Today,
We're going to be looking at a tool that helps us to understand dysfunction in relationships,
The drama triangle,
Which can also be referred to sometimes as the dysfunctional triangle.
What is the drama triangle?
The drama triangle was first described by Stephen Cartman in the 1960s.
It provides a way for us to understand dysfunctional social interactions and illustrates a game of power or ego that involves three main roles.
The rescuer,
The persecutor,
And the victim.
Each role represents an ineffective response to conflict or disagreement.
This drama triangle takes shape when a person takes on one of the roles,
Which then triggers others to adopt the symbiotic roles.
We each have our own entry point into the triangle or habitual role that we tend to fall into when initiating or joining a conflicting situation.
None of these roles are actually productive or helpful.
And sadly,
No one wins in the drama triangle.
Let's learn about each of the roles in the drama triangle.
The two upper points of the triangle include the roles of rescuer and persecutor.
The rescuer is the socially acceptable role of the martyr,
Who puts themselves before everybody else.
They appear self-sacrificing,
Overly helpful,
And ultimately people please.
They like to rescue others as they need to be needed.
They need a victim to rescue,
So they can fill their internal void of being needed.
The rescuer role fosters dependency and enables others to stay in a state of victimhood.
The rescuer does not empower others.
They usually feel that they know what's best,
And they often do more than their fair share.
They have difficulties saying no and setting boundaries.
They save the day when not invited,
And attend to others' needs,
But forget about their own.
Essentially,
They are pouring from an empty cup.
Because their identity comes from helping others,
They don't actually know who they are and what they really like.
They lack a sense of their own identity.
The persecutor,
On the other hand,
Is usually seen as the bully.
They get angry,
Either openly or passive-aggressively.
They are highly judgemental and critical of others.
They can even be spiteful and scornful.
They are very demanding,
And they adopt the role of authoritarian and can be strict or rigid in their thinking.
They are prone to blaming others through put-downs,
And use their power in a negative and destructive way.
The persecutor needs to win at any cost.
Now on the lower point of the triangle,
We have the third and final role,
The victim.
The victim is the complainer,
The down-and-out of the world,
Those that think life owes them something,
But they are always at the mercy of others' actions or behaviours.
They do not take full responsibility of their life,
And would like others to solve their problems for them.
They heavily rely on having a rescuer in their life to save them.
They act helpless or powerless,
And feel worthless or inadequate.
They do not know how to value or empower themselves.
They often feel tremendous shame for having these feelings.
The victim's mantra is,
I can't do it,
Or poor me.
They are typically overwhelmed by life,
Unwilling to take accountability,
And can be manipulative in their constant need for sympathy.
So there we have it,
The three roles of the drama triangle.
I'd like you to stop for a moment.
Which roles do you see yourself playing out?
It's common for us to move between each of these roles,
And so it's not surprising if you find yourself in a combination.
However,
We usually have a preferred entry role into the drama triangle.
Most of us have learned this behaviour from our parents or caretakers,
And been programmed to play these roles,
Either consciously or unconsciously.
These roles usually come into effect when one person is over-functioning,
And the other is under-functioning.
So what can we do to get out of the drama triangle,
And leave this dysfunctional model of behaviour behind?
This is where we start.
To begin the change,
You can complete a relationship analysis.
Write down a list of the top 20 relationships in your life.
Be sure to include key family members,
And important romantic relationships.
Please think about each of these relationships,
And analyse which of the roles from the drama triangle were played in the relationship.
Which roles did you fall into,
And which role did they play?
Well done for taking the time to do the work and investigate the roles you play.
The key step towards any change is awareness.
Join me back here for part two of this series,
Where I share how we move from the drama triangle into the empowerment dynamic.
I'll see you there.
