The Right Time To Go To Bed

When is your unique right time to go to bed? Hint: it's probably not when you think. We'll discuss a life-changing principle of CBT for Insomnia (CBT-I) that will help you shift habits, nod off faster, and save your relationship with bed. This track is excellent if you struggle with sleep onset, toss and turn when the lights turn off, try to get to sleep early but end up frustrated, or feel tense in bed when you know you 'should be sleeping'.

Transcript

Welcome. Many of us with insomnia have been taught to go to bed when we think we should, Rather than when sleep is actually arriving. We see the clock, We think, Now this is a sensible bedtime, And head off to bed, Hoping to get a head start on sleep. But sleep doesn't really work like that, Does it? If you show up an hour early at a train station, Does the train show up an hour early for you? No? Well, You've probably noticed, Neither does sleep. And we lie there, Wondering why we're awake, Checking the time, Worrying, And trying to force sleep to happen. The problem isn't that you're bad at sleep. The problem is that you've arrived at the station well before the train. But Clay, I've got early morning meetings. I absolutely hear you. And laying awake in bed is not sleep. And no amount of wishful thinking can make it so. Sleep is an involuntary process. We can't command it into existence any more than we can command a sneeze. In fact, Trying harder is often exactly what gets in the way. And starts to create negative associations with laying in bed and turning off the lights. When we bring tension to bed, We rarely find it leads to falling into a deep sleep. Instead, Do you get that instantly awake feeling as soon as the lights go off? Your brain has learned to associate bed and dark with alertness rather than with sleep. One of the most surprising and life-changing principles in CPTI is that the best time to go to bed is not when you think it's sensible. And it's not when you're tired. It's when you're sleepy. When genuine sleepiness appears, That's your train pulling into the station. Tiredness and sleepiness are not the same thing. Tiredness is low energy. It's that drained, Worn out feeling after a long day. You can be physically exhausted, Mentally spent, Emotionally overwhelmed, And unfortunately, Still not ready for sleep. Sleepiness is different. Sleepiness is the unmistakable pull towards sleep itself. So your eyelids feel heavy. Reading the same paragraph takes three attempts. You lose track of what you're watching. If someone turned off the lights, Sleep would feel close by. For many people, The first step towards better sleep is surprisingly simple. Stop asking, What time should I go to bed? And start asking. How sleepy am I? Really. Much of CBTI is about relearning how to trust your natural sleep pressure. That's your natural sleep drive. So here's a journal or reflection prompt. Think about the difference between tired and sleepy in your own experience. How do you know when genuine sleepiness is arriving? What signs does your body give you? Looking back, How often do you go to bed because the clock says it's bedtime rather than because sleep is actually showing up? Next list five things you can do for your feelings of being tired that are not going to bed. So for me, That's going in the sauna, Meditating, Stretching, Journaling or a bath. See if you can find your nurturing things that tend to your tiredness while avoiding bed until the time is right. Good night. And thank you for practicing with me.