31: The Thinning Of The Veil – Land As A Portal To The Past

In 2019, I felt a distinct sense of a vast energy moving “behind the scenes.” I experienced weeks of a magnetic pull to rest, though I wasn’t tired in the usual sense. It’s as if there was so much shifting, my body needed time to adjust. In the summer of 2020, I began having experiences I couldn’t explain. I was drawn to a park in NJ and experienced a “thinning of the veil.” I became obsessed with visiting this park as frequently as I could as it transported me to a different lifetime. Tune in for more.

Transcript

Welcome,

Everyone,

To today's episode of The Welcome,

Everyone,

To today's episode.

As I mentioned in the previous episode,

Number 30,

Some big shifts have occurred.

So right now,

I'd like to get into more of the detail about what was going on.

And I'll share some of the initial experiences I had that told me that change was coming.

So let's dive right in.

Sometime in 2019,

Or early 2020,

I don't exactly remember when,

I started getting this very distinct sense of a vast energy moving behind the scenes.

And what I mean by this is that while the world already felt very intense,

I had this distinct sense of something moving behind the form of what my body's eyes could see.

It was energetic,

And it was big.

And I even had physical symptoms related to this.

There were days when I could not get anything done.

It's almost as if there was so much shifting that my body just needed time to adjust.

I felt as if it was like this strong magnetic pull,

Just to lay on the ground,

Or sit outside and do nothing.

And it was not tiredness in a regular sense.

It literally felt like my body was reorienting itself.

And at this time,

I also had all of these really little,

Just minor health annoyances popping up,

Various aches and pains,

Things that weren't fun,

But it was just little stuff.

And I saw this as evidence that my body was adjusting to something.

So while I could sense this shift behind the scenes for a few years,

This period of needing intensive rest and stillness lasted for probably several weeks.

While I don't have answers for what this meant,

Aside from my own belief that we are transitioning into a higher state of consciousness,

Personally,

I felt like my life was going to change.

And a specific example of this is that I recognized my teachings were going to change.

I even had some fellow teacher friends say that they were sensing the same thing for me.

And I didn't know how,

How things might change,

But the feeling was very distinct.

I had been,

And I still am,

On a journey of learning what it means to be in a white body in this world.

In spring of 2020,

I wrote my open letter to the Course in Miracles community on unexamined racism.

I could no longer stay quiet about questions like,

Why is the Course in Miracles community primarily composed of white bodies?

And I'll put a link to that letter in the show notes.

Shortly after this open letter,

I became a co-host of a program called The Love Lens.

The subtitle is Conversations About A Course in Miracles,

Racism,

And the Unified Mind.

It has been one of the most important programs I've ever been a part of.

It's a series of conversations examining racism through the lens of the Course,

While learning from Black women and what they've experienced in the Course community.

And yes,

Unfortunately,

Experiences of harm have occurred.

If you don't know Freedom Cartwright or Pastor Yolanda Batts,

Also co-hosts of the program,

Please learn from them.

I will put a link to The Love Lens in the show notes.

The entire series is free and I highly recommend enrolling or getting on the waitlist.

As my involvement with The Love Lens continued,

And I'm still involved to this day,

The feeling of things moving behind the scenes also continued.

The summer of 2020,

The time around the start of The Love Lens,

Was when I found myself strangely drawn to a state park in New Jersey.

This is actually a park that I've only known about for a handful of years,

Even though it's been there for a long time.

When I first went to this park,

I fell in love with it.

Some pictures on my website were taken there.

There are trails through woods.

There are hundreds of acres of working farmland that you can walk across.

There are apple orchards,

Peach orchards,

Vegetable fields,

And there are houses that are still standing in this park,

Get this,

From the 1700s.

This park is called Monmouth Battlefield State Park,

And as beautiful as it is,

I'm not going to glorify its history.

Before being forcefully taken away by colonists,

This land belonged to the Leni Lenape.

The reason this land is not currently covered with strip malls and that the 18th century houses are still standing is because this park is the site of one of the bloodiest battles of the Revolutionary War.

Both British troops and troops led by George Washington battled across this land.

They laid eyes on the very houses that still stand,

And these houses were even caught in the crossfire.

In a display at the visitor center of the park,

I learned that enslaved families lived in some of these houses,

And enslaved black men fought in this battle,

Hoping that the spirit of freedom that the white rebels wished for would extend to their own freedom.

Little did these enslaved men know it would take another 100 years for their freedom to be granted by those who used them in this battle.

This is some of the shadow side of the history of this land.

Rail detecting is forbidden,

As musket balls and artifacts can still be found today,

Many of which are on display in the visitor center.

It may come as no surprise that since the 18th century houses are still standing on this property,

This park is also a destination for amateur ghost hunters.

I've listened to some of the audio recordings captured by these ghost hunters that contain voice-like sounds,

And they are pretty creepy.

Despite my occasional visits to this park throughout the years prior,

I wasn't quite prepared for what would happen next.

Something opened inside of me during the summer of 2020.

I became obsessed with this park.

I found myself compelled to visit this park as often as I could,

Sometimes up to 4-5 times per week.

I'd feel an unusual amount of elation and excitement when I'd go there.

The open farmland,

The houses,

The sense of expansiveness.

I'd feel myself transported to a time when life felt slower and the population of New Jersey was much smaller,

And the pull to be in this park was magnetic.

Now let me be clear,

I do not feel connected to this land because of the battles that occurred there.

Not at all.

Instead I was feeling home,

Like warm fuzzy home.

Like the feeling when you've been away from a place that you love and you finally get to go back there years later.

It's like a full body sense of relief.

And I'm not sure if my connection to the land comes from the time prior to the battle or afterwards as the houses continued to be private residences for some time.

After being at the park during the day,

I'd go home and think about it all evening.

I'd tell my husband about the things I saw and felt during my hikes,

And I'd share how I couldn't wait to go back there the next day.

I found mature,

Wild grapevines still growing on the edges of the woods that were likely cultivated by someone long ago,

And I felt drawn to the many old trees scattered throughout the park.

As I continued to visit the park,

The feelings of being quote unquote home grew so intensely that on my way to the park I'd feel shaky and anxious with anticipation.

When I would arrive,

The tears would start to flow.

When I left the park and went back to my house,

The tears would continue.

I would cry and cry and cry over how much I loved this place,

Sometimes sobbing so hard that I'd have tears on my legs.

It was hard for me to stay at my house.

I'd feel restless and I'd just yearn to be at the park.

I wanted to be there morning,

Noon,

And night,

Be on the land when the sun came up and when the sun went down.

Only my husband,

My mom,

And a few close friends knew about my park obsession because it was kind of odd.

I remember at one point a friend wanted to meet me there to go for a walk,

And I was over the moon excited to show her around my beloved land and I couldn't quite understand when she did not seem as excited as me.

It's also worth noting that I felt so safe walking in the woods alone.

I felt loving,

Friendly spirits walking alongside of me.

I felt a strong connection with the nature spirits in this place,

And I have to say that thought and feeling caught me by surprise because as a student of A Course in Miracles,

The Course says nothing about nature spirits and previously I would have dismissed that thought as a projection or as a thought of more separation,

But here I was feeling an absolute communion with these spirits.

I have to admit it all felt disorienting.

Between lots of crying,

Which lasted for months by the way,

This was not just a few days,

Between the crying,

A burning love for this place that felt like home,

I just had no idea what to make of it.

And I still don't.

There's no big climax to this story.

I did not see a ghost or anything like that.

I just had these really intense feelings for a few months and then they eventually came back to baseline.

I still love going to this park and I can still get a little teary thinking about it,

But this obsession has subsided.

It actually took about a full year to subside.

I did not have any past life memories arise or anything like that aside from one specific compulsion.

I was drawn to one of the houses in particular.

You can't go inside of it as it's all fenced off and it's nearly falling down,

But I kept having an impression,

Almost like a memory of getting caught in a summer thunderstorm and with childlike joy and excitement,

I sensed myself running through the field in the rain to the safety of the house.

One late summer day,

My husband and I were at this park.

We were walking deep in the farmland and guess what?

The sky opened up.

The thunder began.

As we ran about a half mile at top speed toward the house,

Because our car was in a parking lot just beyond the house,

I could no longer tell what was rain and what were tears of joy streaming down my cheeks.

So I got to be here again,

Running toward safety,

My feet leaping through the mud and loving this very moment of summer.

We were soaked down to our underwear and I could not have been happier.

And I'll share some pictures of this in the show notes at fromanxietytolove.

Com forward slash 31.

In A Course in Miracles,

There is a sentence that has always struck me about past life memories.

It says,

The soul has no history being the same yesterday,

Today,

And always.

The history of a split mind is not a constructive focus for those who are being trained in an integrated and true concept of themselves.

But here's the sentence I want to highlight.

It goes on to say,

I am quite willing to tell you about your past when it no longer is of any interest to your ego and if it is of help to someone else.

Otherwise it would be much better to devote yourself to knowing God.

This course quote goes on to say,

I once told you that the atonement will not be complete until all the children of God have come home.

We do not care about where they have been or what they have done.

We would not want to evaluate their past any more than we want to evaluate them.

And I'll share a copy of this quote in the show notes.

So although I did not have any direct past life memories through my park obsession,

I've always loved this quote because number one,

It clearly states that we need not waste time trying to figure out past lives or judging them,

But two,

We'll be told about them if it is somehow helpful and of no use to our ego.

I don't have a neat conclusion for this episode.

I still do not know what all of this meant,

But it was the first of many spiritual experiences so I felt moved to document it.

What I have found is that as I ground more and more into the earth,

The more connected I actually feel with the spiritual realm.

So being fully present in that park makes me feel a burning love for every living thing.

And you don't need a special park to feel this.

It's accessible to each one of us no matter where we are.

So I encourage you to slow down,

To connect with the present because past,

Present and future,

It's all unfolding now.

The choices we make for miracles in this lifetime extend to other parallel lifetimes,

Collapsing time and matter for all.

I also encourage you to not bypass that which needs healing.

If you're in a white body like me,

I do think it is absolutely critical to begin to understand and examine the concept of a white orientation.

So in the love lens,

We define white orientation as the way white bodies interact with the world,

The way we think,

The way we act,

The way we see,

What we believe.

It's the standard by which all other groups are compared.

White orientation is an unconscious ego layer.

If we don't see it,

It just keeps operating.

So again,

I encourage you to check out the love lens.

The link will be in the show notes at fromanxietytolove.

Com forward slash 31.

Thank you for listening to my story.

Although my feelings about this park are not connected to the battle,

Perhaps this location was a foreshadowing of the internal battle with the ego that was coming.

In the next episode,

We're going to talk about my big period of unsettling,

Although it was difficult.

So many lessons arose.

So I look forward to seeing you on the next episode.

I love you.

Thank you.

I am with you in your journey of undoing fear.

I'll leave you with the last few sentences in my book from anxiety to love.

I believe in you.

We're healing together.

Every gain that I've made is a gain for you and every gain that you make is a gain for me.

My gains are yours and yours are mine because we are one.

We're going to make it.

The light in you is too bright to fail.

If you buy a copy of from anxiety to love,

Make sure you take advantage of your free bonus,

Which is three free tracks from the from anxiety to love meditation album.

Get access at fromanxietytolove.

Com forward slash meditations.

Thank you for listening and I'll see you on the next episode.