Three-Step Practice Of Tenderness And Loving Kindness

This guided practice, excerpted from a live session, combines the training in two essential components of having an open heart: tenderness (in Tibetan, "tsewa") and loving-kindness ("jampa"). These are gradually uncovered and projected towards three circles: ourselves as a practitioner, our extended community, and then all who live.

Transcript

And the first thing we do is once again bringing our awareness into the body to notice the sensations,

Especially those associated with the earth element,

The firmness and the stability underneath us.

Noticing those experiences and allowing the associated body parts,

Including our feet,

Our legs,

Our buttocks,

And so forth,

To start releasing physical tension,

Allowing our breath to move naturally from the very beginning of this practice.

No attempts to hold it,

To control it,

To make it more forceful or more shallow,

But rather using each exhalation as an invitation to release greater degrees of tension and more types of the deliberate movements that we're so used to.

And so finding a profound sense of ease and relaxation in the lower half of our body,

In the central part,

Which includes our abdomen and lower back,

And then across our chest,

Our shoulders,

Our arms and hands,

Eventually finding some stillness in our fingers,

And then coming back to our neck,

To the back of our head,

And to our face.

Then noticing the sensations associated with the process of breathing,

All the different types of changing sensations across our entire body,

Changing and morphing when we breathe in,

When we breathe out,

And even in the short pauses between the two.

And with a level of curiosity,

Seeing how the body adjusts the rhythm of breathing,

The volume,

The speed,

To continue the process of natural relaxation.

Then revisiting our aspirations for this practice,

Our own highest goals related to psychological or spiritual flourishing,

And establishing,

Re-establishing those goals as the aim of these meditations.

May it contribute to that.

And then going into the main practice,

Which for us would be the union of tenderness and loving-kindness.

First,

Placing our awareness on this person sitting here,

Lying here,

Practicing here,

And holding this very person that we are in tender awareness in the same way that we would hold a newborn baby placed into our hands,

Or a kitten,

Or a puppy,

Or any other bundle of vulnerable,

Tender,

Sensitive energy.

And just resting there.

There's still a bit of restless energy present in our body and mind.

We can use the breath to focus more deeply,

Allowing each exhalation or each inhalation to strengthen the attitude of tenderness towards ourselves,

As if waves of intangible inner warmth were washing over us.

And then from this tender attitude,

Which we could theoretically rest in for a very,

Very long time,

With a lot of benefits,

We would slowly go into the attitude of loving-kindness,

Which is an active wish.

May I be happy and have the causes of happiness?

Or may I be well and happy?

Or may I be at ease?

The meaning for all these phrases is generally the same.

It's a wish for genuine flourishing,

Genuine well-being,

Genuine happiness,

To be experienced,

And for its causes to be established.

But we use one of these mental phrases simply to focus our awareness in this type of self-perception,

Still focused on ourselves as the object we wish.

May,

For example,

May I be happy and have the causes of happiness?

As if sending that wish into every cell,

Into every corner of our mind,

And into every aspect of our personal timeline that we can still affect.

So,

Whatever is happening right now,

Whatever is about to happen,

And all the things in the future,

May all of it lead me to greater happiness and well-being.

With a corner of our mind checking to see if the breath is still moving smoothly,

And if not allowing it to move smoothly,

Relinquishing control.

But if we wish,

Using each exhalation as a way to,

As an invitation to,

Strengthen the wish,

The wish of loving-kindness,

May I be happy.

And when we catch ourselves being distracted,

Powerfully by thoughts,

Memories,

And so forth,

We return to the wish,

Repeating it,

Diving deep into its meaning,

And we allow all these unnecessary types of mental activity that are currently distracting us to melt into loving-kindness.

Then,

As the next step,

We extend our awareness to other beings,

Other practitioners joining us in this practice,

In person and online.

And if we wish also,

The beings around us,

In the physical space,

All the beings in the same building,

For example,

Or in the same vicinity,

Who,

Like us,

Want to be happy and don't want to suffer,

Naturally.

But before generating loving-kindness for them,

We can first extend simply the quality of tenderness to ourselves and to those beings at the same time.

And once again,

It's as if a number of little vulnerable puppies,

Babies,

Kittens,

Were placed in our care.

This also removes the element of judgment,

Thoughts related to being worthy or not worthy of happiness and genuine flourishing.

We're simply attending to the vulnerable core of each being,

Including ourselves,

Underneath all the layers of shame and guilt,

Belief systems,

Habitual patterns,

And so forth.

So first resting in that tender awareness towards multiple beings that we might not even know personally,

Might not even recognize in terms of their physical appearance and so forth.

Conventionally,

There's still beingness to them,

And that includes powerfully their wish for happiness.

And then because we're seeing ourselves and other beings through this lens of unconditioned and unconditional tenderness,

It becomes easier for it to crystallize into loving-kindness.

And that is,

In this case,

The wish,

May we be happy and have the causes of happiness,

Or may we be at ease,

Or may we be well and happy.

Whichever one we find the most relatable,

The most meaningful right now.

And then simply resting with it,

Returning to it again and again,

Breathing life into it with each exhalation,

May we be happy.

And then finally the third stage for this practice,

Thinking that no matter how many beings there are in general,

In a specific location or overall across multiple universes,

If placed into our tender care,

They would all be equally the same vulnerable blobs of energy,

Wanting to be happy,

Not wanting to suffer,

Getting confused all the time,

And so forth.

So holding just one being in tenderness,

Or holding all the beings in tenderness,

It's pretty much the same thing.

So for a few moments we can rest in tenderness equally extended to all beings,

Celebrating their potential and their vulnerable core,

And then allowing that to turn into the more crystallized state of loving-kindness.

May all beings be happy and have the causes of happiness,

Or may all be well and happy,

Or may all be at ease.

And then allowing our thoughts,

Aspirations,

Images,

And so forth to simply melt away,

And then resting in a state of open awareness,

Still infused with this afterglow,

But no longer actively doing anything or wishing for anything.

And then bringing our attention back to our body to ground ourselves there,

And taking a few moments to dedicate the energy of this practice to the aspirations with which we began.

May our effort contribute to that.

And then when we're ready,

Introducing some movement to the body by rocking back and forth,

Moving our fingers,

And slowly concluding.

Reviews

ThankyouandBless for an infinity of puppies and kittens 🧸❤️🙂

I really love your guidance and it would be great to have a practice entirely dedicated to cultivating that tenderness. It was new and different for me as a longtime metta practitioner and I’d love to go deeper. May we all be at ease. Thank you.

Mother’s Day 2024
A perfect aspiration to celebrate for all beings everywhere.
🙏 Thank you

Such a useful distinction between tenderness and loving kindness. Thank you 🙏🏽