Some Truths + Releasing Fear In The New Year

In this episode, I go a little deeper and share some of my personal "truths" that have been holding me back. I talk about why I'm sharing them - spoiler: because I want to you live a full life and let go of fear - and why they've been holding me back. I also dive into what we all need to do in order to live a big, full life!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Wild Freewell podcast.

I am here with another episode.

It's my first episode of 2023 and I'm looking forward to it.

It's a totally different episode than anything I've done before.

It's a lot more personal and a lot more real,

Which is kind of I think the theme,

Just getting more and more vulnerable as time goes on basically.

But this one is particularly interesting because I think that around this time of year,

We're often kind of thinking about where we want to go and what we want to accomplish in the new year.

And in thinking about that,

I realized some things,

I guess,

Some things that I have been keeping to myself and kind of,

Yeah,

Holding on to.

And like,

I just realized what's the point?

What's the point of holding on to them anymore?

So I am going to be sharing with you some truths today,

Some of my personal truths.

And the reason why I want to share these with you is because I genuinely believe,

And I see this even in working with clients,

That when you share something that feels vulnerable or feels scary and you kind of just shine the light on it,

It just isn't scary anymore.

You know,

We carry a lot of shame and a lot of guilt and a lot of fear around things.

And the thing that we're most afraid of oftentimes is somebody finding out.

So Louise Hay,

She is one of my all-time absolute favorite self-help people.

She's like the only person actually in the self-help industry that I've not gotten sick of at some point.

I'll take breaks from listening to her stuff,

But I always come back to her.

And I just feel like she is like the fairy godmother of the self-help industry.

But anyways,

One of the things that she always says is a lot of people live with this fear of like,

What will the neighbors think?

Because,

And I think we care a lot less about that now,

But I can see how from her generation and where she grew up,

How that would have been really prevalent.

I see that even in like my family,

Like the older members of my family and the way that they kind of feel about,

Sorry,

And the way that they feel about things.

And like a lot of the need to keep secrets is out of like fear or shame about somebody else finding out something about your family.

And so I think that we're moving past this more so,

But it's still kind of there.

There's still these like sneaky moments where you're holding onto something that does not serve you at all because you're so afraid of somebody finding out.

And so I am going to share some of mine with you in the hopes of inspiring you to kind of not air your dirty laundry.

I don't think I'm getting into anything too like tawdry here today,

But I think that just allowing yourself to be really honest,

First,

Honest with yourself.

And then if you can be honest with literally anyone else,

Because when you bring these things to light,

All of a sudden they're just not scary anymore.

They just don't have the same power that they had before.

So yeah,

Let's dive into some of my truths.

So the first one is going to,

I think sound ridiculous,

But I think that my house is genuinely too ugly to create content in.

So I live obviously and work from home.

And because of that,

Like I've worked over the years to make the house look a certain way and to be like a reflection of me,

But I feel like it's still not 100% there.

It really doesn't reflect who I am.

And yes,

I have a partner and no,

I don't care if the house reflects him at all.

I don't think that he cares about it as much as I do either.

And so,

Yeah,

I've not as worried about that because he's not worried about it necessarily,

But it's something that for me,

It just,

I can feel the weight of it.

And so we've been working slowly to make the house kind of look more like ours,

But there's just like a lot of wood.

There's a lot of Brown.

There's a lot of red.

There's a lot of colors that do not like come into my,

They're not really in my wheelhouse,

Let's say.

And so I find it like really difficult to make content because I'm always like,

Oh,

But there's this Brown thing behind me.

Like I hate this thing.

It's so stupid.

I realized that.

And I'm sure that nobody is looking at my content thinking,

Oh,

Look at that Brown bookshelf back there.

But it's something that's like seriously held me back for a really long time because it just doesn't feel fully like me.

And so I'm going to continue taking steps,

Obviously to like remedy this,

But it is really interesting.

Like how much something so simple has held me back because I've always felt like,

Well,

I just don't want to show that part of it.

Cause I'm not proud of the way the house looks.

Right.

And so it's just,

Yeah,

It's super interesting.

And I mean,

Obviously this too,

The not being proud of the house,

It affects me in other ways.

Um,

Because I do believe that like your environment is a reflection of who you are and it,

And it also reflects back your,

Your mood and your,

It impacts your mood at the very least.

So there are other like implications to this,

But it's just,

It's,

I think it's really interesting that this is something that like holds me back from moving forward in some ways and like sharing more like videos and stuff like that,

Because I feel like one more video of me sitting on my couch,

Like who the fuck wants that?

Um,

But yeah,

It's just,

Nobody's thinking about it the way that I am.

And,

Uh,

The next thing,

Another truth of mine is I am so 100% afraid of what people think like 100%.

I don't think that I think that there's a lot of marketing in the coaching industry that makes it seem like one coaches have it all figured out.

We don't not a single one,

Not even the ones that seem like they have it like super,

Super figured out and are trying to like sell you on that dream.

No one on planet earth that is having a human experience has anything figured out.

I am 100% convinced of that.

It's just not true.

Um,

But I am definitely afraid of like sharing more of what I think,

Because I am really afraid of cancel culture.

Um,

It's come out,

Like,

Obviously it's gotten way worse in the last like two years.

And I'm really afraid of accidentally saying like the wrong thing and offending people and then having to explain it later.

And what that kind of leaves me with is being somewhat vanilla.

I think the most offensive thing that I could do is I swear.

And I know that that bothers some people,

But I feel like I'm playing it safe.

And because I'm playing it safe,

I'm not really connecting fully with people either,

Because I mean,

I genuinely do want all things to be fair.

I wish the world was more of a fair place.

And when I see injustices,

It really,

Really bothers me.

And I mean that on a macro level with the things that we see,

Obviously in society and culture and like globally right now,

But all the way down to like the micro,

I really hate it.

Even when like things between like friends or family,

Or even with my partner aren't 50 50,

Which you can imagine makes for an absolutely thrilling ride being my partner,

But it is something that really upsets me.

And the reality is,

Is that there is very little that I,

As a single person can do to alter the fact that the life in the system that we live in is inherently unfair for most people.

And so when I think back sometimes about this in particular to content that I've made in the past and things that I've said about how,

You know,

Anyone can do anything.

And I do believe that anyone can do anything,

But I do think that at the time I was a little bit more ignorant to perhaps the inherent blocks or obstacles that other people who are not white cisgender people may be facing.

And I think that that's one of the beautiful things that has come out out of like really horrible,

Horrific events of the last two years is that I feel so much more aware of what's going on around me.

And I feel like I've learned a lot,

But coming out of that is the fact that I'm never going to have enough education.

I'm never going to have enough knowing to not piss somebody off because people get mad at everything nowadays.

I mean,

You literally,

It really does seem like you can't say anything at all.

And so it is kind of scary to have a podcast in that climate and to have like a social media account and to be talking about things like mental health and mindset and wellness and all of these things where,

And I see this really strongly,

So much of that industry is geared towards white to upper middle-class,

Middle-class women,

Essentially more so than I think men.

And so there's like an inherent block just within that,

Because like,

If you see so many of the things that we have and like so many of the things that I've learned and so many of the people that I've learned from were white,

Upper middle-class women,

And I am a white woman.

I wish I was upper class.

I am not.

I wish I was.

I'm not yet,

I suppose I should say,

But,

Um,

But yeah,

So like there's so much inherent privilege,

Even in my experience.

And so me saying like,

Yeah,

You can do anything that you want.

Like,

I can see how that would be really offensive.

It's been so interesting,

Actually like learning from this experience.

Cause I've watched other shows,

Um,

Talk where they talk about like psychology or mental health or mindset and stuff like that.

And,

Um,

Like I'm thinking of one in particular,

And I'm wondering if some of you guys can guess which one I'm talking about,

But there's a show that came out this year,

Sorry,

Just last year at the end of 2022.

And one of the episodes was all about like psychology and it was about positive thinking.

And it was just like,

If you just think positively enough,

You can change your whole life.

And yes,

Yes,

You can.

You 100% can.

I genuinely believe that that is true.

However,

Tell that to the single mom of like two kids who's working two jobs and is sleep deprived and doesn't know how she's going to pay her rent next month.

Tell her,

Tell her that if she just thinks positively,

She can change her whole world around.

It's not a lie.

Positive thinking will absolutely have a positive effect,

But we're not taking into consideration the inherent sort of difficulties or obstacles that might be present in this particular person's life that is preventing them from being positive.

And so that's kind of where I get like tripped up and I get scared of sharing things.

And like this whole idea of cancel culture,

Because like I could say like the whitest of white girl things and really offend somebody by saying that because like there's opportunities available to me that they are not available necessarily to other people.

And so I don't want to ever offend people,

But it's also keeping me like so,

So small,

So small and boring and vanilla because I'm never really saying what I think because I'm so afraid of offending people.

Another one too,

And this is a new one as well,

But yeah,

I really want to talk more about capitalism.

I want to talk more about capitalism in its current iteration and the pit falls within its current iteration.

However,

I do not have any kind of education that would help me to express this.

I only have my beliefs about it and I certainly don't have the answers of how we could fix this system.

But I do genuinely believe that there's a lot of pitfalls within the system and I don't think that we can necessarily ever move out of it,

But I do think that we need to be working within it to create a system where we are not building wealth off the backs of other people.

So yeah.

And I think that in more than just with capitalism,

I want to speak about real issues that affect us all,

But I'm literally scared shitless because I'm not a so-called expert and so who am I to have an opinion?

But basically that's what is expected of us,

Isn't it?

If you're going to open your mouth,

You had better be damn sure that what you have to say is based upon some kind of scientific fact or your opinion means nothing nowadays.

And I think that's bullshit too,

Because there's so much about life that comes from living,

Not from studying,

Not from education,

Not from whatever,

Like our experience of things and the way that we understand it and our unique perspective and lens through which we view the world,

I think creates such a rich story.

Realistically speaking,

A rich story,

But it's just,

It can add so much to the fabric.

And if I can share my story and my perspective with you,

And you can be open and willing to hear what I have to say,

And you can then share your story with me and I can be open and willing to hear what you have to say,

We can potentially uncover things,

New pathways forward and ones that don't include buffering up a system that is not working anymore,

That is not serving us anymore.

And that is actually actively harming a huge amount of the population.

And I think that that's a big conversation and a hard one to have.

But I think that when we're talking about mental health,

And when we're talking about wellness,

And we're talking about mindset,

It goes back to the example that I gave in the previous,

In the previous kind of truth that I shared,

The mother of two who's working two jobs and raising two children,

Like you can't take out the fact that the system that we live in of capitalism has put her at an active disadvantage to just thinking positively.

She doesn't necessarily have the luxury of just thinking positively because she is struggling to get her basic needs met,

And the basic needs of her children.

And until we level out that system,

We can't necessarily have a well-rounded conversation about how we should all be taking care of ourselves.

And there's also the fact that we are actively trying to recover from a system that is actively pulling us down.

So that too is a huge issue because why are we facing burnout?

Why are we facing all of these things,

Mental health crises,

And all of these issues of self-worth and whatever?

Why are we,

Why are we actively experiencing these things?

And it's again,

Because of the system that we're in and the things that it tells us that we should want and the way that we should be living and how many hours per week we have to work and how we have to live our lives because that's the way it is and that's the way it's always been done.

So I don't think that I can honestly continue to have a conversation about any of these things in good conscience without actively mentioning,

How many times have I said actively in this last two minutes?

Anyways,

Without actively mentioning the system that we live in that puts people in certain,

Like let's say economic brackets at an actual disadvantage.

So that's something that I think is going to change for me.

And that's part of the reason why I wanted to have this episode.

And I wanted to say these things out loud because when you shine a light on them,

They become less scary in theory.

In theory.

I don't know if,

I don't know if talking about capitalism is ever going to be less scary for me.

Talking about it in this sense,

Because I talk about it with people in my private life a lot more often and like nobody wants to hear it.

No one wants to have that conversation.

And maybe you guys are in the same boat,

But I think it's such an important conversation to have,

Especially because of what I mentioned about the connection between the way that we live,

The cycles that we live,

The environment that we live in and the system that we live in and how it actively impacts our mental health,

Our wellness and our mindset.

So,

Yeah.

But I think that the point of this podcast,

Besides kind of outing myself,

Is the idea that no one is immune to fear,

But when we hold it in,

It festers and it eats away at us.

And the reality is that we do not have anything to fear,

But a life unlived because the comments on social media,

Like for me sharing this podcast are not going to do anything to me.

They're not going to actively reach me in the sense that like,

No one is causing me harm.

Maybe,

Okay.

Yes.

Emotional harm.

If somebody says something rude or whatever.

Okay.

Absolutely.

But at the same time,

I have to also be in control of what I let into my energy.

And I think that the bigger point here and something that we don't always like to admit is that nobody really gives a shit what we do.

Just really no one cares.

And the only people who will ever be disappointed will be us.

If we get to the end of the line and we realize that we never took a chance or said or did what we wanted to,

Because we were so afraid of what somebody else would think.

I really believe that no one spends any amount of time thinking about us.

And if they do,

Then honestly that's on them and they have to figure out why they even have enough time to spend their precious minutes worrying about someone else.

At that point,

It really probably means that those people are,

Aren't really living fully themselves.

If you have the time to criticize somebody else,

If you have the energy to sit there and actively judge and wonder what other people are doing,

Then it means that your life is empty enough that you have a vacuum,

You have a void that you're filling with that,

That could be filled in other ways.

And again,

Easier said than done.

Absolutely.

Like there's no,

There's no one right way to go about living life.

And all of this is just my opinion.

So take what resonates and absolutely chuck the rest.

It doesn't,

You're not going to offend me.

It's just about inspiring people to look at life in a different way and to think about things deeper,

Honestly,

Because so much of life now is superficial.

It's like,

It's 144 characters on Twitter and it's,

You know,

Captions and photos that are filtered to like no end on Instagram.

It's just,

It's all this kind of like curated and small minimized sort of version of life.

It's not real.

It's not the deep truth of each person.

And like,

That's what I want.

Oh,

I love that.

Like,

I just get so turned on by that.

Like,

Please dear God,

Don't ever talk to me about the weather.

Just please don't.

I don't want to have a conversation about the weather.

I want to know what your deepest fear is.

I want to know what keeps you up at night.

I want to know what you're dreaming of.

Like,

That's what matters to me.

And I just think that this conversation today is about that.

Like I'm dreaming of a space where I can be all of me and I'm not held back by wondering what other people are going to think about me having an opinion because we all have an opinion.

And unfortunately we all have a soapbox now too.

This is mine,

But yeah,

We do.

We all have a soapbox.

We all have social media.

We all have a podcast.

We all have blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And so we can share our opinions with people.

Lucky the world that we all get to live now in this like energy of constant information,

Which in and of itself needs to be questioned.

And that's a podcast for another time.

But I think that there's just this fear of being seen and being heard and putting ourselves out there and going after the dreams that we have,

Whatever those dreams might be.

And maybe that's like a promotion or maybe it's a fancy car.

Maybe it's the vacation around the world or getting married or having kids,

Like whatever your dream is.

But maybe there's some fear around why you can't have that.

And like,

That's the underlying issue here.

Not that I want to talk about capitalism,

But that I'm afraid to.

And having that conversation is important to where I want to take my business because we can't have a conversation about what I do,

Which is mindset work without actively,

Jesus actively,

I need a thesaurus.

Can somebody send me one,

Please?

Without having a conversation about these things.

So yeah,

I just,

We are all trying to make it in this world.

We're all trying to make sense of the way that we feel and what we want.

And,

And we're all trying to make sense of how to go after that.

And the best way that we can do that is just to allow ourselves to say the shitty,

Scary,

Hard thing out loud.

So I'm afraid of what you guys will think every time I put out a podcast episode.

And the fact of the matter is that I have to keep doing it.

I have to keep doing it this year because it's what I love to do.

This is how I love to connect.

Speaking is my love language.

Like I love sharing things like this.

Um,

My writing never really translates.

I feel like it doesn't really get the essence of me across.

And I want you to experience the essence of me as egotistical as that might sound,

Because I want to connect with you that way.

I want my words to have an impact on you that way,

That deeply.

I want you to feel them and I want them to trigger you honestly.

And I'm afraid of triggering you at the same time,

But I want them to trigger you.

I want them to make you feel something and inspire you to take action and to make a change because you really can do whatever you want.

And yes,

There are issues and blocks standing in your way,

But you can overcome them as well.

Um,

I have to believe that I have to genuinely,

Despite the discussion about,

About capitalism and everything else,

I have to believe that we can all overcome whatever obstacles are in our way.

Because if I don't believe that,

Then I will dive into a nihilist sort of attitude.

And then what the fuck is the point of all of this,

Of that anymore?

And I just,

I can't live there.

So I choose to believe that we can in our own way and overcoming our own unique obstacles,

Get to where we want to go.

And I also believe that the system actively needs to change in order to assist us in doing that.

And I'm going to get off this call and actively look up a synonym for actively Lord almighty.

Anyways,

I hope that this podcast was useful and more than anything.

I hope that it inspires you to face your fears head on,

Say the ugly,

Nasty,

Scary,

Hard thing out loud to somebody,

Say it to yourself in the mirror.

If there's no one that you trust with what you have to say,

Say it out loud.

When you're alone in front of the mirror,

Look yourself in the eyes and witness yourself,

See yourself saying the hard thing because you deserve that.

That's all we want.

Literally as people,

We want to be seen and we want to be heard and appreciated and loved.

And we need those things.

In my opinion,

At the same level that we need food,

Oxygen,

Water shelter.

Okay.

We cannot live without them.

So if you feel like you don't have anybody in your life that can give you that,

I would start by trying to give it to yourself.

It is not an easy path to walk,

But I believe in you and I know that you can do it.

And if you're looking for support,

You can always reach out.

You can find me on Instagram and Facebook on insight timer and on my website,

Of course,

As well.

So I hope that this episode resonated with you.

And I hope that you got something really good and juicy out of it.

And I hope that it inspires you and that you have an amazing start to your 2023.