Relaxed Freedom

There are many descriptors of what happiness means. But perhaps the best description of true happiness is "relaxed freedom." In this talk, we explore what it looks like to be relaxed and free. Please note: This is lecture, not a guided meditation.

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Happiness.

What does that mean?

If we're here listening to the Happiness Podcast,

Then probably one of the main things we're looking for is how to improve our lives,

How to be happier.

But what will that look like when we reach a place where we could say,

Yes,

We are happier?

What can we expect?

Is there something that would really identify this state of peace and happiness?

I believe there is,

And I think it can be really helpful as we work towards improving our lives for us to know in what direction are we headed and what can we expect when we arrive?

Is there something that will naturally occur in us when we reach a state of happiness?

I believe there is,

And I think it really helps to identify what we can expect,

What we can work towards,

And what we will find when we truly reach a state of living our lives well,

Which we could call happiness,

Which we could call peace.

But what I want to call today is relax freedom.

And the beautiful thing about the term relax freedom is that it's very descriptive of what we can look for,

Of what we can expect,

And what we will find when we reach a state of life is going well.

What's going to arise within us is a feeling,

Is a sensation,

Is a mental clarity,

Which I like to call relaxed freedom.

So let's spend some time now really looking at what these two terms mean and how they're going to manifest in our lives.

Let's start with the word relaxed.

Perhaps a good way of looking at relaxed is what relaxed isn't.

When we're not relaxed,

We're tensed,

We're worried,

We're upset,

We're anxious.

So many things come to mind as the opposite of relaxed,

And these terms that I just use,

That ongoing sense of anxiety,

That ongoing state of worry,

Is how so many people live their lives all day long.

There's a sense of fear,

A sense of what's going to happen,

And it may not be good.

There's a sense of anticipation of things going wrong.

There's a sense of being out of control and wondering,

How can I perhaps prepare for this scary future?

The opposite of this is relaxed.

When we're relaxed,

We're calm,

We're peaceful,

We're flowing with life instead of fighting life.

The future then has a sense of equanimity,

A sense of all will be well,

Because we're relaxed.

Because when we're relaxed,

We have that sense that it's just going to work out,

And it's going to work out well,

And it's not going to work out well,

Because I needed to go a certain way.

It's going to work out well,

Because no matter what happens,

I'll flow,

I'll adjust to that change.

We suffer because we want things to work out a certain way,

And there's nothing wrong with working towards certain goals.

But what can happen is life doesn't always follow our plans.

If we fight what life is giving us right now,

We're going to suffer.

But if we relax and say,

Okay life,

This is what you've given me,

How do I make this work?

Let's say,

For example,

We work for a company,

And we've been there for 30 years.

We have five more years to go,

And then we're going to retire and have that really nice nest egg,

So we can go on trips and explore the world and see our family,

And just do lots of fun things.

But life says,

No,

That's not what's going to happen.

We're going to be let go from our job,

Because our company went on a business,

And we find it quite difficult to find a new job.

So if we fight life,

We're going to be upset,

We're going to be angry,

We're going to say,

This isn't fair.

But when we're relaxed,

We say,

Okay,

I don't have as much money as I thought I was going to have,

So how do I adjust to that?

How do I make this work?

Maybe instead of going on exotic trips around the world,

My wife and I will get a motor home,

And we'll travel and explore places nearby.

Maybe instead of doing improvements to our home,

We'll downscale and get something smaller.

But we also realize that,

Oh,

I'm going to have five extra years of being retired,

And that will be good.

I like that plan.

So when we're relaxed,

We just flow with life.

So when life throws us these bumps,

Which it does,

Often,

We just adjust and we say,

Okay,

Life,

How do I make this work?

And the beautiful thing about being relaxed is we can make anything work.

Anything.

I know at the time,

It can be challenging,

Very challenging.

But when we're relaxed,

We make better choices.

We make better decisions.

Instead of being distraught,

Upset,

Or angry,

We say,

Oh,

I was happily married for 25 years,

And now I'm not.

My spouse died.

My spouse asked for a divorce.

So now I'm single.

How do I make that work?

How do I flow with this?

How do I be relaxed and say,

Oh,

I wasn't expecting this,

But I can find a lot of freedom in this.

We can always find ways when life throws us things to make it into something beautiful.

When we're relaxed,

What causes us to suffer is when we say,

Life has to go this way.

That's a path of suffering.

When we're taught,

When we're tense,

When we say,

It better go this way or else,

That's just going to be a path of suffering.

Because even if it goes the way we want this time,

We know there's going to be other times when it isn't.

But when we're relaxed and life doesn't go the way we want it to,

It's okay.

We just take a deep breath,

Feel our feelings,

And then say,

Okay,

This is what you've given me life,

But because I'm relaxed,

I'm going to flow with this change.

And then the future,

Instead of being fearful,

The future becomes something beautiful.

Because we know when we're relaxed,

We just adjust to the changes,

Whatever they end up being.

Because we know with our relaxed state,

We can flow and adjust to anything because we really let go of our attachments.

And we know that when we say things have to be a certain way,

That's a path of suffering.

But when we say life,

I do have preferences,

I will work towards them.

But if they don't work out,

That's okay.

Because I've learned when I'm relaxed,

I can adjust to anything and not only adjust,

But find beauty,

Find happiness in my find happiness in my relaxed state.

The second word though is freedom.

What do I mean by freedom?

Well,

I think a lot of things in life cause us to suffer because we're so concerned about what other people will think about what we feel our culture says is right and wrong.

And I don't mean in the sense of committing crimes,

I more mean in the sense of doing what our heart feels like.

So if we've entered the business world and been doing it for 10 years and we realize our heart isn't happy here,

So we make a career change.

Maybe we become a forest ranger,

Maybe we become a yoga instructor,

Maybe we become an artist,

But we go down a path that society,

Our friends,

People we know may not necessarily approve of.

Even our own expectations may say,

Is this good?

Is this proper?

Is this right?

But when we have that freedom,

We more so say,

Is this choice good for my heart?

As long as it isn't hurting other people or doing damage to my own heart,

Then with that freedom,

We're going to do things that put joy in our hearts without worrying about what other people think because we're free.

I mean,

Two beautiful examples of this that would encourage all of us to explore is Henry David Thoreau's book Walden,

Where he lived two years in a small cabin by a lake being very free and just savoring the marrow of life.

Or a more recent example is by Elizabeth Gilbert and her book Eat,

Pray,

Love,

Which is also made into a major motion picture.

And in her book,

You really see the beauty of freedom because she went against cultural norms,

Which can be so strong in all of our lives.

And she listened to her heart and went on a different path from the one that she had been destined to go down.

We all can do this,

But we need to do two things.

We need to adapt a sense of relaxed freedom because when we're relaxed,

We let go of the attachments that we're hanging onto that really wear us down.

And when we're free,

We listen to our hearts every day and we say,

Life,

What would put a smile on my heart today?

And then we go do that.

We explore that.

And with relaxed freedom,

What we'll discover is that life each day could be such a beautiful adventure.

And the only person that can keep us from this relaxed freedom is ourselves.

But as long as we embrace the stance of,

Yes,

I will find relaxed freedom in my heart,

In my thoughts,

In my actions,

Then what we will discover that no matter what life throws us,

We will find that each day can be such a beautiful day,

As long as we take time to be relaxed and to be free throughout our lives.

I know this is a hard,

Challenging thing for us to do,

But if we make it our goal,

If we really work at it,

We will find that with relaxed freedom,

We may not know how our lives are going to turn out,

But we know that they're going to turn out well because whatever life throws us,

We will find relaxation and freedom in the journey that unfolds.

And that journey,

Because we take it one day at a time,

Because we're relaxed in our choices and because we're free in our choices,

We will find that each day and our lives in totality will be beautiful.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

If you are finding these episodes helpful,

I would love for you to share your experience with others.

The easiest way for new people to listen to this podcast is just refer them to www.

Happinesspodcast.

Org.

That's happinesspodcast.

Org.

Or if you want to do more and leave a review on that site,

You'll find a Yelp link,

A Google Plus link,

A testimonial link,

Or perhaps even the site you're listening to this podcast on.

Often you can leave reviews there too.

The reviews are an awesome way to encourage people to start listening to the Happiness Podcast.

And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Thank you - wonderful!

Thank you, Robert!

Dr Robert Puff’s talks have become a morning ritual for me while enjoy my first cup of tea. Very insightful, thought-provoking and realistic. Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏼

Always a thought provoking and inspiring message thank you Doctor for sharing your gift of communication.

This one is a keeper! Thank you Dr. Puff. 😌🌞🕊

Another important reminder. This is a great podcast, thank you 🙏✨
p.s. My reviews seem to be posting twice lately (at least on my screen). If that is the case I'm sorry and have no idea why, it's a technical issue with the app I guess...

Thank you for this talk. After undergoing a major life change this was exactly what I needed to hear and has greatly contributed towards the calmness I have been seeking after a period of huge tumult.

Thanks for the wonderful reminder:)

Excellent!!!! Great reminder of how we can enjoy life vs. suffering, thank you 🙏🏻❤️😊

Good podcast on relaxed freedom. One could exercise this concept in many areas of our lives. We all are simply one breath away from happiness! 💜