Hey everybody,
It's Alyssa here.
So what I wanted to talk about today is being misunderstood.
So I don't know if anybody else has felt this before,
But I felt like I've been misunderstood for most of my life.
I think that it was probably not accurate of me to expect people to understand me.
We all have different thoughts,
Different beliefs,
Different ideas,
Different experiences that have led us to the frame of mind that we have today.
So I was always trying to be the best I could for who I was around,
And was always trying to do everything I could to make the situation good and to be a good person,
And sometimes that was turned back around on me as if the other person assumed that I had a different motive or something entirely different than what I actually thought and felt.
And that's happened so much in my life that it led me to constant misery within myself for feeling like I don't belong here.
And a belief that I had held for a long time is that I don't belong here.
And maybe,
I think there was a lot of different reasons.
Part of it was being hurt so much all the time from just trying to exist,
Co-exist,
That,
You know,
Yeah,
I just felt like I don't belong here,
If this is what I'm here for,
You know,
Is to exist,
And I'm always upset all the time at what somebody said or did,
And I'm so sensitive to all of this,
And nobody else really seems to be,
And I'm,
You know,
Sitting here being like an emotional mess,
Like,
What's my point of living?
What's my,
You know,
Why,
I just,
I don't belong here,
No matter what I do,
I'm damned if I do,
I'm damned if I don't.
Like there's no,
You know,
It just,
Sometimes it just doesn't matter,
It doesn't matter how you exist,
It might not,
You know,
Settle well with other people or ever be okay,
Maybe,
You know,
And so what I've understood from that is that each of us are different,
And we need to embrace what makes us an individual,
And like I was saying,
To accept the outcome that comes with being who you are.
And I always thought that it was up to other people to let me know if I was being a good person or not.
I always thought that,
You know,
If somebody gets upset,
That must mean that I'm doing something wrong,
Because I'm doing everything I possibly can to not,
Like,
Want anyone to be upset,
But there's just so much that I was trying to control that I really had no control over.
And it wasn't necessarily my existence that was wrong.
You know,
If somebody didn't understand me,
It was that they're perceiving their life,
You know,
In an entirely different way than I am.
And you know,
I just didn't understand that.
And since I was looking so hard to other people for approval and acceptance,
I think that that was also a part of why,
You know,
I felt so bad about who I was,
Because I just wanted to be right.
I wanted to be loved.
I wanted to be loved for who I was,
Unconditionally,
With,
You know,
No matter what I felt,
What I thought,
Or anything,
You know,
To not have it be dismissed,
And then turned out to be something else that I never even intended.
It's like,
I always wanted to prove to everybody that my intentions were good,
And that's not what I was supposed to be doing.
I need to be able to,
You know,
Be with myself at the end of the day,
With a clean conscience,
And you know,
Forgive myself for what I've done,
And forgive others.
I need to be able to do that,
And understand the bigger picture of what's actually happening.
And a lot of it was in the ways that I was thinking,
The ways that I was looking for my needs to get met,
And then understanding the projection from other people.
I wasn't really the cause of that,
And I always thought I was the cause of that,
Because I thought my existence was basically the catalyst for anything that was going to happen.
The fact that I existed,
It was going to be a problem.
I was just convinced of that for a very long time,
You know,
And I always wanted to prove to people that I have good intentions,
And that I'm not,
You know,
It's just,
Yeah,
It was just this whole thing.
So basically,
I realized that I wasn't supposed to be spending all my time to get people to understand me,
Because the truth is,
I'm the only one that's going to understand me,
Because I'm the only one that has had my experiences that were mine,
Felt the feelings that I felt.
I'm the one who's there,
Who's been there to pick myself back up.
You know,
Nobody has had the same experiences as you.
So we cannot expect other people to understand who we are,
Love us for who we are.
People have to understand how to love themselves,
You know,
For one.
There's so many things that are happening that we have to understand what it means for self-love and self-care,
And to come back to ourselves at the end of the day and understand how can we take care of ourselves better.
So for me,
I've just been figuring out that I do belong here.
And I'm starting to feel better about those words that I'm telling myself right now.
I do belong here.
Because my whole life,
It has been a self-destructive,
Negative belief that I instilled in myself of,
I don't belong here.
Like I have,
I don't know how many years I've said that to myself,
Like,
You know,
Over and over.
And that was just an unhealthy,
You know,
Self-destructive belief pattern that I instilled in myself.
So now,
I'm getting past that and acknowledging that that's what I was doing.
And now I'm instilling a positive belief in myself,
Which is truth.
I do belong here,
Because we all belong here,
And we all matter.
And like,
As an individual,
We have to understand that we have to tell ourselves that we matter at the end of the day,
And come back to self-love and self-care,
That we have to love ourselves,
And we have to take care of ourselves.
And for me,
A small part of that is accepting who we are,
Loving who we are,
Approving of who we are,
Trusting in ourselves,
Believing in ourselves.
These things are super important,
And we should be able to express that.
Yeah,
So that's what I would like to talk about,
Yeah,
About being misunderstood and how we do all belong here,
And yeah,
There's a lot of things that happen,
You know,
So I think it's important that we build ourselves back up with positivity and self-love and self-care.
So thank you guys so much for listening today,
And have a super great rest of your day.
