Healing Trauma Through Addiction (2 Of 3)

Welcome to day 1 of 3 with Healing Trauma Through Addiction. First repetition from day 1, then we will work with resources - persons, animals, spirits. Anything that can help us when we are there: either pre addiction, in the full addiction or post addiction. My challenge to you today is to say no to your addiction - break that enchantment, but doing it from the heart, with help from the resource person or individuals from Insight Timer. Thank you for practicing with me. Love Carlos

Transcript

Hello everybody.

Welcome to this day two of three with the topic healing trauma through addiction.

Yesterday was the first day for me sharing this topic.

And as I mentioned if you listen to day one,

I'm right now in the process which is called consciously incompetent.

Not necessarily on an experience basis,

But more on a sharing spaces with this stuff in here.

Because I'm sharing stuff that is a challenge for myself with addiction.

I'm sharing this stuff from a place where I want to learn.

But I also at the same time want to practice just being myself.

So this is the perfect arena so to speak for me to share this stuff.

So yesterday it was about,

You know,

Talking about addiction,

Talking about trauma,

Talking about which decisions we can make in order to start changing these two things that appear as symptoms in our life.

And how can we start opening the door to the trauma through the addiction.

So today is going to be the second step in this process.

Yesterday what I asked you guys to do was to during the day when you entered the phase there's a pre-phase.

And then there's the full phase and then there's the after phase in all sorts of addiction trauma also.

So yesterday what I asked you guys to do was to write down,

You know,

From a compassionate place or record or,

You know,

In some way just be aware of what's going on,

Writing it down,

But not blaming,

Not being harsh on yourselves.

We're going to build on that today.

And I'm going to be challenging you guys on taking another step,

Which is going to be probably a lot more difficult.

At least I know that it is for me and with clients that I work with through time.

It's also important to understand that addiction is kind of like an enchantment,

That we've convinced ourselves that this is like the way things have been and will always be.

And what we need to start doing is to break that enchantment in some sort of way,

Right,

Like being creative.

So there's a minute and 20 till we start and I'm just going to close my eyes and remind myself why I'm doing this.

So with a small smile on my lips.

I'm reminding myself that I'm doing this in order to make a significant a positive change in the lives of all the people that I meet in my own life.

So that I can inspire and be inspired to do the same,

Continue doing it,

And for you guys to do the same for other people.

By doing so,

We can create this process that not only changes our generation,

But the generations to come.

Just looking on forward seven generations with what we're working with today,

How will that change within the families?

How will that influence their well-being,

Their way of dealing with enchantments,

Dealing with trauma,

Dealing with addiction?

So there's 10 seconds till we go live.

Thank you for being here.

7654321 and we are live.

Hello,

Everybody.

Hello,

Elena.

Good to have you back.

Brandi,

Erica.

Hello,

Everybody.

Familiar faces.

Vienna.

Who else is out there?

Hi,

Diana.

Diane.

Happy to see you guys as well.

And also wanted to let you know that,

You know,

I'm practicing this part of looking more into the camera than down into the comment field.

I do replay afterwards to read through the comments and what I didn't also get to mention yesterday was do reach out if you have any questions or anything you just want to share.

It's something that,

For example,

I got an email from Sandra,

Which is still,

You know,

It was important for me to receive that one,

Sandra.

So thanks a lot for that.

And me not replying in a couple of days doesn't mean that I'm not reading this stuff.

It's just also a process for me to,

You know,

What do you call that?

Yeah,

Digest it,

Digest the things that I experienced in the first five days with what other people think of you.

And now going into this new process with these three days also brings so many other things up inside of me.

So I'm actually in my own process as well as,

You know,

Providing whatever I can to you guys for me to help you in your process.

No,

Thank you,

Sandra.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Of course,

Me.

Listen,

Much of what I'm sharing is repetition.

And that is because repetition is the mother of skill.

So me,

No worries at all.

Just join in.

I do record this also for Inside Timer.

So you will find the different workshops or the different talks,

Different meditations that I do afterwards in there as well.

So one thing that I have repeated before and that I reminded myself on top of yesterday was that,

Because I mean,

Honestly,

Yesterday after that session,

Usually I just sit down and I posted it,

I publish it right away for them to approve.

But I didn't yesterday,

Because,

As you know,

I'm being honest with everything and I'm practicing this because it is difficult to show this kind of vulnerability.

But it gets easier and easier.

And that's my really one of my biggest points to you guys is that let's not fear vulnerability.

Let's embrace it in every way we can and just step by step,

You know,

Relieving all the stress from vulnerability so we can actually start feeling a lot more,

Connecting a lot more,

Be a lot more human and not the actors that we tend,

I tended to go out.

And I know from some of you guys that shared,

We also tend to go out and put on a mask,

Put on a facade,

Right?

For different reasons that we might not know,

For different traumas that we might not know that will then bring with them addictions that we will then think are normal and not related to trauma or might be.

That's what we're investigating in this room.

So getting back to the one thing that I keep repeating for myself is that I need to and I need to,

I need to be willing to feel everything.

This is a tough one.

It takes time because being willing to feel everything means that,

Wow,

I will have to really,

You know,

Deal with emotions that can be really strong.

And the emotions,

You know,

This stuff with being willing to feeling everything,

It's on the physical level,

It's on the emotional level,

It's on the mental level,

It's on the spiritual level in the context of,

You know,

Professional,

Personal life and spiritual life.

It's something which is difficult,

But like with everything else that we repeated,

With time it gets easier and easier.

And that's what I love about meditation.

It's that we can practice the ability to,

You know,

Be hidden by this wave and like just be blown back.

And then just focus on the breathing.

Focus on all the adrenaline or cortisol or whatever hormone is in there and just feeling that contraction,

Feeling that fear or panic or whatever,

But just still being the main awareness.

So meditation for me is so important because with my story I've had to find ways and I'm trying to be as creative as possible,

Finding ways to deal with past trauma,

Finding ways to deal with addiction.

And what I also love is often many of the things that I share,

I'm not really know,

I don't really know what I'm talking about,

But I can feel the truth in it.

And I'm just trying to take more steps into just experimenting because I know that the minute I think I know stuff,

I'm closing doors.

I'm building more of a professional competence.

I want to feel strong and I know this stuff better than you do.

And I'm going to share with you and I can feel,

You know,

Powerful and I can feel safe.

But for me,

That's all just one big illusion because none of us,

You know,

We're all the time,

All the time in process.

So me being at that edge of knowing stuff that I'm sharing with you,

But also being completely unaware of stuff that I will find out of in this process.

And actually this morning I came to this,

You know,

Really big realization in regards to a model that I've been using through many years.

And it's from a very gifted psychotherapist called Babette Rothschild that works with trauma.

So,

But I will share that with you also.

So the most important thing for me in all the things that I do is to be willing to feel everything.

So as I mentioned yesterday was a bit difficult for me.

And one of the things that on my yes,

I am willing to feel list this morning,

I added,

Yes,

I am willing to feel incompetent for a long period of time.

So what does this do to me?

It means that,

Well,

I'm willing to feel incompetent and you guys are out there still,

Right?

So there must be something that is working for me and for you.

So being incompetent is very uncomfortable feeling that and then just accepting that I'm willing to feel it.

And then also reminding myself that with this staircase that we've learned everything through first,

We are unconsciously incompetent.

Then yesterday,

Me,

I became consciously incompetent.

So I realized that there was stuff I really needed to practice and repeat.

And the only thing that will,

You know,

The only thing it takes is repetition,

Right?

Me,

If I chose to do this talk every week for two years,

I would probably be very consciously competent.

But even more,

I will be unconsciously competent.

Everything would be in a flow because I repeated it so many times.

So I'm going to get back to you in regards to that,

Kate.

Kate was asking me if I heard back from my brother.

Not yet.

But I'm willing to feel that uncomfortableness by not hearing back from him because I said yes to that.

Right.

So what I'm getting at here is be willing to feel everything except the feelings that will arise.

Also know that repetition is the mother of skill.

So by repeating us,

You know,

Using meditation in order to not panic and move away and push away what feels uncomfortable,

We will become comfortable feeling uncomfortable.

And this is something which is really important for us humans because we tend to move away from everything that is uncomfortable,

Right?

At least I do.

I'm getting better at it though.

So before we move on,

Good advice.

Sometimes we need to hear stuff like this.

Me too.

I reach out to so many people during the day to hear stuff like this.

So I'm glad that you're finding value in it too.

So just before we we go into this first meditation for you guys that are new to me,

I talk.

Meditate,

Talk,

Meditate.

We have approximately 45 minutes these sessions.

I'm practicing sticking within the 45 because it's so difficult for me to stop.

So I'm practicing sticking to the 45 minutes.

Katie's asking me whether I got a reply from my brother.

So for you guys that are not aware of what what what the context is,

I did these five days of what other people think of you.

And a part of the part of me doing stuff like this is not just sharing theoretically.

And,

You know,

What I've experienced and stuff like that is also putting me on the line,

Putting me on that path of walking the talk.

So,

You know,

We tend to hold back on what we think and feel,

Because what would they think?

We tend to hold our hold back on our conflicts with other people because it feels too uncomfortable.

So I shared that I was going to call my brother and talk with him about what I wanted to.

You know,

I really needed to talk to him about about a past because there's trauma involved there,

Too.

I see him having a lot of the same,

You know,

Addictions that I have.

I was honest enough to tell you guys that I didn't get to call him.

Then I wanted to write him.

I didn't get to write him.

But then I made an audio file for him sharing like six minutes of what my intention was.

And that's what what Kate is asking about.

So I will let you know when I hear back from him.

Again,

I am willing to feel everything.

I really want to emphasize that as being the most important point.

So let's start with the first meditation.

The first meditation for me is also it's also always the intention with why are you guys sitting here wanting to share time?

We're thirty six people right now,

Right?

Right here.

What is your intention?

That's what we're going to be meditating on.

So let's just start by getting comfortable.

Just noticing that in-breath.

Noticing that out-breath.

And if anything needs stretching,

Do stretch it.

Movement and meditation is very welcome.

Maybe a small smile on your lips.

Listening to the sounds that might be.

There with you.

As a part of your consciousness.

And now asking yourself the question.

What is my intention today?

Participating in this session.

What would I love to bring with me?

Just be true to whatever arises.

Might be in word,

A feeling,

An emotion.

What is my intention?

What's important for me to bring with me from this session?

Just hold that in your heart,

That intention.

And it might be something that you don't feel significantly difficult.

It might also be something which is difficult.

But whatever it is,

Just hold it in your heart.

And by holding in your heart I mean to have the intention in the focus,

The heart as the focus for your intention.

Let's take a couple of deep breaths before we move our attention outwards again.

And please,

Yeah,

You guys are already doing that.

Hi Nancy.

So purpose,

Hope.

What else guys?

What are you,

What is your intention for this session?

Just put it in there in the comment field so I can tune into that as well.

For me my intention is to continue just exploring this theme and really also another thing is to slow down.

Because what happens often with past trauma and also in addiction is that we do not slow down.

Often we cannot get there fast enough to that,

That,

Oh,

Yes.

And then comes,

No,

Why did I do it?

And then knocking ourselves in the head and then feeling victimized.

And then after a couple of,

You probably know that feeling that then maybe 20 minutes pass and we repeat it.

The same stuff going out into the fridge or the smoke or the drink or whatever,

Right?

So understanding and openness,

Humility,

Stop stressing myself.

That's a good one.

I flow through life with more ease.

Being gentle with myself.

Guidance.

Courage to move forward.

Be fully honest to myself.

That's a good one too.

Not reacting to traumatized people.

Being triggered by my trauma.

Yeah.

Not being triggered by my trauma.

I don't know how to pronounce your name.

Siobhan.

I think it's Siobhan,

Right?

Glad to have you here as well,

Siobhan.

Ah,

Kate.

Friend dying.

Now in hospice.

My intention is to accept.

Accept and to let go.

Kate,

If you want to reach out afterwards in regards to how to do this.

I've had clients that I've been with until they passed on.

Please do so.

Thanks,

Siobhan.

Zip.

So thanks a lot for all these different intention,

Hopes.

So yesterday with focus,

You know,

On what this addiction is.

What about this healing?

What about this door through addiction and by addiction healing trauma.

Starting to open up that understanding.

Also asking you guys yesterday to when you did go into this pre addiction phase.

And I've been working on a word to,

You know,

Replace that addiction because addiction is below the line.

Right.

So so I asked you guys to like be really aware,

Record in whatever way,

Writing down voice recording,

Video recording your process of the addiction.

But not from a blaming side,

Not from a this is wrong,

This more from a heart warm,

Compassionate side.

Like an understanding mother or father that's just there with you.

So if you didn't get to do this quite fine,

We're working with small steps.

You can choose to do it today.

You can choose to do it tomorrow.

You can choose not to do it at all.

It's everything is a choice,

Right?

Except death.

That's not a choice.

But from birth to death,

Everything in my world is a choice.

And I choose to say 100 percent responsibility for everything that goes on inside of me.

So addiction is something going on inside of me.

Trauma is something going on inside of me.

Thus 100 percent responsibility mean that it's easy.

No,

It doesn't.

But I'm willing to feel everything,

Including reaching out and being vulnerable.

So today we're going to be opening up some doors.

Actually,

Bapette Rothschild.

I can't write anything here,

But I can share it in the circle called Kala Circle.

She talks about different steps working with trauma,

But also different steps that I work with in addiction.

These are some of them.

So there's a 10 step escape.

There's a safe place in the body.

Resource persons,

Resource animals or resource spirits could also be very useful.

And then the safe breathing.

We're not going to be going through all of these.

I will be doing,

As I mentioned,

Repetition is the mother of skill.

So just as I'm next week doing three days with what other people think of you,

I will be doing other three days with,

You know,

Working,

Healing trauma through addiction.

Why?

Because I know that from each workshop I will get better and better and better at understanding myself and sharing with you guys.

Today,

We're going to focus on this one.

Resources,

People,

Animals.

Anything that we cannot see.

This is like my roadmap for sharing with you guys.

So the one that we're going to be working with today is this one.

So that's with the resource persons.

And I made this one this morning.

Elena Papeht Rothchild.

If you Google her,

She will probably pop up,

Spell it in whatever way you can.

Papeht Rothchild.

So this actually came up in a meditation for me.

Working with resource persons.

One thing important,

Whatever I tell you guys,

I mean,

It's everything based on my mind,

My way of existing.

Right.

So take anything you can and everything that doesn't make sense,

Just throw it away.

But everything,

Anything that does make sense,

Go ahead and use it,

But also be creative in regards to expanding on it.

Maybe there's other things that you can apply to and you can inspire me back.

Right.

I would really appreciate that.

So what this means is that as human beings,

Us in here in the center with trauma,

Actually,

One of the difficult things with trauma is that,

And it's very important also to understand that what happens to us is not the trauma.

The trauma is what happens inside of us.

So what happens inside of us often has to do with us feeling alone in that either one particular situation.

But trauma could also be through a long period of time in environments that are very stressful or hurtful or demeaning or another way.

Something that brings us below the line into this victim role.

So using resource persons means that we will start working.

We will do a meditation after I do this introduction.

Working with resource person means that us in here will start having people,

Animals.

If there's God present in your life,

Having God or parents or siblings or ancestors come to existence within your inner world.

So we will be using what we as children call,

You know,

Magical thinking.

We will be using what we call as grown ups visualizations.

It's the same.

We're using our imagination to create something which we cannot not be influenced by.

Fear,

For example,

Is because we imagine stuff.

Right.

We have the same emotional age as when we were physically age wise,

Seven to 12 years old.

That's why we have really hard difficulty dealing with addiction.

I mean,

It's like being let go in a candy store.

Right.

Nobody's saying no.

I haven't learned how to say no to myself.

And if you're listening to this,

There's a pretty good chance that you also have a difficulty saying no to other people out there setting those boundaries.

I might be wrong.

So resource persons in just a little bit will go into the meditation is to just allow any person to pop up in in your invitation to have a person that can be there for you.

An animal that can be there for you.

Or,

As I mentioned,

Something spiritual that can be there for you right now.

Sharing this for some reason.

I'm originally from Chile.

I have this like Indian chief standing behind me in full body suit.

So right now I'm feeling as if he's there to support me.

And I can feel my breathing becoming like like a bit deeper,

But also it's a bit weird sharing this with you right now here live.

But it also makes me feel as if I have somebody behind me supporting me.

It's like all this lineage,

All these people behind me,

All my ancestors cheering me on.

So what we can use resource persons to is to,

When we are in the need of them,

To call upon them.

Or as I mentioned yesterday,

Call upon whomever is in this group.

Because,

I mean,

I'm quite sure that most of us,

If not everybody,

Will say,

Yes,

Please do me.

Please use me in whatever way you can when feeling,

You know,

That is difficult.

That's also why I created this circle called the healing circle.

Not even to share anything in there,

But just people adding to that healing circle.

We'll have faces,

We'll have people knowing that I'm willing to be here for you in a spiritual way that we're dealing with this,

Right?

So hope it makes sense.

And let's do the meditation.

And if you have any questions after that,

Just please do feel free to share.

So let's get comfortable or uncomfortable depending on where you're sitting.

Okay.

These visualizations are best done with eyes closed.

If you feel more comfortable having eyes open,

Please do so.

Taking small steps.

And we'll always use the entry through our body and mind here and now.

So a couple of deep breaths.

If something needs to be stretched,

Just do so.

And also,

If this is new to you,

Meditation in general or this inner work in general,

Just really take it easy.

Slow is fast with us humans.

So no need to rush if something starts feeling too uncomfortable.

Feeling uncomfortable is okay.

It just means that you are treading new areas that you need to start becoming comfortable with.

But too uncomfortable,

Just move away and just open your eyes and get back to this here now.

So relax in your eyes,

Really inside your eyes,

The muscles,

Really relax them.

Relaxing your eyelids,

Shoulders.

Small smile on your lips.

Just a tiny one.

Turn your attention towards your heart.

Maybe you can feel it beat.

Maybe you can hear it beat.

Now just imagine that you're breathing into your heart and out from your heart.

So imagining that the air flows into your heart.

Imagining that air flows out from your heart.

And also imagining that the air does not flow through your nose,

But it flows in through your chest bone,

In through your body and into the heart.

And also breathing out is out through your chest from your heart and outwards.

Just continue having this small smile,

Relaxed body.

And now slowly moving into an openness towards having a resource appear within your inner visualization.

So being open to having a person,

An animal,

Something spiritual.

It can be a person that you do not know.

It can also be people that you love dearly that are no longer here.

Not physically here,

But in spirit are very much here.

Just be very open to having whomever,

Whatever arises,

Arise.

And be willing to feel everything.

Be willing to feel and open up to anything that arises.

Just look at this person or animal,

This resource from a distance.

It might be that the resource is already close to you.

But just slow things down.

Remember your relaxed eyes and body,

Relaxed breathing.

Everything is safe,

Everything is okay,

Everything is good.

Now really look at that person or that resource.

I will just use the word person and then you can rephrase it to whatever is inside of you.

But really look at this person.

There are no words.

This person is here to be there for you,

But without any words.

Just feel and see this person moving around you and getting behind you.

You can just feel this person standing behind you and you will have probably different emotions,

Sensations.

But really do continue that calm and easy breathing,

Relaxed eyes.

And if it feels right for you,

Have this person put one hand on one of your shoulders or both hands on both of your shoulders.

Just notice what happens when you feel this connection,

This touch from this person that is such a resource for you.

Really just be open to feeling everything.

Feeling everything.

So if it's vulnerability,

If it's fear,

If it's whatever might arise,

Just be there with it in your heart.

If it's strength,

If it's sorrow,

Just be there being willing to feel everything.

Continue to calm breathing.

If you have physical or emotional,

Mental or spiritual impulses,

Reactions,

Do be open to them.

Not holding anything back.

Breathing softly into your heart.

Breathing softly out from your heart.

Now have this person,

This resource move around in front of you.

Still no words,

Just that smile,

That connection.

Feeling safe,

Feeling good,

Feeling okay.

Just look at this resource in all its light.

And now start breathing into your heart and exhaling from your heart towards that person's heart.

Taking in a deep breath into your heart,

Exhaling from your heart towards that person's heart.

And when inhaling again,

Inhale from that person's heart into your heart.

And really let that air out again in a big sigh from your heart,

Let anything that you need to let go off go out through your heart to that person's heart.

And again,

Breathe in from that person's heart.

Now just taking the small steps that we're taking right now,

We will make a gesture towards this person to thank them for being there with us,

For us.

And the gesture is completely up to you whether it's a small bow or a nod or putting your hands to your heart,

Small smile,

Whatever feels right for you.

And then watching this person slowly walk away sometimes looking back at you.

And now not disappearing but still being there,

Not visible but still there.

Just slowly take your time getting ready to move your attention outwards.

But not letting go of this contact with this person.

Maybe doing small movements with your body not knowing why you're doing that.

But just being true to whatever happens inside of you right now and having this person out of sight but in your heart.

Always.

So really when you start opening your eyes,

Maybe if you already have,

So just stay with that breathing,

Stay with that.

That sense of this person still being here,

This resource.

Knowing that you are not alone.

Knowing that you can always draw upon this person.

Let's stretch or whatever is needed.

Yeah exactly,

You know,

Heart to heart.

So you guys,

If you just arrived,

I am recording this and I am posting it on Inside Timer.

We're working with right now resource persons or resources.

And there was a question from Michaela.

Yeah they can be alive but actually what we're using is our magical thinking.

It's our ability to imagine.

So for example for me,

As I mentioned,

First there was this chief and then Ramdas which has a very big part in my life.

If you don't know Ramdas,

You can watch the documentary on Netflix.

His name is Ramdas.

I know that some of you guys,

Or a lot of you guys know him.

He has a documentary right now called Going Home.

And just by saying this name I get goosebumps because I mean he's had such a big part of my life.

I've never met him.

He's really a resource person for me.

He's really one of these central people.

Like as I mentioned this drawing came up in a meditation.

And it was so powerful because the next step that we can take,

Not today,

Is that they start circulating their energy too.

And we are there in the center being able to draw from that.

So the documentary on Netflix is about Ramdas last period of his life.

And the reason why I am so drawn to him is again by his ability to just be.

To just be and just share.

And there was a very important time in my life,

Not that long ago,

That I really came to the realization that it's better for me not to believe anything.

Because by believing something there will be stuff that I don't believe.

So instead of believing anything I will just be open to everything.

So Ramdas,

You know,

With his life,

He's open to reincarnation.

I'm open to reincarnation.

But I'm also open to heaven or whatever is out there.

I'm open to there being nothing.

So by being open in this life I can take that into heart and I can use that.

And what we're working with here is how can we start using these resource persons in my case when I open the fridge.

Because that's my addiction,

Right?

That's so difficult to me.

I understand it on a theoretical level and I help people with it.

But me,

Just being honest with you,

And that's the way of my path is to be honest and also walk the talk while I'm talking it.

So my challenge is how can I change this?

How can I start with my own addiction,

The phone?

I mean,

How many of us in here are what we could call addicted to the phone,

Right?

Most of us probably.

So let me just know are there any.

.

.

Thanks a lot,

Trajectory.

Also let me know are there any questions to this resource person,

Animal,

Spirit or anything.

Let me know if there's any questions for you guys.

Just before I move on.

I'll just scroll up and see if there's anything.

Yeah,

Okay.

Good morning Claudia.

Yeah,

So Michaela,

When something is emotional,

We can become very aware of what the power in the emotions are,

Right?

Because often when we have trauma,

When we have addiction,

We tend to push away the vulnerability.

We want to numb it or take away the focus from it.

So looking at the time and knowing that I'm practicing keeping within the 45 minutes,

We're going to be moving towards something that I will challenge you guys,

Recommend you guys to do today.

If this is your first day,

What you could do is just notice what is happening when you start that addiction.

Before,

While you add it and after without blaming,

Just from an open,

Loving heart,

From a compassion side of you.

So for you guys that were here yesterday and taking the next step today.

Yesterday I was saying yes,

Just noticing what's going on from a compassionate side.

Today we're saying no.

And what does this mean?

What I'm actually asking you to do today is to say no to this enchantment.

That's my yesterday I talked about I wanted to find another word for addiction.

Addiction.

I wanted to find another word for addiction because addiction means that we're addicted to something that we cannot control.

There's something we're being we're being villainized by something.

I'm the victim and then there's the addiction.

Right.

So in order to take responsibility for this,

We need to find other ways being creative.

So we need to find a way today,

A way today for how to,

You know,

Break that enchantment.

So what I'm asking you to do today is that when you do take that cigarette or when you do take that phone.

When you do open that box of candy,

When you do sit down,

You know,

Knowing that you should go to bed,

But the emails are just,

You know,

I need to do this.

Say no.

Not from a blaming part,

Again,

From a compassionate side.

So what we can start understanding and I'm not saying that this is the same for you,

But it's the same for me.

It is for me and it is for people that I've worked with.

Our emotional age is very low.

You can just ask yourself when you are pre addiction,

Pre enchantment,

When you're not completely enchanted.

How old are you?

When you are in the enchantment,

When you are about to do what you are so accustomed to in grabbing the phone,

Ask yourself the question,

How old am I?

And I'm quite sure that your emotional age is pretty low,

Not just because of this,

But because we become good at what we practice.

And all of us in here,

We're one hundred and forty five people in here right now.

Right.

None of us from the school have had not one single hour.

I'm I'm assuming right now.

Right.

But I have.

And I went to a private Catholic school,

But we didn't have any teaching on what emotions are.

What are relationships?

What are thoughts?

How are we going to deal with addiction?

All of this stuff,

Which is so key to being a happy human being.

We we only start doing that stuff when we feel bad or depressed or with low self-esteem.

And then it's from an angle of as if there's something wrong with us.

What's wrong is that we haven't learned this in school with our parents because they haven't learned in school from their parents either.

So.

So what we do right now,

Us here in this room right now,

In this circle,

Is we're doing something that our parents couldn't do.

We are pioneers right now.

It's important that you understand this,

That I understand it,

Because my parents were not able to do what we're doing now.

What we're doing now can resonate,

You know,

With your children if you don't have children and you're not having any with other people's children or with other adults.

And that that is what we'll pass on for generations.

Right.

So going back to the emotional age.

So the emotional age is important to understand that that when we have a low emotional age,

It's so difficult to say no to other people.

There will probably be quite a significant hero role inside of you that pleases other people.

And it's difficult to set boundaries.

And why should it then be easier for you to say no when you open that box of chocolate?

We haven't learned how to say no inwards either.

I hope it makes sense.

But take this as you know what I'm what I'm what I'm thinking might be true for you also,

And then take an action today.

Because we could be listening to a bunch of live events and reading books and all.

Yeah,

Insights and all this.

But if we don't put action to it,

If we don't if we don't plug it into the electricity and become alive and do something,

Just one thing today,

Then it will just continue.

So what I'm challenging you on,

What I'm encouraging you to do is that have this one day,

Just one day where you say no when you are about to do the stuff you do.

So mine will be the phone.

Mine will be the food.

And mine will probably also be the not going to sleep when I should,

Which is I've usually gone to bed at one,

Two in the night.

And now I'm down at 930,

10.

Why?

Because I made a decision back then to slowly taking small bites of that elephant.

That's how we eat an elephant,

Right?

And then starting moving that early and early and early.

Then I'm getting up early and doing stuff like this,

Which I would much rather do because my addiction is mainly from 930 and onwards,

Right?

Then I would be binging food and watching a bunch of stuff that wasn't very good for me.

So I decided to make,

You know,

Say no,

Go to bed earlier and then having this fresh start,

Which I would much rather have the connection with you guys.

So going back again,

My challenge to you is to say no today,

But from a warm heart and having this resource person with you.

So Ram Dass is going to be behind me.

Maybe Ram Dass is going to be standing like this behind me.

Jiggling because he was very fond of jiggling too.

Maybe that's why I jiggle that much.

So he will be standing behind me when I open that fridge or when I drive into the gas station to buy something.

He will be there with me behind me.

And so will you guys.

I'm going to take the liberty to also have you guys.

One hundred and fifty one of you standing behind me later on today when I'm about to do my thing,

When I'm about to do my addiction.

So one thing is saying no,

Practicing that,

Becoming better at that.

The other thing is using the resource person.

The third thing will be to really be the main awareness that that is is opening that door of addiction,

Because what will happen is that when we do not go with addiction,

We will feel a lot of different things.

Much of what is the trauma will start arising.

What what what happens is that when we take away that addiction,

That that when we break the enchantment,

When we take away what is calming us down,

Then there is we cannot use that to calm what is there already,

Then that will start appearing.

That can manifest.

I've had hard time these couple of weeks with breathing.

Something is happening in my body.

I had the EEG,

The heart checked.

I had blood samples,

All of that stuff.

Everything is fine.

So it's pointing at something psychological.

So I'm putting myself,

You know,

In a position now where I'm practicing this.

And what I'm saying here is be aware of the symptoms that arise because they will be pointing towards trauma.

And that is what we're using this for.

We're going to be using the addiction to start healing the trauma.

But we're just going to be taking small steps.

Lots of words.

I hope it makes sense.

I am about to finish off,

But when we started,

I said that there was something that really became so clear to me this morning.

That's why I love doing this stuff,

Because I'm just,

You know,

In that turning around that that that stew,

You know,

Really creating new understandings of what I share and how things work inside of me.

So when I sat down this morning to to do these,

You know,

Writing down my thoughts,

I'm very fond of writing down things and drawing and doing stuff like that.

And I really encourage you guys to do so.

Also,

When I did that,

I started drawing this one down here.

So.

What let me just share what it means,

And maybe I can do it right here.

Just see if I can turn this.

So I'll be drawing at the same time.

I hope that you guys can see what I'm doing here.

So over here is the resource.

This is where we tend to stick.

This is where we start.

We continue just being with with our addiction.

Because and we can have quite a good life over here,

You know,

Just eating and drinking and doing whatever we can not to go into trauma.

But then we can start circulating into trauma and out of trauma,

Collecting more resources,

Going more into trauma.

And going into trauma here is is hard.

But but the more we do this,

The more we we build ourselves up,

Understanding ourselves,

Challenging ourselves.

The more resourceful we become,

The more we can go into trauma.

And then we'll start being able to circulate more in trauma and then get out of trauma again.

This is together with a therapist.

You can do this alone also,

But I definitely recommend having a therapist,

A skilled one in dealing with trauma.

So what happens here is that you will start being able to circulate and and releasing all that trauma in here.

But then this was not new for me.

What happened this morning was that I understood that by continuing this process,

Trauma becomes less and less.

Continuing this process,

We start being willing to feel everything and suddenly we will end up here.

Right here,

Where we are free of suffering.

I'm not at all there.

But I can feel that is true.

So oops,

I'm wearing white trousers and I dropped a red pen.

So what I'm getting at here is that having the resources,

Having the trauma,

Having the ability to start using resource persons and going into trauma.

Nice and easy,

Because,

You know,

The addictions are door door into the trauma.

So by working with the addiction,

We're working with the trauma until we're ready to start letting go of the addiction and facing the trauma,

Working with that.

And this is where we need,

You know,

This process.

And by liberating ourselves of the trauma,

Medusa was the goddess with all these snakes that the fable is that when we looked at Medusa,

We will become,

You know,

Stones because she was creating that effect in people.

So Medusa is the trauma.

Us starting to look at Medusa and dealing with Medusa means that we'll start,

You know,

De-stone-ifying ourselves,

Start creating more liveness and becoming more alive as human beings.

Make sense?

Or is it completely like,

Doesn't make sense at all?

Let me know.

OK.

OK.

So,

Great,

Great.

So thanks a lot for that,

Guys.

As I mentioned to start with,

Let's take small steps and also accept that that slow is fast and that this can take years,

But also accepting that,

That whatever small step we take today,

We've moved one step forward.

So we're about to finish off.

I just want to finish off with a short meditation because I'm getting quite fond of that meditation.

You probably know which one it is if you've been with me for some of the other sessions.

And that meditation actually also came into existence in these circles.

So that wasn't anything that I was doing before.

So we're about to finish off.

Let's finish off with the meditation.

And I'm just going to go ahead and tell you guys that if you're here for the first time,

The meditation is about us using our imagination and being on this big field of grass.

It's summer.

It's after all this COVID thing.

And we're actually able to embrace and hold hands and feel the air and the sun and everything.

So the opposite of trauma is connection.

So what we're dealing with here,

What we're working with is also to,

To start using our,

This group,

These people that are in here as resources when we are in those times of need of having somebody there as a resource person.

So let's get ready for this last meditation.

So just,

Just noticing your in-breath and your out-breath.

And just having this small smile on your lips or big smile on your lips,

If that's the case.

And me right here being grateful for being with you guys and practicing with me,

Walking this path with me together.

And let's use our magical thinking,

Our imagination to all of us right now be on a big open grass field.

It's summer.

It's warm.

No clouds,

Easy breeze.

And there's just a chattering people laughing.

People walking by are the people just putting hands on shoulders,

Acknowledging eyes,

Smiles.

And now everybody's been asked to gather in one big circle.

And everybody finds their place trying to make a circle,

Trying to,

You know,

Where can I stand?

And everybody's just new to each other.

Some might know somebody,

But in general everybody's new to each other.

And there's really this sensation of just despite us being,

You know,

Big or small,

Despite us not being very skilled or very skilled,

Everybody's just here to learn.

Everybody's here to be inspired and inspire.

And we start becoming more and more quiet,

Settling down,

Noticing our breathing and noticing that everybody else's breathing is also becoming more calm.

We're still looking around at other people,

Smiling.

Some have started closing their eyes a bit and opening them again.

And now being asked to hold the hands of the people standing to your right and to your left,

Taking down your hands and might be a bit strange because you don't really know the person,

But in some odd way it still feels right and safe.

And there's a longing and feeling those hands in your hands and just giving them a small squeeze and laughing a bit.

And just breathing in deep,

Closing your eyes,

Having that smile on your face.

Just feeling that warmth of those hands,

That movement,

That movement from another person through you and through into the other person.

Now start breathing into your heart from the center of the circle.

Into your heart and be breathing out from your heart into that circle.

And just feeling the breathing of everybody.

Just feeling the openness to sharing and being vulnerable and being strong and being weak,

Being vulnerable,

Being everything.

Just being willing to feel everything and see everything.

Really feeling your heartbeat.

Really.

So finalizing this circle and this big field,

Everybody's looking at each other and everybody's shaking the hands,

Which makes us laugh because the whole circle is just moving.

And then just finishing off with embracing each other.

And it might feel a bit strange and holding a bit back,

But it's fine.

Feels good.

So slowly now watching everybody in this circle on this grass field,

Just sitting down,

Starting to talk.

And now us right here,

Moving back to this here and now feeling the chair,

The pillow,

The sofa that is carrying us,

Starting to move our attention outwards and stretching if needed.

So thank you so much for being here with me,

With everybody in here today.

If you just come on like in the last 10,

20 minutes,

I am recording this also.

This is day two of healing trauma through addiction,

Through enchantment.

And there's another day tomorrow,

Same time next week.

I'll be doing another three days on what other people think of you.

And as I mentioned before,

Do reach out,

Whether it's to share your stories,

If it's something that you want to share or you have any questions,

Do reach out.

Don't hold back.

It might take me a while,

Maybe two,

Three,

Sometimes four days to reply,

But I will reply.

And yeah,

Thank you so much for being there.

Again,

Just reminding myself and you guys that what we do now is what we will pass on.

Right?

So if we have kids,

If we want to have kids,

If we're,

You know,

If the kids have already,

You know,

Left and you're older,

Doesn't matter.

We're still passing on.

So my main motivation,

My main inspiration are my kids and looking at the seven generations forward from here.

What will what I do here mean in seven generations through my kids?

And I'm already seeing them grow into I have two girls,

11 and 13.

I'm seeing them grow into themselves and seeing what we pass on the good and the bad.

And we need to accept that none of us are going to be perfect parents.

So I thank you so much for being here because I strongly believe that we can make that difference.

And it is completely within our reach just by working with the stuff that we're doing now.

Thanks a lot,

Everybody.

Yeah,

Exactly.

Grandkids.

Thank you,

Susan,

Kathy,

Wendy,

Sandro,

Albera,

Tina.

Good to see you also.

Andy,

Thanks a lot for being here.

R,

Erica,

Daniel,

Everybody who's not,

You know,

Written anything in the comment field.

I see your faces out there.

So thanks a lot for being here.

Hope to see you guys again tomorrow.

And let's just keep on practicing,

Keep on sharing.

Thanks a lot.

Bye bye.

So this was the end.

And I just realized that I have an appointment in eight minutes,

So it's going to be a very short goodbye.

Thank you so much for being on this day two.

Look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Bye bye.

Reviews

A very important topic. Thank you for this space. I feel connected and hopeful.

Interesting approach 😊
Have to mention that I actually met Ram Dass about 20 years ago at the lunch table at Upaya Zen Center / Santa Fe. A pleasure and great experience 🥰

Flood of emotions. Unconditional love came up with my resource to show me the way. And hope and patience. We need these reminders, almost daily in the struggles. Thank you for laying the groundwork is very possible and gentle ways.

I just found you and really resonated with your day 1 info and way of delivery! Just finished day 2 and having some amazing insights again about rephrasing addiction in my mind, understanding it on another level and learning to turn my compassion inwards. Your vulnerability and authenticity is completely inspiring and I thank you for putting yourself out there for others! Namaste!🥰