When Anxiety Shows Up With Big Reactions To Small Mistakes

Does your child become upset, frustrated, or overwhelmed when they make a small mistake? Maybe they erase an entire drawing, want to start over, or quickly decide they “can’t do it.” In this podcast episode, we’ll explore how big reactions to mistakes can sometimes be connected to anxiety. For some children, making a mistake can feel much bigger than the mistake itself—bringing worries about getting it wrong, disappointing others, or not being good enough. We’ll look at what may be happening underneath these big reactions and how parents and caregivers can respond in ways that support both the emotion and their child’s growing confidence. Because the goal isn’t perfection—it’s helping children learn that mistakes are uncomfortable, but they are something we can handle.

Transcript

Welcome back to another podcast in this mini series. My name is Emily Miller, And I work as a registered psychotherapist supporting kids, Teens, And their families. And today I'm answering the question, Why does my child have such a big reaction to small mistakes? Maybe they erase their homework over and over. Maybe they cry when they get an answer wrong. Maybe they quit a game because they aren't winning. Maybe they tear up a drawing because it wasn't perfect. Maybe they say things like, I'm so stupid, Or I can't do anything right, Or everyone else is better than me. As parents, This can be really difficult to watch. You might find yourself saying, It's just a mistake. Nobody's perfect. It's not a big deal. But for some children, The mistake isn't the real problem. It's the fear underneath the mistake. That is, The fear of being judged, The fear of disappointing someone, The fear of not being good enough, The fear of failing. Anxiety often whispers, If I make a mistake, Something bad will happen. People will think less of me. I won't be okay. And when mistakes start to feel dangerous, Children may become incredibly hard on themselves. So what can parents do? Let's walk through some steps. Let's walk through the calm method. So first we start in the calm method by connecting. We connect. So before teaching, Correcting or reassuring, Let's connect. Instead of it's not a big deal or. Or something like that. Instead, I want you to try, Wow, That mistake felt really big to you. Or you were hoping that that would go differently. So we're connecting in order to help our child feel understood. Because when emotions are high, Feeling understood matters more than hearing advice. So in this connecting phase, We start with helping our child feel understood. And the next comes acceptance. We don't need to convince them that they shouldn't be upset. We can simply acknowledge the feeling. So it sounds like this. It's disappointing when things don't go the way we hoped. You worked really hard on that. Or I can see why you're frustrated. Acceptance doesn't mean agreeing with the self-criticism by any means. It means it's making room for the feeling underneath it. And then we move into, As parents, As caregivers, Into the leading role. And this is where confidence starts to grow. Because anxiety wants kids to believe mistakes mean stop, Mistakes mean you're not good enough, Mistakes mean avoid. Trying again. But mistakes are actually part of learning, Right? So we can gently lead here. And this sounds like. You made a mistake and you're learning. What could we try next? Or This feels hard right now, But hard doesn't mean impossible. So notice how we're not rescuing them. We're not fixing it for them. We're helping them stay. In the game, If you will. And then finally, We move to modeling. So children learn a lot from watching us. Um. . . Rather than just like listening to us, Right? So what happens when you make a mistake? Let's think about that. Do you criticize yourself? Do you get embarrassed? Or do you show self-compassion? You might say, Oh, Oops, I forgot that mistake. Or, I don't love making mistakes, But everyone makes them. I'll figure out what to do next might be something else you can say. And that's a powerful lesson, Right? The way that we model how we respond to our own mistakes, Because it's a natural part of this whole being human thing. Children don't need to learn how to be perfect by any means, But they need to learn how to recover. And this is modeled through their caregiver. So ultimately the goal isn't to raise a child who never makes mistakes. The goal is to. . . Um. . . Help a child learn, I can make a mistake and still be okay. I can mess up and try again. I can be imperfect and still be so worthy, Be totally worthy. If your child struggles with perfectionism, Self-criticism, Or anxiety around getting things wrong, You're not alone. I've got the calm method available to you and it was created to help parents understand what may be happening beneath behaviors like these and respond in ways that build confidence over time through four simple audio modules. We're going to move through Connect, Accept, Lead, And Model in more detail. And you'll learn practical tools to support your child through anxious moments while helping them develop resilience for the future. Thanks again for being here. Thanks again for listening. See you next time.