Are You Addicted To Complaining, Blaming & Judging?

A huge amount of human suffering comes from blaming, complaining, and judging. They are all rooted in fear. Kenneth Soares shares a practice of freeing ourselves from this suffering.
Kenneth Soares is a meditation teacher.
Kenneth Soares is a meditation teacher.

Kenneth Soares explains his approach of overcoming the addictive patterning of complaining, blaming and judging. His remarks build up to a guided meditation that helps to cleanse energy and re-focus it on things that inspire, empower and uplift you and others.

Complaining, Blaming & Judging: How To Free Ourselves From Suffering

Complaining, judging and blaming is an addiction. It’s a dead-end street to suffering. It reinforces the behavior and circumstance we are judging. All addictions are learned behavior. All behaviors can be unlearned. What we focus on expands in our reality. Blaming and judging are neither right nor wrong; it’s a choice, a behavior, a habit. If we truly want to step into our power and free ourselves from much of the pain and suffering we experience, then making a commitment to let go of this useless and disempowering behavior of complaining and blaming is a necessity. When we are conscious of this, we can take steps towards change.

If we decide to do nothing about it, we are choosing to suffer on many levels. This doesn’t mean that we want to suffer — it’s just how creation works. It’s okay to make that choice also. There is no right or wrong. Everyone has free will to choose. We always make choices, thousands of them daily, consciously and unconsciously, and every single choice affects our lives, our mood, and our reality as a whole.

On the other hand, I believe suffering is an essential part of evolution on a collective and individual level. We courageously chose this third-dimensional reality so that we could experience polarity; love and suffering. Suffering opens up the door to change, healing and growth. Love opens up the door to change, healing and growth. All emotions, every experience, and every relationship are wise teachers — if we choose to view them as such.

Rooted In Fear

The root cause of our need to blame and judge comes from trauma (intense memories and events) and programming/conditioning from our caretakers, religion, school, media, and society in general (as adults, we are responsible for how we handle our past programming). In the root of it all is fear.

When we complain, blame and judge, it is aspects of fear talking. On the surface, it all may seem to be justified and ‘right’. When you peel off all layers of that onion, we will find fear in its core. Fear of losing something, fear of not being good enough, fear of missing out, fear of rejection, fear of not being loved, fear of being alone, fear of being misunderstood, fear of not being seen, heard or understood, fear of dying. It is fear in some shape or form… And all the fear is linked to our memories (conscious and unconscious) and our limiting beliefs (programming) about ourselves, others and the world. 

This fear and the need to blame and judge are ingrained in our collective consciousness and it has kept humanity’s consciousness in a dense and low vibrational state for centuries — however, this is starting to transform now. Rapidly. We are upgrading. Hearts are opening. Consciousness is expanding. We are awakening to a new way of life; living in compassion, co-operation, unity and love.

Conventional news and other conventional media sources won’t show any evidence of the awakening of humanity — quite the contrary, because news, in general, are not created to uplift, but to spread fear and keep us there. (I won’t go into details here, but to keep it short; those controlling the “system” don’t want humanity to expand in consciousness, because then the ‘system’ crumbles and falls apart). The awakening process has been “slow” up until the recent years, but it is escalating, because of you and I. When we integrate and heal trauma and change our “negative” programming (most of them are not even yours, to begin with) into positive and empowering beliefs and convictions, we help humanity, Mother Earth, and all life to break free from the chains of fear, and moving into love and unity; the New Earth. The Golden Age.

Read more: Tara Brach underlines that addiction comes in different forms; as an addictive pattern of thinking, a way of obsessing or a more behavioral kind of way of being in the world that really causes injury. Explore Tara Brach’s guide for healing addiction with mindfulness and compassion.

Guided Meditation: Accepting & Loving Our Shadow Part

The willingness to have self-compassion and acceptance is an essential part of our healing and awakening process. In the following guided meditation we also focus on ‘integrating’ the part of us (our shadow) that is running the “blaming and judging” programs in our subconscious mind. To truly heal it is also essential to be willing to accept and love the shadow-aspect of us. It is like a child that needs our love and attention. It has so many resources and so much wisdom that is trapped in non-acceptance and lack of love — because we normally fight and resist this part of us, the resources and wisdom stay deactivated. Show love, compassion and acceptance, if you want to activate these ‘hidden’ resources.

To integrate and heal we need to feel. We have to feel it to heal it. Allow whatever emotions that surfaces to process through your body. That is how we purge trauma. Your body is the vehicle in which emotions are processed and released. Your subconscious mind is your protector and it will only “give” you as much as you are ready to handle at the moment you are doing this process — for your highest good. During the process of releasing and healing it is normal, ok, and safe to cry, shake a bit or even laugh. The way your system releases built-up emotion is unique to you. There is no right or wrong. Allow yourself to go safely through the process. It is safe to feel. Fully. Take full responsibility for your health and wellbeing. Heal. Learn. Expand. Repeat. That is the cycle of awakening and aligning with our Higher Heart and Soul.

In this guided meditation, Kenneth Soares will safely guide you through a process of healing and integrating your “shadow aspect” that is holding on to patterns of blame and judgment of self and others. You can also find this meditation in the Insight Timer app.

  1. Let Go Of Fear, Blame & Judgment - Healing Energy Cleanse - Heart & Soul Activation Kenneth Soares 32:13

How To Stop ‘Over-Venting’

On the journey of transforming, healing and integrating, we will still experience situations in life where suffering is an alternative. I believe that will always be present in our day to day lives as one path to choose in various degrees. Polarity is a part of our existence, for now. However, you will not feed the pattern anymore like you once did. Of course, sometimes this will be harder than other times. Depending on how deep it triggers you. It’s not a matter of quitting complaining, judging and blaming all together — but rather becoming very aware when this addiction is triggered and then work with this triggered part of us, with the purpose of healing, learning and evolving individually and collectively.

Sometimes we need to vent. Conscious venting is good, no doubt about it. It only becomes a “problem” when we ‘over-vent’. If we vent it over and over again, it becomes complaining and draining — then it’s not healthy anymore. Get it out of your system and move on! That is the purpose of venting, isn’t it? If you can’t let it go like this, then you may need to do some inner work. 

When we choose to learn from the shadow aspect of self and integrate it, we are able to process and move on way faster than in the past. Because of our commitment to a higher standard of living in integrity with your True Self — no matter what’s happening on the outside world.

Read more: In another article, Mark Bertin explains how to practice joy and gratitude in difficult times.

Give Yourself Time

Go easy on yourself. Every new skill takes some amount of time to learn. It’s like learning to walk. It takes time. We fall. We get up. And one day we make it. We start walking without thinking. We can still fall, but we know how to get up and continue to walk forwards. You are ready and ripe for your ‘Next Level’. Now is the time.

Let’s walk together. Step by step. Day by day. Give yourself time. We are all in this together. When you change, the world changes. Take care of yourself. Trust the process. Trust the Universe. You are loved. And you are doing good. I believe in you.

Meditation. Free.