Masculine & Feminine Attachment Styles

Fabienne Sandoval joins Lyn Smith on the Hearts Entwined podcast once more to talk more about Attachment Styles and how they link to Masculine and Feminine energy.

Fabienne explains that there are three main Attachment Styles and each of these can be linked to healthy / unhealthy Masculine and Feminine energy. This is a fascinating conversation that will empower anyone who is open to understanding themselves by identifying their own current attachment style and energy.

Transcript

Welcome to the Hearts Entwined podcast.

In this podcast we'll be having discussions around the secrets which attract lasting,

Healthy,

Fulfilling relationships,

Creating a healthy mindset and what women should know and understand about men.

Introducing your host,

Lynne Smith,

The Queen of Hearts,

Relationship expert,

Trainer,

Speaker and bestselling author of the Cupid's bow technique.

Lynne's mission is to have a positive impact in reducing divorce,

Domestic violence and suicide.

Welcome to the Hearts Entwined podcast.

This is your host,

Lynne Smith,

The Queen of Hearts.

And today I'm very excited to welcome back a guest we've had on before,

Fabienne Sanderville.

Welcome Fabienne.

Hi Lynne.

Thanks so much for having me on the show again.

I'm really excited to be here.

Excellent.

And what I really love about Fabienne is she's such a loving soul and she's so aligned with what love professionals and love connectors do and so much in sequence with what I am all about as well in terms of wanting to collaborate and you know we're all about wanting to give great value to the audience.

For those people that are listening that have not heard our previous episode where Fabienne was talking about attachment styles,

I would highly recommend that you do so and go back to listen to episode 47 where we had Fabienne talking about the three attachment styles.

We will just briefly have a bit of an overview around those again but if you want to know a little bit more in depth about what they are and what they represent then we're just going to sort of do I suppose like a bit of a part two today around the attachment style.

So Fabienne,

Can you just for those listeners that are not just want a bit of a refresher I suppose about what attachment styles there are can you just refresh them around what you teach and what they represent?

Yeah definitely.

So in terms of attachment styles what we mean when we talk about that is the way in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships and there are three styles that we can behave.

One of them being anxious.

This is where people tend to be a little bit concerned about their partner's ability to actually love them back and they often become really preoccupied with their relationships when they're in them.

The second one is avoidant.

So this is people who they equate intimacy with a loss of independence and they really try to minimize the amount of closeness that they have with their partner.

And then the final one is secure.

So I think that kind of is pretty obvious and it does what it says on the tin.

So typically secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and they're typically warm and loving.

So those are the three styles of attachments.

Excellent.

Now I haven't actually heard of it referred to as attachment styles before but having listened to your explanation on our previous epiosode that we did together I thought you know what this all sounds very familiar to me but I've always looked at it and always taught my information around the masculine and feminine energy and how that works in relationships.

And for me you know I teach that we all have masculine and feminine energy and if you are in opposite sex relationships and usually what that means is that the feminine energy is primarily the female,

The woman's most strongest natural energy within the relationship and vice versa for the man.

It's not always the case but usually that's how it shows up.

So are you familiar yourself with masculine and feminine energy Fabian?

Yeah I am and it's something that I think is really interesting and you know I would say in terms of the feminine and masculine energies especially a lot of the research that I've done I think it's really interesting how we do perceive you know if you are in an opposite sex relationship you do always typically think oh well the guy will be the masculine,

The woman will be the feminine and that's kind of typical.

But I think because women are obviously going out and they are learning how to lead and they're learning more how to you know do what they feel is best and really kind of create their own life I think some of the time what I've seen is women are a little bit too tuned into the masculine energy and sometimes fall off balance there in terms of the modern times that we're in now and I'm finding that men are more so stepping into their feminine because really in today's times everything is acceptable isn't it you know I mean there's not really one rule fits for anything we can kind of make up the rules as we go so to speak there isn't so much of a law around what needs to be whether we need to be a certain way or not although I would say I find that people that have difficulty in being in relationships especially women some of the women that I've worked with I've found it's because they are used to having this kind of work ethic and they're really tapping into that masculine energy in order to drive their business forward or their career forward and then when they come to relationships they forget to tune that masculine energy down a little bit and they're like oh I really want to be in a relationship where I feel appreciated and where I feel you know like I've got you know a strong masculine man but actually they're not recognising they need to kind of do some balancing out for themselves when they come to relationships and not bring that masculine energy with them that they might be using in the workplace yeah so true and this is spot on this is exactly what I teach in my events so it is literally that we've not been educated around this stuff in schools or through you know our parents our parents are totally ignorant about how usually the masculine and energy and feminine energies work in relationships so it's not surprising you know that in modern times you know that it's not being taught so that we can really raise our awareness and have phenomenal passionate alive relationships because what I've discovered is that you know when women get hurt you know if they've been through any trauma especially at the hands of men or if they've wanted to really succeed in the workplace you know the high achievers the way they've learned to do that is through modelling men you know and emulating their traits and stepping more into their masculine energy and we quite often do that as well default into our masculine energy on the back of being hurt you know so we put on our suit of armour on the back of being hurt and we you know we take on these masculine traits on the back of being hurt as well as doing so you know if we want to succeed or compete within a workplace environment or a sporting even a sporting environment we are stepping into that masculine energy and then what we're not realising is that men are not attracted to that you know because all men are feeling in those situations where you are exuding that masculine energy is another masculine energy in the room so they feel very challenged by that and they don't they won't even know why that is you know because they've not been educated about this stuff either they'll just feel it they'll just feel there's another masculine energy in the room and they'll feel you know very much challenged by that especially if they are a strong masculine energy themselves and what usually happens in those situations is that you're likely to have if you're in a relationship where that's present where you are more stepping in to or not aware that you're in your masculine energy and he's very strong in his masculine energy as well is that you're likely to have more conflicts and you won't even know the reason why and it's because you know there's two men in the room basically at that particular moment in time.

Exactly yeah oh my gosh I completely agree you know one other thing I think that's the thing and then you know the people in the relationship the two people in the relationship cannot understand why they keep butting heads or why you know there's this tug of war but it's ultimately the power of the masculine energy who has it and if both people have it at the same time it's definitely going to cause conflict like you say and I spent quite a few years not recognizing that you know I think you you know alluded to the fact that especially when women get hurt we kind of move more into that masculine energy from a sense of protection you know so it's almost like that wounded masculine energy starts to come out where we start to be a little bit more maybe controlling a little bit more withdrawn maybe a little bit more avoidant and you know when that kind of happens it's it's hard for us to then tune back out of that masculine energy we move into it from a place of kind of protection and we always stay there and then we start kind of dating and whatnot and then we get into relationships and we think why is this not working out and we can't figure it out because like you said before it's not taught in schools you know this kind of stuff is not something that's necessarily such common knowledge I think more and more so now we are hearing more about all of these kinds of wonderful things and I think it is becoming more known but but it's not taught from a very basic level and I think you'll remember from last time I spoke to my own kind of my own kind of teachings which is really about learning how to love you know we don't really get taught about you know things like masculine feminine energies attachment styles and so it's quite difficult for us to learn how to love if that kind of education isn't there for us so I think it's really wonderful you know your podcast everything like that so that we can actually be able to learn more about what's going on with love and what we can tune into and how we can balance ourselves out.

So I feel that if any women are listening and they actually can resonate with maybe feeling that men are intimidated by them or that you know yourself you know you're keeping men at arm's length and your heart isn't open because you know of past experiences or because you know you are a high achiever and taking on those more masculine traits then hopefully this will resonate with you and you'll realize that probably you know it's due to the fact that you're mainly living in that masculine energy and men are feeling that and picking up on that they're very sensitive to that.

Yeah definitely and you know I think one thing that I learned in my journey was the fact that it's also about the individual so some men will be more you know from a generalization we obviously say men are more masculine energy orientated and women are more feminine energy but that isn't obviously always the case like we mentioned before and so I think for those people that are say you are a woman but you are definitely more rooted in your masculine energy and that's where you feel good that's where you like to operate from then you know I would say take a look at that and actually you know figure that out because if you are there isn't anything wrong with you you can continue to stay in that masculine energy it just means you need to be when you're looking for a relationship you need to look for a relationship if you're looking for a relationship opposite sex partners then you need to look for a man that's more rooted in his feminine energy and so that's one thing to really be aware of in terms of dating I know for a long time I was really rooted in my masculine energy due to a lot of the wounds that I had but that wasn't what I wanted I didn't want to be per se the leader in my romantic relationships I did want to be the feminine energy and I wanted the mound to be masculine energy and so it caused me a lot of confusion for a while because I don't understand what I'm doing and then when I realized ah I'm rooted in my masculine energy I'm not going to attract a masculine man if I'm owning my masculine energy and all I kept attracting was really feminine energy styles where I was the one where I was more the leader of the relationship so I think it's really important if there are you know women listening that are feeling like they're having this struggle with their relationships they can't understand why then just take a look maybe it is that you are more rooted in your masculine energy and maybe you actually just need to start to dial that back a little bit and step more into the feminine energy so that you can then attract a masculine man or alternatively if you like being that masculine energy just be conscious of what you're looking for so you'll be looking more primarily for a you know a feminine energy type man.

But this is just the thing I think most women you know especially successful women are looking for that strong masculine energy man and not realizing they're putting those men off themselves you know because like you realize yourself you know that that's what you actually were looking for but weren't attracting and instead was attracting more men that are more stepping you know and allowing themselves to be controlled and dominated and thereby stepping more into their feminine energy and that's not what most women are attracted to they're not attracted to another feminine energy because that's just a girlfriend type relationship.

Yeah yeah exactly I completely agree.

Which I can say I had with my ex-husband for 23 years you know on the back of going through some very traumatic events in my teens at the hands of men I then only wanted a man who I could control basically you know I just wanted to feel safe and secure and loved and which he did make me feel safe and secure and loved but that was enough for me I also wanted to be able to control that relationship not realizing or having the awareness of the knowledge that I've got now in knowing this you know stuff around masculine and feminine energy and how it works.

So I was the one that was controlling that relationship and that suited me for 23 years but I didn't feel fulfilled in that relationship because all we had as I said was more of a girlfriend type relationship you know although there was intimacy it just wasn't the passion.

Yeah yeah I completely I can really resonate with that and I would say you know for me what I had found is quite a lot of my relationships I was because I was so strong because I'd have to learn how to be so strong in you know what would happen during my upbringing and things like that I was I had become very much a protector I have two younger sisters and so I kind of stepped into we kind of joke about it but you know it's not actually that funny but we kind of say that I was the daddy of the family you know and so I was very much in that protective role so strangely I then because I was kind of really rooted in that kept attracting a lot of men that sort of needed saving and needed they needed protecting or they needed help and so I was just constantly repeating that same pattern over again thinking when am I going to get someone that's going to lead and every time I would go on a date with someone that you know they would be the leader it wouldn't last for more than about you know three four dates because either I would be frustrated because I would be like well I can't we do it my way or alternatively they would kind of get fed up because they'd be like no it's not what I'm looking for I want you know I want that kind of that real feminine energy so you know one of the things I'm thinking we we're obviously talking about the feminine and the masculine and things like this and I'm just thinking for for any listeners you know how do we I guess from your perspective Lynn how do we share with them what the feminine traits are versus what the masculine traits are I think so that people can tune into understanding that's not necessarily whether you were born you know male or female but the kind of traits and the energy around femininity and masculinity so that people can understand what they are and if they're looking for that if they're looking to be more feminine what do they need to do to step in well there's one big one and that is relinquishing control which is already touched on you know it is it is literally that is the big one relinquishing control you know letting go of the need to control because you know that is the very masculine trait you know a man does like to take charge he does type you know and this is talking about the healthy masculine and there's the unhealthy and the healthy both in the masculine and the feminine so in the healthy masculine you know he's the one that's assertive he's the one that's chivalrous he's the one that's protective and you know wants to cherish his woman and treat her like a queen the the unhealthy masculine energy is is that you know you and you'll probably some of you resonate with this if you're in an unhealthy or toxic type relationship the unhealthy masculine is that one that that's very domineering aggressive and possessive you know that that sort of chauvinist pig type relationship and you know then the unhealthy feminine that he attracts within that type of relationship is the feminine who is the the the submissive subservient and you know desperate needy energy that's the unhealthy feminine and the healthy feminine is the feminine who is being a very sensual very nurturing very compassionate so you know it's it's leaning into your own natural energy really because most women you know if you if you are in and you're attracted to opposite sex relationships are naturally feminine you know at their core that's their more dominant energy it's just we've forgotten we've forgotten it's there and how to use it because we've been conditioned to be more like men and educated to be more like men to succeed in the workplace as well as you know as I say we naturally default into masculine energy on the back of being her as well Yeah that was really great Linh I think that you know just sharing those traits and people understanding what the what the healthy masculine and the healthy feminine looks like and versus the unhealthy and I can definitely resonate with some of those ones that you've said I've definitely had my affair of of relationships like that and I think that's what got me so curious and about love and how we could do it right and how we could learn more.

See what I've learned is it's the polarization of energies that creates the passion and the intimacy and the aliveness in a relationship but you can get that obviously that polarization within within unhealthy relationships as well you know so the more you know they that's why I sort of distinguish between the two types because obviously I'm not trying to educate people to to be submissive or subservient in relationships that's that's the worst case scenario you know and I want to make that distinction because I think some women do think that that's what I'm trying to teach and obviously it's not.

Yeah yeah I really really agree with you on that because it's easy once we start talking about things like the feminine and the masculine energy it's easy to think that those unhealthy versions of the energy is because that might be more obvious in in the world when you think about you know masculine energies or feminine energy you might think oh yeah well you know you know a subservient type woman is and really understanding what it means from a healthy perspective to be in those energies and and understand them and I think coming back to the attachment styles that we spoke about before you know it's not necessarily I think one of the reference points that I always look to is a book called attached and it's by Dr.

Amir Levine and Rachel Hellyer they don't necessarily refer to the attachment styles from a you know an energy perspective but in terms of my understanding of it the way that I very much see it is that you know the anxious energy that sorry the anxious attachment style is very much that sort of unhealthy feminine energy when you're becoming too insecure too needy sort of codependent in an unhealthy way and really kind of desperate the avoidance style is the unhealthy version of the masculine energy so it's really interesting how we can also apply those to the attachment styles really to see how the masculine and feminine energies fit with that as well.

I'm glad you said that because that's exactly what I was going to say myself you know this is how I see it you know that the linking to the attachment styles are exactly the same you know I was going to say how does it link with the attachment styles I was going to say you know just exactly what you've just said that it's the unhealthy feminine traits that lead me to think that that's very similar to how you describe the anxious attachment style and the unhealthy masculine is very much around you know how you describe the avoidance attachment style and as I said if you want to know more about these styles we did talk more deeply around this in in episode 47 when we had another conversation really specifically around all these different attachment styles.

Yeah exactly and I think and I think obviously when you think about the energies and balancing them out and having a balanced energy that's really where the secure attachment style comes in which is obviously what we are you know ultimately aiming for so I mean no matter what and I think you know we definitely talked about this in the previous episode but you know whether you're anxious or avoidant that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you you know it's not something to be you know ashamed of or anything like that it's really just there to serve as the knowledge of you know what was it that happened in your life that brought you to be in this position that you feel that way and then understanding those styles and how they work understanding what a secure style would look like and then I think being able to then you know bring in the energy just allows us to take that teaching to another level and so I think it's really it's really cool to be able to connect those styles back to you know the the masculine and feminine energy.

Oh certainly and I think you know we're all striving to have that secure relationship but within that secure relationship we want the passion and the aliveness as well and that's why I think it's important to stress you know having the polarization of energies in other words the more feminine you can be and learn to be and feel comfortable to be the more liberating that is because you know as you practice being your true natural self it is very liberating and as you practice letting go of control you know it feels more natural to be who you truly meant to be you know and that naturally is you you know as the strong feminine energy because if we get too similar you know a lot of I think I hear a lot of relationship coaches talk about having this balance and they actually are teaching around you know having equal amounts of masculine and feminine and I'm very much saying no no no no no you know it's not about you know being very similar energies and you attracting a very you know middle ground man on the back of that because that's what I had with my ex-husband that's when you know if you're trying to be sort of hovering around the middle ground where you know you're sort of you know sometimes a bit masculine sometimes a bit feminine and there's no polarization and he's the same that's when you do have the friendship you know and it's an okay relationship that you're just settling for rather than you know the aliveness and the passion where you've got the more feminine you can be the more you're going to bring out his masculine red-blooded male and masculinity and that's when you do know you're in a very very you know passionate alive relationship.

Yeah I completely agree and I think it's sort of you know in terms of what we're sort of looking for and like you said you know I think this is what everybody is striving for you know this alive passionate secure loving you know partnership with somebody that we feel that we can be our true authentic selves and I think it's really is definitely important to note that you know that really that really is driven by the polarities and if you think about it you know I know from from my perspective when I was in more unhealthy relationships that polarization was still there but it was there in like the negative sense once I was able to kind of step and tune into my own energy better I was able to kind of dial out those those unhealthy habits and traits one of them definitely being the control that's for sure and then I was able to tune in and you know I think you meant just mentioned it but you know you really do feel so great when you're able to tune into who you were meant to be and you know I think when you're especially when you're dating you're you know in that phase you're looking for somebody you're looking to attract a partner I think it's you know really important to note if you are looking to be the feminine energy in a relationship and so this really goes for any any kind of relationship whether it's same sex whether it's opposite whatever it is if you are looking to be the feminine energy in a relationship then you definitely want that at the very beginning of like dating someone and really keep as strong in that feminine energy as possible for a minimum the first six months I think after you get past that phase you've established like the boundaries for your relationship and who is playing what part so the masculine feels very confident that that's what they're always the feminine energy feels confident in their in their role and then I think past that kind of six month year mark when people are comfortable in the roles that's when things can start to you know say for example I don't know you're the feminine energy but you really love doing the budgets and the finance for example that's probably more of a masculine task but if that's something you really enjoy doing I think you know it's totally up for discussion like okay you know maybe I'm more doing you know these kinds of I'm acting more in this way but actually I really want to do that task and then I think it's then you're allowed to kind of divvy up the tasks going forward from there so I don't want people to think that if they're a woman and you know we're talking about feminine energy that they think they just have to be in the kitchen cooking and looking after children all day that's definitely not what we are that's definitely not what we're saying so you still must you know for sure stay true to to who you are and you know if you are a leader in your business or in your workplace you know you can definitely still continue to be that person so it's not about changing who you are and what you do and becoming like subservient like we've mentioned it's actually about playing playing the role of where you feel more comfortable in terms of the relationship and then as you move forward into that and you've established boundaries and roles and you know where you stand then you can start to bring in these things and say actually you know what going forward I'd like to do this kind of task it might seem more masculine but something that I really enjoy doing and then you can continue to create the balance in the relationship and create the polarization you know that you talked about yeah absolutely and I'm not saying that you know we've got masculine and feminine energies for a reason you know and and you know it is there in women to protect us and keep us safe but all I'm saying is if you if you do need to be in a masculine energy space in your work environment or if you're in a competitive sports field for example where you need masculine energy to compete then that's fine there's no problem with that but just remember you know to to take that suit of armour off when you get home behind the clothes stores and if you're wanting passion and intimacy in your relationship and you're wanting him to take the lead and and be the man in the relationship then take the trousers off definitely yeah you know it's just about recognizing you know because I think a lot of women definitely complain about not attracting the strong masculine male that they're they're looking for and then are not absolutely realizing that they're actually you know are partly responsible for that not being the case yeah exactly and you know I think when we when we think about the the feminine qualities you know I mentioned it before you know thinking about being in the kitchen and looking after children and this kind of stuff but you know I think that it's really important to you know kind of understand what those feminine qualities are so we're not saying you know go and be somebody different or anything like that but really to tap into what those divine feminine qualities are and and that is a lot more around you know following your intuition you know being more of that kind of nurturing caring role I think you know from a feminine energy perspective there's a greater offering for healing you know more you know being more gentle in the way that you are expressing yourself I think the feminine qualities are typically more kind of patient definitely more emotional typically and more expressive and communicative and then obviously the masculine energies so the things that you're probably finding yourself tapped into more if you're noticing this this kind of issue which I think really is very common in women that are looking for a you know a sacred partnership the the masculine qualities that they're probably finding their self more tuned into are things around you know logic reasoning you know just action so not actually allowing the person that you are dating to you know come up with a plan and and action things and you know things like the lead you know yeah I think a lot a lot of women actually do enjoy a man who does take the lead but then don't allow him to do so definitely I think that it's you know because we get so used to so tuned into so conditioned to you know these more kind of masculine habits and ways of being that it feels very vulnerable to step into that feminine space and I know that for me it really did feel very very vulnerable as this is you know I feel so you know I felt even more out of balance which is kind of hilarious because I think when you first come into it you're you're coming into the feminine so deeply that that's kind of all that you're seeing and that's all that you're working with so it takes a while to obviously balance things out so maybe when you first start to step into that it's like anything that we try that's new it's always going to be you know Rory's going to feel a little vulnerable Rory's going to feel outside of our comfort zone doing something new but I definitely recommend you know just if you are you know a woman who wants to be using her feminine energy and be living in that space and attract a partnership with a masculine man I definitely would say you know work on those kind of feminine qualities most definitely and I really strongly advise women to practice you know with other male members of the family if they if they feel that they don't want to sort of practice with you know if they aren't in a current relationship and they don't want to practice they haven't got a partner to practice on then you know practice with your son practice with other male members of the family being being that more natural feminine self and let the men see their softer side and your softer side and see see what responses you get yeah I really love that advice Lynn I think it's brilliant and I completely agree when I was sort of going through my own you know investigation of this kind of these kind of energies and balancing things out that was exactly what I did I actually and I kind of give similar advice I would say you know go and find go and find men that you know are really rooted in their masculine and you know have dinner with them maybe they're a friend or maybe they're a work colleague maybe they're a family member but go but spend time with them if it's a safe relationship that you feel comfortable in it's going to allow you to bring out that softer side more it's going to allow you to already have a level of comfort to practice that so yeah I completely agree with you because you know if you've never done it before or if you've been kind of suppressing it for such a long time it will feel a little bit strange stepping into that space most definitely and I think some women actually look at being more vulnerable as a sign of weakness as do men but it's not you know your vulnerability is your biggest power most powerful feminine strength you know and it'll ultimately really melt the masculine oh yeah definitely you know I couldn't agree more it is it's so interesting how you know we've in the way that we've been conditioned to you know look at certain traits you know that they come across as as you know something that's not that's not a nice way of being but actually like you say you know to be vulnerable you know to kind of surrender to that masculine energy in some ways it just gives you this magnetic attraction more than anything you know there's not I think there's nothing more beautiful than seeing someone really in their feminine energy and being really open and vulnerable to kind of what life has to offer them I think that that's absolutely you know so beautiful so we can definitely yeah change the mindset around what it means to be you know in that energy space and this is what we're talking about from a healthy feminine not from an unhealthy feminine you know being being vulnerable from an unhealthy feminine is exactly that you know allowing yourself to be walked all over so again you know I just want to emphasize that point yeah and I think it's so tricky you know with this stuff it's it's so easy for because of the the ways in which we've seen the kind of negativity of the feminine and masculine come through it's um it's really tricky in terms of actually you know explaining it in a short podcast how you know how the the healthy feminine looks and masculine feminine um looks um but you know I think yeah as we keep reiterating you know what the actual what the purpose of the the balance in the energies is all about and and what what good looks like.

And on that note Fabian I'm going to wrap things up and once again say thank you so much for this discussion I think it's going to be massively valuable to the listeners tuning in to to learn more and appreciate more around understanding how the masculine and feminine energies work so thank you so much.

Thank you Lynne thanks for having me again it's been such a pleasure speaking with you today.

And on that note would you share some contact information for Fabian I'll make sure you know most of it will be covered in our show notes but just as one point of contact for our listeners would you share what that would be?

Sure so if you would like to get in touch with me you can go to www.

Fabsthoughts.

Com and you can find out more about me there I have a book upcoming coming out this year which is going to be all based around love and a lot of this kind of stuff so keep tuned for that.

Excellent and we'll have to have you on again so we can promote that book Fabian.

Yes definitely.

Well once again thank you so much and thank you the listeners for tuning in to this episode and I just want to leave you with the usual true love starts with opening our hearts and until next time goodbye for now.

Thanks for listening to the Hearts Entwined podcast.

You can follow Lynne via the Facebook group to Hearts Entwined or search Lynne Smith inspirational speaker at LinkedIn or email lynne at hearts entwined dot com that's lynne at hearts dash entwined dot com.

Remember true love starts with opening our hearts.

Reviews

I absolutely loved listening to this. Because it opened my mind for discussion.
Finding out who you truly are meant to be and it’s acceptance, is what resonated in my heart.
Yet found it hard to label traits as Negativre or Positive trait to a sexuality.
As I find them human traits. But labeling to a sex, and using words like, not to be ashamed or it is not worse etc.... does have all this implied meaning, that some men or women are trying to change. To stop their suffering.
Always seeking a change. Why I’m a failing? Why I’m I not succeeding? Is it my energy? Why are my traits negative. Why I’m I so masculine why am I so feminine? Never ending hamster wheel....
Control to me is a human issue and totally agree that it will never help in any relationship. But addressing it to a masculine or feminine trait, makes me hear it as old fashion, the stories that we’ve been told. How things will work only if....
Embrace the energy that comes along with you for the ride and be mindful of the others’; as it is a beautiful dance.
Be who you are meant to be.
Thank you

That was fascinating. I was left with a lot of questions! Could have listened on the topic for another hour at least!