I'd like to talk a little bit about forgiveness.
It is often the healing balm required when we're harboring hurt.
Or hardness.
Forgiveness is one of the requirements for opening our hearts in this world.
However,
It can be misunderstood.
And it can be a challenge to truly practice it at times.
I hope my perspectives offer you a new lens or angle.
And some new inspiration for how to work with it in your life.
And in your own heart.
Forgiveness is an interesting practice.
Especially when we're exploring forgiveness around hurt.
Harm,
Or injustice.
Because forgiveness can get misunderstood quite easily.
People sometimes think forgiveness means excusing behavior.
Or pretending something didn't hurt.
Or spiritually bypassing very real pain.
But forgiveness doesn't require reconciliation.
And it definitely doesn't require staying in relationships or situations that feel unsafe or depleting.
Forgiveness is really an inside job.
And the reality is.
.
.
When we're trying to forgive someone for the pain they caused,
There's often something we have to give up.
To give away.
To forgive.
Sometimes we have to give up the hope that they'll finally understand how much they hurt us.
Or we have to give up the need to prove how wrong they've been.
Or give up the desire to keep explaining ourselves in hopes that one day they'll fully get it.
And this giving up.
.
.
That sometimes required with forgiveness is hard and painful.
Because there's such a human desire in us to be understood.
We want others to acknowledge the impact they had.
Many of us desire being seen and held in our pain.
And when that doesn't happen,
We can gradually wind up carrying so much internally.
Resentment,
Exhaustion,
Grief.
Anger,
Confusion.
Sometimes just a deep hardness.
So what do we do then?
How do we tend to what we're hoping to soften?
We nurture ourselves.
Forgiveness is less about saying what happened was okay.
And more about turning within.
And asking ourselves,
How long do I want to carry the weight of this inside my body and nervous system?
Because holding on to pain tightly for years can become exhausting.
Placing the emphasis on others is a losing battle.
And I think this is where forgiveness and our understanding of it could shift.
To the question.
What remains if I stop gripping so tightly to being understood or being right?
Or waiting for accountability that may never come.
What remains is ourselves.
The part within that still hurts.
The part that feels unseen.
Maybe that still feels angry or heartbroken or confused.
Asking for care.
The practice of forgiveness invites us to tend to those places.
Not to rush them,
Not to force healing.
But to nurture ourselves with honesty and care.
To sit with the hurt.
Without constantly feeding the story around it.
And I've noticed over the years that forgiveness is often much quieter than people imagine.
It's gradual.
Rather than one big moment where suddenly everything feels resolved.
It's loosening our grip a little at a time.
It's noticing when we're replaying something over and over.
And recognizing when carrying resentment is taking more from us than protecting us.
And over time,
Forgiveness can create a bit more space inside of us.
Space where resentment once lived.
Space for softness,
For breath,
For peace.
For our own sake,
For our own nervous system.
And this practice will look different for everyone.
I will restate that there's no perfect timeline,
No pressure to forgive before you're ready.
And no requirement to bypass the reality of what happened.
But if you're in this practice right now,
Could you simply keep nurturing the places within you?
That are slowly learning how to let go.
And let it be.
Instead of berating yourself into forgetting.
What happened.
Consider letting it be.
And letting yourself be free from the ruminations and free from the blame.
And in that freedom,
We may slowly discover a little more compassion.
A little more presence.
And more care for ourselves.
And for others.
In a world that can already feel very heavy sometimes.
May we remember that forgiveness is a chance to find more freedom.
For ourselves.
