Happiness Over Everything

Most of us want to create peace and happiness in our lives. But do we actually realize the cost of happiness? To live a happy life, we have to let go two main things: all our fears and desires. Many people seek happiness, but happiness requires us to let go of everything else.

(Please note, this is a talk, not a guided meditation.)

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Do you believe the following two statements are true?

One,

Almost everyone just wants to be happy.

They want their lives to go well and to look at each day as a new,

Fresh,

Beautiful day that they get to enjoy.

And the second statement is,

Unfortunately,

Very few people live their lives this way.

Most people find life as a struggle.

It's hard.

It's difficult.

And even when they have moments of having a good day,

It doesn't take much to push them off that good day until it's not a good day anymore.

And I think this is the lives of pretty much almost everyone.

Not everyone,

But pretty much almost everyone.

But why would that be?

Why do almost everyone on the planet want happiness for their lives and yet at the same time,

Almost no one really finds it on a consistent basis?

And that's what we're going to explore in today's podcast.

In many ways,

The answer is actually very simple.

It's just very hard to do.

Not impossible,

But hard.

So what is that answer?

The reason why even though everyone wants to be happy and almost no one is,

Is because they want to be happy as long as these conditions are in place.

And true deep happiness has a role.

If you want to be happy throughout your life,

Then you can't hang on to anything but that.

Everything else has to be secondary to your state of happiness.

But what we do is we cling on to things.

I'll be happy as long as this happens.

I'll be happy as long as I don't lose that.

I'll be happy when I get this.

Happiness says,

No,

If you really want to be happy,

You can't hang on to anything but happiness.

And I really mean anything.

And that's why it's so challenging for almost everyone because people hang on to things.

They want things to go a certain way and when they don't,

They're unhappy.

But happiness,

You see,

Is our natural state.

As long as we let go of everything,

All our expectations,

All our fears,

All our desires,

When they're gone,

Our natural state is one of peace and happiness.

There's just joy in our hearts.

But when we hang on to things,

Then we suffer.

And most people hang on to something.

And what we hang on to comes in two flavors.

One is desire and the other is fear.

We may desire to someday find our soulmate and live happily ever after.

We may desire to go to college,

Get a really good job and have a lot of money and then everything will be great.

We may be in physical pain and desire for that pain to be gone.

And when it's gone,

We know our lives will be wonderful.

We may desire to have our kids turn out well and have beautiful lives.

And as long as our lives are going well,

All is well in our lives and our hearts.

Desires take on so many different forms.

I could talk about them for decades.

It's just that we have to acknowledge that these desires of ours keep us from being happy because we put conditions on happiness.

We say,

This needs to happen for me to be happy.

And as long as this happens or when it happens,

Then I'll be happy.

But happiness says,

No,

If you really,

Really want to be happy,

You can't desire anything.

You just have to flow with life and accept what is and ultimately love what is.

On the other side,

There's fear.

There's fear of things going badly.

There's fear of losing things.

There's fear of everything's fine right now.

But what if this happens?

What if I lose my job?

What will I do then?

What if I get an illness?

What will happen then?

Or God forbid,

What if something happens to someone that I deeply love?

What will I do then?

But as we all know,

Once we live long enough,

These fears sometimes do happen and they can be devastating,

But they don't have to be.

As long as we make happiness our exclusive lover,

Then we say,

I get it.

Things come and go.

I'm thankful for when I have them,

But when they go,

I let them go.

Because happiness is an exclusive lover.

You can only have happiness and nothing else.

If you truly,

Truly want to be happy,

You have to say,

That's what I choose.

I choose happiness over everything,

All my desires and all my fears.

Now,

Of course,

We can have preferences.

There's many things we can wish we had and be glad that we have.

We can have things that we wish wouldn't happen and be glad when they don't and be sad when they do.

But the key is,

It's just realizing that's the rhythm of life.

Life has its ups.

Life has its downs.

Sometimes we win.

Sometimes we don't get things that we want.

We lose,

Historically.

But when we realize that that has nothing to do with our happiness,

As long as we don't cling to these things,

Then we find that,

Oh,

All I really have to do is flow with life.

When I flow with life,

Then life goes well.

It sounds so simple,

So why don't we do it?

It's because our passion,

Our desire,

Our hope for happiness is conditional.

We'll be happy.

We'll find peace in our hearts as long as these things are in place.

You take those things away and I am not going to be happy.

And guess what?

Life doesn't give us what we want.

Sometimes it does,

But sometimes it doesn't.

And that's why we struggle.

That's why our happiness comes and goes.

It's conditional happiness.

And if we really want to be happy,

And we mean it,

We want to be happy.

We want to have joy and happiness in our lives,

No matter what.

That at some point we need to do what I did when I was a teenager.

I said at one point,

I knew that life could be better.

I knew that I could have happiness in my heart,

But I wasn't happy at the time.

So I said,

I'm going to pursue how to make life work well and have a life that I love,

Even if it costs me my life.

I just knew that I could find it or I was going to die trying.

And that's what I pursued.

And I didn't give up.

And I learned.

And I learned more.

I learned about fears and desires,

My fears and desires,

And realized that ultimately,

If I wanted happiness in my heart,

I had to let them go.

It didn't mean I didn't have things in my life.

I do.

It doesn't mean I don't love in my life.

I do.

But I realized that life said,

If you want to be happy,

You cannot cling to anything.

You have to come to me naked and leaving every fear,

Every desire behind.

And happiness needs everything left.

You can't hang on to one last thing.

It was hard.

It was challenging,

But I did not give up.

We can have beautiful lives.

We just have to say,

That's what I want,

And let everything else go.

All our fears,

All our desires,

We need to look at them and acknowledge that they cause us suffering.

And then at some point we need to say,

I'm letting you go.

I'd rather find joy and happiness in my heart than have you keeping me from that.

And do you ever wonder why so few people find lasting happiness and joy in their hearts?

It's because this path is hard.

We cling on to things.

We fear things,

And it is so hard to let them go.

We do so many things to fulfill our desires,

And we say,

When that happens,

I'll be good.

Or we do so many things to protect ourselves,

And we say,

As long as that doesn't happen,

I'll be good.

But then happiness,

Peace say,

If you want me,

You have to just choose me,

And you have to let everything else go.

Your desire for your children to be healthy,

Your desire to find your soulmate,

Your fear of illness or suffering,

Physical suffering that you're going through right now,

Your desire for wealth or security,

Your fear of losing someone that you deeply love.

Happiness says,

If you want me,

You have to let all these things go.

And let me illustrate this by the extreme opposite of this,

And that's addictions.

What addicts say is,

I want to feel good right now,

And I don't care what it costs,

I'm going to feel good right now.

So they turn to their addiction,

They use that addiction,

Let's say it's heroin,

And they do for a brief moment.

They feel peace,

They feel happiness.

But then it's gone,

And with a vengeance comes all the pain and suffering.

On the opposite end is a person who says,

You know,

I realize that I can't cling on to anything or anyone.

I can't really have any desires for anything or anyone.

I can have preferences,

That's okay.

We all prefer to have things that go a certain way.

We all like a nice bed.

We all like to be in love.

We all like to be healthy.

But we realize that life says,

Sometimes this just doesn't happen,

And that's okay.

And when we're on the opposite extreme of an addiction,

Then when life isn't giving us what we want,

Or we are facing things that we wish wouldn't happen,

We take a deep breath and say,

It's okay.

If this was what life is bringing me,

I accept that.

And not only that,

My heart will love that.

Because even though I've done what I can to make the changes necessary,

When life says no,

I'm not going to fight life.

I'm going to embrace the life that has given me and love that life,

One breath at a time,

One day at a time.

When we do this,

We will find happiness.

But here's the key factor.

We have to want this over everything.

It does mean we have to let go of all our fears and desires.

I know this is hard,

And it may at times seem overwhelming,

But the rewards truly are magnificent.

Having peace in our hearts,

No matter what,

Has rewards that we just cannot describe.

So what we have to ultimately do is we have to say,

I choose happiness over everything.

We can make that choice,

And we just need to keep making it.

And when we do that,

What we'll find is with time,

Our lives will improve.

And externally,

Everything may look the same,

Or it may not.

We may have to make a lot of changes in our lives.

But internally,

What we'll find is our lives will be beautiful,

One breath at a time,

One day at a time.

Few people choose this path,

But perhaps today,

You'll join me on this path towards happiness.

It is work.

It is effort.

But if you want,

I'd love to help guide you.

There now are over 300 episodes on how to have a happy life on this podcast.

They will give you tools to help make life beautiful.

This is a challenging journey,

But it can be helpful to have guidance.

I would be honored to help you on this journey.

Just begin to listen to the episodes on the Happiness Podcast.

I do believe you'll find them helpful,

And I do believe I give very specific things that we can do to make our lives better.

It is work.

It is effort.

And I believe that you can have the most exquisite life imaginable,

One day at a time,

One breath at a time.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

Thank you for showing me my blockages to happiness. I never really looked at it this way before.

Loved! Thanks!

Thanks—acceptance and letting go of attachment—so powerful

Thank you Robert.

Thank you 🙏