Sweet green one,
If you are here,
You have been carrying something heavy.
Something confusing.
Something your mind and your body keep circling but never quite land on.
Maybe it feels like something grand,
Something big happened,
Or maybe something didn't.
Maybe you said yes,
But your body didn't follow.
Maybe you didn't say no,
But it didn't feel like a yes either.
Maybe you are a green one who has felt they might have crossed a line,
Or someone crossed yours,
Or maybe it's grey and you're left in the fog,
Trying to sort the pieces back to their rightful place.
You are standing in a fog,
A thick silver quiet.
You cannot see where you came from,
And you do not know exactly what happened.
And your body,
Your wise listening body has curled in on itself like a fern after touch.
This meditation is not here to part the fog.
It is here to hold you inside it.
Stay with you in the in-between,
Where memory is soft and feeling is fierce and nothing seems to have a name.
Let your breath be a thread,
A single golden thread that you can follow.
Not to the beginning,
Not to the ending,
Simply deeper into yourself.
Now inhale,
And exhale.
You are here.
Some experiences leave no clean edges.
They do not offer yes or no.
They leave you with fragments,
A body that trembled,
And a moment that lingered,
And a mouth that said yes while the chest tightened.
This is a moment of unspoken intelligence.
You were protecting,
Freezing like the surface of a pond in sudden cold,
And just beneath stillness,
And just beneath the ripple that never had a chance to move.
I want you to know something very important,
Green One.
Right here,
Right now,
You are allowed to be confused,
And to not know,
And to have feelings that don't quite make sense yet.
You are allowed to remember in fragments.
You are allowed to grieve something you said yes to.
You are allowed to miss something you didn't like,
And to feel pleasure when your boundaries were crossed.
You are allowed to want someone and still regret that moment.
You are allowed to freeze,
Not remember until much later,
Because there is no script your body was supposed to follow.
Consent is not a checkbox,
But a conversation,
A dance of nervous systems.
One that is highly skilled,
And in this day and age,
Gets scrambled sometimes.
You did not know how to move with that beat.
No one taught you.
Sometimes no rises in the body after the yes was already said.
Sometimes it doesn't rise at all,
Not until hours,
Days,
Or years later.
And still,
You are not broken.
Again,
If you've closed in your body,
In your heart,
In your desire,
You will open again when it's time,
And not a moment before.
Remember,
You do not need to rush your clarity.
You do not need to justify your experience.
You don't need to be ready to talk about it.
Just listen.
Your body is telling the truth in its own language.
And if your chest is tight,
And your throat feels stuck,
And your pelvis feels numb,
Just witness it.
If you have guilt,
Let it rest here for a moment.
You are not bad.
You are becoming aware.
If you have grief,
Let it move slowly.
You are a process that is unfolding.
Even now,
And especially now,
You are sacred.
And you are not alone.
