Hey everyone!
Today I wanted to talk about the topic,
Show up in the way that you want to show up.
And the reason that I would like to speak about this today is because In my own experience,
For a long time I I would put other people's needs before my own,
Do everything I could to take care of other people.
It was easy for me to push myself to the side or put myself in the background.
And do everything I could for a person,
Place,
Or situation to make sure I did everything they wanted or what they needed or what they cared about.
And I got used to.
.
.
Making that my motivation.
For a living to take care of other people all of the time.
And I think something told me that if I did everything I could to take care of other people.
Than I was being a good person or I would be accepted or I would be safe because no one would get mad.
I think there is a lot of.
Reasons why it was easy for me to take on a caretaker role.
Or people pleaser role.
Um.
.
.
And I've done that for most of my life.
And I didn't even really realize it,
I just thought.
I'm doing this to be a good person.
Um.
.
.
And then it just got to a point where.
I just had so much anxiety and so much stress that it was hard to function properly.
Um.
.
.
So that's why I wanted to talk about this today because.
.
.
It is important that we recognize that we have our own needs.
And understanding what those needs are and honoring those needs and taking care of ourselves in the way we need to take care of ourselves.
I feel like for most of my life I didn't really put myself in the picture.
I feel like I just had so many things happening around me that it was easy for me to take on.
Other responsibilities and obligations and needs of everyone else around me that I didn't really think about myself.
I didn't really feel like that was an option.
I feel like I already had so much to take care of that I feel like It was too hard to put myself in the picture.
I feel like when I even did try to put myself in the picture,
Like,
To express my emotions or express how I felt or.
.
.
Anything like that.
Oftentimes I felt like it was dismissed,
Not acknowledged,
Not really cared about.
Um.
.
.
So at a certain point,
It was just easier for me to omit myself.
Because I didn't want to have my feelings hurt anymore by being dismissed or not acknowledged.
I didn't want any conflict,
And I thought,
Well,
If I make everyone else happy all the time,
Then that's gonna be good for me because then I'll be accepted,
I belong,
I'm safe.
That makes me like.
.
.
You know,
A good.
.
.
A good daughter.
Makes me a good employee,
That makes me a good.
.
.
Wherever I happen to be in the world.
I just thought that if I did everything I could to please others around me,
That would make me a good person for life.
Whatever that role was,
Where I was at,
Good student.
You know,
It really didn't matter.
But that people pleaser role translated to every aspect of my life and at a certain point I realized that I was looking so hard to other people.
Um.
.
.
To validate my self-worth,
Validate my self-approval,
My self-acceptance.
And It seemed like that was always temporary,
Even if I did feel that it was always temporary,
Because people,
Places,
And situations,
That's all temporary.
Everything changes all the time as we move through life.
Um.
.
.
So this is just something that I wanted to talk about today because now in this present time where I've got to learn more about who I am and my behaviors and my patterns and how I have shown up in the world.
I've been practicing.
My self-love and my self-care and doing things that are better for me.
So,
For example,
If someone asks me.
.
.
To go to this social event and I know that I really need time on that day to recharge and I know that I really need that time for myself.
I can safely say,
Hey,
I'm not going to be able to go.
You know,
I have plans that day or I need that time for myself that day.
I can easily say what I need.
And know that I am in control of my life and I am taking care of myself and I do love myself and I'm honoring myself in that moment by speaking up and saying what I need.
Um.
.
.
And at first,
It is actually very uncomfortable.
When you start speaking up for yourself and start saying what you need,
It is uncomfortable.
But it feels better because whenever I don't speak up for myself and I don't say what I need,
I feel like I have this anxiety and stress just stirring on the inside.
And it's either,
You know,
Man,
I wish I wouldn't have made that commitment.
And I said yes,
Just because I wanted to make them happy or.
I said yes just because I didn't want to hurt their feelings.
That just causes so much more anxiety that isn't worth it.
And I would rather say what I need to say,
Face that fear.
And overcome that challenge and know that I honored myself in that moment to say what I needed to say.
So I feel like this is.
.
.
This goes hand in hand with establishing healthy boundaries,
Like show up in the way that you want to show up.
I feel like it's setting boundaries of what's best for you and your life.
And This is just something that's been really important to me because I feel like it's easy to push ourselves to the side,
Make other people happy,
Just go along with what somebody else wants to do.
And.
I feel like there's a balance where we can take care of ourselves and love ourselves in the way that we need,
And we can still participate in the way that we want to,
Whether it's social or work or Anything like this translate to anything to anything that we do in life.
We can show up in the way that we want to show up how much time we want to be available for people to communicate,
Whether it's on the phone or going out.
Um.
.
.
You know how many hours we want to work a week or.
Um.
.
.
Anything like that,
It can be.
It can really translate to anything.
So I just wanted to share this today about show up in the way that you want to show up,
Because you deserve to be able to fill your own cup.
And be there for yourself in the ways that you need.
Take care of yourself first and then when you have your cup full,
Then you'll be able to you know,
Show up for others in the way that you want to show up to where You can still participate and engage with other people and help other people.
But you still get to be whole first in doing that because that's really important to make sure that we're there for ourselves first and then we can be there for other people in a way that's healthy for us and nourishing for us and wholesome and a way that works out best for both parties.
So thank you all so much for listening today.
And I hope that this was helpful.
And I'll talk to you soon.
