When Anxiety Asks The Same Question Over And Over

Does your child ask the same question again and again—even after you’ve already answered it? In this easily digestible 6-minute episode, we’ll explore how repetitive questions can be connected to anxiety and a child’s need for certainty and reassurance.
While answering may provide temporary relief, it can sometimes keep the cycle of reassurance-seeking going. We’ll explore how parents can respond with compassion without getting caught in endless reassurance, using the four parts of the C.A.L.M. Method: Connect, Accept, Lead, and Model.

Transcript

Welcome back to this mini podcast series. My name is Emily Miller. I work as a registered psychotherapist and I support kids, Teens, And their families. Today, I am answering another very common question from parents. Why does my child ask the same question over and over again? Maybe it sounds like, What time is my doctor's appointment? Five minutes later. What time is my doctor's appointment again? Or Are you sure Nana's gonna pick me up? Are you sure? Are you really sure? Or perhaps at bedtime. It's a question like, You're gonna be downstairs, Right? You promise? You're not leaving? Can you check on me one more time? And many parents, You know, For them this can feel confusing. After all, You already answered the question, Right? Maybe even several times. So why are they asking again and again? The answer is that often your child isn't actually looking for information, They're looking for Ah, Relief. Anxiety loves certainty. Loves it. A best friend for anxiety is certainty. It loves certainty. And reassurance can provide a quick burst of certainty. When a child asks, Are you sure I'll be okay? And we respond, Yes, Absolutely. They often feel better for a moment and then anxiety creeps back in and the urge to ask can return. The tricky part is that the more we answer, The more anxiety learns. When I feel uncertain, I need someone else to make me feel better. So the cycle continues. So how can parents respond? Well, Let's walk through some steps before jumping in to answer. I want you to connect with what's underneath. Instead of, I've already answered that. Try this instead. Hmm, I wonder if your worry is looking for some reassurance right now. Or You seem like you're wanting to feel really certain about this. We're helping our child feel understood in that moment. We're connecting, We're not judging. And then next comes acceptance. Because the goal isn't to make anxiety disappear immediately, We might say something like, I can understand why your brain wants to double check. Or Uncertainty can feel uncomfortable. Or Again, We're voicing acceptance with something like. Lots of kids notice that their worries want guarantees. We're making room for the feeling without feeding, Feeding it, Right? And then for the next step, This is where parents do often need a plan. If every reassurance request gets answered, Anxiety tends to come back wanting more and more and more. Instead, We can gently guide our child toward tolerating a little bit of that uncertainty. So for example, Um. . . We might say something like, That's a question we've already answered. Or What does your brave brain remember? Or I know your worry wants me to answer again. Let's see if you can sit with not knowing for a moment. Or maybe it sounds like. I'm not going to answer that again, But I will sit with you while you feel unsure. And then just notice the difference. Like we're not, I promise we're not abandoning them by any means, But we're supporting them with. Without becoming anxiety's reassurance machine by any means. And then we move to, We're gonna model for the child, Because the child learns a lot from watching how we handle uncertainty ourselves, Right? So we might say, I don't know exactly how tomorrow will go. But I know I'll handle whatever comes up. Or sometimes I feel unsure too and I practice taking a breath and moving forward anyway. Because confidence isn't knowing everything. Confidence is trusting that you can cope. And that's ultimately what we're trying to teach our children. Not that life comes with guarantees, But that they can handle uncertainty when it shows up. The goal isn't to create a child who never asks questions. Of course not. The goal is to help raise a child who learns, I don't need complete certainty to be okay. And that lesson gets built, You know, One small moment of uncertainty at a time. So if reassurance seeking, As we talked about today, Has become a daily struggle in your house, You're not alone. And I've got the calm method that was created for parents to help understand anxiety and respond in ways that build confidence over time. So through four simple audio modules that guide you through connection, Acceptance, Leading, And modeling, You'll learn practical tools for moments exactly like these so you can feel more confident supporting your child while helping anxiety take up a little less space in family time, In family life. So thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.