Grief can hit you at any moment.
It may be during a conversation with a well-meaning friend or family member who mentions the baby that you have lost,
And you find yourself suddenly being hit by such strong emotions.
For each of us,
Those emotions may feel different,
But the common thread is that they are usually very strong.
The strong emotions will lose their power over time,
And while that feeling of loss will never truly leave you,
You will learn to live with it,
And you will find a new and wonderful way of being.
In the meantime,
This meditation is to provide you with tools that can help you manage those moments of extreme sadness,
Or anger,
Or frustration.
Whatever part of your grief journey you are at right now,
These techniques will help you.
You may find that your mind wanders during these exercises.
That is absolutely okay and completely normal.
When you find that your mind has wandered away from the breathing techniques we will go through together,
Just gently bring your mind back to your breath.
The more you practice meditation,
The easier your mind will find it to focus.
But for the first few practices,
You will find that you may have to bring your mind back to your breathing many times.
We are going to start with a breathing technique that you can use any time that you feel a sense of anxiety,
Or panic,
Or you are feeling overwhelmed.
This is a simple technique,
But highly effective,
And it tells the brain that you are not in danger,
And that it is safe to relax.
We start by breathing slowly in for a count of four,
We hold the breath for a count of five,
And then we release slowly to a count of six.
I will count you through this,
And we will do it three times,
And then I will allow you some quiet space to continue on your own for a few more goes.
Make sure you are in a comfortable position,
And when you are ready,
Please close your eyes if you have not already done so.
Remember I will count you through this exercise three times,
And then I will leave you some space to continue by yourself before coming back to you.
We will begin now.
Take a breath in,
One,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Hold your breath,
One,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
And now release your breath.
One,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Six.
In,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Hold,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five.
Out,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Six.
In 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
5.
Out 2,
3,
4,
5,
6.
In 2,
3,
4,
Hold 2,
3,
4,
5.
Out 2,
3,
4,
5,
6.
Please continue.
When you are ready,
Let your breath return to normal.
This counting and breathing technique is a very good way to calm anxiety and panic in the body.
It can be done anywhere and at any time and does not require you to even close your eyes or lie down.
It is something that you can do at your desk at work,
While you are stuck in traffic,
While you are out walking or even grocery shopping.
If you are not in a situation where you feel you can do this breathing technique in front of others,
Then I suggest,
When it's appropriate,
Going to the bathroom and doing this breathing technique three times.
Usually three times is enough to calm your body and you will notice that your heart rate starts to slow down again and your breathing starts to get deeper and return to normal.
If after doing this breathing technique three times you still feel a sense of anxiety or strong emotions,
Then continue this technique until you feel in control again.
The second technique we will now practice together is a simple relaxation technique of controlled breathing as well as visualization.
If you are not used to visualizing in a mindfulness technique way,
This may not feel natural to you at first,
But like anything,
With practice it will become a lot easier for you.
Please keep your eyes closed and adjust your body if you need to,
To maintain your physical comfort.
Please take a slow deep breath in and out and in and out and in and out.
As you continue to slowly breathe gently,
I now invite you to imagine that you are surrounded by beautiful golden mist and every time you breathe in,
You breathe in this golden mist and it fills your body with love and light.
As you breathe out each time,
I invite you to imagine the pain you are feeling leaving your body.
You may want to imagine this pain and sorrow as a particular colour,
Which I will let you choose for yourself,
Or you may simply want to say to yourself in your mind each time you breathe out,
My pain is leaving me.
How much pain you release is up to you at this point in time.
Those of you further along your grief journey may want to totally release the pain you have been holding in your body for so long now.
For those of you whose grief is fresher,
You may not be ready to give it all up yet and that is okay.
The pain and grief can build pressure and stress in the body,
And what we eventually want to achieve is that we let go of that pain and grief and that we fill the hole that is left behind with love and light.
But it is up to you to decide when you are ready to reach this point.
We will continue to breathe in and out for a few moments now,
Remembering to breathe in the gold mist that is surrounding your body and to breathe out the pain that no longer serves you.
So slowly and deeply breathe in and out.
In and out.
In and out.
I now ask you to place your hands over your heart.
I am going to say some statements,
So please listen to my voice and I hope you take comfort from my words.
While my body carries pain,
My heart is full of love.
I acknowledge the emotions I am feeling.
I accept that they currently have a place in my life,
And I let go of any resistance I am carrying.
I am moving through grief in my own time and my own way,
And that is okay.
Today is a new day,
And I support my heart and my mind as they work through the grief together.
I choose to hold on to love and let go of grief.
The pain in my heart will heal.
I observe my grief,
But I do not allow grief to completely overtake me.
I know I will find a way to live with the loss and with the grief until the pain gets smaller and smaller.
It will one day be so small that it will be so much easier to carry.
Please take one more deep breath in and out,
And start to gently move your body.
When you are ready,
Open your eyes.
I wish you peace.
