Then you will also find a voice to tell others in the same gentle way as you're allowing yourself that you cannot be there for them or that you cannot be there for them right now or that you will find with them a different solution the moment that you are ready or you just ask them for more time or whatever is going on.

So that's the radical part.

The radical part is about the interactions with others,

That you remain gentle with yourself.

And as you heard my examples,

It's a really broad concept,

You can go all kinds of directions about this.

So I think I've sketched the framework of what I mean with self gentleness,

Which is actually going way further than just being gentle to yourself from time to time,

Which is by the way,

A great start,

Right?

If you really get my definition now and you're thinking immediately,

Oh,

I'm so far away from that,

Then be gentle with yourself.

Just be happy with every millisecond of gentleness that you have for yourself,

Because that's where it all starts.

That's really where it all starts.

Just that's acknowledgement by knowing that you need something else.

And even when you're not able to live up to it right now,

By acknowledging that that is there,

That's the start,

Because those milliseconds will become seconds,

Those seconds will become minutes,

Those minutes,

Well,

You get my,

You get a gist of it,

It will expand into your life.

So generally,

I suggest three practices that you can do.

There are three tracks,

I have an enormous track list here on Insight Timer,

With guided meditations,

Guided visualizations,

And a lot of these talks that I record so that people can listen back to them.

So if you like them,

Really,

You know,

You could listen on your commute,

On your way to work,

It's you know,

Like a podcast,

You can use Insight Timer also like that.

But there are also three tracks that are really important for your path in self gentleness.

And if you've been here before,

You've heard me say it,

But I'll just repeat it again.

So an evening practice,

It's called self gentleness and evening practice,

Where you just take a few minutes when you're really ready to go to sleep,

You're in bed,

Lights are off,

And you take three,

Four minutes to think of three things in your life you're grateful for.

And then when that gratefulness is flowing,

You set the intention that tomorrow is going to be a new day.

This practice will help you to disconnect from everything that happened during your day,

To disconnect from certain worries or fears for your future.

But to really let that gratefulness flow,

Which is we know from a lot of research,

Really,

Really,

Really healthy for our perception of well being.

And then you set the intention that tomorrow is going to be different day,

Which will help you when you wake up,

You will not pick,

Pick up where you left off before you went to sleep with the worries and the fears.

But you will start the day fresh.

There comes the second practice,

A morning practice,

I have two morning practices in my track list.

And the one I would recommend first is waking up with a loving morning practice.

It's also and then between brackets is written self gentleness.

This is where you do when you're still in bed,

When you wake up,

You still have your eyes closed,

And you just greet yourself lovingly.

And then you tune into what it is that you need right now.

And then you try to honour that.

And the best way to honour that is to immediately live up to it.

So you feel you need more sleep,

You go to sleep,

You feel you want to jump out of your bed,

Make yourself coffee,

You do that.

And if that's not possible,

Because life happens,

You know,

We do not always have the room to immediately live up to what we need.

You acknowledge the need and you will promise yourself to come back to it later.

So you wake up,

You lovingly greet yourself.

You feel what it is that you need and you feel I need to sleep more.

But then you look at the clock and you think,

Oh,

No,

No,

No,

I don't have time to sleep.

I have to get the kids to school,

I have to get to work.

I cannot stay in bed.

And then you say,

OK,

But I do know that I need more sleep.

So I will take today a lovely lunch walk so I can relax or I'll take a nap in the afternoon when I come back from my work or I'll go to bed early tonight or this weekend and I'm going to cancel all my dates and I'm just going to sleep a lot.

Whatever it is that you need,

You will honor it later on.

And you,

Your soul,

Will be grateful because you will start to notice that you start to tune in to feel whatever is going on and you will start to acknowledge that and honor that.

Third practice is called self gentleness tuning in and it basically helps you in a few minutes to wherever you are during the day,

You could do it once,

Twice,

Three times,

Ten times during the day to tune in and to just close your eyes and to feel what is my body telling me?

We so often don't listen to our bodies.

Our bodies are telling us that we have pain or that we are tired and we just push through.

But to acknowledge what's going on there and to see if we can honor that,

To go to feel what's going on in our heart,

What our emotions are,

What we are feeling,

If maybe there needs to be some attention to that or whatever else is going on within us,

If there are a lot of worries that maybe we can let go of by taking some time to meditate.

And it is practice of on the one hand helping yourself to let gratefulness flow,

To set intentions that every day is a new day where you can be gentle to yourself and tuning in on a regular basis to acknowledge what's going on and to honor those needs right now or later on that will make a tremendous shift for you.

And of course not just after one day,

But if you will start to practice this for a week,

Two weeks,

A month,

Then I promise you after a month you will start to feel different.

You will start to notice also outside of those moments that you are more in tune with yourself.

And sometimes that can be scary because you feel more sensitive,

You feel more vulnerable,

But that is exactly what we so often are pushing down,

Pushing away,

Don't want to feel,

Because it's distracting us from life,

It's scaring us,

It's hard to interact with others when we feel those things.

Well this practice,

Yeah,

This practice will fine tune you.

You will become a little bit more sensitive,

But also more sensitive to your own needs.

And that is a gentleness,

To be gentle to yourself,

To honor those needs.

So those three practices,

Which are each like three,

Four minutes,

So in total not more than 12 minutes a day,

Spread over morning,

During the day,

Evening,

It will cost you a little time.

The tuning in you could even do in the restroom,

When you go to the restroom and you just take a few minutes more to sit,

No one can bother you to just do that,

It will help you so much.

And I know that a lot of people here are practicing these practices and I don't know,

I'm sure they write something about it in the comments,

How much it's been helpful to them to really shift their perspective,

To become more self-gentle.

And also remember,

You know,

So I'm teaching self-gentleness and I start to be pretty good at self-gentleness,

But I'm still not the master of it and I will never be the master of it because I'm living my life and I'm running into situations where I sometimes forget to be self-gentle,

But I'm getting better at it.

And I remember faster that I have to be self-gentle,

That I can be self-gentle,

I bounce back quicker.

And that's the beauty of it,

Because we don't want to,

You know,

Life will never be perfect.

And that's better also because where are the challenges,

Where is the growth,

Where is the joy if we learn to be nicer to ourselves.

It's such a beautiful lifelong work in progress process,

That's what I'm always telling my students,

It's a lifelong work in progress,

Work in process,

No sorry,

Lifelong work in progress process.

I'm tripping over my own words,

That's okay.

So that's self-gentleness and that is what,

You know,

On a general basis I would love for every one of you and not just you,

You know,

Every being on this earth start to practice that.

Because the key to more gentleness towards others,

More forgiveness,

More cooperation lies in itself gentleness.

If you can be gentle to yourself,

As a spillover effect you will become more gentle towards others.

So often when we judge others or we are harsh towards others or hateful towards others,

We're projecting our own fears,

Our own anger,

Our own emotions,

Our own inability to be with ourselves onto others.

And that process of becoming more conscious of ourselves,

What's going on within us and being kind towards that really helps us to start to interact on a different way with others.

And I'm not pleading here that,

You know,

You cannot,

That you will always be nice to bullies,

That you will accept bad things,

People doing bad stuff towards you.

Not at all,

Not at all.

This is about self-empowerment.

Because when you're gentle to yourself you also start to feel and know where your boundaries are.

You start to feel what your values are and how you want to keep your values close and certain people just don't resonate with those values and you will decide not to interact with them anymore.

But not by pushing them away or telling them off or fighting with them,

But just by retreating and accepting that they are different and that you are so much more valuable than trying to get them to agree with you.

So all those processes are really,

Really beautiful.

So today self-gentleness is work because I've been speaking almost 20 minutes about self-gentleness.

But I didn't address work yet.

So work,

Whatever you're doing for a living and for a purpose,

Hopefully,

Is,

It's really hard to be self-gentle at work on a consistent basis.

Because it's almost always about interactions with others,

Maybe not always on a regular basis,

But very often on a regular basis.

It's about expectations that you have of yourself,

That your colleagues,

Your employees,

Your employer has of you.

There are a lot of group dynamics,

A lot of interactions with folks,

Sometimes people you have to influence,

Sometimes people you have to convince,

Sometimes people you have to help.

There is a lot there that can trigger you not being self-gentle to yourself.

And that's hard because our work is important.

Generally we work to make a living also,

Besides everything that we can get out of our work,

Our inspiration,

Our love for what we do,

You know,

There's also a part we just have to make money.

And sometimes it feels like a big fad must do rather than want to do.

So work is such a big part of our lives,

Our existence,

It can be quite existential because of that.

But because of that we also create stories.

We create stories and that when we are not self-gentle at work,

We use those stories to remain not self-gentle.

So what do I mean with that?

Well,

It means that we have created over the course of our lives and especially over the course of our working lives,

Beliefs about what is possible for us,

What is not possible for us,

How we function,

How we can perform,

And we start to believe those stories.

And especially when we get in a situation where we are more busy with expectations of others,

And very often those expectations by others are our own expectations.

Very often when we think that something is expected of us,

When we actually would have a frank talk with those others,

We might discover that we have created those expectations for a bigger part.

It's not always the case,

But very often it is.

And around those expectations we have created stories.

And it's those stories that withhold us sometimes to be self-gentle.

It withholds us to say no when our boss comes at the last moment just before the weekend asking if you can still do something.

It withholds us to speak our mind when we feel it's really necessary for a process to do so,

But we don't.

And there are more zillions of examples that we can think of that are standing in our way of becoming self-gentle.

And then even when we notice that we are not,

When we notice that we are critical of ourselves,

Or that we are letting others cross our boundaries,

Whatever the situation is,

That is the point where we tell ourselves those stories why we cannot be self-gentle towards ourselves.

So I think the most important part is when you start to practice in your private life self-gentleness with the practices that I just told you,

Then after certain moments this will start to spill over in your work.

Because like I just said,

By becoming more sensitive to yourself,

By feeling more what's going on,

What it is that you need,

And you start to honor that,

You get a better sense of what your values are,

You get a better sense of what is important to you,

And also a better sense of what your boundaries are.

And you'll find a way to reflect that to others,

To be more clear to others,

In such a way that it comes natural.

So you might have had this experience where there was a situation at your work and you were really pushing against the other persons because you didn't like the way it was going,

You were getting angry,

Or getting angry behind their backs,

It was really hard.

Until at a certain moment you suddenly flipped the switch within and you understood,

Hey,

But this is not how I want it,

This is how I want it.

And because of that you found a new voice where you could actually express what it is that you did want,

To then notice that the other one wasn't giving any problems anymore.

And it's not because the other one changed,

It's because you changed,

You shifted your mindset,

You shifted your perspective on what you would allow yourself to do,

And because of that you found a different voice,

A different story,

And by really being really clear about that,

Everything changed.

So I know you,

Everyone has had experiences like that,

Large or just small,

And that is what I would be aiming for,

For you to trust,

When you start to honour yourself,

To be more gentle with yourself,

That in the end there will be a shift that will also be visible at your work.

So,

What I want to do with you today is to guide you in meditation to become presence.

And that is because over the course of the last weeks I've realised how important it is to become presence,

To bring yourself in the here and now,

And just be with whatever is going on,

And that that's such a beautiful special place where it lies so much value for yourself,

Especially when it comes to self-gentleness.

To be in the here and now is a healing place.

So,

That's where I want to take you today,

With the meditation that will bring you to the here and now,

And I just want to investigate together with you guys a problem you might have at work.

So,

Before we start,

I will just go take a look,

Because I see there are some questions or comments,

I want to go over that,

Then I will come back and then I will ask you to think,

Just before we start,

About something at work,

Can be a big problem,

But don't pick the biggest one that you're already for a year thinking about,

Because it might be too big to take a look at right now.

Pick first something smaller so you can practice with that.

It can also be just an annoyance,

It doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing,

Just something that you're sometimes tripping over.

And then I will help you to become present and you will just take a look at what's going on there and what it is that you exactly want.

But before we do so,

I just want to take a look here at the comments,

There might be questions,

Let's see,

Sometimes it's dropping,

Going up and up and up.

So I see more people join this,

More familiar names,

Excuse me.

So it was about Victoria and her operation.

So Victoria has a story about self gentleness,

She says I was in a Christian Christmas play for school kids this week and I played King Herod.

He throws the fish's fit at the end and it made me get rid of all my frustrations and anger and now I feel that all of that has vaporised out of me.

I see this as being self gentle towards myself,

Even if no one else noticed it,

Because I was completely in my character.

Well Victoria,

That's one of the good things about acting,

Right?

Sometimes that can be healing.

I know by myself,

Once upon a time,

A really long time,

I was an actor myself,

So I can relate to that,

That can be healing.

Doesn't have to be,

But it can.

Thank you for sharing that story,

I'm really happy that you used your acting skills and then this role,

This character to throw out whatever was going into you and that you really feel that it helped you.

That's wonderful.

Well done,

That self gentleness.

Cherry shares that people respect mostly when you tell your boundaries.

Thanks to these lives I've learned to be kinder for myself and others and respect more everyone and every being on this beautiful planet with so many lovely people and plants and animals.

Oh,

Thank you for sharing that Cherry.

Cherry,

You've been already many years here in my life and I know you've been working really hard on yourself with that and I saw a lot of your comments every week sharing what that self gentleness is doing for you.

So you're doing a tremendous job,

Thank you so much for sharing that and thank you so much for being here.

And then Mel shares today I did Yoga Nidra at lunchtime and stopped work early,

It was quite gentle,

I'm so happy in my new job,

Although it's a lower profile and badly paid,

It's meaningful and I'm happy.

Yes Mel,

That's I think also the way towards more of that kind of work that makes you happy and at a certain moment also might pay even better.

But you're feeling that you're doing something that fulfills you,

That makes you happy,

That's so important.

And good luck on your ankle by the way,

I just saw that you're still suffering from that.

So,

Let's meditate.

If now afterwards something comes up,

A situation that you work,

You would like me to reflect upon from the perspective of self gentleness,

Then just let me know and then after the meditation I can address that.

But before we start you,

You think now of some kind of a problem,

Irritation,

Annoyance,

Something that is at your work where you feel you could be a little bit more self gentle.

And again don't pick the biggest thing that you've been fighting over for years because it will frustrate you if you start to work on that,

It might be too big.

Let's practice with something feasible,

Let's be self gentle in that just as well.

Alright,

I'm asking you to think of it right now so that you will not overthink it when I'm asking you to bring it back.

We're now going to meditate,

To be in the here and now and when you then go back to your head to think about it,

It will be hard.

So you now decide that this is what you're going to work on.

Okay,

If you cannot decide then just pick one.

You can always come back,

I record this,

It will be published in some time,

Somewhere in December probably,

So you can listen back to it and then you can work with all those other things.

Right?

Okay,

That's the one,

The one now in your head,

That's the one you go,

I'm deciding for you if you cannot decide.

Alright,

Great,

Let's meditate.

You sit for a moment.

I know you've been sitting for a moment but let's make that more conscious.

Feel your feet.

If they're on the ground,

You feel the bottom of your feet,

Maybe the sides of your feet touching the ground.

Bring all your attention to your feet.

Feet on the ground.

What parts of your feet are touching the ground?

There's something special in bringing your attention to the way your feet are touching the ground,

Because it's your connection with planet Earth.

It's your connection with a tremendous support that is always there for you.

You're not always so conscious of that but we live on this beautiful planet that spins in perfect orbit around the sun,

With the sun that helps our crops to grow,

Our bodies to be warm,

Our nature to be fierce and we are always supported by planet Earth.

It's just there.

I can feel such gratefulness by just feeling that support.

You close your eyes,

Bring your attention to your feet again,

Feel that support,

That grounding earth and you could even help yourself by imagining,

So just use your fantasy in a way that you are used to fantasize,

That you have roots growing out of your feet all the way into planet Earth.

Roots like a tree has,

Going deep and going wide.

These roots that are supporting trees in their connection with planet Earth,

Those roots you could imagine you to have,

Binding you on Earth,

Feeling that connection,

That support.

It's a powerful feeling.

You could even imagine that like trees who use their roots to get water and nutrition from planet Earth,

Planet Earth is feeding those trees.

You could imagine that you are drawing Earth energy from the planet.

You could imagine that those roots are growing all the way to that fiery core within the planet and then you could imagine that this fiery core,

This energy just flows up through all those roots,

All the way up into your feet,

Into your ankles.

Such a powerful,

Grounding,

Calm and peaceful energy into your calves,

Your knees,

Your thighs,

Into your buttocks,

Your pelvis,

Filling your whole belly,

Going up to your waist,

Your stomach,

All the way up,

Filling your lungs,

Your heart,

Your shoulders,

Shooting into your arms,

Filling all your arms,

Elbows,

All the way to the wrists,

The hands,

Every finger.

You might see this energy shooting out of your fingers and it's also going up into your neck,

To your head,

Until it just shoots out of the crown of your head like a fountain.

Acknowledge for a moment this is if this Earth energy is now running through you and if you don't like the idea of its fiery core you could also just make it green or blue,

The colours of this planet or brown,

The colour of the soil,

Whatever the colour is,

Whatever feels good to you,

Just see it flowing all the way up through the roots,

Through your body,

Filling every part and this is giving such a grounding sense.

Down to Earth,

Down to Earth but down to a loving Earth,

Down to a supporting Earth,

Feeling this connection and while you are doing that you might want to think for a moment or to feel for a moment that all these lovely folks right here,

Right now,

Are doing this and all those roots are entangled together in planet Earth and she is supporting every one of us.

There is no need to fight,

No need for competition,

There is no scarcity.

Planet Earth feeds us all with this energy,

It's a synergy,

It's loving,

Supporting.

Now with this practice you feel now more grounded,

More down to Earth,

More centred.

This is a good basis start for your body to relax,

For your body to be in the here and now and it might be that you suddenly become aware of sensations in your body because something is itching,

By all means if it itches just scratch,

That's ok.

You might feel pain somewhere and that might be harder to take away and that pain might be physical,

It might be an emotional pain which is translated into a physical pain then just send that loving,

Grounding Earth energy right there and see how this attention of that energy is focusing on this place,

Just letting you be with this place.

But just realising that you cannot alter it right now,

You cannot let it magically disappear but you also don't have to make it worse by telling yourself the stories about the hurt that you are feeling.

Let me help you a little bit,

Let's now bring some quietness in our mind,

With the quietness in our body and the quietness in our mind,

It will be easier to be in the here and now,

Just present with whatever is going on,

So to bring some quietness in our mind.

We are just going to bring our attention to our own breath and we are not going to change our breath,

We are not going to alter it,

We are just going to observe the way it is flowing into our nostrils and how it is flowing out of our nostrils a little bit later.

And that breath of yours can be natural and normal,

You don't have to change anything,

If it is short,

It is short,

If it is long,

It is long.

If it is shallow,

It is shallow,

If it is deep,

It is deep,

It is your breath and it is a-okay,

Exactly how it is right now.

So bring all your attention to your nostrils,

Because that is the place where your breath is flowing in and out.

If you have a cold and you cannot breathe through your nostrils,

Then bring your attention to your mouth,

Where the air is flowing in and out,

But if you can,

Then focus on your nostrils.

Breath flowing in and breath flowing out.

Natural breath flowing out.

A little bit later the breath is flowing out.

Keep your attention in your nostrils.

You might notice that when the air is flowing in,

It is a little bit cooler and when it leaves the body,

All your attention to your breath.

Just let it flow,

Let it flow,

Let the breath flow,

Just let the breath be natural,

Be normal,

While you observe it flowing in and out.

And if your mind wanders onto thoughts,

Sensations,

Emotions,

That is okay,

That is the job of your mind.

The moment you notice you,

Gently bring your attention back to your nostrils.

You don't have to push anything away,

Just go back to your nostrils,

Where the air is flowing in and out.

In,

Out.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

And if you are distracted by sound around you,

It is okay,

Let there be sounds.

Gently bring your attention back to your nostrils,

Where the air is flowing in and out.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

If there are thoughts,

Let there be thoughts.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

All your attention to your breath.

And there is a power in understanding that you are able to bring your attention to the here and now.

Because when you trust that you can do that,

You never have to worry about the future.

Because when the future arrives,

It will always be now.

And when you have the ability to turn the now into a peaceful here and now,

The future will hold no surprises,

The future will hold no scary things.

And that's my friend,

Self empowerment.

Keep your eyes closed.

Enjoy this relative peacefulness.

Now I would like you to imagine that in front of you there is a big movie screen.

And use your fantasy.

I know some people fantasize in images,

Others fantasize in words and again others fantasize in just knowing.

You know what your way is to fantasize.

Use that ability.

There is no right or wrong here.

There is only your way.

So on this movie screen,

I would like you to think of that problem,

That annoyance,

That irritation at work.

And just let it be projected on this movie screen.

So you are going to watch this problem.

And with watch I do not mean in images if that is not your way to fantasize.

Use your way to become aware of this moment,

This memory,

This thing that is going on.

But I would like you to project it outside of you,

Not within but outside of you.

And that's where this movie screen is helping you.

So you can observe this problem.

Just bring it there.

Don't make it too big.

Just get a sense of it being there.

And you might immediately feel a response in your body.

You have just been really relaxed.

And you still are but there is some kind of response,

There is some kind of a feeling or an emotion.

So when that is there then just turn off the movie screen.

Because that's the moment that we are waiting for,

That you have this nudge of an emotion.

Maybe it's bigger than that and just keep on breathing.

And focus on your body where you are feeling this right now.

If it helps you,

You can put your hands there.

Maybe it's in your belly,

Maybe it's in your heart,

Maybe it's in your head.

If it feels comfortable to focus there,

Just gently,

Lovingly put your hands there.

And I would like you to bring your attention to this sensation in your body.

However it feels.

And I would love for you to just recognize the physiological response in your body.

So it might be,

If the emotion is strong,

That your head immediately brings up stories about why you are feeling this,

Why you are right to feel this.

And I know this is happening,

This is really really normal.

But let's just like before,

When you notice something going on,

You just brought your attention to your nostrils,

Let's bring your attention to that part in your body where you are feeling this.

And focus on how it feels in your body.

So maybe you feel a nod in your stomach.

Maybe you feel like butterflies in your belly.

Maybe you feel a sting in your heart.

Maybe you feel your skin tingling.

Whatever it is,

Bring your attention to the physiological response to that emotion.

Don't tell yourself stories,

That's not necessary.

If you notice that you are trying to explain to yourself what is going on,

That's okay,

That's a really normal response.

But the moment you notice it,

You bring your attention back to the sensation,

Just the sensation,

Just be with that sensation.

And it might be that the sensation feels unpleasant,

But just know it's nothing more than that.

It's an unpleasant feeling.

And it's okay,

It's okay to feel unpleasant for a moment.

There's nothing wrong with feeling unpleasant.

Nothing is going to happen with you.

You're sitting right here and now,

In your room,

You're really safe,

You're connected to the earth.

Just your body is feeling something.

It might be the same if you had a headache,

It might be the same if you had an itch.

Now your body is responding to an emotion and that's all that is going on.

And if you find it really hard and you're overwhelmed by the emotion,

Then just stop.

Open your eyes,

Take a look around and see that you're safe.

It's okay,

That's gonna happen.

But if you can focus on just unpleasantness of the emotion and just be with it,

Then you can ask yourself,

What is it that I need right now?

And the answer might come like an epiphany or like a song in your head.

Maybe you just see something or you hear a word.

Or maybe you just don't know and that's also fine.

Just be with that feeling and ask yourself,

What is it that I need right now?

What is it that I need right now?

Don't overthink it,

Just let the answer bubble up from your soul.

What is it that I need right now?

Maybe you just need to cry,

Maybe you need to hug yourself,

Maybe you suddenly feel like laughing and then you just laugh.

Maybe you want to rub your belly,

Maybe you want to caress your own cheek,

Maybe you just want to tell yourself it's okay,

It's okay,

I'm here,

It's okay.

And if you really don't know what to do,

That's also okay,

I will help you.

If you feel a little bit overwhelmed and you don't know how to be gentle to yourself right now,

Then please my dear,

Put your arms around yourselves.

Your body doesn't distinguish between the touch from another and your own touch.

Just rock yourself a little bit and tell yourself it's okay,

It's okay,

It's okay.

Just be with this moment.

It might be hard and it's also okay,

You might not be so skilled with this and that's okay.

Be your own parent,

It's okay.

And when you allow yourself to really receive that comforting,

Soothing caressing,

It's okay.

And you feel that the emotion starts to soften.

I have a secret to tell to you.

Every emotion comes through your body like a wave that will take no more than 90 seconds.

It might return then for another 90 seconds,

But it's like up and flow,

Emotions are coming and going like physiological responses in our body and as long as we don't make stories,

As long as we don't feed those emotions into stories by other thoughts,

Like a wave,

It will come through us and pitter out.

And if you can sit through that moment,

If you can sit through that wave of 90 seconds while soothing yourself by being okay with it,

You will notice that those waves of emotions will change.

Like the sea after a storm with high waves,

But then the storm dies,

There's no wind anymore and the waves will get smaller and smaller and smaller if they are uninterrupted.

So if you let those waves of emotions come through you,

Knowing that they will pitter out,

They will calm down because you allow them to wave through you and leave your body.

Let's bring our attention back to our nostrils for a moment,

Just observing the breath flowing in and out.

Remember when anything comes up and the sensation,

The emotion,

The thought,

That's okay.

The moment you notice you gently bring your attention back to your nostrils,

The air flowing in,

The air flowing out.

All your attention to your breath.

It might be that those emotions are still waving through you,

That's okay.

The moment you notice that your attention is there,

Just bring your attention back to your nostrils.

And if you don't manage to do that because it's too overwhelming,

Then just stop,

It's okay.

Stop with the practice,

Make yourself a cup of tea,

Be kind to yourself,

Make yourself laugh,

Do something nice for yourself.

But if you can,

Bring your attention to your nostrils.

Breath flowing in,

Breath flowing out.

It's a calming sense in bringing your attention to the here and now.

And then the powerful sense of helping yourself to be here and now.

To be able to sit with whatever's going on and to understand what it is that you need in such a moment.

I would like you to turn on that movie screen again and I would like you to look at it and to see your own name there.

That gives a sense of feeling good.

Movie screen just for you.

We're going to see something on this movie screen and that's the answer to a question that I'm going to ask you.

And the question is,

How would it look if I would honour what I need for me being with this problem?

What would happen if I would be able to honour my own needs of being in the middle of this problem?

Now turn your attention to the movie screen and whatever way your unconscious and your fantasy wants to show you,

You will get a sense of what it is.

Maybe you see an image,

Maybe you know something,

Maybe you hear a sentence,

Maybe you just have a feeling of hope.

Whatever it is,

Just let it be the spark that tells you,

That makes you deeply know that with you honouring your needs,

Things will significantly shift in your life,

In your working life,

In whatever it is that you focus on.

Because when you bring you into every situation,

You right here,

Right now,

That's all there is to it.

That's the key.

That's such a beautiful key.

A powerful key.

Alright.

Whatever it was that you saw now,

I hope it sparked your optimism.

I hope it sparked your hope.

But if that didn't happen,

That's also ok.

If you feel neutral about it,

That's also ok.

If you still have a hunch of just not knowing how to solve this problem,

That is also ok.

You planted the seed.

And if you now start to practice to be self-gentle,

Even if it's just a millisecond a day,

You will get there.

It's a life long work in progress process.

You will get there.

No worries.

Alright,

Now,

Let's turn off that movie screen.

Bring your attention to your body.

Feel again how you are sitting.

Your feet on the ground.

Keep your eyes still closed.

If you want to wiggle your fingers and toes.

Stretch your spine.

And now I would like you to take your own time to get out of the meditation.

You can take one,

Two,

Three minutes.

If you are lying down and you feel tired and you can't go to sleep,

Go to sleep.

Whatever it is that you need to do right now.

But if you want to stick around for a little bit,

Then take your time to open your eyes.

I will spend a few more minutes to see if there are any questions or comments.

And then we are going to wrap it up.

I am going to slide into a gorgeous weekend.