The Shift Series : Episode 1 : Why We Take Things Personally

Welcome to the Shift Series with me,

Becca Gardner,

A certified coach.

This is a collection of simple human stories and reflections that gently invite us to look a little more deeply at the simplicity of the human experience.

And this is my very first story that I'm going to share with you.

Because there's something really,

Really powerful about stories.

They allow us to take in information in a way that often goes beyond our intellect,

Beyond trying to figure and analyse things.

A simple story can help us see ourselves and life a little differently.

So let's begin.

The other day,

I was walking back from my local supermarket,

Which if you've come across me before,

You'll know I spent half my life in there.

And as I was walking down my road,

My lovely neighbour stopped me.

She was walking her dog and she said,

I can't get over how fantastic your hair looks.

Now,

Honestly,

I was taken aback because it was such a lovely thing to say.

And immediately my mind went to,

Oh,

Did it not look fantastic before?

That's what I said in my head.

And then she went,

Yeah,

Everyone else's is looking so lovely too.

And I paused because I suddenly realised she hadn't said hair.

She'd said,

Wait for it,

Hedge.

I burst out laughing.

It was hilarious.

Now,

The reason this made me laugh so much is because literally moments before this interaction,

I'd been thinking about my hair,

Whether I should cut it,

Whether I should grow it,

Whether I like the colour,

You know,

Just normal human thinking.

So of course,

That's what I heard because that was what was already alive in my mind.

And honestly,

When you really start looking at this,

It points to something so fascinating about being human.

We naturally are at the centre of our experience.

And it's not because we're being selfish or self-obsessed,

But because the human system is constantly filtering life through the lens of me.

What does this mean for me?

Am I accepted?

How do I look?

Am I safe?

Do I belong?

It's part of our survival wiring.

The mind has evolved to constantly relate the world around us back to ourselves.

And most of the time,

We don't even realise it's happening,

If not all the time.

So the mind does a grand job of personalising.

It takes neutral moments and makes them about us.

And because I'd been thinking about my hair,

My mind innocently filled in the blanks.

It genuinely sounded like she'd said hair.

And that's how convincing thought can be.

We don't tend to realise we're seeing reality through the lens of whatever thoughts and feelings are moving through us in the moment.

It just looks like reality.

We don't question it.

And honestly,

It's such a beautiful thing to notice and to peep into.

Not to analyse,

Not to fix,

Just to notice.

Notice how quickly the mind personalises.

How quickly it turns life into a story about me.

We think someone's tone means something.

We think a text message means something.

We think someone's silence means something.

We think a certain look means judgment.

We think a situation means rejection.

And who knows?

But can you see how two people can experience the exact same situation like I did completely differently?

One hears criticism,

Another hears care.

One sees rejection,

Another sees neutrality.

One thinks black,

Another thinks white.

So who's right?

Who's wrong?

Or could it be that life is far more neutral than we realise until thought rushes in and adds the story?

And honestly,

The more we notice this,

The more life softens a little.

And the funny thing is,

She actually was talking about a hedge.

A hedge that we planted a couple of years ago when it was tiny and honestly,

Between you and me,

Looked a bit pathetic.

I remember my husband saying,

We're in it for the long game,

Becca.

And now it's grown into this beautiful hedge that apparently the neighbours are admiring.

How fun is that?

It's just so interesting when we see this for ourselves.

There's so much capacity to basically for things not to be a certain way.

So if we come from this understanding and we notice this in our own experience,

Honestly,

It just opens up a world of possibility.

So all you really need to do is notice.

Start getting curious.

Notice how the mind personalises,

Labels,

Predicts,

Adds narrative.

Because when you begin to see that happening in real time,

It just gets better and better.

And life just softens.

It's less about fighting reality and more about exploring it.

So next time somebody compliments you on your hair,

Maybe double check they're not talking about your hedge.

Bye.