Hi,
I'm Parzana Doctor.
Interpersonal conflicts can be overwhelming.
We can lose our center,
Especially when the conflict triggers past experiences or wounds.
This is a quick parts work exercise to calm the nervous system and help us understand our needs,
Which will hopefully help us navigate the conflict from a more grounded place.
If you're new to parts work,
You may also want to listen to my recording,
Five steps to unblend when feeling overwhelmed.
You can do this exercise alone or with others as a mutually supportive process.
You can do it seated,
Lying down,
Or even while walking.
There will be pauses during this exercise,
But feel free to hit pause if you need more time along the way.
After a conflict,
Fight,
Flight,
Freeze,
And fawn energy can remain in the body.
So let's start with calming the body.
Take a deep breath through your nose followed by a longer exhalation through your nose,
Perhaps in for three.
And out for six.
And again in for three.
And out for six.
And once more on your own.
Now breathe as you normally would.
Notice the small muscles around your eyes and see if you can relax them just a little.
With the next breath,
Notice the muscles around your jaw.
And relax them.
Just a little.
Notice your throat.
And see if you can release them.
Drop your shoulders.
Shake out your arms.
With your next breaths,
Relax your chest.
And upper back.
And then your belly.
And lower back.
Notice your pelvis and hips.
And see if you can relax them a little.
Shake out your legs.
Feel your heels.
And toast.
If you're seated or lying down,
Notice the places where your body meets the surface supporting it.
You Now turn your mind to the conflict.
Notice the emotions.
That the conflict evokes.
We're not trying to solve or change anything here.
We're just noticing,
Showing interest in the emotions.
Do you feel these emotions?
In a particular part.
Or parts of your body.
If you do.
.
.
You might want to place a hand over the places.
Where you feel them the strongest.
If it works for you,
Notice if these feelings have a shape.
Or a color?
Or a texture.
Don't worry if they don't.
Just stay with the noticing of the emotions.
Ask internally now.
What parts might be present.
For example,
There could be a scared part.
An angry part.
The skeptical part.
Or other parts.
Just remain open.
And curious about these parts.
Listen inwardly.
The way you might listen to a beloved child.
Ask this part what came up for them during the conflict.
Sometimes our parts will share images or words or sensations or memories.
Once again.
Be a compassionate witness to whatever might be arriving.
You might offer validation or care.
To whatever this part is showing you right now.
Ask this part if there is anything else they need to share with you to make sure you understand.
Offer validation or care to whatever is arriving.
Remind the park.
That you are there to support them.
Perhaps remind them of your current age.
And that you are an adult now.
With adult resources.
To manage the conflict.
Ask them what they might need right now to feel better.
Thank them for sharing all of this with you.
Now take another deep breath with a longer exhalation.
And one more.
Now reflect again on the interpersonal conflict.
Does it have a different feeling now that you have a better sense of what parts might have been triggered by it?
I sometimes like to offer myself a summary something like this.
A part of me felt.
.
.
Fill in the blank.
When we argued because it reminded me of.
.
.
Fill in the blank.
Now I understand why I reacted or responded in the way that I did.
Take a moment to summarize your new awareness.
Later,
You may want to journal or share with a friend or a therapist if you need to further process what came up for you.
You can also share this with the person you had the conflict with if they are a trusted person in your life.
I hope this exercise offered you some grounding and clarity to help you navigate this interpersonal conflict.
Be well.
