Hi guys,
Welcome to another session with me.
My name is Emilio Jose Garcia and today we're going to be talking about Understanding your love languages.
I Felt inspired to do this this live today Because my wife Samantha,
She was listening to an audio book.
I think it was called the 80-80 marriage that basically that book talks about Changing the model from it used to be 20-80 So basically woman used to do 80% of the work around the house taking care of kids Stuff like that and the man used to do 20 and then we are trying to transition into 50-50 That is half and half and then this book talks about the 80-80 marriage.
That means 80% 80% That if you do the math 80 plus 80 is way more than a hundred so basically this book is promoting radical gratitude radical Generosity,
So basically go going above and beyond of offering as much as you can to your partner The philosophy of the book is that by doing that You are moving away from 50-50 counting Making sure that everybody is doing their part and you are stepping into something that is more Generous something that is more abundant.
Okay.
So from that book it came an exercise about the love languages I'm sure that you guys majority of you are aware of the love the five love languages.
There is a book.
It's very famous And then if you type love languages online,
You will find more than five you will find different ways of expressing and receiving love So this book had an exercise that my wife Brought to one of our dates We try to do a weekly date Where we do some sort of exercise we spend time together.
We also do a lot of intentional dialogues When we have an emotional charge and trust me,
We are doing a lot of them lately Since we are in Barcelona because we have to make so many decisions There are so much happening that creates a lot of tension and decision-making and Uncertainty and discomfort and yeah,
So it's good.
I think it's good I think that means that we are doing our work,
But basically how the exercise looks like it's like it's a piece of paper and then she brought down the different kinds of love languages that Are according to the book and one more that I found online and basically the exercise was to really reflect about each of them and Really reflect about how do I enjoy receiving love in this language?
How does it look like?
Because I Didn't like the idea of having to choose one to be honest.
I don't like the idea of what what is my love language?
It's like what I have more than one.
I want to have more than one so I really like this exercise because it really Guides you through each of them and it invites you to really reflect about how do I like receiving love?
In the language of words of affirmation acts of servitude quality time physical touch material gifts and Communication those are the six love languages that we are doing here in this exercise.
Okay,
Let me repeat them These are the love languages that we are going to do the exercise today so words of affirmation physical touch acts of servitude material gifts quality time and communication Okay,
Those are the five main ones from the book And also there is another one that I found online and it called me because I feel that communication is important to me and I will invite you to I will invite you to add anything else that comes to you like a Sawati is saying what about space as a love language?
Beautiful.
Why not?
Space is a it's a very needed Love language.
Give me space.
Give me time to be with myself Actually,
My wife Samantha and myself we really thrive when we get enough me time enough space it really Helps us thrive.
It really helps us be ourselves and show up in the relationship in a completely different way It helps me show up as a father in a completely different way because I have time to recharge I have time to pursue the things that are important to me and it's time where we are where I am not Responsible for anyone and sometimes that's really really important for me Sometimes I just want time when I don't have to do anything for anyone.
It's just about me I want to be selfish and that time is just for me and I do whatever I want and I feel regardless of everybody else But of course,
I'm not neglecting anyone else I'm just making it very clear and my wife and I together we create a calendar that we both understand And then I support her when she has me time and she supports me when I have of course sometimes life happens and things get on the way but Add whatever love language comes to you that is not on the list It's important that you find the one that is important to you.
So don't let these six love languages define Because you can find you can create different labels to different love languages that are not in there,
Too Okay,
So yeah,
Sawati says it's actually one of my top love languages Give space and hold space So that's really really important for you.
So thank you so much for bringing that up because it's such a wonderful reminder that We are not We don't have to be a slave of structure.
We can create whatever feels good to us so that we can communicate that Language in a more clear way So Sawati says my partner and I literally did the five languages quiz over the weekend We have done it years ago interestingly The results were different.
Yeah,
This is why I feel that it's so important to to really Recheck this every now and then especially when life evolves a lot When changes happen when you transition into a different stage of life Maybe you become a father a mother.
Maybe you get divorced.
Maybe you get married.
Maybe you move to a different area.
Maybe you retire whatever big transition you are going through maybe it's changing the way you enjoy receiving and giving love so it's really important to really Allow some time to take with yourself.
And that's what I really really enjoyed from here Because it was a while since we did it and it was very eye-opening to to do this exercise together So basically I did the exercise by myself Samantha did the exercise by herself and then we I read hers and she read mine and now my job is to keep hers and she keeps mine and then we look at it and we try to integrate these things in our day-to-day life but how much more easier it is to integrate these things when you know what they are when you understand and especially in myself It really made a difference to allow myself some time to think about it and to go through each of them and really think how Do I enjoy?
Receiving love with words of affirmation and some of my examples are Tell me what I am doing,
Right?
Encourage me to do what I said I wanted to do support me when I make a mistake and Tell me sometimes I got you babe.
Don't worry.
I got you.
Yes,
That sentence makes me like,
Okay.
Thank you You got me.
I don't have to I'm not responsible for this.
You got me here So I am taking care of so those are some examples of how I enjoy receiving love from from her Okay,
And if I read what some of the things that she brought for example She says words of affirmation.
She will enjoy receiving text messages of thoughtful things Thinking about you.
I love you a funny picture or something that makes her laugh Leaving little notes or messages left in places that she doesn't expect Writing a letter or a card sharing thoughts or ideas and expanding more about how I feel And then validation of feelings or actions.
I see that you are trying your best here I see that you are trying to do this and so things like that are really also very important for her so these are two examples of the love language of words of affirmation and How different it can look like from person to person?
So Lauren says that really resonates with me.
I have never thought of space as a love language But when I don't feel loved it's often when I am giving myself Everywhere and not receiving my own personal space to just be yeah amazing and it's so wonderful learning that you are you are connecting with that idea of adding space as a love language and so Timely because I talk about decathlete and I talk about creating your peaceful home,
Right?
So and space is not only physical space is mental space.
It's emotional space It's space in general where you feel allowed to be you feel allowed to feel you feel allowed to be Relaxed and to be with yourself and with whatever is present for you in that specific moment Space can also be something that someone gives you like I give my wife space I hold space for her in the sense that I am being present I look at her eyes and I am just creating a container.
I am creating space a safe space for her to share Space to share whatever is present for her to process an emotion Sometimes we do tapping together and I guide her through tapping and then she processes something and I am creating that space for her And sometimes it's the opposite.
I am not feeling well and she holds space for me She creates space and I can express what I need to express in a safe way.
That's another definition of space That can be very very healing.
So amazing Because as my partner recently discovered that he doesn't give me words of affirmation because he doesn't give them to himself So they have been self-sufficient since childhood so they don't think of giving it out Yeah,
Guys,
This is something also that when you do this exercise It's gonna show up.
Okay Childhood trauma is gonna show up limiting beliefs are going to show up The stories that we tell ourselves are going to show up For some people even telling the word.
I love myself.
It's difficult Sometimes we feel guilty.
We create space for ourselves.
Sometimes we feel that we don't deserve it Sometimes we feel that everything else is more important and we don't have time to do something that doesn't feel Practical like just being no I have to be doing something right and I was talking in a past session about the difference between being and doing and When you are trying to love yourself and love others and connect with that energy and how it can flow That's part of being You're gonna be doing after but you have to first be you have to first connect with how do I enjoy receiving love?
How do I enjoy?
Connecting with others and then also becoming aware of how how does people around me?
Important people around me.
How do they like to receive love from me and sometimes we don't know So that's why this exercise can be very eye-opening and it can make life very very easy Way easier than trying to guess Okay Another another concept that I would like to bring in here to the equation is to also think about The love languages that some they don't only apply to your romantic partner love can be General it doesn't have to be only like love for your life partner or romantic partner can be love Workmates can be love for your children can be love for your parents can be love for your flatmates for your neighbors for the people you are involved in hobbies with for People that you find on the street when you are walking people that you meet people that help you So love can be very general love It's everywhere,
Right?
So,
How do you want to receive love from all those people too?
It's not only About your romantic partner so this can apply to every area of your life and I'm sure that you're not going to be doing this exercise with everybody But if you have important people in life,
Sometimes you can ask a few questions Like I asked my mom my dad.
I asked my my good friends and I may ask them Hey,
What how do you enjoy receiving love?
How do you enjoy being supported?
What do you really enjoy getting when you are not feeling well and you can ask it in many different ways so that it's not You don't even have to bring the word love if you feel it's gonna make them uncomfortable But at the end of the day you are talking about how can I love you more?
How can I support you more?
How can I listen to you more?
How can I make you feel better?
How can I be there for you?
And how can you be there for me when I need it,
Too?
So just think about those things too because The concept of language love languages is not only for romantic partners.
It can be applied to every other area of your life So when says interesting that mine is physical touch and I find I feel self-love When I do EFT Reiki yoga exercise.
Yeah,
So funny connection there,
I guess when Slavena says I love sharing That could probably be a love language or an accent Love sharing experiences food time entertainment new things chores Sharing space fun,
Etc Yeah,
So you love sharing and of course like that can be a wonderful Love language,
Right?
You just share yourself with others and that's your way to express love.
The question is do people receive love that way?
Some people may some people may not some people may feel uncomfortable and and this is why I feel that it's also very important to be aware because if you are trying to love someone by Using words of affirmation for example,
But you notice that that person is not it's not it's not feeling well It's not connecting with what you are trying to do Maybe that means that they don't receive love that way or they are they're feeling uncomfortable and maybe you can Do something different and ask act of servitude.
Maybe you just bring them a coffee and they are like and they are super happy Maybe they don't need any words.
They just need the coffee or they just need something that express love in a different way So sometimes if you cannot do this exercise clearly You can still discover how that can look like may look like for each person that you are sharing time with So guys,
Are you ready to do the exercise?
I Will invite you to grab a piece of paper or your journal Okay,
And I will invite you to to write down the headings of each love language,
Okay if you want you can write them However,
You feel like but basically the the love languages that we can cover here are words of affirmation acts of servitude quality time physical touch material gifts Communication and We can add space because someone said that that was one of their main love languages so you can add space And if there is anything else that is coming to you Okay,
Write it down because that may be your love language So you don't have to only do this one,
But these headings are an invitation for you to explore and discover You don't have to use them all after if you don't feel like it But those are to help you become aware of how you feel with them.
Okay Thank you Becca for writing them down in the chat So people you can find them in the chat and then I feel that the the work here to do this exercise Okay,
I'm gonna leave some space and I'm going to repeat one by one so that you guys have a little bit of time Okay The first one is words of affirmation Okay words of affirmation I Invite you to to think about and feel how Do you enjoy receiving love when it comes to words of affirmation?
Is that a love language that you enjoy and when you think about it happy to share some examples that myself and my wife shared That can inspire you But before I do that,
I want to give you a few seconds for you to think about What are some of those words of affirmation that you will enjoy receiving from?
From your partner from another person and When you do this exercise you can Be intentional.
Maybe you do this exercise only with your romantic partner and it's all about just the romantic partner and that's okay Maybe you can do this exercise with your parents.
Maybe you can do this exercise with your co-workers You can decide what area of your life you want to focus on It can also be general if you want So you choose that in my case I did this for my romantic partner only this exercise.
Okay so words of affirmation How would you receive love?
Using words of affirmation Some examples In my case,
I will enjoy that.
My wife tells me what I am doing,
Right?
Can look like a million you are doing X Y and said really well I really see you doing that and it's amazing to see you doing that Encouraging me to do what I said I wanted to do so I said I want to learn how to kite surf properly So now she's asking me.
Hey Emilio,
There is wind tomorrow.
Are you going kite surfing?
I'm sure you're gonna nail it We can go and support you on the beach if you want to what do you need to feel safe So that's an example Something that she brought my wife text messages Just send me a text message saying how much you love me something funny Something I did well a funny picture So so far,
What do you guys have do you want to share something that you have written down?
What is something that you have in your list?
Words of affirmation.
Is there anything that you brought down that you would like to share?
And if not,
We can move to the next one Okay So tell me good morning as how my day at work was ask how my day at work was amazing So two examples tell me just good morning and then ask me how my day at work was so those are two words of affirmation that Ask how I am doing today It's amazing to see you working on yourself today I Appreciate you doing that for me Great.
So those are really clear examples of how you can receive love So if your partner or your like that person reads that they're gonna have an easier time to To be able to express that love in that way you make me feel safe and loved expressing appreciation Amazing so those are some examples.
Okay,
So let's move to the next one.
Let's do the acts of servitude Okay acts of servitude another love language So these are things that you can do for the other person that can make that person feel better some examples My examples make me a coffee or make me nice food.
That's an act of service That I really enjoy Help me with Eva when it's my time taking care of her and I'm feeling She's being very like fight fit feisty or she's saying no acts of service So that's another example of how I can receive that doing the laundry doing the dishes cleaning the house Planning the logistics of a trip is something that really really helps me feel loved because I don't like doing it So what are some acts of service that you guys?
May enjoy that you guys will receive love from just take a couple of a few seconds to think about it and just Share in the chat an example if you want So it's funny that my wife and I had pretty much the same one So offer to get snacks a blanket etc making me a coffee and cleaning up the kitchen So we both receive that kind of love in the same way Getting my oil changing my car fixing my meals Going along when I have to take the car in Getting me a cup of tea before sleep Taking initiative without being asked be aware of what tasks need to be done without me telling you amazing.
So leadership Decision-making When you and your husband work on a prayer together around the house help with meal ideas Amazing.
So those are these very specific things that when you share them Your partner can take action on and he doesn't have to think or she doesn't have to think Yeah,
Amazing So let's move to the next one the next one we can do quality time,
Okay quality time What does that mean to you?
How do you receive love in this language of quality time?
And so some of them some of these are love languages They may you may have the same thing that can apply to different ones Okay Because you may for some of you that you say bring bringing me a coffee Well,
Maybe bringing you a coffee and sitting down with you.
That's quality time,
Too So it's acts of service and quality time at the same time Because bring you the coffee and then I see you and then I ask you a how was your day?
And then it's also words of affirmation.
So as you see you can find activities and things that you can do that can nurture Different love languages at the same time But Karen says things that make me feel safe Okay for us for example some examples of quality time in my case playing board games that's quality time for me I love playing games with my wife Watching something together under a blanket Asking an Oracle card together and reading it it's quality time for me doing an activity together Doing acro yoga and dancing together.
It's another example and then for my wife Interesting,
She says quality time for me is when you are not using your phone in my presence That means that is quality time So I try not to use my phone when I am with her intentionally because it really bothers her So this is something that I am aware of and now I can take action and be more intentional about Playing a sport together and she really enjoys getting lost in the city with no direction together And then deciding together on every corner,
Where are we going?
Okay,
So you guys have Intentionally giving undivided attention without looking at the phone.
So that's like my wife We like to take day trips out in nature if he gets to fish,
That's a bonus going for a walk Going for a car ride Walk in nature.
Okay,
So you get the idea.
These are all Quality time ways that you can receive love through quality time Okay,
Let's move to the next one.
And this is a physical touch.
Okay when it comes to physical touch this can be My wife and I for example,
We created two columns.
Okay,
We created a column that is outside So in the city outside in public and then we created one that is intimate So you can do that if you feel safe that way and you don't have to share What you write in there if you don't feel like it,
But it's important to create this in a way that that makes you feel Well,
Because my wife said I like you doing this,
But I don't like you doing this in public I like you doing this in the bedroom or this thing I'm happy if you do it in public too and I actually enjoy if you hold my hand if you put your arm around my neck if you Use consent So ask permission if I massage her shoulders If I offer a kiss,
Can I give you a kiss on the cheek?
And then she say yes,
And I give her a kiss.
So These are some examples that you can Write down in my case.
I outside for example,
I have Kissing me in the neck touching my neck and back like with I really love when she touches my hair like this Play with my hair Looking at my eyes for no reason So and then on intimate side you can break down whatever you feel right and this is a again This is a great opportunity for you to really think about How do I receive love?
What do I need to feel safe to feel love in an intimate scenario?
And sometimes it's not as clear if you don't talk about these things You go into those situations and you don't really know what to do and you are afraid you may do something that triggered the other person and it becomes like a Like a very very uncertain situation.
So it's very nice to have some guidelines It's very nice to at least have some boundaries that you understand and some direction that may help make that moment more special So Take the time to write down whatever is coming for you about physical touch and how you receive that Because it's a dance in the kitchen and look and lock arms when we walk outside Amazing.
So that's that's nice For example,
My wife doesn't like me doing this with my arm on top of her shoulder because I put weight on her and that Makes it uncomfortable,
But she really loves holding hands She really loves like other things but that specific thing she said I don't like that It makes me uncomfortable and I don't enjoy it.
So that's a great way for me to know.
Okay,
That's not a thing,
Right?
So let's move to the next one.
The next one is material gifts Okay material gifts so presents,
Gifts showing your love and appreciation through Giving something This is something that in my case.
I I don't really like receiving material stuff unless I really need it But you can still find a lot of things that you can enjoy receiving in my case For example is booking trips,
Booking adventures,
Booking an experience is really something that I enjoy Buying delicious food,
Going to restaurants.
I really enjoy that,
Going to a coffee place and treating ourselves together to coffee buying tickets to theater,
To movies to show and Buying a youth fun gadget That that is gonna help me be playful like I don't know a unicycle Something funny,
My wife one time She found a bongo stick on the on the carpet and she brought it home and I was so happy and everybody was jumping On it and it was so playful.
So things like that are something that excite me,
Right?
My wife has plant experience that may or may not cost any money so An adventure,
Massages,
A weekend playing cards So,
How do you like receiving love when it comes to to material gifts?
If you guys have any other examples feel free to share them in the chat Other than dancing in the kitchen and locking arms together when you walk outside Then we can move to the next one if you guys are ready Becca says special purchases at the grocery store,
Surprise bookmark in his current book Amazing.
So those are very specific examples of things that make will make you feel loved,
Right?
Buying something special at the grocery store that you didn't expect or Putting a surprise bookmark in the book that you are reading and then when you open it you find it there and it's like Oh,
Yeah,
I am loved.
That's nice Slavena says that can be triggering as well as many times people try to buy themselves out of things They are supposed to do but don't and washes off their guilt Yeah When it comes to love languages and how you receive love you're gonna notice that You're going to start facing Emotions,
You're gonna start facing resistance limiting beliefs Stories you tell yourself of why you don't deserve that or why that's wrong or why that's not something that you enjoy And this is a great opportunity for you to really discover and explore more of why am I feeling this way about this?
Why am I not good enough to receive this this way or why am I feeling this resistance to?
To feel it to be loved this way and it can be an Entry point for you to do some healing work on something that may be underneath that you didn't know And it's blocking the way you receive love so This can be a happy opportunity for you to really discover things about yourself Karen says I'm trying to downsize things,
But sometimes it's nice to get a surprise that he thinks fits me Yeah,
It's all about the intention right behind sometimes when you receive a gift is not about the gift itself It's about the intention that is behind that gift The gift at the end is not as important as You feeling the emotion that that person put in that specific action that that that you received.
So that's why sometimes With material gifts is really important to set boundaries and I know this by experience because when I help people Be glad and organize their homes,
Especially families with kids that they are They are drowning in toys and they don't know how to organize them because they have too many Once they get a hold on it and they create the systems and they have everything kind of under control Then a Christmas comes birthday party comes and all the sudden they are flooded with Physical gifts from aunts,
Uncles,
Grandparents,
Friends,
And then it becomes overwhelming So that's another opportunity for you guys to have conversations about that Sometimes they can be uncomfortable,
But you can say listen Instead of buying physical things.
I want you to take my kids out for dinner I want you to take them out to the movies I want you to take them to that adventure there,
That activity there Take them out for the weekend in a camping spot or maybe bring their favorite meal Or if there is a physical thing,
Maybe you arrange with everybody loosely and we're gonna buy this thing So let's all tip into money,
But we just buy one thing and it's intentional so there are many ways that you can express Your boundaries around material gifts because the truth is that many many many many people enjoy showing their love through giving presents But the problem is that the people receiving the presents sometimes they don't want them or they don't know what to do with them after and Your good intention of giving them gifts,
It's aggregating their problem with physical clutter Sometimes this is hard to accept,
But it is the truth for a lot of people.
Trust me a lot of people So sometimes it's really really important to have conversations that are clear,
That are respectful,
But that are truth Like this is how I deal with with gifts This is what I would like to see moving forward and this is how you can help me make this happen and me maintain my place clutter-free because I was struggling before and my mental health was being affected by the clutter and I don't want to go there again Okay So see Laura says receiving gifts really bothers me.
That's why it's important that If you enjoy giving gifts and that's your love language,
Make sure that the person receiving that is also their love language So that it's a good fit,
Okay So what he says there is also having feelings of guilt around receiving an expensive gift that isn't what I really want Yeah,
There is a lot of layers around gifts There is a lot of emotional attachment that that becomes a problem with gifts because sometimes people don't want to let them go Because they are afraid of how the person who gave them that gift is going to feel if they come over and the gift is No longer there.
So there is a lot of things that we are creating when we give someone a gift that sometimes we don't think about and They are real and they are things that may be bothering the person a lot or creating a lot of conflict That's why sometimes it's really necessary to set boundaries and to have conversations around that topic So let's move to the last one and this one is communication.
Okay,
How How would you like to receive love through communication?
Is there a specific way that you will enjoy Communication?
How does that look like to you?
Happy to share some examples from my own one.
So I really enjoy Doing intentional dialogues.
This is something that I have talked about.
This is something that I do have some content around too that you can find Intentional dialogue or imago dialogue.
It's a technique That we learned from a book and from a program that we did and that we have been using consistently for the last Three years now I think it's been two or three years and it has helped us create a safe environment for us to express how we feel and instead of us arguing and having Fights we we have intentional dialogues and we are able to express how we feel how the other person feels We can validate and we can finish with gratefulness.
So that's For us,
For my for my wife and for myself.
That's a love language intentional dialogue Meetings to discuss and brainstorm about a specific topic So creating the time together to to talk about something that is happening To talk about something that we need to decide about that's communication for me And Doing a circle together doing a ceremony doing something that is special something that takes us away from our day-to-day mundane things and creates like a special tone like doing a burning ceremony doing a Circle sitting by the fire here and maybe doing some tapping just creating something doing a meditation together.
That is communication it's also quality time by communication because we are Nurturing the communication piece that sometimes is difficult to to do throughout the day today because we don't have the time We are busy.
We are we have Eva running around our daughter We are maybe working,
Juggling,
Cooking and sometimes it's difficult to be in that headspace of communicating Okay Yeah,
And then some examples for my wife are imago dialogue,
Shared time in meditation or yoga So doing yoga together and also for her is expressing your need to dialogue before it's blowing up inside So in my case,
Sometimes I I take too long to ask for a dialogue and I let something that is bothering me Emotionally,
I let it build up too much and then it shows up in the form of frustration In the form of being impatient in the form of not being nice not being loving and I just feel it so my job is to Express my need to have a dialogue before it builds up to a point where I am charged emotionally too much So that's that's something that she brought here that in the communication piece So what do you guys have for communication?
This was the last one that we are doing Do you have any examples on how you enjoy receiving love through communication?
Becca says Emilio,
What do you think of a truth session without boundaries?
Saying one thing without boundaries,
Even if it's a criticism the area seems harsh to me So Becca when my wife and I when we do a dialogue and We create that safe container We can express inside that dialogue whatever is present for us.
Okay,
So in this case if you have Criticism for example,
If I feel that Samantha is doing something and I and I have an opinion of it on it I can say Samantha when you said that when you did that I Felt X and I feel that you could have done in this way or I felt that what you did Made me feel X Y and Z or you can share whatever you want Whatever is real to you.
The other person doesn't have to take it personally You are sharing what you feel and what you feel can change from moment to moment Okay,
So that's why sometimes it is important to express and to share how you feel Because it is real now,
But it doesn't have to be true even to you It's just what's present for you and by you expressing it and sharing it you have the opportunity to understand what's underneath here What is the limiting belief the story I'm telling myself What is something I can change and if you don't share that if you don't if you don't if you are not witnessed by someone else Seeing you in that You are less likely to find a different way of dealing with that situation.
So Imago dialogue creates that structure for you to share whatever you want Even if it's criticism because it's not about the person you are not criticizing the person you are sharing how you feel About an action about but that doesn't mean that you are right.
That doesn't mean that that the other person has to do something The other person is just listening and understanding how you feel.
So I hope that that that helps Erin says my husband and I like to play truth or dare.
That's a good game Yeah checking Checking in with each other at the end of the day to discuss our day and plan Coffee together when we talk on the weekends is precious amazing clear planning and following through with promises and agreements Amazing.
So being specific about what you guys are promising and how you are taking action Becca says seems like frequent practice helps soften what we need to express so it's not hurtful Make absolutely it's so important to keep this is an ongoing practice and and when you feel something If you don't let it build up to a point that you don't know what to do with it and it's overwhelming It's really helpful to really notice.
Wow,
I'm feeling this way This thing that you did is triggering me in this way And many times when you are feeling is triggered by something that the other person is triggering you But it has nothing to do with the person It has nothing to do with what they did It goes back and back and back to the past of something that happened to you Some sort of trauma that you have an event that happened and then that person that action triggered you back in that emotion And there is an opportunity for you to go back there and really understand And process whatever needs to be processed.
It's a sort of healing process so that's why it's so important this communication piece to To use it as a tool To keep discovering the things that are underneath the way you behave the way you feel triggered and the way you react to things The communication is a way for you to take that out express it in a way that feels good be seen and hopefully you can then find a different way of Creating a different meaning creating a different story Processing those emotions in a different way or at least accepting them because that's that's the truth for you right now Okay So talking over dinner with red wine is priceless helps to relax be open and honest with ourselves and others.
Yeah amazing So guys,
This is what I had for you today We talked about the love languages.
We talked about six different love languages and we added a seventh one the space one that someone mentioned Again if there is a specific way that you would like to receive love or you like to give love and it has a word Add it to your love language list Now that you have done this exercise you are going to relate more to one language than to the other and that's okay You don't have to feel really strong with all of them and then your job is now Having this how can you start integrating more of these in your day-to-day life?
How can you share this with the people that you care about with the people that you want them to love you more How can you help them love you better?
In a way that feels better for you and And how can you become aware of how other people like to receive love too?
Now you have this practical tool that is going to allow you to to discover that more easily Because it's best to keep emotion out of it speak calmly with gentle and practical tone of voice Becca sometimes it's good to do that.
But sometimes in dialogue sometimes I express what I feel and I sometimes I scream sometimes I I Do something that I need to do to express what I'm feeling I will ask permission if I want to do that sometimes my wife requests to have a tantrum Requests to have a tantrum She literally say I need to have a tantrum Can you give me one or two minutes of your attention and I want to have a tantrum and then she just has a tantrum This is something that we learn in the couples program that we did And it can really help express and move that energy that you are feeling in whatever way you need Sometimes it's grabbing a pillow and screaming into the pillow Sometimes it's punching something Every person is different every person Expresses things in a completely different way.
So I invite you to I Invite you to explore.
I invite you to give it a try Punch a pillow scream into a pillow make yourself big and do like the kids do Grab a towel and do this as much as you can really hard It is proven that psychologically like doing something physical applying pressure into something Helps you move that energy somehow That's why I have witnessed a lot of facilitation in circles a lot of Healing work and people just do that they find a way and they will ask the person.
How would you like?
To move that energy and the person will say I want to punch something.
I want to scream I want to push something.
I want to Be in silence.
I want to Just twist a towel or do something so they will choose what they want to do And I will invite you to discover what that is for you.
Just try things see which one Fits you best Okay Karen says I love the idea of asking to give a tantrum.
It would make me laugh.
Yeah,
If it makes you laugh You are already moving something there,
Right?
So guys,
Thank you so much for being present today Thank you so much for tuning in if you enjoy this session as always I will accept donations if you can that's the way that you can support my work and my time I hope that this was practical enough for you to take action on it I hope that you can share this information with your loved ones.
I hope that you can do this exercise with your romantic partner if you have one and with the people that you care about in your life and And Let me know how it goes.
Please join my circle.
It's called your thriving lifestyle leave a comment below if you want and I hope that this was valuable for you and I am always learning.
So if you come up with a different love language that we didn't mention here any other strategy I would love if you can share it because we all learn from each other and we are on the journey together Okay Yeah,
Thank you so much for being here.
I hope to see you on Thursday What we're gonna be talking about Getting started without being ready That's the topic how sometimes we don't know what to do But we have to start taking action and that is that's gonna be the way for you to discover how to move forward I hope to see you there.
And if you can there is always a recording available to you after okay Have a wonderful rest of your day.
I hope that you can join one of my courses too if you have time I have five courses available.
So feel free to join one of those of the courses and I will be I will be there Supporting you in the course classroom if you have any questions,
Okay Adios guys.
Thank you for your presence as always
